60. Caspian
CASPIAN
W hen Max called, saying that he needed to speak with us immediately, I told him to come over as soon as he could.
I met him at the door, yanking it open to see him dressed in jeans— fucking jeans? On Max?— a short-sleeve shirt, and his father’s blue watch. Instantly my nose wrinkled, but before I could question his strange attire, he beat me to unwelcome comments on our appearances.
“You look like shit,” he said while his eyes appraised me carefully, lingering on the dark circles hanging beneath my bloodshot eyes.
“I’ve been up all fucking night. Multiple nights, actually.” I stepped aside so he could walk in. His hands jammed into his pockets, and he avoided my gaze while he entered our home.
He didn’t ask why. His shoulders curled inward as he walked toward the kitchen, looking around like he was looking for someone.
We both knew who.
“No, follow me,” I said while I headed toward Leona’s and my room.
His eyebrow raised in a question, but I didn’t answer him until he followed me in and I shut the door behind us.
His eyes skated around the room, catching on the pieces of our life scattered about.
Her hairbrush. Her clothes folded on the dresser. The rumpled bedsheets.
“You were telling the truth when you tortured me, weren’t you?”
He flinched for a second before he pinched the bridge of his nose and looked at me like I had lost my head. “What are you talking about?”
“You told me you never intended to hurt her. That we both could have lived under your protection, outside of the business.” That horrible night had been playing on repeat inside my head since the night he gave me his father’s notebook.
I remembered every single word, every single swing of his and Elio’s fists.
“You told me then that your father deserved revenge. You were telling the truth.”
“You read the diary.”
“Yeah, I read the fucking diary.”
He sighed, hands still jammed in his pockets. “Okay.”
“Okay?” I scoffed. “Okay? That’s all you have to say?”
“What do you want me to say, Cas?”
“Why didn’t you tell us?” I asked, trying to catch his eyes, but he wouldn’t look at me. Instead, he wandered over to the dresser and gently touched the earrings and necklace laying on top of the wood. “When did you find this diary? How long have you known about Luciano?”
His jaw clenched. “I came over here for a reason. We all need to talk.”
“No,” I said harshly with a shake of my head. “We’re doing this first. You wouldn’t have given me that diary if you didn’t want me to know.”
His hand dragged down his face. “I found the diary the night of my father’s funeral.”
My eyebrows knit together. That day had been a blur, but I remembered following him home so he wouldn’t be alone. I remembered breaking into Massimo’s stash of liquor and passing out before I’d finished my second glass. “I stayed at your house that night.”
“You did.”
He found the journal then? Hurt dug into my gut. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You wouldn’t have turned on Luciano, Cas. You would have defended him.”
“There’s no way?—”
“Be honest.” His eyes flicked to mine with a familiar accusing glare.
“What would you have done? If I had told you the truth, would you have committed to revenge? Would you have followed me, put the good of the Family first? Would you have made the sacrifices I had to make in order to fix the Family?”
“I…” I paused, considering. I had been one hundred percent loyal to Luciano. I’d believed that he saved me, gave me a home, gifted me with a life and a job and the woman I loved—even from afar. At fifteen, I…I really wasn’t sure what I would have done.
“Since that day, I have done what I’ve had to do. There has been no room for anything else.” His voice was cold, hard, and dead.
No, he didn’t get to put that on me. He was the one who hid all of this shit. He was the one who decided for me.
“I don’t know what I would have done about Luciano, but I can tell you one thing with absolute fucking certainty,” I replied, frustration coating every word. “I would have supported you , Max. I would have helped you figure this out. I never would have abandoned you or shut you out.”
His eyes closed while he shook his head. “I did what I had to do. I did what my father taught me. Everything I’ve done has been for him.”
“I don’t think your father would have approved of you trying to kill Leona or torture me. I actually think he’d be pretty fucking disappointed in you, Max.”
His head snapped to mine. His mouth opened and closed. Pink dusted across his nose while his eyebrows furrowed. Finally, he turned on his heel to the door. His hand reached for the knob, but he paused. “Did you tell Leona?”
“No.”
He looked over his shoulder, surprised. “Why not?”
“You should be the one who tells her the truth.” The truth about everything.
About how Luciano murdered Massimo. About how Max had been fighting a one-man war against him for ten years.
About how the rot in our Family had existed for far longer than either of us knew, and Max had been trying to deal with it on his own all these years.
He shook his head. “It’s easier this way.
I am the villain. I did try to kill her.
Even if everything I did was to keep the both of you safe…
I hated how, to her, getting married was the biggest problem in her life, when I’d been fighting for my life for years.
After the night of her birthday party, I convinced myself that I hated her and her ignorance and immaturity.
I convinced myself I hated you both, and I swore I wouldn’t let either of you ruin my plans. ”
Everything I did was to keep the both of you safe .
My pulse roared in my ears. After reading that journal, I now believed him when he said he didn’t start all this shit intending to hurt us.
He would have tried to get us out. He might have hidden the truth, but he never actually lied.
Except somewhere along the way, he got it all so fucking twisted around.
His hate for Luciano blackened his heart and turned him against us.
“That’s not fair. She’s not like that,” I said. “No one ever gave her a chance. No one ever cultivated her potential or listened to her.”
“You did. ”
“No. The Shadows did. You know how she used to beg the Don to be included, and he always shut her down. But they looked at her and saw who she was. A queen in the making.”
His head leaned against the closed door. “It doesn’t matter. Our goals are still conflicting.”
“Bullshit.”
“It’s not?—”
“It’s bullshit, Max.” I ran my hands through my hair.
“God, I want to fucking strangle you sometimes. You’re such an idiot.
If you could take your head out of your ass for two seconds, you’d see how we’ve always been on the same side, but you fucked up when you decided not to tell us that there were sides to begin with. ”
“I didn’t come here to argue with you.” His eyes turned hard as he faced me. “Once we’re done with the Albanians, our truce is over. We’ll be back to trying to kill each other. So, excuse me if I’m the only one being realistic about this entire agreement. We are not on the same side.”
“Why not?”
He paused, but said nothing.
“You’re hiding something else.”
He glared and pressed his lips together. “I don’t know what you think is going on here, but I only came here for business. Once that business is concluded, I’m leaving.”
He didn’t wait for my response. He opened the door and left me behind, per fucking usual.