Chapter 12
Winnie
His words are playing on repeat in my head.
How can he possibly think I look better without makeup?
Doesn’t he see the bags under my eyes or how my eyebrows aren’t perfectly arched?
The way my lips don’t have the perfect cupid’s bow and they’re a lighter color than I’d like?
No, he can’t possibly like me without makeup.
I glance down the hallway at where he disappeared and wonder, not for the first time, where his head is at. No matter how many times I try to remind myself Jamie’s just my boss and nothing else, it feels different than it did when I worked for previous families.
Maybe it’s because I typically communicate more with the moms than the dads, but I don’t think that’s it. This is the first time I’ve lived with the family I'm nannying for, but I don’t think that’s what makes this feel different either.
There’s this connection I have with Jamie. I'm relaxed and myself around him. Letting him see me without makeup is proof of that.
My mind drifts to the guys I’ve dated over the years.
I’ve never let any of them see me without a face full of makeup.
Even Wheeler’s never seen me unless I was dolled up and ready to impress.
It’s nice to not have to spend so much time getting ready in the morning.
To metaphorically let my hair down and relax.
A text beeps on my phone and I quickly tug it out of my pocket to check it. I need to finish making dinner soon, but I have a few minutes to chat with whoever this is.
Wheeler: What are you doing?
I groan, not really wanting to talk to him. Saturday night was… awkward. I don’t know how many times I need to tell Wheeler we’re not right for each other. It’s time for both of us to move on.
He was smart enough to not text me the rest of the weekend, but I'm not sure if that’s because he assumed Jamie was around. Maybe he’s trying not to start a war with Jamie, but isn't afraid of a battle with me.
Winnie: Making dinner.
Jumping off the couch, I hurry into the kitchen and start peeling the potatoes. I don’t like to lie and if I get started now, I won’t feel like I lied to him.
Wheeler: Doesn’t Schmidt have a chef?
Winnie: I'm not Schmidt.
Wheeler: If you’re living with him, he should be feeding you, Winnie.
Winnie: Yes, he has a chef. But I wanted something else, so I’m making myself dinner. Is that ok with you?
I roll my eyes and continue peeling. I hate when he gets like this. I understand he cares about me and I care about him too, but I need him to realize I'm not his to worry about. He needs to find a woman who wants this overprotective man.
Wheeler: I'm sorry. I'm not trying to constantly jump at you.
Winnie: Then maybe you should stop.
Wheeler: I just…
Wheeler: I feel like I'm losing you.
Emotion clogs my throat as I try to swallow, but it feels like there’s a lump. My eyes fill with tears and I stare up at the ceiling, blinking repeatedly. I don’t want to cry. That’s the last thing I need right now.
Winnie: I'm not yours to lose, Chase.
A single tear slips down my cheek before I can stop it. Once one falls, it’s like the dam has been opened and they begin falling quicker.
I swipe at my cheeks and sniffle. I don’t like being emotional. I like to stuff it all down and ignore the pain. It’s what I did after my parents got divorced. I did it again when I realized love isn't real. People claim to be in love to keep you around, but eventually they won't want you anymore.
I saw what happened when my parents split. Dad was left heartbroken when Mom moved on. He had no clue she wasn’t happy, he was blindsided. One day he was blissfully married and the next, he was left trying to figure out what just happened.
I decided long ago I wasn’t going to give anyone else the power over my happiness. Being single makes that easier.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Jamie tugs me against his chest and his hand moves up and down my back in a soothing motion. I’ve seen him do this with Tali when she cries.
The tears come even harder. He’s treating me the same as he would his own daughter. The only person he truly loves in this world.
“Nothing, I'm fine.” I try to pull away from him, but he doesn’t let me.
“I know I'm single now, but I was married at one point. I know exactly what ‘I’m fine’ means.” He moves his hand up to cradle my head against his chest. He runs his fingers through my hair and massages my scalp. It feels amazing. “If everything was fine, you wouldn’t be crying.”
“It’s stupid. Don’t worry about it.” I try to step out of his arms again and he chuckles.
“If you don’t stop trying to get away from me, you’re going to give me a complex. I don’t make it a habit to stop women from leaving if they want to, so please don’t try to leave my arms unless you don’t want me touching you,” he whispers softly.
This time I don’t try to step away. Instead, I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head on his chest. His heart beats strongly, the thumping rhythm has me relaxing even more in his arms.
“You don’t have to talk to me about whatever’s going on, but I hate seeing you cry, Win.” He kisses the top of my head and lets his lips linger. “I'm here for you whenever you need someone though.”
“Thank you,” I murmur against his chest.
We stay like that for a few more minutes before I take a step away and this time he doesn’t stop me. I swipe at my cheeks and I don’t think I’ve ever been so thankful to not be wearing eyeliner and mascara. I have no doubt it would be streaking down my cheeks.
A series of pings sound from my phone. I groan, knowing exactly who it will be. I don’t want to talk to him right now.
“Is the person texting you why you’re crying?” Jamie arches a brow and nods towards my phone.
I nod my head, unsure of what else to say. I know if I talk, I might start crying again and I don’t want that. I feel weak and vulnerable when I cry, two things I hate feeling.
Jamie grabs my phone and quickly thumbs through the text thread. Normally I’d get annoyed if a guy violated my privacy like that, but for some reason it doesn’t bother me. Jamie’s not doing it because he wants to see who I'm texting or because he’s nosy. He’s doing it because he cares.
His fingers fly over the screen and a few seconds later, he places my phone back on the counter. His eyes meet mine and there are so many emotions I can't decipher staring back at me.
“What are you making?” He nods to the forgotten potatoes on the counter.
“Oh, I was craving mashed potatoes and a roast. I hope that’s ok.”
“You know you’re welcome to use anything in this house. In fact, I think you need to use the tub in my room tonight and let your body relax. I can stay in the living room until you’re finished.”
“I might just take you up on your offer… I know you have your meals from the chef, but you and Tali are welcome to eat some of this. I’ll never eat all of it.”
“I was hoping you’d offer.” He grins, lighting up his entire face. “It smells so good.”
“You could’ve just asked.” I chuckle, loving how the heaviness in the room is slowly leaving and the happy carefree versions of us are back. “I'm happy to cook every night.”
“I couldn’t ask you to do that. Tali can be a handful, I know that.”
“She’s not that bad. I love having her. Plus, she’s getting to the age where she’ll want to help. The last family I worked for had this tower the kids could stand in to help cook. It locked them in so they couldn’t fall. It was amazing.”
Jamie reaches inside his pocket and tugs out his credit card. He hands it over to me, making my brows tug together.
“What’s this for?”
“Buy one. I can give you the login information for my account too. You can go on and buy anything you think Tali needs.”
“Jamie… I wasn’t saying you needed to buy one.”
“I know you weren’t, but I'm serious, Winnie. If Tali needs something, you can buy it. I have more than enough money to cover it. I want her happy and there will be times throughout the season where you might not have time to talk to me often. I want to make sure you can get the things you need.” He runs a hand through his hair, but it seems less of an anxiety thing right now and more of a habit.
“I should get you your own credit card. What else do you need?”
“I think I'm good.” I smile up at him. He’s in full daddy mode right now and it’s sexy as can be. Especially with him wearing low slung jeans and a tight white t-shirt without socks. He’s relaxed and comfortable.
“Do you need a car?”
“My car is fine.” I let my head fall back and laugh. He’s so funny when he gets like this. I love it.
“You’ll be driving Tali. I want to make sure it’s reliable.” He frowns, looking even more adorable.
“Jamie, I promise my car is perfectly safe and reliable. It’s only a year old.” I place my hand on his chest and stare up at him. I'm hoping the touch will help him calm down.
“I'm sorry. I worry a lot.”
“I know you do. You’re a great daddy because of it.” I pat him on the chest before taking a step back to put some distance between us. “Why don’t you relax while I finish dinner? I'm sure you had a long day at work, especially with Wheeler.”
“We had some mock games and he wasn’t on my team. We haven’t really interacted.”
“I'm surprised he didn’t corner you in the locker room.”
“Well…” He grips the back of his neck, looking more than a little uncomfortable. “I might’ve run out of there without taking a shower to avoid talking to him.”
“What? Why?” I laugh at how ridiculous that sounds.
“I was afraid if he opened his mouth, I might punch him.” He shrugs.
“Because he scared Tali?” I'm not really sure why he’d want to punch Wheeler, but I know I’ve had the same urges over the years.
“Because of how he spoke to you.” Jamie steps forward and cups my cheek in his massive hand. He’s staring into my eyes and suddenly it’s hard to even breathe. “You don’t deserve to be yelled at, sweetheart. He was out of line and he needs to learn how to speak to a woman.”
“You’re a good man.”
“Nah, I just treat everyone the way they should be treated. If you ever see me treat someone poorly, know it’s because they earned it.”
He leans in closer and presses another kiss to the top of my head, then he’s walking out of the kitchen. I watch him until he settles onto the couch and turns on the TV.
I don’t know what I did to wind up with such an amazing new job and boss, but I'm glad I did it.
Before I go back to peeling the potatoes, I pick up my phone and check my text with Wheeler. I want to know what else was said. Especially what Jamie said to get him to stop texting.
Wheeler: Yes, you are.
Wheeler: You’ve always been mine, Winnie.
Wheeler: Is this because you’re living with Schmidt now?
Wheeler: Are you trying to play the part of mommy and wife?
Wheeler: If you wanted a family, I’d happily give you one.
Wheeler: All you had to do was ask.
Winnie: She shouldn’t have to ask, idiot.
If you were a real man, you’d be begging her to be in your life.
She’s an amazing woman and she deserves so much more than you could ever give her.
Maybe you should stop acting like a man and actually become one.
Real men don’t yell at the women they claim to love. They don’t make their woman cry.
Winnie:Real men realize when they find a good woman and don’t let them go.
You don’t get married because that’s what she wants.
You get married because you can't stand the thought of anyone else looking at her and know a ring on her finger might make them second guess talking to her.
Because you can't imagine coming home at the end of the night and not sleeping next to her. Because she makes your life infinitely better and you don’t want to continue breathing without her.
And a family? You beg her to have kids with you because you love her so much you want to see miniature versions of her running around your house.
Because you want to see her with a baby on her hip and know that the two of you created that.
Winnie: She shouldn’t be asking you for anything. You should be begging her to let you give her the life she’s always dreamed of. If you aren’t doing that, she isn't the woman for you. You should move along and give someone else a chance at making her dreams become her reality.
Winnie: Have fun eating alone tonight. I’ll be enjoying a homemade dinner with Winnie and my daughter. – Schmidt
Winnie: PS – You feel like you’re losing her because you are. Also, I do have a chef and he makes enough food for Winnie too. But if cooking makes her happy, she’s always welcome to cook and I’ll happily enjoy whatever she wants to share with me.
I glance over at Jamie as I blink back more tears.
I'm not sure if he’s just putting Wheeler in his place or if there’s more to his words.
Either way, I’ve never had someone stand up like that for me.
I’ve never felt so cared for. I could get used to this a little too easily.
Man, I want the type of man he described in his texts to Wheeler.
I wonder if that man still exists inside of him.