Chapter 18
Winnie
“Winnie, can we talk?” Wheeler approaches me as I'm getting a drink for Tali.
The little princess is soaking up the attention from the guys and loving every second of it. She’s let everyone hold her and Schmidt’s been taking photos left and right. It’s amazing to see these strong guys letting their soft sides show as they talk to Tali and make her giggle.
I'm so happy everyone’s responded so positively to Tali and Schmidt keeping her a secret. They all seem to understand his reasoning and aren’t holding it against him. I'm glad I was right in encouraging him to take this step. He’ll have so much more support now.
“I guess that depends on what you want to talk about and if you’re going to lose your temper.” I arch a brow.
I take in his disheveled appearance. His normally present easy smile is gone. His brows are furrowed and his lips turned down. His short hair is a wild mess, so different than how he looked when we got here.
I'm used to the cocky, laidback man I’ve known for years. Seeing him like this is odd. He’s normally joking around with everyone. It breaks my heart to see him like this.
“I won't yell at you,” he whispers.
“And what do you want to talk about?” I push a little harder. I'm not discussing my job with him. I love working for Schmidt and taking care of Tali. I'm not giving that up so I can be his little house guest with nothing to do.
“Us.”
I eye him for a few moments as I weigh my options. I could tell him no and walk away. He wouldn’t be able to stop me and Owen’s made it clear if he makes a scene there will be consequences.
But I feel like I owe it to Wheeler to talk to him. We have too much history and I consider him one of my best friends. I can't just toss him aside. It would kill both of us.
“Let me give Tali her drink, then we can talk.”
He nods his head and watches me walk over to the table Jamie and Tali are at with a bunch of the guys and their dates.
As soon as I'm at Jamie’s side, he wraps his arm around my waist and glances up at me with a soft smile. I’d think he was doing this to upset Wheeler if it weren’t for the fact he’s touched me every chance he gets since he kissed me earlier in the week.
“Wheeler wants to talk to me,” I say softly.
“Are you comfortable with that?” He searches my face, looking for any sort of hesitation.
“Yes.”
“Ok. I’ll be right here if you need me.” He squeezes my hip before releasing me and rejoining the conversation happening around the table.
I breathe out a sigh of relief. I love how Jamie doesn’t feel the need to be possessive or controlling. He’s happy to let me handle my own drama, but I know he’s there for me if I need him.
I return to Wheeler and he leads me over to an empty table away from the rest. It will give us the privacy we’ll need for this conversation, but still keep us surrounded by others.
I think he’s doing that for my sake and Schmidt’s.
He knows if he takes me away, Jamie might follow and I could feel uncomfortable being completely alone with him after the past week.
Wheeler tugs out a chair and motions for me to take a seat. He takes the one next to me and spins it to face me. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
“What’s going on, Win? I can't handle this. I'm losing you and I don’t know how to stop it.”
“I don’t know,” I whisper, hating how broken he sounds.
“Am I losing you?”
“As a friend? No. As a booty call? Absolutely. I told you I don’t want that anymore, honestly I'm not sure I ever wanted it. I want a real relationship. One I know could lead to a future with a man I love.”
“You know you’ve always been more than a booty call to me. You were everything to me.”
“I was, in college. But not anymore. I haven’t been your everything in a long time, Chase.”
“I can change.”
“I don’t want you to change. Honestly, I think I’ve always been the one pulling away and you’ve always been chasing me. I'm not what you want, Chase. You want someone to have on your arm. Someone who will smile at the cameras and go along with what you want, I'm not that person.”
“But I don’t want anyone else,” he whispers as his eyes fill with moisture.
“Maybe you just haven’t met the perfect woman yet. You’re funny, smart, athletic, a total sweetheart, and everything a woman could want. You’re a great guy. One I’ve loved to spend time with over the years. One I don’t want to lose in my life.”
“You don’t want to lose me, but you don’t want me?”
“I want you as a friend. I’ve always considered you one of my best friends. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Is this because of Schmidt?” I can tell it’s taking everything in him to keep his tone even and not growl or hiss Jamie’s name.
“Yes and no. This was going to happen eventually, but I think Jamie caused it to happen faster, if that makes sense.”
“What does he have that I don’t?”
“It’s not a comparison between the two of you. It isn't that one of you won and the other lost… I don’t even know what’s going on between him and me.”
“Have you-”
“No.” I cut him off, knowing what he’s asking. “I just… I can't really explain it. I just feel at home when I'm around him. I don’t feel this overwhelming need to be someone I'm not.”
“Is that why you barely have any makeup on and your hair is curly?” Wheeler twirls a strand around his finger and watches me carefully.
“I don’t need it with him,” I whisper.
“You didn’t need it with me either, babe. You’re gorgeous. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. Jeez, I wish I could’ve made you feel like you didn’t have to hide. I would’ve done anything to feel like home to you.”
“I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” The first tear trickles down my cheek and I stare up at the sky, trying to blink away the emotions.
I can feel Jamie’s gaze on me. He’s probably seconds away from stomping over here and pulling me into his arms.
“Don’t cry, Win. You have nothing to be sorry about.
It hurts like crazy to lose you. I always thought we’d spend the rest of our lives together.
I thought we’d eventually have a family and have the perfect life.
Even if I can't have you as my girlfriend, I want to keep you in my life. I don’t want us to become strangers. ”
“Me neither… But you can't keep attacking Jamie. You can't keep scaring Tali. If you do, I’ll walk away from you forever.”
“I’ll stop. I promise.” He rubs his hand over my knee, trying to soothe me. “Can I just hug you? I don’t like seeing you cry and not being able to console you.”
I nod my head, unable to speak or I’ll probably cry harder. Wheeler stands to his full height and guides me into his waiting arms. He holds me like I'm fragile and buries his face in the crook of my neck.
I savor this hug, knowing this might be the last time I get one from him. Even though Jamie feels like home to me, Wheeler feels like my past. He was everything I once wanted.
“I love you, Win. I’ll never stop loving you.”
“I love you too,” I whisper, knowing he’s not talking about loving me romantically. Our relationship was so much deeper than that.