Eighteen
Phoenix
The sounds of birds chirping and the ray of sunlight directly on my face are what wake me the next morning, groggy and disoriented.
Even when I open my eyes, I can’t focus—probably thanks to my brain pounding against the inside of my skull—the confusion only grows as I feel a breeze in places I most definitely should not be feeling it.
Why am I outside, naked?
My sluggish brain runs through the previous night, recollecting the events as fast as it will allow.
The face-off at the bar. The secrets in the pool.
The kiss leading to us naked in the shower—
I bolt upright on the lounger, panic and anxiety making an immediate appearance as I attempt to gain my bearings. The sudden movement effectively knocks Holden’s arm from where it was draped across my chest, who is asleep—buck-ass naked—beside me on a lounger.
The same place we collapsed together last night in a satiated, exhausted pile of limbs.
“Shit,” I hiss out the curse and immediately slide out from beneath him in search of my swim trunks, which I find in a pile with his next to the outdoor shower stall we—
Do not even think about what happened last night.
If I do, I might be sick. Or maybe that’s the hangover talking.
Both our trunks in hand, I head back to where he’s still slumbering and toss the stupid pink, banana-printed fabric at his face, where it lands with a damp plop. It has the desired effect, though, and he lets out a long groan before pulling them from his face.
“Good morning to you, too,” Holden grumbles, sitting up and squinting at me.
“Seriously?” The words come out in a sharp tone. “That’s all you have to say right now?”
“Calm down,” he grumbles, using the trunks to shield his eyes. “It’s too early to be this worked up.”
“Calm down?” I ask incredulously while shoving my legs into my trunks. It’s only when they’re firmly around my hips again that I whirl on him. “Someone could have seen us, Holden.”
A crease forms in his forehead as he rises off the lounger at a snail’s pace, clearly still attempting to regain his equilibrium.
But even in my anger and frustration with his lackadaisical movements and no-fucks-given attitude right now, I can’t help staring at the lines and planes of his body.
A body, just last night, I touched and licked and—
Goddamnit, don’t go there.
Still, my sex-starved brain slips right back into lust. He’s woken a beast inside me I didn’t know existed, and now it’s insatiable.
Holden watches me closely as he slips back into his trunks, those whiskey-brown eyes giving nothing away. “Would it have been such a bad thing? If someone would have seen us?”
And there’s the bucket of cold water I needed.
“You’re kidding, right? You’re here with Kason, and you don’t think someone walking out on us naked together in a pool lounger is a bad thing?”
He’s gotta be insane if that’s the case.
“Kason and I aren’t together,” he says, arms crossed over his chest as he frowns at me. “We aren’t in a relationship, never have been. There’s nothing monogamous about it, and if he wanted to see someone else or sleep with someone else, he’s perfectly allowed to.”
All I can do is stare at him. At this… fuckboy.
“What is wrong with you?” I snarl, stepping away from him. “You and Kason are together, and with him kissing you on the beach and groping you last night, everyone on this stupid trip knows it. So either you truly are fucking delusional, or—”
“Or I’m just fucking with him, right? Playing games like the asshole you’ve made me out to be?” His brows arch in amusement. “Think what you want of me, but neither of us asked for exclusivity in this. Both of us are unattached. It’s not my fault if he didn’t tell you that bit of info—”
“Don’t even finish that sentence unless you want to be decked in the face.” It’s a threat as much as a warning. Because if he doesn’t tread carefully, my composure will surely snap. It’s already halfway there from waking up naked next to him as it is.
“You might not like it, but it’s the truth. Maybe your bestie doesn’t tell you everything.” He shrugs indifferently. “Or maybe you’ve been too busy being pissed at me to listen.”
No part of my mind can understand how Kason would just agree to a no-strings thing with Holden. There’s a reason he was still a virgin before this whole flirtation began—because he puts an enormous amount of stock in sex.
We both do, which is why I’ve been so protective. To prevent him from sleeping with someone who doesn’t give two flying fucks about him, which is precisely what has happened to me with Holden.
Twice, now.
“Get outta your head,” Holden utters, and I slide my gaze to his. “Get out of it and listen to what I’m saying.”
“Listen to you?” I scoff. “Yeah, that’s not happening. Besides, you’ve got no idea what’s going on in my head right now.”
“Considering you’re as easy to read as an open book?
I do.” He’s stepping in closer to me, the distance between us being erased with every step.
He makes no sign of stopping either, not until he’s got me backed up to the edge of the pool with nowhere else to go.
“You’re torn between regretting last night and wanting it to happen again.
It’s written all over your face and how you’re looking at me right now.
In how I caught you checking me out when I was getting dressed.
” He cocks his head, those analytical eyes flicking over my face.
“You loved every second of what happened last night, and the only reason it’s killing you inside is your loyalty to Kason. ”
My teeth bite into my inner cheek until the faint taste of copper fills my mouth.
Everything he’s saying is true. And I hate it; the way he can see right through me like I’m nothing more than a piece of fucking cellophane.
“The only thing killing me inside is having to stand here and listen to your psychobabble bullshit when you have no idea what you’re talking about,” I seethe, shoving past him to head back toward the house.
He doesn’t let me get more than a step however, before grabbing my arm and reeling me in all over again.
And though our positions have swapped, I’m still trapped here at his mercy. No freedom in sight when his bare skin against mine sends my brain into overdrive. Especially after last night.
A fact that only serves to piss me off more, making my fists tighten at my sides.
“Let go of me.”
The words come out slow and deliberate, leaving no room for debate. Except, it’s clear my venom has no effect on him, so he simply blinks it off as he continues analyzing my face until he ultimately releases his hold.
“You can lie to me all you want, Nixy. But at the end of the day, you’ll never be able to lie to yourself.”
“Even if you’re right, it doesn’t matter,” I mutter with a shake of my head. “Because this never happened.”
His lips quirk and he lets out a breathy laugh. “Keep telling yourself that. Doesn’t make it true.”
“It never happened.” I tell him again before adding through gritted teeth, “And more importantly, it’s never happening again.”
His proximity, paired with how he’s looking at me, instantly ignites a fire inside me. An uncontrollable inferno of hatred, passion, and desire that’s burning away the mask of indifference I’m trying so desperately to maintain.
If I’m honest, it’s already nothing more than a pile of ash at his feet, ready to be kicked into the pool behind him or blown away in the breeze like it never existed.
“Eyes and mouth, Nix,” he whispers, stepping in even closer.
I feel the heat of his chest against mine, the lust-filled wanting as it crackles between us. And once again, I’m ensnared. Captivated. Incapable of walking away or escaping this undeniable chemistry we’ve both been failing to fight.
Only, from the way he’s looking at me…it seems he’s done fighting it. He’s just waiting for me to do the same.
“What’s going on down there?”
The sound of Kason’s voice sends ice rushing through my veins, and when I glance up, I find him standing on the balcony attached to the living room. He’s shirtless, running his hands through his amber hair, likely just waking up.
“Just figuring some shit out,” Holden says, and when I return my gaze to him, I find his never left me to begin with.
“Yeah, but we’re done now,” I grit out, painfully aware of Kason watching our every move.
“Not even close,” he whispers just for me. “We’ve yet to resolve anything.”
Maybe, but right now isn’t the time.
“Get out of my face, Holden,” I hiss. My fingers open and close at my sides, balling into fists like they’ll help me gain a grip on my composure. “I’m not kidding.”
“Just admit one thing to me first.” There’s a hint of amusement layered under all that lust when he utters, “Admit you want me.”
“Not happening.”
“You keep saying that, Nix, yet I don’t believe you.”
“You want Kason, ” I remind him, which in itself is a ridiculous notion. Nevertheless, if I need to remind him who he’s here with—who asked him to come on this vacation turned hellhole—then I will.
My chest rises and falls quickly as his attention dances between my eyes and lips before fixating on the latter. Like he wants nothing more than to snag one between his teeth. “You need to walk away. Right now. Before you do something you regret.”
“I never regret anything.” His eyes flick back to mine. “Not last night. Not whatever happened back in May. Fucking nothing .”
I glance away and shake my head. “I told you, Holden. I’m not doing this with you.”
“Or what?” His eyes dart down to my lips before colliding with my gaze again. “Because I don’t believe you’ll hit me for a second. Not in front of an audience. And especially when I know he’s asked you to play nice while we’re all here.”
Damn him.
Damn him for reading me so well, for calling my bluff, for digging under my skin.
For making me want him, despite knowing I shouldn’t.
My jaw ticks as we remain locked in this stare-down, our battle of wills.
The only thing to do now is fight fire with fire and be careful not to get burned.
“You’re right,” I find myself murmuring before my hands slide up his chest. His skin sears me where I touch him, the heat blazing as I look into his eyes. From his expression, he thinks he’s won. That I’ve finally conceded.
How very fucking wrong he is.
His tongue darts out over his bottom lip before he smiles. “Glad you’re finally starting to—”
He doesn’t get to finish his thought, because I shove him backward, sending him straight into the pool. The loud crash of his body breaking through the surface isn’t nearly as satisfying as I’d hoped, and I realize it’s because it’s too little, too late.
I’d have been better off doing this exact thing last night when I had the chance. If I had, maybe all of this could’ve been avoided.
Yet, if I’ve learned anything from the mistakes I’ve made with Holden Sykes, it’s that I can’t change the past. So rather than dwelling on it, I storm into the house without making sure he comes up for air.