Twenty-One #2
I slip my wrist from his grasp with a quick yank, and within ten seconds, I’m in the empty corridor. Shouldering my bag, I set off toward the exit, a frantic need for as much space as possible between Holden and me acting as my driving force.
Except once again, I underestimate the guy and how relentlessly stubborn he is.
Which is why I know whose hand catches my elbow before hauling me through a door and into a dark room. The electricity coursing through his skin into mine was a dead giveaway the second he touched me. Instantly confirmed when the light is flicked on, illuminating the empty classroom.
Only one person makes my body react this way, and it’s the very person I’m trying to evade.
“Walking out of class now, Nix? That’s what it’s come to?” Holden doesn’t even try to hide the hurt in his voice when he adds, “That’s how much you don’t want to hear what I have to say?”
A growl of frustration rips from my chest as I yank my arm free from his grasp and glare into his whiskey eyes. “Give it a rest. There’s nothing to talk about.”
“You know we need to talk about this, or it’s only going to get worse,” he whispers.
The frustration evolves into anger as I move past him toward the door. “I don’t fucking know anything right now other than I can’t be here. I can’t do this with you. So please, Holden. I’m begging you, just leave me alone!”
The plea rips from my throat in a cry—something between agonized and feral—and I think the sound alone keeps him from chasing after me this time.
Only Holden doesn’t need physical contact to have a hold on me. To keep me here, once again trapped and desperate for freedom. He can stop me dead in my tracks with a simple sentence alone.
“I ended things with Kason.”
I spin on him, not just angry but entirely pissed off now that this man—this exasperating, unrelenting man—is capable of twisting me into a person I don’t even recognize. Into a man who would put my own selfish gain over the happiness of the one person who I care about most.
“And that’s supposed to make what we did less fucked-up, right?” I snap. “We’re suddenly absolved of our sins now that you’re free to screw whoever you want?”
“I always was, but that’s not what I’m—”
“Really? Because it sounds to me like you’re ready to hop from one guy’s dick to the next.
” I toss my arms out to my side, unleashing all the guilt and resentment from my body in vicious words.
“Newsflash, Holden, we’ve already had sex.
Twice, now. So I don’t see the need for another repeat, considering you’ve already stopped at this stone on your path to sleeping through half the student body before graduation. ”
Holden doesn’t so much as wince at the venom I’m spewing. Rather, he simply crosses his arms over his chest and leans back against the wall—taking all my animosity at full force.
“Honestly, I don’t even know why you want to talk to me at all.
You’ve been known as Mr. Love ‘em and Leave ‘em since freshman year, and I doubt that will change anytime soon. So really, Holden, what makes me different? Why am I suddenly so important to talk to when no one else ever has been before?”
My chest heaves as the final words leave my mouth, only some of the anger vanishing after my outburst.
But to his credit, Holden remains motionless and silent, simply watching me with curious eyes until I finally catch my breath.
“You planning to let me talk now?”
I honestly don’t want to. God knows there are a million things I’d prefer to do, but if we get this over with now, then we never have to do it again. We can move past it, call it a mistake of the past…and be done with each other. For good, this time.
So rather than fighting it, I concede with a nod.
“About fucking time,” he gripes with a shake of his head. “You really think you have this shit all figured out, don’t you, Nix?”
I toss an unamused glare at him. “Stop calling me that.”
“No.” He pushes off the wall and walks over to me. “Because you like it when I call you that. I see it all over your face. In the same way I know you don’t regret what happened between us. Kason or no Kason, it doesn’t fucking matter.”
Is he deluded?
“Of course it matters. You know—”
“I get he’s your best friend, I do. But are you seriously planning to let his happiness dictate your own for the rest of your life?” Holden’s head cocks to the side as he stares at me. “Because if you wanna talk about the paths we’re both on? Then that’s yours.”
“Awfully bold of you to assume you’re something that makes me happy.”
“Is it, though?” Those golden eyes narrow on my face, studying and analyzing me the way I was him earlier. Except, from the small hint of victory there, he’s having an easier time than I was.
Because—on some fucked-up level—he’s right. Even if I wish he wasn’t.
So rather than face it head on, I deflect.
“I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish here.”
His response is immediate. “I want you to give in to this, Nix. The way I know you want to.”
My jaw ticks with effort, and I taste the lies on my tongue when I utter, “You’re wrong.”
He’s asking for the one thing I can’t give.
“Except I’m not.” He takes another slow step toward me, closing the distance between us until I’m backed into the wall. Placing his hands on either side of my head, he cages me in like he always seems to do; close enough to touch but still so far away.
The inches feel like miles when he’s in my space like this.
Breathing my air. Intoxicating me the way only he can.
“I’m not wrong,” he whispers, “and we both know it.”
The back of my head collides with the wall, and my eyes fall closed as a secret spills from my lips. A secret I’ve been trying to hang onto like it’s my last thread of sanity.
Except now, it’s lost in the wind.
“I don’t want to want you.”
“I know.”
Eyes still closed, I shake my head. “It’s not fair to Kason.”
“I know. But it’s not fair to you either.”
“We should…” I trail off, torn between what feels right and what I know is. “We can be friends, but I can’t do anything more. I can’t do that to Kason. I just…”
I can’t.
Holden shifts in front of me, and the sudden heat of his palm cupping the back of my neck sends my eyes flying open.
Only the second they do—my gaze colliding with his once again—I realize my mistake.
Because now I can’t unsee the look in his eyes. The honesty and vulnerability in them is disarming.
“And I can’t just be your friend, Nix. I don’t know how.”
His attention dips to my mouth for a moment before resting his forehead against mine. The hand curled around the back of my neck tightens, like the tiny hold on me is the only thing keeping him grounded.
“Let yourself be selfish,” he murmurs, lips a breath away. “Even if it’s just this once.”
My fingers dig into his forearm as the war between desire and loyalty rages within me, each trying to gain the upper hand. I’m not even sure which side will prevail, only that the battle is tearing me apart from the inside out. Ripping my soul to shreds until there’s nothing left.
The tip of his nose brushes over mine with a gentleness nearly capable of bringing me to my knees.
“Nix.”
My name is a plea on his lips. For concession. For reprieve.
And it’s then I realize I’ll never be strong enough to withstand him.
So I stop trying…and I crush my mouth to his.
It’s far from the first time we’ve kissed, and it still isn’t even close to guilt-free, but it creates a sense of peace I’ve been craving regardless. The fury and passion in every press of his lips and sweep of his tongue work together to set my every atom and cell ablaze.
It fills me with a need like I’ve never felt. A desire so potent, I doubt I’ll ever be satiated.
Holden shoves me back against the wall, his tongue seeking entrance as our hands search for skin-on-skin contact. His tongue slips past the seam of my lips while I roll my hips against his, eliciting an animalistic moan from him that I swallow down like a man starved.
I’m going to Hell for this.
But fuck, the road to Hell has never tasted so sweet.