Twenty-Three #2
“I’m not telling you this to make excuses for how I acted that night. I’m well aware I’m an adult and can only blame my decisions on myself. But you deserve to know why I wasn’t entirely myself. So if I did or said anything to make you hate me—”
“You didn’t. And I’m sorry for not—”
I shake my head, cutting him off before he can get the rest of the apology out. “Water under the bridge.” The corner of my mouth lifts, and I raise a brow. “Unless you want to fill me in on the details. That I wouldn’t mind rehashing.”
His head drops, and he lets out a low chuckle before looking back up at me. “You’re relentless.”
“It’s one of my more endearing qualities.”
“Says who?”
“I dunno. Someone, I’m sure.” Resting my chin in my free hand, I gaze at him expectantly. “So, you gonna finally spill the tea?”
His lips twitch, and I can tell he’s trying not to laugh. “Maybe another time. After you actually do some studying for a change.”
“Studying is for the weak,” I tell him, and this time, he can’t control the laugh from slipping free.
“How do you still have eligibility?”
“You really wanna know?”
He shoots me a dubious look. “Please tell me you don’t pay someone to do your work for you, because that’s illegal as shit.”
I squint, my lips rolling in a line as I let out a low hum. “Pretty sure it’s just frowned upon.”
“Oh, my God,” he says with a shake of the head. “And now you’ve just made me complicit by telling me.”
“Always expecting the worst in me,” I say with a playful scoff. “I don’t actually pay anyone. I have a photographic memory.”
Phoenix blinks at me, waiting for the punchline. But when none comes, his eyebrows shoot to his forehead. “You’re shitting me.”
“Not at all.”
He gapes at me ridiculously—literally mouth ajar—and I reach over and snap it closed playfully. But all light-heartedness vanishes quickly, and I realize touching his face is my first mistake. An epiphany made a tad too late to be helpful.
My skin flares, breaking out with heat where it brushed against his, causing me to reel my arm back to my side of the table.
Only the damage is done, and now I can only think about touching more of him.
Dragging him in for a kiss and devouring his mouth until we’re forced to come up for air.
And if we’re feeling frisky, maybe even make damn good use of the soundproofing walls in these pods.
From the intensity crackling between us as we lock eyes, I’m pretty sure he’s thinking along similar lines.
“I, uhh…” He clears his throat and breaks eye contact in favor of the textbook in front of him, “think we should get back to work.”
Studying doesn’t last more than another twenty minutes, though not for lack of trying on Phoenix’s part.
It’s the sexual tension filling the air of the tiny room with an electric charge set to ignite with a single look.
Staying in there any longer would have only ended with the two of us naked and going at each other, so it was probably for the best anyway.
I’m amazed when he doesn’t say anything as I fall in step beside him, choosing to walk with him to practice rather than hop in my Jeep parked outside the library. Although at this point, I’ll take any spare minute I can with him, especially if it means tossing some snark back and forth.
Or better yet, stealing a kiss or two.
I might even enjoy the comfortable silence stretching between us as we walk side by side the most. Just being in his presence has this strange sort of calming effect on me. One I haven’t felt with anyone except my parents, honestly. And my Gran.
Our gazes collide every once in a while as we cross campus—more me catching him looking my way—and I smirk.
“Now who’s the one staring?”
I expect him to tell me to fuck off or shoot some variation of snark my way, but instead, he just sinks his teeth into his goddamn lower lip. Not in the sexy way he was in the study pod earlier. More in a nervous fashion, like he’s trying to keep errant thoughts from spilling free.
“What’s up?” I ask, canting my head to the side. “You look like you’ve got something eating away in that mind of yours.”
He nods, gnawing on his lips a bit more before asking, “I have a question to ask you, but I know I might not want the answer to it.”
I frown a little, wondering where the hell he could be going with this. “Okay.”
“I know it’s none of my business. I promise, I do, so you can tell me to—”
“Spit it out, Nix.”
“You and Kason didn’t…”
“Sleep together?” I finish for him, brow arched. “No, we didn’t. But I have a feeling you already had that bit of information from Kason, so what are you really asking?”
“I…” He blows out a breath. “I guess I want to know why.”
I reach out and grab his arm, halting him in his tracks before pulling him away from the doors to the baseball team’s practice facility. “I would’ve thought you’d be happy to know I stayed true to my word.”
“Your word?”
A sharp laugh leaves me. Of course, he’d want me to spell it out for him. “You told me you didn’t think I could go without sleeping with him, so I didn’t.”
Confusion mars his features, drawing his lips down in a frown. “Really? That’s why?”
“Why do you look upset?” I ask with a laugh. “Are you disappointed I was able to overcome my man-whore ways and behave?”
“No, I’m just surprised. I would’ve thought with you two sharing a room down in St. Pete’s and…” He trails off and shakes his head before rolling his shoulders. “I just thought you would’ve. If not sex, then something. ”
“Nope,” I tell him, stepping closer. “I might be a slut, but I respect boundaries. And I wasn’t just taking things slow because you didn’t think I could—even though my desperation to prove you wrong was one helluva driving force.
Kason set a pace from the beginning, and I was fine with following it.
Besides, I was being honest when I said things with us weren’t exclusive.
It was just a…” I pause for a second, searching for the right word.
“A situationship?”
“I think so, yeah. We were friends who were interested in each other but not truly acting on it. And I think that’s because we both knew it wouldn’t have worked out anyway.”
Phoenix looks away, his mouth drawn in a tight line. The same expression someone has when they know something and are caught between spilling the beans and keeping it to themselves.
“What aren’t you saying?”
“He told me he was developing feelings for you.”
I frown, not expecting this turn of events. “When?”
“The morning you left Nashville to come home.”
“I ended things that night when we got back.”
“Yeah, I know. He texted to tell me,” he murmurs. “And the guilt has been eating me alive ever since.”
I’d have to be downright stupid to not know this thing between us has been wearing on him. Which is why I’m more than happy to tell Kason what’s going on, even with the new knowledge of his developing feelings.
Still, I know if I push for that before Phoenix is ready, I could very well lose him. Which isn’t a chance I’m willing to take.
“It’s not like I planned this,” I whisper, my fingers tracing the lines in his forehead, desperately wanting to smooth the worry away.
“But there’s something about you that I can’t stay away from.
Something I just can’t…” Words escape me, and I shake my head.
“It doesn’t mean I wanted to hurt him, though. ”
Phoenix gives me a sad smile before whispering, “Did you have feelings for him at all?”
I roll my lips inward for a second, giving myself a moment to think.
The last thing I want is Phoenix feeling more guilty because of my actions.
“I did, just not the way you’re asking about.
As a person and teammate? Of course, Kason’s a great guy, and I care about him.
And yeah, I’d have to be blind not to think Kason’s attractive.
” I pause, continuing to measure my words carefully.
“But it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that’s all I was chasing with him.
Attraction. He just didn’t light me on fire or get under my skin or make me feel like I can’t breathe unless I’m near him. ”
I keep the words not the way you do off the end of that sentence, though I think we both can hear them in the silence between us.
“So you ended things with him when you realized that…and not because we’d slept together?”
“It blurred the lines for me, but it wasn’t the reason why. And if he felt something, wanted more, or was ready to take another step, he never said anything about it. Not to me.”
He nods, accepting this before asking, “And you were straight with him the whole time?”
“I never promise someone something I can’t give.” My hands shift, wrapping around the back of his neck. “I told you, I always make sure the score is known.”
“Then what’s the score with us?”
“You tell me, Nix,” I murmur, my attention darting between his eyes and lips. “Because from our conversation in that classroom, I’m under the impression we’re doing this your way. You’re mine, and I’m yours, and that’s the end of it.”
“Glad to see you were listening.”
There’s a small smile lifting his mouth at the corners—equal parts innocent and sexy—and it takes everything in my power not to kiss him breathless right here outside the practice facility.
But I can still see his hesitation, paired with the worry in his eyes.
And my only thought circles around erasing it. Even if for a moment.
“Do you have a game on Friday?”
He shakes his head before leaning back against the wall. “Season officially starts at the end of next week.”
Perfect.
I take a step away, a smile on my lips. “Good. Then I’ll pick you up at five.”
A line forms between his brows. “For what?”
“Our first date.”