Thirty-Six #2
“Change doesn’t happen overnight,” he says, echoing a sentiment Quinton said not even ten minutes ago. “But I hope you know I would’ve done it faster if I could’ve.”
His eyes reveal it’s the truth, and some of the pressure in my chest eases because of it.
Phoenix is many things—loyal to a fault being one of them. But if I’ve learned anything about him over the past few months, it’s that he has the biggest heart of anyone. He’d never do something to hurt me on purpose.
It actually…makes me glad to hear he’s taken the time to do the work he needed. Truly put himself first. Just from looking at him, I can tell it’s helping.
“Well, you look good,” I murmur, my lips curling up at the corner. “Happier, you know?”
The smile on his lips—rare, bright, and genuine—steals my breath. Clenches the fist around my heart at the mere sight of it.
“I’m getting there. Still have a few changes I need to make to be there fully, though,” he says, and though there’s still a smile on his face, I hear the seriousness in his tone as well.
“I have some wrongs to right. Mistakes to correct. And even alter some of the decisions I made that weren’t entirely for me. ”
The last part causes the floor to drop out from under me, because I know one major decision he’s made that wasn’t his own. And for the fucking life of me, I don’t think my heart can take this blow.
“Why do I have a feeling you’re about to tell me part of that includes moving to Portland and playing your last college baseball season for Foltyn?” I ask, doing my best to keep my voice steady while clenching the duck on my fist.
His brows draw down. “Why in the hell would you think that?”
“You just said altering decisions, and the only reason you came here was for Kason and—”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he cuts in, an amused smirk on his lips.
The relief flooding me would be comical to the guy I was six months ago. But now, I don’t even care how sappy or pathetic it makes me. I want him here. I want to see him smile, hear his voice, and feel his skin against mine.
I want him.
He brings me a sense of peace I haven’t known since my parents were alive, and I don’t want to live without it anymore.
“You’re staying,” I repeat, wanting the words to be true yet barely believing them all the same.
Phoenix moves in closer, leaving only inches separating our bodies.
Inches that feel like miles when both of his hands reach up and slowly cup either side of my face.
The heat of his skin seeps into mine, and it instantly sends a warm fuzziness spreading through my extremities that’s as grounding as it is addictive.
“I’m staying,” he whispers, thumbs brushing along my cheekbones. “It might not have been my first choice in the beginning, but Leighton’s grown on me. And I honestly don’t think I’d enjoy attending a college halfway across the country from the guy I love.”
I damn near choke on my spit before sputtering out, “What?”
A raspy chuckle I love so much spills from his lips. “Theo mentioned something about you going deaf recently. Guess he wasn’t kidding.”
Why in the ever-loving fuck are we talking about Theo when he just said—
“You love me,” I parrot.
That little smirk is still on his lips as he shakes his head in obvious amusement.
But rather than answering me, he draws my mouth to his in a long, slow kiss.
One that sends my pulse into overdrive and has my heart skipping in my chest. Not due to lust or desire, but because it feels like coming home.
Like his lips molding over mine are all I need for the missing pieces to fall into place.
He pulls back far, far too soon, and those dark, midnight eyes dance back and forth between mine before he speaks.
“Out of all the lies I’ve told through this entire mess, telling you I didn’t love you was the biggest one of all. There’s nothing and no one I want more than you,” he murmurs, fingers scraping against the back of my head. “I love you, baby. And I’m so fucking sorry for making you think otherwise.”
I think my heart might burst right out my chest when I realize…they match his mouth.
Finally.
That’s all it takes for me to haul him back in for another kiss, this one not nearly as slow and soothing as the last. This one is all the hurt and longing I’ve been feeling for weeks finally being released, since it’s the last time I’ll have to ever feel it.
Not another day will pass where he isn’t mine.
I’m the first to break apart this time, resting my forehead against his while I beg the organ in my chest to slow and my head to stop spinning.
“I’m taking this as you accept my apology?” he murmurs, the warmth of his breath coasting over my lips. “Because I can pine and beg and plead and grovel for as many days as I’ve made you wait, if you want.”
I laugh breathlessly. “You would, wouldn’t you?”
He nods, his forehead rolling against mine. “Or we can put this whole mess behind us and start fresh. Say the word—whatever you want—and I’ll do it. I don’t care what it takes. I’m in this. Choosing me means choosing you, too.”
Those words alone make my heart soar more than him telling me he loves me.
My gaze meets his while I pull back. “I’m just glad your eyes finally match your mouth.”
“Because I meant it, Holden.” His eyes dart between mine. “Until the day you decide you don’t want me, I’m yours.”
The sincerity in his voice causes my heart to ache, filling to the brim with the kind of love and happiness I never imagined. At least, not with him. Part of me is still a little disbelieving that this is my reality. That this man is mine, and mine alone.
Yet, by some miracle, he is.
“I doubt there will ever be a day that happens.”
His smile sets my heart on fire. “Good, because I don’t come with a return policy.”
“Sounds like something I’d say,” I point out.
The comment earns me another chuckle. “You’re rubbing off on me, I guess.”
“Mmm, I definitely could right now if you want,” I murmur, bringing my lips to his again in a whisper of a kiss. “We’ve already got a bed and everything.”
“Oh, shit. That reminds me.” Phoenix pulls away, eyes wide.
The look on his face confuses the hell out of me, but not as much as when he steps back, links his fingers with mine, and drags me…toward the door?
I stare at him like he’s lost his mind. “Wait, where are we going? The bed is right here.”
Mischief and excitement line his features, and he cocks his head to the side before asking his own question in return. “Do you trust me?”
With my entire fucking being.
All I can do is nod, not following one fucking iota.
“Okay, good,” he says, giving me a soft smile. “Then c’mon. I have a surprise for you.”
With a final glance at me, Phoenix pulls the door open, revealing the chaos behind the wood.
Nothing atypical under any circumstance, but especially with it being finals week.
I’m not entirely sure how a surprise works into the equation here, yet something must be off when I spot Theo in the hallway as we step out of the bedroom.
Was he waiting for us?
A shit-eating grin plasters itself on his face when he sees me hand-in-hand with Phoenix. The kind that tells me he knew exactly what Phoenix was planning when he helped plant the flamingo duck in my Jeep earlier today.
I’m about to call him out for it too, when he crosses his arms over his chest and says, “I thought Oakley was taking you home ten minutes ago.”
Oakley? Is he on crack—
Phoenix gently squeezes my hand, and my gaze flashes over to him. There’s a reassuring smile resting on his lips as he nods his head toward Theo. “This is the part where you said something about Oakley being bossy like a dad, and if Theo is going to do the same thing, he should just walk away now.”
I glance between him and Theo, still not understanding, when Theo smirks and says, “Someone’s testy tonight.”
“And then you said something about your roommates acting like babysitters all night,” Phoenix murmurs in my ear. “Then you looked at me and asked Theo to introduce you to me.”
I’m smacked square in the face with realization, and a knot forms instantly in my throat as I look at him. At this amazing, loyal, one-of-a-kind guy who loves me enough to do this.
To take a moment my mind erased and fill in the void.
“Nix,” I whisper, his name coming out grated and drowned in emotion. But that’s all I say. That’s all I can say, or I’ll be liable to break down on the spot.
He gives me a soft smile and another hand squeeze before glancing at Theo.
My roommate’s smiling just as widely as he looks from Phoenix back to me. “Not a fucking chance, Hold.” Then he steps forward and gives Phoenix one of those atta boy pats on his shoulder. “I’m heading out, but you played one helluva game, Merce. Don’t think too hard on it.”
“Thanks, man,” Nix says, a small smile on his lips while his thumb traces over the back of my hand.
Theo’s attention floats between us again before grabbing my shoulder and giving it a tight squeeze. An ear-splitting grin is still on his face when he says, “You’re in the clear. Good luck.”
And with that, he heads down the stairs, disappearing from sight.
Switching my focus to Phoenix, I find him already watching me with a mixture of apprehension and tenderness. The sight makes the organ pounding against my ribs beat a little faster.
“You with me so far, baby?”
All I can do is nod. I don’t trust my voice not to crack and crumble if I dare attempt to speak.
“Good,” he whispers. A little smirk tilts up his lips, and he steps away from me to lean his shoulder against the wall. “This is when I tell you that was one way to get a guy’s attention.”
Swallowing down the emotion as best I can, I croak out, “And what did I say?”
Another twitch of his lips, and then, “You said, it worked, didn’t it? ”
I choke out a laugh. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”
“Absolutely, but I think this next part is probably my favorite.” He gives me another winning grin, even as those dark eyes are teaming with just as much emotion as I’m feeling.
“Because I stared into your eyes, then let my gaze fall to your lips. And before I could tell you my name, you told me you didn’t care what it was, and—”
I close the distance between us and anchor my hand at the back of his neck, knowing myself well enough to see where this is going next. Knowing exactly what I’d do—drunk or not—at this moment.
Slanting my mouth over his, I kiss him like he’s the only thing in existence. Like he is the air that fills my lungs, and the reason the sun rises, and is in every beat my heart takes.
Because he is.
“I love you, Nix,” I whisper between each kiss I plant on his lips. “I love you so fucking much.”
One of those addictive laughs leaves him as his nose brushes mine. “That definitely isn’t part of the plot ‘til much, much later. But I love you too.”
The faint sound of metal rattling comes moments later, and then the door to Grayson’s bedroom is pushed open. My gaze dances between Phoenix’s eyes as he intertwines our fingers, pulling me through the threshold, only to be again enveloped in privacy.
His back collides with the wood behind him, and he reels me in until my hands land on either side of his head.
“Do you wanna know what happens next?” he whispers, sneaking his hands beneath my hoodie and linking them behind my back.
From the way he’s looking at me, an intoxicating combination of love and desire in his dark irises, I know exactly what happens next.
Even with the gap in my memory, it’s obvious.
And if I didn’t already love him, his willingness to take us back to this very night a year ago would have made me fall on the spot.
But it’s not until he offers up the moment I’ve begged for on a silver platter that I realize…I don’t need it.
I don’t want it.
I’m done with the drunken frat-house one-night stands. It might’ve been where we started, but that’s not who we are.
Not anymore.
I shake my head, before pressing my forehead to his. “I want every moment we’ve ever had, no matter how messy. No matter how heartbreaking or fucked-up or stolen they might’ve been. I want all the pieces of our history, because those moments are what make us us. ”
Phoenix leans back, his gaze shifting between my eyes. “I feel a but coming.”
I smile, wondering when he started reading me as well as I do him. “But we don’t need to recreate the past. I just want to build our future.”
“Are you sure?” he asks gently.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything.”
He nods. “Well, I’ll tell you anything you want to know, regardless. You just have to ask.”
“Okay.”
It’s something to keep a pin in for later, though I doubt I’ll change my mind on this. I got the guy in the end, and that’s all I care about.
“And just so we’re clear,” he murmurs, his teeth scraping over his lip, “I paid Grayson to use his bedroom like a motel for nothing?”
A laugh bursts free. “Yeah, I guess you did.”
“Unbelievable.”
“So you’ve said once or twice,” I tell him, cocking my head to the side. “I also vividly remember you saying it was bold of me to assume I could make you happy.”
One of those sinful laughs leaves him. “How long are you planning to hold that over my head?”
I can’t help my smile when I lean in and whisper against his lips.
“The rest of our lives, baby.”