16. Banks
It’d been two weeks since I’d received the picture of Leilani and her ex out together.
The only way I could handle my emotions was to do everything I could to not feel.
I wanted to be numb, but drinking and drugs weren’t even an option.
Regardless of how I felt, taking care of my body remained a priority for my career.
The only way I seemed to be able to manage was by joining my teammates in their nightly outings after our games and ignoring anything that had to do with Leilani and me. I’d been bombarded with questions from my family and the media. Everyone felt as if I owed them an explanation when I didn’t.
Leilani owed me one, but I didn’t even want it. Her actions told me everything I needed to know. When she started moving differently, I should’ve known something was up.
I should’ve known better than to allow my feelings to get involved, but it was out of my control. From the jump, I believed things would be different with Leilani. She wasn’t like any other woman, so I treated her differently. My mistake for thinking so.
My front door opening caught my attention.
The only people who had access into my home without needing me were my parents.
I grabbed a bottle of water from my fridge, just as they rounded the corner with Paisley in tow.
I gave them a head nod and went back to the couch.
My parents and I hadn’t spoken much since that night of interrogation.
They continued to show up for me, which I appreciated, but I was still processing things.
“Well, hello to you too, son,” Mom greeted with a shake of her head. “You should be grateful we’re coming to check on you after the way you’ve been acting.”
“If you came over here to chastise and question me, then you can turn around and walk right out the door. I love y’all, but I’m not in the mood for any of this.”
Dad spoke up. “Come on, Banks. Don’t tell me you’ve allowed a girl you barely know to have you acting like this toward us. I understand you may be in your feelings about the breakup, but the two of you were only together for what? Two or three months? You can’t be that affected by it.”
I released an irritated sigh and set my water bottle on my coffee table. “How are you going to tell me how I should feel when you don’t know her? You don’t know what we shared, so you can’t speak on how I should feel.”
“She’s extremely disrespectful, Banks. You heard the way she talked to me that night, and you didn’t bother taking up for me.”
“Because she’s the only person who’s ever taken up for me.
Why did you feel the need to question me like you did when it was evident I wasn’t okay?
Why couldn’t you offer me some type of solace?
All you were concerned about was how I played instead of how I felt.
It’s always been like that with y’all. The pressure y’all have put on me since I was a kid is the reason I can be distant from y’all.
Sad thing is, y’all never noticed. Leilani noticed before y’all did which speaks volumes on how she cared about my feelings,” I expressed.
I sat back with my arms crossed over my chest, waiting for their reply.
Paisley grinned and gave me a thumbs up while my parents blankly stared at one another.
Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t acknowledge it or realize the way I felt was valid.
Even Justin and Scarlett agreed with me.
Still, outside of Paisley, Leilani was the only person to call my parents out on their shit.
So, why did she throw me for a loop?
Mom sat with her lips tightly pursed together as a single tear trickled down her cheeks. If she didn’t speak first, Dad wouldn’t either. He’d always followed her lead with things, even when it came to us. I loved my father, but I wished he had a backbone with her.
Paisley tossed her arms in the air and asked, “Are either of you going to say anything? Banks just let y’all know how he’s been feeling since we were kids, and the two of you are just mute.”
“Don’t worry about it, Paisley. I expected it from them. It felt good to get it off my chest, but their silence shows me I need to continue handling them as I have.”
I got up to walk away when my father cleared his throat.
Mom side-eyed him as he rose to his feet and came over to me.
My father and I were the same height, so I stared into his wrinkled, light brown eyes.
He held his hand out to me. I looked at it then him before hesitantly taking it as he pulled me in for a hug.
“I apologize, Banks. The only reason we pushed you like we did was because we saw the potential in you. From the moment you were born, I knew you were destined for greatness in whatever you decided to do as well as your siblings. With you being the oldest and a boy, I thought it was good to put pressure on you. We didn’t want you to slack off or fall into the rhythm of the streets, so we did what we thought was best.
“Now, seeing how it has affected you all these years, I wish we would’ve done things differently.
I wish we would’ve listened more and talked less.
Hell, I wish I would have talked more. I don’t want you to continue going on feeling as if we don’t care about anything but your success. You deserve to be hard, son.”
“Thank you, Dad. You don’t know how much that means to me. I needed to hear and know that.”
“I know. You should’ve heard it a long time ago, but it’s never too late to fix things.”
I heard the front door open and shut. Mom had left, and I wasn’t surprised. She had a hard time taking responsibility for things. Whenever she was ready to talk, if she was, I’d be more than willing. I loved her more than anything, but she only pushed me away more.
Dad glanced over his shoulders as they dropped and expelled a sigh. With a wry shake of his head, he gave me his attention.
“Don’t worry, Dad. You can go after her. I’m good,” I assured him.
“I’m going to get through to her, Banks. I promise. I love you, son.”
“I love you too.”
“Paisley, are you coming with us or staying with your brother?”
Paisley tucked her feet underneath her legs and answered, “I’m staying for a while. Banks will take me home or have someone take me.”
Dad nodded and gave us both love before going to see about Mom. I plopped back down on the couch, snatched my water off the table, and guzzled it down. Paisley glared at me. I threw my water bottle at her, hitting her in the arm. Dramatically, she whined.
“Ouch, Banks!”
I kissed my teeth. “You know that didn’t hurt. There’s nothing in it.”
“Whatever. So, how are you? You ready to talk now?”
“To be real, I’ve been wilding, Pai. I’ve been doing shit to keep my mind occupied, but when I’m alone, all I can think about is her.”
“You won’t feel better until you address it, Banks. You need closure. I’ve seen the blogs, but you know how they misconstrue things. Have you talked to Leilani about it?”
“Nah. For what?”
Paisley bucked her eyes at me. “What do you mean ‘for what’? To hear her side of things, of course.”
“You weren’t with us to see what I saw. She’s been texting him and hiding it from me. After I heard her conversation with Willow, it told me everything I needed to know.”
“And that’s where you’re wrong. You probably only caught a piece of the conversation. With you not talking to Leilani and giving her a chance, you’re the one who screwed up. You’re going off assumption and not off fact. That’s not how you move in a relationship, Banks.”
“It wasn’t a relationship. It was a contractual agreement.”
“Then why are you so in your feelings?” Paisley called me out, smirking.
I didn’t respond immediately. I allowed her words to marinate, and I was man enough to admit I’d reacted off emotion and not logic.
With Leilani, I experienced new things, so I didn’t quite know how to handle the hurt.
It was a flaw I needed to work on if I ever wanted to be in a serious relationship.
I couldn’t see myself with anyone but her.
“Oh, wow!” Paisley exclaimed, bouncing in her seat.
“What is it?”
She tossed her phone over to me, and what I saw blew my mind.
I massaged my beard as I looked over Leilani’s post on FameVsYou, announcing her exhibit with Blaque.
That wasn’t what stood out to me. She thanked Brandon and me for allowing it to happen, explaining it was the reason the photo of why she and Brandon got out.
It wasn’t anything regarding their relationship. It was all about business.
I glanced up at Paisley who was happily tapping her fingers together. “If you would’ve had a simple conversation with her, you would’ve known.”
“You’re right.”
“Now, how are you going to get your woman back? There’s no need in reinstating a contract that obviously doesn’t mean anything to either of you. You and Leilani are falling in love with one another, Banks. Don’t let her slip through your fingers again.”