Chapter 16
Miller
The elevator ride is silent up to our rooms. My lips are still tingling; my mind is still racing.
I want him to pin me against this cold, metal wall and make me feel just how he did back at the bar, but the fact that my small reminder was enough to have him pulling away tells me it can’t happen again.
I felt it in the way he kissed me because I’ve never been kissed like that—longed for. Needed. And I knew I had to give him the opportunity to take it all back if he couldn’t handle more.
As my dad warned me, Kai gets attached, but I... I don’t.
We stand at our respective room doors, each of us taking our time pulling out our key cards.
“So...” Kai finally blurts.
“So...”
There’s a light tug at the corner of his lips, a bit of a stain from my lipstick there too, but he keeps his eyes down on the card in his hand, twirling it between his fingers. “Thanks for a fun night.”
I huff a laugh. “Is that what we’re calling it?”
That handsome smile is now directed at me. “It was nice to remember the old me for a second.”
More like it was nice for him to remember he doesn’t want to go back to the life he had before Max.
He holds the card to the door, blue eyes regretful. For the kiss? Maybe. Because he can’t separate himself from his responsibilities and allow himself a selfish moment of fun? Possibly.
“Night, Mills.”
“Goodnight, Kai.”
He lingers in the hall until I go inside and once my door is shut, I hear his close seconds later.
I wash my face. I brush my teeth. I replay the evening in my mind over and over. That’s not how I wanted his first night out to go. I wanted him to love every minute of it, to feel light without the pressure of responsibilities.
But instead, he felt responsible to hold back while his teammates gave him a hard time, felt responsible to defend me by almost getting himself in a fight. And was responsible enough to break our kiss, which only led to him regretting it all.
I thought it’d be easy. I thought I could remind him of his old self, no problem. But it’s obvious now, Kai doesn’t want to be his old self.
Pulling my sheets back, about to crawl into bed, a knock on our adjoining door sounds.
I halt my movements. What the hell?
Lingering by the door, my heart is thumping in my chest, knowing it’s him on the other side, knocking in the middle of the night after that stupidly hot kiss .
Did he change his mind?
I look down. How much time do I need to change into something a bit sexier than the old, hole-clad tee I was planning to sleep in? God, and my face. I look like a glazed donut from my overnight skin care.
He knocks again.
Fuck.
Quietly, hoping not to wake Max, I crack the door that separates our two rooms.
Darkness surrounds him, but Kai stands in the doorway, shirtless with those tattoos on his ribs and thigh that surprised me the night I saw them at the pool. In only a pair of athletic shorts, his arms are braced on the doorframe.
I swallow, heat pooling low in my belly just from looking at him. “Hi.”
His eyes slowly trail up my bare legs, until they meet mine. “Your dad is passed out in my bed.”
“What?”
“Your dad is ass in the air, passed out asleep in the middle of my bed.”
A laugh bubbles out of me, and Kai’s lips curve at the sound. I peek into his room to see, and sure enough, Emmett Montgomery is sprawled out in the middle of Kai’s bed while Max sleeps soundly in his crib next to him.
“It looks like you got yourself a cuddle buddy for the night.”
Kai stares down at me with an unimpressed glare.
“Wake him up and send him back to his room,” I suggest.
“I feel bad. He spent the whole night with my son and now he’s... snoring.”
“Well, where are you gonna sleep?”
He keeps his attention on me, hoping for me to put the pieces together. I know what he’s suggesting but for once, Kai is going to have to ask for what he wants, even if it’s for something as minor as a place to crash.
He clears his throat. “Would you mind if I slept in your bed tonight?”
“You wanna sleep with me, Baseball Daddy?” My tone holds as much suggestion as possible.
“I’m only wearing a thin pair of shorts right now, so please don’t ask if I want to sleep with you while we’re standing in the same room as your dad.”
My eyes are twinkling, nodding into my room. “Come.”
“Miller.”
I chuckle. “Yes?”
“Please shut up.”
He follows me into the room, closing the adjoining door, and the vibe instantly shifts.
Standing in the quiet hotel room, him without a shirt and me without pants, the overwhelming awareness settles over us both. We just shared a hot-as-hell kiss and are now about to crawl into bed together right after Kai stopped our moment.
He scratches the back of his neck. “Which side of the bed do you prefer?”
We both look at it.
“The furthest side from the door. That way if a murderer comes in, he’ll kill you first.”
His head jerks back. “And take out Max’s only parent? You’re cold, Montgomery.” He follows me to the bed. “And why are you glistening? Did you work out in the five minutes I left you in the hall until now?”
I slip under the covers on my side—the safe side. “It’s my skin care, thank you very much. You should probably look into getting some. I’ve heard they have specific lines for mature skin.”
“I can’t wait to give you shit when you’re in your thirties.”
Except he won’t know me then. He won’t remember me then either.
Kai takes off his glasses, setting them on the nightstand before flipping off the lights and slipping under the covers. His foot brushes mine and he allows it to linger there for only a moment before pulling away.
As if I wasn’t already aware of our lack of clothing, with the darkness covering us, sheets hiding us, and our bare skin brushing as we make ourselves comfortable, the silence is practically screaming that I’m almost completely naked with the man whose son I’m watching for the summer.
With the man I just made out with and tried to dry hump by a bathroom in a bar.
I half expected him to immediately turn his back to me and fall asleep, but he doesn’t. He lays with one arm folded under his head, showcasing every defined muscle, with his eyes open but locked on the ceiling.
And because I’m nosy as hell, I ask, “Does your dad know you’re in Texas?”
The silence somehow grows more tense. Great fucking question, Miller.
Too much time passes so I adjust, turning over and trying to sleep, hoping this guy is a freak who maybe sleeps with his eyes open and therefore won’t remember that stupid question.
“No,” he finally says in the quiet.
Slowly, I turn back to face him, but don’t ask more follow-up questions that could have me putting my foot in my mouth.
He lightly laughs, but it sounds slightly pained. “He doesn’t even know he has a grandchild.”
What the hell?
“I haven’t seen the man since I was fifteen or sixteen. Once my mom died...” He shakes his head.
It looks like he wants to tell me, but he stops himself, and it makes me wonder if he’s ever had someone to talk to.
“Can I... can I ask what happened?”
Kai watches me, a teasing glint in his eye. “Is this all I had to do to finally get you all flustered? Talk about my shitty teenage years.”
I smack him in the chest, but I’m thankful that he’s able to joke around right now.
He chuckles. “My mom was already doing a lot of the heavy lifting in the family, so when she died, instead of stepping up, my dad drank himself stupid. Left me in charge of my thirteen-year-old brother when I was still a kid myself. I didn’t even have a driver’s license yet.”
Jesus.
“Eventually, he checked himself into rehab and cleaned himself up, but he never came back. Last I heard, he was settled in a town only two hours from where we grew up and he had gotten remarried.”
“Is it okay if I hate him for you too?”
“One of us probably should.”
“Don’t tell me you’ve forgiven him? I’m far too petty for your level of maturity.”
“I think I’m at the point where I feel nothing towards him. Is that good enough for you?”
Kai’s face is soft, no angry lines etched into his features. How annoyingly reasonable of him.
“Is Isaiah upset with him at least?”
“For me, I think. Now that he’s older, he’ll make comments about how he feels bad that I picked a college close to our hometown so I could help him get through the rest of high school. Stuff like that. But I probably would’ve done it regardless. The guy is my best friend.”
“That’s cute.”
He pins me with a look. “Don’t call me cute.”
Between us, I find his free hand and hook my thumb around his, palm to palm before I rest my head against the back of his hand. “Thanks for telling me that.”
He traces my face with his gaze, soft wistfulness washing over him. “Thanks for listening. I’ve never really had someone to tell that to.”
“You should keep talking. You have a sexy voice, even when you’re talking about your childhood trauma.”
He simply shakes his head at me, smiles, and keeps talking.
“I’m not angry, and I don’t miss him, but I do miss how our family used to be.
Everything was so different before my mom died, that the hardest part has been knowing what a good family unit looked like and no longer having it.
I’m just trying to give Max a bit of what I lost.”
And that’s when it clicks. Kai is older now.
He doesn’t want to make up for the partying he’s missing out on or even the freedom.
He doesn’t need to reminisce on his old life.
He simply wants the family he once had. He wants to be enough for Max in hopes that he might not feel the gaps Kai has convinced himself exist.
“You’re a good one, Kai. You know that?”
He sighs, exhaling an uncomfortable laugh. “Don’t give me too much credit now.”
“I’m serious.” Which I very rarely am.
The room is dark, but my eyes have adjusted to the lack of light so that I can make out the blue in his perfectly clearly without his glasses as a barrier.
He’s beautiful. Really, truly so handsome.