Chapter 32 #2
My favorite thing about this man is how stable, how constant he is. He takes on responsibilities others don’t have the strength to handle, including settling me in this moment. I somehow need to figure out how to steal some of his resilience for myself so I can take it when I go.
Kai finishes with a simple press of his lips against mine before pulling away.
“Thank you,” I breathe.
“I’m so impressed by you, Miller. And proud of you.” He chuckles, his forehead falling to mine. “I don’t know if that’s weird to say.”
“Not weird.” I shake my head. “Just what I needed to hear.”
Kai has been adamant about me going back to work, encouraging me to do so, and helping me as best he can.
There’s a part of me that wishes he would ask me to stay, to continue whatever we’ve been doing for the last two months, but most of me is glad he hasn’t.
It would only hurt him in the long run, to open himself to asking for more because, at the end of the day, I don’t have a choice. I have to go back.
I can sense him about to ask again, wondering what’s wrong with me today, but thankfully, a knock sounds at the bedroom door before he can. “Chef, we’re ready for you.”
We separate as I turn back towards the mirror, sliding my hands over my hair to smooth it down, and Kai comes back into the bathroom holding my chef’s coat, perfectly pressed by one of the shoot assistants.
I haven’t worn that coat in months, and the only reason I feel okay putting it on again is because Kai is the one holding it open behind me, allowing me to slide my arms through.
Through the reflection, he leans on the doorway, watching with a proud smile as I slip each button through their respective holes.
This man has supported me all summer, eager to help me get back to work at the level I want to be.
He’s constantly reminded me what a great job I’m doing, which are words I almost forgot existed.
There’s no coddling in the restaurant industry, and it’s not something I ever thought I’d need.
But after two months with him, I can’t imagine working without Kai’s encouragement constantly filling the kitchen.
When I try to leave the bathroom, he wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me in to place a single kiss on my forehead.
Leaning back, I eye him. “Did you just give me a forehead kiss while I’m wearing my chef’s coat?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“I’ve made grown men cry while wearing this coat.”
“Oh, I have no doubt about that, but girl bosses need forehead kisses too.”
“Did you just say girl bosses?”
“Yeah, isn’t that what you kids say?”
That finally pulls a genuine laugh out of me, instantly making me feel lighter, more myself. “I refuse to believe there’s only seven years between us.”
“Come on,” he says, ushering me out of the bathroom. “Go do what you’re best at so we can get these people out of our house.”
Our house.
“And by ‘what you’re best at’ I’m referring to you standing there and looking pretty for pictures. Nothing to do with you being a badass pastry chef.”
With another laugh rumbling in my chest, Kai gives my ass an encouraging tap as he continues down the hall to the living room, leaving me in the kitchen.
“Behind the island, Chef.” Sylvia points to my starting position.
Glass bowls of dry ingredients line the counter as I find my place, standing behind the kitchen island.
“We’ll start with some action shots.” She pushes an empty glass bowl in front of me. “One at a time. Crack an egg in there.”
Sylvia turns to say something to the photographer, but all I can focus on is the living room behind them, where Kai, Isaiah, and Max watch.
Max catches my attention and points at me from behind the lens. “Mmm,” he hums, the only part of my name he’s gotten down. “Mmm!”
He squirms in Isaiah’s hold and slips his way out of his uncle’s arms, racing his way towards the kitchen. Dodging the lighting crew and photographer, he rounds the island.
“Mmm!” Max wobbles towards me, arms in the air for me to hold him.
My smile is the biggest it’s been all morning as I bend down to get him. “Hi, Bug. Come here.”
“No!” Sylvia snaps as I pick him up. “Put him down! You’ll wrinkle your coat!”
I freeze right there in the kitchen, holding Max and staring at this woman in disbelief.
“Put him down.” Sylvia turns away, speaking under her breath. “This is not a place for kids.”
I don’t move, as if hearing those words has stunned me into place. She’s not wrong. The high-end restaurant scene is no place for kids. The hours aren’t conducive, with late nights and busy weekends. And I’m realizing now, that’s exactly why I’ve been off today.
I know the life that’s waiting for me when I return, and even if I wanted to continue a relationship with Kai, to be there for Max in some capacity, I won’t be able to. There won’t be time to.
I’ve had critics and chefs fawning over me. I’ve had their attention, but now the only attention I crave is that of a little boy and his dad, but as soon as I leave Chicago, they’ll go back to their normal lives—ones that I’m not involved in.
“You are wrinkling your coat, Chef.” Sylvia gestures to me, the other hand on her hip.
Certain realizations sinking in have me beyond done with her attitude today.
“Well, that’s what photoshop is for,” I snap, holding Max closer to my body.
“I got him.” Without realizing it, Kai is at my side, pulling his son off me. “We’ll see Miller after she’s done working, okay, Bug?”
Sylvia exhales in exasperation, shaking her head and repositioning the glass bowls.
Eric the intern offers me a pitying smile while the photographer looks at the screen on her camera, smiling at the images she’s shot so far.
Then I find Kai and Max slipping out the back door to go outside again and my terrible mood is in full force.
Standing in the kitchen, an overwhelming yet terrifying realization sinks in. The possibility I was feeling this way has been there, lingering all summer, but right now it’s as if a blurry fog has lifted and the sun is shining on the truth.
There’s no part of me that wants to be in the kitchen.
I only want to be with them.