8. Chapter 8
8
Kelly
L oud. So much noise, all the time. I was okay with the music during the day, my own headphones and ear plugs did well enough; but the seemingly constant stream of people in and out of the apartment most days was ridiculous. When I left for work most days, strangers that were slowly becoming acquaintances were passed out on the couch or floor. When I got home from work, they were playing video games or cooking in the kitchen.
When I was in college, I was used to a dynamic like that. People in and out of dormrooms, you knew one person; you knew everyone, in one way or another. I could sleep through the sound of a first-person shooter, sex, and hot plate fire.
Several years later, however, I’d gotten used to the peace and quiet of living with Lindsey and Rose for six months.
I’d been hanging out with Emily as much as possible after work, but I needed my alone time. Quiet. I couldn’t complain to Malak, I didn’t want to. He’d been so nice the last five days, though I also had only really interacted with him two out of five days. Malak and Grey seemed to be always working or doing something. Taylor was in her room or playing video games with those who wandered into our apartment, seemingly knowing them.
When I got home from work on Friday, I was exhausted. Excited for the weekend off. I’d moved out of Lindsey and Rose’s much quicker than even intended, hoping it would calm some of the anxiety I felt about the situation. Instead, I found myself struggling not to think about it.
“Hey, going to the store to get some stuff for dinner. You want anything?” Taylor asked.
I had just plopped down onto the couch. My eyes landed on the two guys, maybe early twenties, playing something on the Xbox. I blinked.
“Is anyone else here?” I asked.
Taylor looked at them, too. “Just Kyle and Jacob,” she said. “They’re my brothers. Don’t worry about them.” They looked over at her, one of them rolled their eyes, and they continued playing.
My brow fell. That would’ve been nice to know a few days ago when they started showing up.
“A-Alright,” I mumbled, “Can you grab me some Pringles?”
“You got it.” Taylor headed out the door.
I grabbed my phone and started looking at my text messages. I’d already done so while on the way home from work with Emily. Now allowing her to drive me home now that we were living in the same building - but it was a distraction.
I chewed on my bottom lip as I looked at the most recent text from Lindsey. I still remembered what she had said.
‘You said you’ll be gone in a week, so be gone.’
Now? She was acting like she’d never said that.
Lindsey: I wish you had at least let me help you move into the new place .
I sighed and debated how to reply to her. I felt like I was avoiding her now. That probably wasn’t fair, but I didn’t know what to do about the situation.
With a shake of my head, I shot a text back.
Me: You’re the one who told me to be gone, I didn’t think you’d want to help.
I looked nervously at the strangers, who I now knew were Taylor’s brothers. It didn’t make me feel that much less nervous. Especially not when they started yelling as they lost and one of them tossed the controller down onto the floor. My fingers curled into the fabric of my pants. Flickers of things I didn’t want to remember crossing my mind.
“What the FUCK dude!” one of them yelled.
My back tensed.
He kicked the controller on the floor. It clattered forwards against the front of the TV stand before he picked it back up.
My scar burned. I looked at my lap, like I could somehow see through my pants to my thigh. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, trying to think about anything else. Anything but the yelling, the blood. The pain.
The sound of the door suddenly closing for a second time made me jump, and my throat felt tight.
I shot up from the couch, my phone falling from my lap onto the floor.
My eyes burned. I looked up and met Malak’s gaze. He smirked at me, but then his face fell. I huffed and rushed out of the living room. My stomach aching.
“Kelly,” he called after me.
I rounded into the kitchen, suddenly feeling like I needed something to hold on to. I leaned against the kitchen sink, the cool metal against my fingers helping calm my nerves.
“What’s wrong?” Malak asked from behind me.
I jumped on my toes.
“Fuck,” I huffed, and tilted my head down. My heart was beating like a drum in my chest.
“Hey.” I felt Malak’s hand on my shoulder.
“Don’t!” I whirled around to look at him. My eyes blurred over slightly.
Malak put both his hands up.
“You didn’t tell me there would be people in and out of the apartment at all times, strangers. Yelling, throwing things,” I accused.
Malak stepped closer. “It’s usually not as bad. Taylor’s brothers are here for a few weeks. They have some friends in the area—” he started, but I cut him off.
“You didn’t tell me that either,” I said. “Did you think I wouldn’t care? I have to work Malak, just because you’re hot and…have an accent, doesn’t mean I’ll be okay with anything.” My throat was tighter.
He stepped even closer, and I felt the heat from his skin against my face. God, how is he literally so hot?
Malak put his hands on my shoulders.
“Hey!” I huffed, my heart racing. I wriggled in his grip.
“It’s okay,” Malak insisted.
My body flooded with heat from my face to my toes. “No, it’s not!” I hissed. I wanted to tug away from him, I wanted to shove him, I wanted to tell him to fuck off with his ‘you’re welcome here’ bullshit — but I also didn’t. His hands were strong and warm on the bare skin of my arms.
His voice was low as he spoke again. “Kelly, breathe,” he told me.
“No,” I refused. As if there was any real way I could stop breathing out of spite.
He squeezed me a bit firmer and pressed my lower back against the edge of the counter.
I gasped softly.
“Breathe in,” he ordered, his voice rougher than I had heard it before.
“In,” he repeated.
I found myself unable to disobey him at that moment. I slowly breathed in through my nose.
“Good. Now, breathe out.”
I did as he told me.
I felt his pointer finger move to my chin and tilt it upward so I was looking into his face. His facial hair a bit less groomed than the first time I had met him.
“Do it again,” Malak told me.
I took another breath in and let it out. Until my heart wasn’t beating quite as fast and the stinging in my eyes succeeded.
“Good girl,” rumbled out of his throat.
My pulse quickened again. Heat flooded my thighs. It had been a while since I’d heard that. I wanted to hear it again. In a desperate attempt, I took another breath in, then out, hoping he would vocally praise me once more. He didn’t. Instead, his thumb caressed my jawline in a different type of praise.
“What happened in there?” he asked.
I swallowed thickly. “They got really loud, were throwing controllers,” I explained. “It…made me panic.”
His brow furrowed. “I see,” he spoke and then sighed, “ Priya , I’ll talk to them.” The word he spoke sounded so, sensual yet sweet at the same time. I had no idea what he said, but I didn’t think to ask in that moment.
Malak was so close. His woodsy scent was intoxicating. I wanted it all over my body.
“You don’t have to,” I whispered. My head felt dizzy.
“Yes, I do,” Malak insisted, and brushed his thumb down my jawline, alone the side of my neck.
I shivered. I watched a glitter in his eyes.
“By the way,” he whispered, “Grey was supposed to tell you about Kyle and Jacob. I should’ve known he wouldn’t.”
My face flushed deeper. “Wow,” I mumbled as I processed, “He’s such an ass.”
Malak chuckled low, “I won’t mind if you wanna kick it — but make sure I’m around.”
I took another deep breath, this time completely for my sake. “No promises.”
I wasn’t kidding. As Malak went to get into the shower, and I went outside for some air, fulling preparing on texting up Grey at work to ask him what the hell he was thinking. I had his number, no thanks to him, but Malak. Just as I was pulling my phone out, however, I noticed a familiar car pull into the parking lot and to the left of me. My brow furrowed.
Thinking it was a coincidence, I continued scrolling through my contacts to find Grey’s name, until the sound of a car locking drew my attention back up. My heart flew into my throat.
My gaze locked on the sleek blonde bob that was headed in my direction, then the pair of blue eyes that were laced with concern.
Rose.
I turned on my heel, no longer caring about scolding Grey, and attempted to escape, but I was too late.
“Kelly,” Rose called.
I swallowed hard.
“Breathe in, breathe out.” Malak’s voice rang in my head. I did as such and then slowly turned back around.
“What do you want?” I asked, “Actually, what are you doing here?” I shoved my phone into the pocket of my sweater.
“Lindsey told me where you were,” Rose explained. “You didn’t even say goodbye when you left. You just texted Lindsey while she was at work.”
I laughed once, “…it’s been four days. I texted her everything was okay, the address. She said she was disappointed but understood,” I told her, “Did she not tell you that?”
Rose stopped in front of me. Her freshly pressed power suit screamed ‘I left work just to come here’. I knew she was rarely actually off work before the dark hours. There was no way she was off around six thirty at night.
“Does Lindsey even know you’re here?” I asked, raising my eyebrows and tilting my head to the side.
I was feeling moody, especially with Rose.
She didn’t answer.
Rose sighed. “Look, I know things are weird right now,” she said, “but I really don’t think this is the best option. Rooming with two men and a woman you don’t even know?”
I huffed. “You don’t know what’s best for me.”
Rose
I knew I shouldn’t be there, but I hated knowing I was the reason Kelly had left at all. I couldn’t deny that not knowing if where she was living was safe, not seeing her for days at a time, despite having been actively trying to avoid her previously, was driving me up a wall.
Talking to Kelly wasn’t going well.
Kelly huffed. “You don’t know what’s best for me.” Her bottom lip stuck out a bit, much like Lindsey, but for some reason, when she was pouting, it didn’t annoy the ever loving hell out of me. Perhaps I was a hypocrite…
“I’m not saying I do,” I said slowly, “…but I’ve also known you for four and a half years,” I reminded her. “I know you pretty well.”
She stepped closer, arms folded. “Really?” she asked, “Until a few days ago, I thought you didn’t like me, when in fact, you think you have feelings for me. I don’t think you know anything.”
I blinked. “I think?” I asked, “I know I do.”
Kelly sighed. “I think you’re not happy in your marriage, and you are projecting what you want on me.”
My jaw tightened. I ignored the pink of her cheeks, the intensity of her eyes, and how much it made me want to draw her closer.
“As fucked up as it is, I know how I feel,” I told her, my voice lowering. “I don’t think I have feelings for you. Kelly. I know.”
I watched her shoulders tense and the way she squirmed on her feet.
“I know that I want you,” it pained me to admit it, “I thought maybe I could brush it off, but I can’t.”
Kelly flushed deeper. “It’s not my problem you want me,” she insisted, stuttering out the last word.
I shook my head, “No,” I replied, “It’s not.”
I swallowed hard. Her body language screamed at me. In ways that were conflicting. Nervous, aroused, uncertain. I didn’t dare touch her. I wasn’t sure what had come over me in the bathroom those days before, but Lindsey was trusting me to talk to her, despite everything.
“Just talk to me,” I insisted. “Come, take a walk with me.”
Kelly pursed her lips. “Why?” she asked.
I noticed her eyes looked tired. Her hair was tied up messily. She must have just gotten home from work. I felt guilty, but I wasn’t sure when I was going to have the chance to talk to her again. She deserved to know more of the truth. All the truth, if I could manage to get her to listen to me for more than a minute. If I could remind myself that it was better I didn’t touch her, better I stayed a distanced even while talking.
“I want to tell you the truth,” I insisted.
Kelly looked to the side, almost behind her shoulder, for a moment. I watched her shoulders relax as she looked back at me. My gaze met hers, my heart squeezed.
“Alright,” she replied, “You have ten minutes.”
I took a deep breath. “Just remember you said that.”
I turned around and motioned for Kelly to follow me towards the nearby sidewalk that was lined with trees and floral bushes. My wingtip heels clicked gently on the pavement. I looked to the side, purposefully walking slower than I might normally so that Kelly, in her short stature and legs, wouldn’t need to keep up with me.
“Get talking,” Kelly sassed. “Walking is included in the ten minutes.”
I sighed. “Fine,” I said slowly, trying to figure out exactly where to start. I hadn’t done a great job of preparing myself.
“What I said about two years wasn’t exactly true,” I explained. “I felt the beginnings of a crush, something, two years ago, but it was enough to just brush off.”
Kelly looked at me, brows furrows, and there was a glittering of something curious in her eyes.
“When then?” she asked, “When did you realize you had more than just a ‘brushable’ crush?”
I took a slow breath. “Somewhere between eight and five months ago, I’m not totally sure,” I replied. My gaze shifted over to look at Kelly. I wanted to gage her reaction, and keep her from running off when things got intense.
“So, before or after I moved in?” she asked, “Is that why you agreed to let me move in?”
“No,” I insisted, “At least, I don’t think it was. It might have been part of it, but my only intention was to give you some place to live. Your mother had just died, your relationship just ended. You needed someone.”
Kelly’s brow furrowed. “Lindsey needs someone too, you know. You’re just going to break her heart?” she asked.
I looked towards the ground. “It’s complicated, Kelly.”
“No, it’s not. She’s your wife, she loves you. You’re supposed to love her. You got married because you loved each other more than anything, right? Now that’s changed?” Kelly said, her tone accusatory.
My eyes stung, and I looked up from the sidewalk as we reached a section shaded by a short tree.
“It hasn’t changed,” I replied. “That’s the problem.”
Kelly stopped walking. I followed suit and turned to face her more directly.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
I swallowed hard. “Lindsey and I didn’t marry for love, Kelly,” I explained, “We married because it was what would be the best for our own future and the future of our families. Our parents were the ones who set us up a few months before the wedding. Didn’t you ever question why we got married so fast?”
Kelly’s eyes widened, and she looked away for a moment. “No, that’s not true. Lindsey would’ve told me,” she replied.
“It is, and she didn’t,” I told her. “She asked me not to tell you. I wanted to, but I never thought this would happen. That it would ever really affect you.”
I watched Kelly’s chest rise and fall faster.
“My father would have told me, my mother would have told me,” Kelly replied. Her voice growing thick with anger.
I stepped closer to her. Kelly stepped back, closer to the tree.
“Why would I lie?” I asked.
“…cause you’re a liar,” Kelly accused.
I huffed. “I didn’t lie about anything,” I told her. “I didn’t understand how I was feeling for a while. I tried to get over it, I told my therapist about it. I avoided telling Lindsey for a few weeks once I figured it out, but she knows now. You know now.”
Kelly’s face flushed. “I still don’t believe you,” she said.
“I love Lindsey,” I told her, “…but I’m not in love with her, I never have been, and I don’t believe she has ever been in love with me,” I replied, “Love was never the first priority for our marriage Kelly.”
Kelly took a slow breath. “Fine, say it’s true. Why now?” she asked, “Why does it matter now?”
I chuckled, “Your sister asked the same thing,” I told her, “Living and being married to someone I cared for, enjoyed their company, got along with for the most part. It was fine, when I thought I didn’t want anything else. When I thought the chances of feeling anything else, ever again, were impossible.”
Kelly’s brow furrowed deeper, but I continued talking.
“Then you,” I told her, “Something happened. I realized, Kelly, I don’t want to live like this anymore. I don’t want Lindsey to live like this anymore. I don’t want my life totally controlled by our parents' bullshit.”
There was a long pause as Kelly seemed to be trying to process.
“I don’t know what you want from me,” Kelly replied.
I sighed. “I just want to make sure you’re safe. I don’t want you living with strangers.”
Kelly’s face reddened. “You don’t get to tell me what to do,” she said, “Malak, Taylor and…well, they are good people. Grey is…I don’t. They have problems I guess, but—-”
I cut her off. “Malak who?” I asked.
Kelly blinked. “Uh, Malak Amer, I think,” she replied.
I stiffened. “Malak David-Amer?”
Kelly’s brows rose. “Yeah?” she said, “You know him?”
The air was tense, for more than one reason.
“You shouldn’t be here,” I told her, my pulse quickening.
Kelly’s face contorted. “What?”
“You shouldn’t be around Malak, or anyone else who is around him, Kelly,” I told her. “It’s a bad idea.”
The thought of Kelly living in the same space as Malak made my stomach ache. Heat flooded my body as I watched her own face flush and anger flare in her eyes.
“What is with everyone and telling me what to do today?” Kelly asked, and stepped closer. “I don’t care what you think about Malak. Why are you being like this?”
I stepped closer, and Kelly stepped back, her back against the tree.
“I just,” I sighed, “I don’t want you getting hurt.”
Our faces were inches away from each other. I flushed at the close proximity and watched Kelly’s eyes dart to my lips.
“I-I can handle myself, Rose,” she insisted. I loved the way she said my name, even when she was upset.
I looked into her eyes. “Let me ask you one thing.”
Kelly swallowed. “Fine, then I’m going back inside.”
“How do you feel about me?” I asked.
I watched panic cross her features. Her breath quickened, her face flushed.
“Rose,” she started, “…I can’t,” she shook her head.
“Or you’re scared?” I asked her, “Are you scared of me?”
Kelly licked her lips. “No,” she replied quietly, "that’s not what I’m scared of.”
I couldn’t resist. I leaned forward, waiting for a sign that I shouldn’t. It didn’t come.
My lips pressed to Kelly’s, warm, soft. There was a pause of shock that it was happening. I didn’t move, but a second later, I felt her gasp softly against my mouth and kiss me back.
It lasted only a couple of seconds. Our lips moved against each others needily, her hand curled against my jacket.
“Oh no,” Kelly gasped, and pulled away.
Dizzy headed, I pulled away from her, and stepped back.
I didn’t stop Kelly as she put her fingers to her lips and darted back towards the apartment building.
I got my answer.