20. Chapter 20
20
Rose
I stood outside the apartment building I hadn’t seen since I had kissed Kelly against a tree there. My gaze shifted towards the door, I half expected Malak and Grey to both be standing there like guard dogs, but, instead, it was just Kelly who came barreling out of the door, a duffel bag over one shoulder and her purse over the other.
I got out of the car to open the trunk for her to put her bag in there. As I did this, I saw them.
Malak and Grey, standing on their balcony that overlooked the parking lot. Malak’s arms were folded, and he didn’t look happy. An ache set into my stomach and I quickly looked away.
“How’d you get them to let you leave?” I asked Kelly, somewhat joking.
Kelly chuckled nervously. “I told them I’d be back in four days and if I’m not, they can come get me.”
I blinked. “Oh,” I mumbled, “Well, I guess I better get you back in four days.”
The last thing anyone needed was those two storming in to toss Kelly into the back of their car.
Kelly nodded and slipped into the passenger seat. I could all but feel the tension as I closed the trunk and got into the driver's side.
I didn’t say anything as I put my seat belt on, looked over to make sure Kelly’s was on, and then start the car. I didn’t say anything as I pulled out of the parking lot and onto the street. My gaze shifted to the rear-view mirror, and I tried not to think about Malak or Greyson.
However, as we got about halfway down the street, I pursed my lips and looked over at Kelly.
“So, you got four days off, then?” I asked her.
Kelly looked over at me. Her face was gently flushed, and she looked so beautiful in her dark blue sweater that clung to the soft torso, her jacket tucked behind her.
“Uh, five, actually,” Kelly said, “Emily managed to convince the owner that she could cover for me those days.”
“Oh, well, that’s nice of her,” I replied and then kept my eyes on the road. I drove with one hand on the steering wheel.
Kelly sighed. “Yeah, I feel guilty, but I told her I’d owe her, so who knows what she’ll get me into?”
I nodded. My hand reached for the radio instinctively without looking, and her fingers brushed against mine. I cleared my throat.
“You go ahead,” I told her and ignored the tingling in my fingertips.
Kelly turned the radio on and pushed through the preset stations, seeming to decide on the classic rock station and putting it at a low volume. I watched her shift in her seat and get comfortable enough to stare out of the window.
“Are you warm enough?” I asked.
“Huh?” Kelly asked, “Oh, yeah. I’m good.”
“Alright.”
I kept my mouth shut for the next thirty minutes, watching as the sky started to get progressively more gray. We were on the highway, thankfully without much traffic as the morning commuters had already gotten to work and it was an hour until most people would be out for lunch.
My eyes danced over to Kelly, off the road for only a split second at a time, to the side of her face, her curly brown hair pulled into a ponytail, but several curls were escaping along the sides and top of her hair. I smirked to myself.
God, she’s gorgeous.
I gulped and looked away from her face, but my eyes only landed on her plump thighs. I quickly looked back up and met her gaze. I looked at the road again.
“When did you eat breakfast?” I asked.
“I actually just had a muffin when I woke up. I needed to pack and, well, I’m not a morning person,” Kelly admitted.
“You didn’t pack the night before?” I asked, then realized it sounded like I was scolding her and shot her an apologetic look. Though the way she blushed, she didn’t seem to mind it.
“I did, but not everything I needed,” she said, and then it was quiet again.
I tapped my fingertips on the steering wheel. I was not looking forward to seeing Lindsey, and definitely not Joseph. Joseph Matthews was a man who knew how to talk to the mass on camera, and knew what people wanted to hear when it came to politics, but he wasn’t a particularly nice man. Not once you got to know him.
I tried to brush him and Lindsey out of my head, focusing on the drive. I remembered why I had brought up breakfast.
“Oh, back to breakfast,” I started, “I ate quite early, and you didn’t eat much. We can stop for lunch soon. Where would you like to eat?” I kept my eyes on the road despite every part of my being, telling me to glance over and lock eyes with Kelly.
“You don’t have to do that,” Kelly insisted.
“We have a few more hours until we’ll be there and I’m hungry too, so it’s no problem,” I assured her.
I wanted to reach over and touch her, kiss her, tell her that she was never a bother to me. I felt so guilty for making her think she was for those months. Avoiding her, making her believe I hated her, of all things. My stomach hurt at the thought.
“Well, I’m not sure, you choose,” Kelly told me.
I pursed my lips. My eyes shifted over to the sign on the side of the highway that told me what the restaurant at the next exit was. I pulled into the right lane, and three minutes later I was pulling off and heading to a Big Boy’s restaurant. The parking lot was surprisingly empty, but it meant there would be plenty of tables for us to choose from.
I was unbuckling my seat belt when I felt a hand on my shoulder. A shiver ran down my spine, and I looked over at Kelly, whose big beautiful eyes were locked on mine.
“Thanks for this,” Kelly told me.
I flushed and nodded. “It’s no problem. I know things are…complicated between us.”
Kelly flushed deeper than well, and her fingers curled against my shoulder. I failed to fight the urge and reached a hand to hers and covered the top of her fingers with my own. She shifted in her seat and I saw her chewing at the inside of her cheek, just like Lindsey; but unlike with Lindsey, it didn’t bug me. It was cute. That seemed to be a common occurrence with Kelly.
Kelly hesitantly pulled her hand out from under mine and continued to get out of the vehicle. I got out as well, putting my keys in the pocket of my jeans after locking the car. I walked around the car and headed into the restaurant with Kelly. It was warm and comfortable inside. There were only a few tables and booths occupied.
“Good afternoon. Would you prefer a table or a booth?” the hostess asked.
Kelly looked to the side, seeming to eye the tables and the booths for a moment before looking back at the hostess. “Booth please.”
The hostess nodded and lead us over, placing two menus on the table.
“Your waiter will be over soon.”
I tugged off my blazer, folding it halfway, sliding into the booth and placing it on the seat beside me. I watched as Kelly pushed her sleeves up halfway and reached for the menu. My eyes shifted down to her cleavage, and I quickly opened my menu so I could look at it instead.
Three minutes later, we had both ordered drinks and the salad bar. I ordered the grilled chicken sandwich. Kelly ordered a grilled ham and cheese.
There we were, left sitting in silence, menus no longer keeping us from seeing each other. Only so much time could be spent sipping at our waters and avoiding each other.
“Listen, about…the other day—” I started, but Kelly cut me off.
“When we kissed,” she said, her voice sounding thick, and she cleared her throat.
I nodded. “I know you have feelings for me. I have feelings for you. We’re going to have to talk about it at some point,” I reminded her.
“So, not kiss about it?” she asked, a bit of bitterness in her voice.
I flushed, and this time it was me clearing my throat. “I admit, it’s hard to…not want to kiss you when you’re around Kelly,” I told her.
She seemed to regret what she had said the second I opened my mouth, because she shifted in her seat and glanced at the table.
Kelly took a slow breath. “Alright, I guess,” she mumbled, and licked at her lips, “Let’s talk then.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I was uncertain where to start.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner about how you felt?” Kelly asked.
“I told you, I wasn’t sure. I needed to figure it out for myself,” I reminded her.
Kelly eyed me. “Okay, well, you said your feelings for me started more than just a few months ago, but you brushed it off, or thought you did. When was that?”
I looked away from her as I thought about it. My body warmed, breath hitched, thinking about it. Guilt crept inside me again, but I pushed it away. We needed to talk about it.
“Two years ago,” I admitted, straightening my shoulders. I forced myself to look at her. Though it only made my heart beat harder.
Kelly exhaled. “Okay, when? Why? How?” she asked.
I gulped. “I always thought you were attractive. It’s not hard to see, but I didn’t start feeling anything for you until the camping trip that we all went on two years ago. Your parents, you, Lindsey, and I,” I explained.
“I remember that. It was the last camping trip we all went on together,” Kelly replied.
I nodded and continued. “Things were decent with Lindsey and I’s marriage, on paper, and we liked each other. Not the way I wanted, but the only way I thought I could ever feel again, so I told myself it was good.”
“Good enough?” Kelly said.
“Good enough, yes,” I agreed.
I was about to keep talking when the waiter brought out food over.
“Thank you,” I said and looked down at it. My stomach growling, but I wanted to keep telling Kelly the truth. I didn’t want to hide anything else from her.
So, I watched as she slowly started to eat, and instead, I kept talking.
“There were a few nights of those two weeks where Lindsey went off with your mother on a walk. Your father was busy, and we were left alone together around the fire, you remember?” I asked.
Kelly chewed and looked away for a moment before nodding, her face flushing.
“I do,” she said after swallowing, “That was when we really got to know each other more than we had before, since usually Lindsey was around and would do most of the talking.”
I chuckled and looked at the table, my brows furrowing. “Yes,” I agreed. “You were struggling with college, told me you were considering trying to be a writer anyway, despite your parents' disapproval.”
Kelly frowned softly. “Even Lindsey thought it was a bad idea, being a writer,” Kelly sighed as she looked down at her food and then back up at me, “but you didn’t.”
I smiled softly. “I still don’t. I know it’s not the most practical but—” I shrugged.
I finally took a bite of my own food, savoring the flavor before I continued talking.
“Anyway. When we would sit around the fire, talking, laughing, getting to know each other, it felt so different from anything had been with…Lindsey,” I admitted, feeling bad but knowing the truth needed to come out, “It was like the butterflies I got with—others in the past.” I avoided mentioning Malak. “I convinced myself it was just a little nervous crush. I brushed it off, or thought I did. Apparently not.”
Kelly’s brows creased deeper. “I-, I don’t know if I can say I wish you’d figure it out or told me sooner. I don’t think it would have gone any better,” she mumbled.
I shook my head. “No, but I should have ended things with Lindsey sooner.”
It was quiet for a long moment. Long enough that we both simply sat there eating our food and sipping at our water. The waiter took our glasses and brought us fresh water with lemons. I was halfway through my food, squeezing the lemon into the water, when Kelly finally spoke up again.
“Why did you all decide arranging your marriage was for the best?” Kelly asked. “It was never mentioned to me at all.”
I set my water down. “Well, it was complicated. After both of our last relationships, mine with Malak, and Lindsey’s with Veronica, we both latched onto each other as friends and people who had been through similar things,” I explained.
Kelly nodded, not speaking aloud, but I saw a glitter in her eyes at the mention of Malak. I knew she was curious, but I didn’t want to elaborate, not right then.
“With both of our parents' political careers on the line, they thought it would work out for us and our families' representations. Honestly, the biggest reason was getting the queer vote and support,” I admitted.
“Isn’t that kind of lying to the queer community too?” she asked.
“Well, Lindsey’s lesbian. I’m bisexual. We did like each other and get along,” I told her and then sighed, “but I admit it wasn’t for the best reasons. It was for a handful of reasons both on our side, and our parents' side — but it was heavily pushed by our families, especially Joseph.”
Kelly looks at me hard for a moment. “Would you have done it if it wasn’t for our parents?” she asked.
I paused for a moment. “No,” I told her, “I think I might have gone off and gotten lost somewhere for a few years instead. Dealt with my grief that way, probably lost my job. I wouldn’t have gotten married.”
“So, it was better for you?” she asked.
“No,” I said, “I don’t think so. In some technical ways, you’d think but, if I hadn’t married Lindsey, I wouldn’t have broken her heart, or made things so complicated for you.”
Kelly looked away from me. “Do you think we’d be together somehow, if you hadn’t?” she asked.
I eyed the side of her face. “I don’t know,” I replied honestly. “Is that what you would want?”
Kelly looked back over at me, and I felt one of her feet brush against mine underneath the table.
“Maybe, “ she replied, “I’ve always been attracted to you, too.”
My heart squeezed, but then sank to my stomach as I looked at her.
“We’re going to have a lot to deal with when we get to your father's house,” I told her.
Kelly sighed. “I know.”
I reached a hand across the table and brushed my fingers along her knuckles.
“I know you can take care of yourself, but I’ll be there with you.”