Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
Julian
I walked into my mother’s house and saw her working on her laptop on the patio with Maddie playing in her playpen.
“Hey, Mom.” I opened the sliding door and stepped outside.
“Julian, sweetheart. What are you doing here in the middle of the afternoon?”
“I just wanted to visit.” I smiled, picking up Maddie. “It’s your turn to watch Maddie today?”
“Yes. It is. And she’s been a pure angel. Now, tell your mother what’s going on. It’s not like you to drop by in the middle of the afternoon unannounced.”
I pulled out one of the chairs and sat down with Maddie on my lap.
“I’m broken, Mama, and I don’t know how to fix myself.”
“Oh, my sweet boy.” She reached over and placed her hand on my cheek. “Does this have to do with Laurel? ”
“Yeah.” I turned Maddie around and stood her on my lap.
“I know how badly Danielle hurt you. God knows I wanted to hunt her down myself after what she did to you. But you can’t keep closing yourself off, sweetheart.”
“It’s not just about Danielle,” I bounced Maddie on my lap, watching her laugh.
“Then what is it about?”
I sighed, turning my head and staring at the water. “It’s simpler this way—no expectations, no disappointments.”
She reached across and placed her hand on my arm. “And no joy. No partnership. No one to share your amazing life with.”
“You never had a steady relationship since Dad,” I said.
“That is not true, and you know it. I’ve dated a lot of men over the years. I just never found the one that made my heart race, made me weak in the knees, and showed me what a future with them could be. Until Declan.” Her brow raised. “You found all those things with Laurel, and you’re running scared.”
“Maybe,” I said.
“After Danielle, you built a fortress around you. All these years of you avoiding anyone who might actually matter. Shutting yourself away isn’t living, sweetheart. And we’ve all tried to get you to see that. But I knew this day would eventually come, and it breaks my heart to see you walk away from the happiness you deserve,” her voice softened.
“Whenever I think about wanting to start something new, I remember how it felt when it ended. The emptiness, Mom. The feeling that I’d given pieces of myself away that I couldn’t get back.”
“That’s the risk we take when we fall in love. You take risks every day, Julian. You take the risk that you may fail your clients. Does that mean you want to stop being a lawyer?”
“No, of course not.” My brows furrowed.
“Then stop being an ass.”
“Mom, the baby.” I covered Maddie’s little ears.
“She’s not old enough to even say that word yet.” She stood from her seat and placed both hands on my face. “Don’t let what Danielle did define the man you are. You are so much more than that, and you always have been. Now, I have to put Maddie down for a nap. I love you, my sweet boy.”
“I love you, too, Mom. Oh, by the way. Did you hear that Love is pregnant?”
“You have got to be kidding me?” She took Maddie from me.
“I really wish I was.”
“To each his own, I guess. Poor child.”
I returned to the office and sat behind my desk, thinking about my conversation with my mom. The past two weeks of only seeing Laurel at the office had been unbearable. I missed her and the girls more than I thought I ever would. I missed touching her soft skin, kissing her lips, and spending time with her and the kids. I never thought in a million years I would, but I did, and the pain in my heart had become agonizing. Sleeping in bed alone was something I once enjoyed, but now, it felt more like a punishment.
“Hey, where were you? I stopped by earlier, and Melinda said you left but wouldn’t say where you were going,” Parker said, stepping inside my office and shutting the door.
“I went to Calista’s.”
“Why?”
“To talk with her about Laurel.”
“I bet you got an earful.” He chuckled.
“I did.” I breathed out a laugh.
“I can’t believe you actually went to Mom.”
“I know. I guess it shows that no matter how old we are, we still need our mothers.”
“Did she tell you to get your head out of your ass?” Parker smirked.
“Basically.” I smiled.
“So, what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” I sighed, leaning back in my chair. “I still have some shit to sort out.”
“Go talk to Charlotte. She’ll help you sort that shit out.”
“Maybe I will.”