17. Ledger
Ledger
Rolling into the parking lot of the Wooden Cowboy, I spot Fletcher and Tatum with Cooper and Mae, then June, Sterling, and Gracie walking toward them. I back my truck into a spot and meet my family.
Fletcher called and asked if I’d come. I think they all assume I don’t have any friends or go out much.
They aren’t wrong, but in my defense, I have a lot of plates in the air, and I’ve had very little interest in doing anything other than going straight home after work.
But this time Shiloh is working, and I’m making a point of lying to myself and pretending it’s not because I want to be around her.
The more time we’ve spent together, the less I want to work, and the more time I’d like to dedicate to her.
She’s my wife, but she’s not mine.
I’m trying not to be nervous about seeing her, but I am, and I don’t know how to feel about it. I don’t get anxious often, but she has an uncanny ability to make my heart feel like it’s going to punch out of my chest and question my recent life decisions.
“The long lost prodigal Sheriff has returned,” Fletcher says clapping me on the back.
“I should arrest you for that,” I mutter.
“What do you think, honey? Should we try handcuffs? Ledger’s going to loan me some,” Fletcher says to Tatum.
She rolls her eyes and punches him playfully in the stomach.
“Hi Coop, hi Mae,” I say nodding my head to both of them.
Mae waves and Cooper grins widely. “How’s it going, cuz?” he asks.
I shrug because I’m not entirely sure how to answer that question. It’s not good at work, but it’s because of the case. But at home? It’s fine, but it could be better with Shiloh.
“A man of many words,” Coop says.
Sterling, June, and Gracie lead the way into the bar, and when we walk through the doors, my eyes immediately find the curly blonde, wild-haired woman, stopping me in my tracks.
She’s wearing a black tank top that dips low over her chest. Her hair is barely restrained in a ponytail and she’s leaning over the counter reaching for something and I don’t think, gravitating to her because I know Jedidiah is sneaking a peak at my wife, and I’m begging him to try something cuz I’ll throw his ass in the drunk tank. I’ll abuse my power for her.
Leaning against the bar, I watch her sling beers and mix drinks. The Wooden Cowboy is not known for its mixed drinks, but they do a few that are alright, like an Old Fashioned. Shiloh peels an orange and runs it around the rim, and Jed’s beady eyes haven’t left her.
“Pretty sure you were kicking up dust,” Sterling says nudging me.
“Shut up,” I mumble.
He chuckles and looks in the direction of Shiloh. “How’s that going?”
I glance at him, and he’s grinning because he knows I’m screwed, my best friend knows me better than I’d like to admit.
We’ve always balanced each other out over the years, he’s the daredevil I’m the one that keeps his head on his shoulders, literally and metaphorically.
There’s a reason he fights wildfires, and I maintain a rule of law.
“There’s nothing going,” I tell him, my eyes still on Shiloh, but I can’t help myself as they drop to her ass.
“Yeah, and my name isn’t Sterling Simmons, the sky isn’t blue, and June Bug and Gracie aren’t about to get into trouble.”
I drop my gaze to my hands, unable to look at her because I know this is the truth, and sometimes the truth hurts. “I can’t … do anything. And after what she’s been through, the last thing I want her to think is, I’m just another man trying to use her.”
Sterling huffs. “Yeah, I doubt your wife is thinking that,” he says carefully.
“Why?” I ask.
He nods in her direction, and I find her staring at me with amused eyes and a little smile. “A girl who isn’t interested doesn’t look at you that way. I would know.”
I shake my head. “That’s going to bite you in the ass one day,” I mumble.
“Hopefully she has nice teeth, maybe I’ll get a tattoo of her bite mark,” he says with an idiotic grin.
“You’re a piece of work.”
“I’ve been called worse,” he mutters, and glances at Gracie and June, who are, no surprise, already slamming shots.
“Someone drove them here right?” I ask.
“Yep, I did,” Sterling sighs.
“No more than one beer,” I command.
“Yes, sir,” Sterling says, saluting me and spinning on his heel like a toy soldier before strutting over to June and Grace.
“What can I get cha’ Sheriff?” Shiloh asks me leaning against the counter and I try not to look, but it’s hard not to when she’s squeezing her breasts together, and all I want to do is stare.
I cough clearing my throat and look her in the eye. “A beer, please.” While still looking at me she reaches into one of the wells and pulls out a longneck. She pops the top and slides it across the bar.
“Anything else?” she asks.
I shake my head, and she smiles. “If you need something, you know where to find me,” she says, and I slide over a bill that is more than what the beer costs, but I don’t care.
She sets her hand over mine, pushing it back from the edge. “On me,” she says, and if it wasn’t so loud she would have heard me groan, but the way her eyes lit up, she might have.
With that she leaves me weak in the knees and a wanting man on a razor-thin edge.
Instead of standing here like a dunce I go over to Sterling and the girls. They talk, but I hardly listen to either of them because I keep looking for Shiloh and her eyes keep finding mine.
“Will you dance with your sister please?” June asks me.
“Maybe if she stops referring to herself in the third person,” I grumble, taking a swig of my beer.
She stomps her foot, tipsy, and temperamental. “Please, Ledgey,” she whines. “Or I’ll go find another man you don’t approve of.”
I roll my eyes and grab her hand pulling her onto the dance floor to two step to a song I’m barely paying attention to.
June giggles as we dance and she’s following my lead. We’ve been dancing since we were kids. Mom and dad taught us mainly because we watched them do it in the kitchen for so long.
I glance at June and she’s looking at someone else as I spin her around, making a point not to crash into another couple, but I keep finding Shiloh.
The song changes and Sterling taps my shoulder, offering to take over. I all but throw my sister into his arms and she grumbles, but goes with him anyway.
Shiloh is collecting dirty glasses off a high top and I stop next to her.
I have no plan, which isn’t like me, but she’s the only woman I want to dance with in this old bar.
It’s a terrible idea because it will out us, and the ring on her finger will only confirm it.
But my resolve is crumbling. I don’t want to like my wife because I can’t.
We have a timeline we agreed upon, but I only have so much energy to give, and telling myself no every time I look at her is exhausting, and I can’t fight it anymore.
Or maybe I don’t want to.
“I know you’re working, but would you like to dance with me?”
Shiloh tilts her head and glances at the bar. “One second,” she says and takes two stacks of glasses to the end of the bar. She says something to Greer behind the bar and her eyes widen on me and she nods.
Shiloh weaves through people and takes my hand pulling me after her onto the dance floor. I don’t waste time pulling her into my arms, dropping my palm probably a little too low on her back, but last time I had my hand there she didn’t seem to mind.
She squeezes my hand and right as we get going the song changes to something far too slow to do anything, but pull her close.
Her lips part on a gasp and those hazel eyes throw me over the edge.
“I know you wanted to stay quiet about … us, but this isn’t staying quiet, Ledger,” she says so quietly I have to lean in to hear her.
I pull back and look down at her and don’t give her any warning squatting slightly and dipping her deeply. She doesn’t hesitate falling into the move and she holds tight as I pull her back up to standing, her cheeks pink and her hair swooshing behind her.
“This is Paxton, Shy, they already knew. We’re confirming it I suppose,” I say turning us and messing with the stone on her ring finger.
“They definitely do now,” she says.
I frown. “Do you want to be seen with me?” I ask her, not realizing it’s entirely possible that she doesn’t.
We keep getting our wires crossed because we aren’t being honest with each other, and Cooper’s words have remained at the forefront of my mind.
It’s time we either lay it all out there or shut it down.
I’m laying it out purely by doing this in public, and I’m aware of the repercussions, but I can’t find it in myself to care.
In fact, I’m sure my mother will be calling me tomorrow morning wondering what I’m doing with Shiloh Sullivan. Half of my family is here and I haven’t spared them a glance. I’m not going to bother thinking about the case either, it’s just me and her.
“No,” she says, and then shakes her head. “No that’s not what I meant, I mean I don’t care who sees me with you. Even if I should,” she whispers.
I scrutinize her as my hand slides up her back, and put a leg between both of hers, keeping her steady as I dip her at a different angle this time. She’s beautiful and wild and maybe a little crazy, but I kind of like her crazy. I wonder if she think’s about me the way I’ve been thinking about her.
“I don’t want you to get hurt,” she whispers.
I chuckle. “I’m not worried about that,” I tell her.
“You should be,” she says.
“Shiloh, I know what I’m up against,” I say, giving her a knowing look.
She looks up at me, and it wouldn’t take much for me to stoop down, grab her face and inhale every bit of her. But I manage to keep our distance.
“I’m not sure you do, but I’m willing to find out if you are,” she whispers, and as the song ends, she leaves me standing on the dance floor shocked.
I want my wife, and it sounds like she wants me back.