12. Blake
Blake
I stare through the window at the woman who consumes my thoughts, watching with a smile as she throws her head back and laughs at something Marcus says to her. I know the level of obsession I feel toward her isn’t normal but I have zero intention of pulling back now.
Since she first let me inside her three weeks ago, it has become impossible to keep myself out of her. I’ve turned into a horny teenager all over again. If my dick isn’t in her, my mouth is on her, and I’ve given up trying to keep my hands to myself.
But while my obsession with her grows, she’s still guarding a part of herself from me. Oh, she willingly gives her body over to me every time I touch her. But mentally, I feel like there is a barrier between us, keeping me from getting too deep.
I’m being a hypocritical asshole. There are parts of me that I’ve closed off that I’ll never allow her access to, but knowing I’m being unfair doesn’t stop me from wanting to know every facet of her heart.
Marcus holds the door to the office open for her. The minute she comes inside, Kellen takes her bags from her hands before she spots me and her whole face lights up. Jesus what this woman does to me.
“Hey, Bundy,” she calls as she walks my way. As soon as she’s in reach, I wrap my arm around her and pull her until she collides with my chest. She lets out a little squeak which turns to a moan as I cover her mouth with mine.
Ignoring the guys’ teasing and my own turbulent thoughts, I unapologetically kiss her stupid, before pulling away and reveling in the glazed look on her face.
“Hi,” I finally answer, making her smile.
She huffs. “You always have to go one better, don’t you?”
I wink and turn her toward the offices, nudging her in that direction, keeping my eyes on her ass as we follow the smell of Chinese food to the break room.
“Hey, assholes, save some for me,” I grumble when I see the guys fall upon the bags of food like starving animals.
“You snooze you lose, boss,” Arlo announces as he sits on a chair with a plate laden with noodles and crispy chicken.
“I was thanking my girl, which none of you assholes have done yet,” I point out. I realize my mistake as Marcus turns around with an evil grin and plants a kiss on a stunned Callie.
“Thank you, Callie,” he tells her, moving out of arm’s reach before I knock him out. Unfortunately, while my attention is on him, Felix manages to plant one on her too.
“Keep your lips off my girl,” I bellow, making everyone laugh, including Callie, but I’m serious. Nobody gets to taste her but me.
I turn to glare at her. “Oh, you think this is funny, huh?” I ask, watching her eyes widen as she backs away from me.
“Hey, it’s not my fault,” she yells, still laughing as I lunge for her.
The little shit runs and hides behind Kellen, who smirks at me.
“I didn’t get to say thank you yet,” he announces, so I punch the big fucker in the stomach. He moves away wheezing and laughing at the same time.
Laugh it up, asshole, you won’t find it so amusing when I rip your dick off.
“You didn’t have to hit him,” Callie scolds, but I ignore her, picking her up instead and sitting with her in my lap. I band my arms tightly around her and run my nose up and down her neck, smiling as my breath skates across her skin, making her shiver.
“Thanks for bringing us lunch, Callie,” I whisper into her ear, making her squirm. I grip her hips and hold her still as my dick begins to harden beneath her.
“You’re welcome. I was heading to the post office anyway. I had a new box of stuff to collect.”
“Hmm… anything interesting?” I ask, my hands sliding over her belly, a surprising pang residing in me.
Callie had gotten her period after the broken condom fiasco. I had expected to feel relieved, and to be fair, I was. Mostly. There was just this small part of me that kept picturing what it would be like to have a little girl with her strawberry-blonde locks and eyes the color of pennies.
“Well, I haven’t gone through the whole thing yet but there are a few products in there that look promising,” she whispers so nobody but me hears her.
“Here you go,” Marcus interrupts, stopping me from questioning her further when he holds out plates for us both.
“Thanks,” she tells him with a smile.
“So, not that I’m complaining, but what did we do to deserve this?” Kellen asks, tearing into an egg roll.
“Honestly? I just really wanted Chinese food, but I like a little bit of everything. I can’t eat that much food by myself, so I thought why not share it with my very own calendar boys?”
I poke her in the ribs for that, making her laugh. She doesn’t need to be ogling anyone but me.
“Well, you can bring us food anytime you like, C. In fact, I’ll even take my shirt off next time, so you get the full calendar effect.” Banner winks at her from the end of the table.
“If you take your shirt off, I’ll shoot you in the face,” I tell him in a calm voice, making the fucker laugh, but I’m not joking.
“All right, boys, play nicely. How’s Aiden doing guarding the rich and fancy?” she asks around a mouthful of lo mein.
“He’s fine, says to say hey to you,” Kellen answers, not wanting to fill Callie in on the trouble Aiden’s been having. Not that we can really talk about an active case with her.
“Aw, tell him I said hey back. Oh, that reminds me, I’m supposed to be having dinner tonight with Oliva and her husband. Want to go with me?” she asks me over her shoulder.
I like Olivia and Wade. They are good people. “Sure, sounds good. What time?”
“I have to be there at six thirty, but I can always drive, and you can meet me there when you finish.”
“That will work. Marcus and I are giving a talk over at the shelter in Wellington. I can come straight from there.”
Her body goes rock-solid on mine, making me frown at her. What the fuck?
“Callie? You okay?”
She coughs and takes a sip of water from the bottle on the table before nodding. “Yeah, sorry, it just went down the wrong way.”
I take her plate from her and slide it onto the table before lifting her and dragging her down the hall to my office, closing the door behind me.
“Talk to me, Callie,” I tell her firmly as she wanders over to the window.
“There’s nothing to say.”
“Callie,” I start but she throws her hands up in exasperation.
“What do you want from me, Blake? Want me to admit that I’m acutely aware of the amenities the shelter in Wellington offers because I stayed there once before?”
“I didn’t know that. But baby, there is no shame in it. It means your mother was finally strong enough to seek help,” I say softly, wondering if she might open up to me.
“Don’t,” she snaps as I edge closer to her.
“Callie, you should talk to someone. If you can’t talk to me, maybe someone from Wellington can help,” I offer, even though I’d rather she felt comfortable enough to confide in me.
She cuts me off with a snort of disbelief. “Why? They didn’t believe me before. Why would they believe me now?”
I take another slow step toward her, sensing we are heading into dangerous territory. “What didn’t they believe, Callie?” I ask carefully, trying to keep her calm.
“When I told them about my father. They looked at me with pity, much like you’re doing now. But nothing I said or did could convince them that I was the one telling the truth.”
“Callie.” I don’t say anything more, feeling way out of my depth here. Her father pleaded guilty. He admitted in open court what he did to her. She doesn’t need to protect him anymore.
“Forget it, I have to go. Don’t worry about dinner tonight. I think I’d like a little space.” She moves to step around me, but I grab her arm gently.
“Let me in. Talk to me,” I urge. If she would just get it all out, maybe she would finally see the truth.
“Why? You hear my words, but you’re not really listening.” She pulls free, and I let her go, knowing keeping her here will only upset her further.
“I hate that you’re holding back from me,” I tell her foolishly, but I’m frustrated by my inability to help her.
She turns her angry glare to my desk for a moment before stomping forward and snatching up a photo of my old army teammates and me. It’s a candid shot taken back before I was discharged and started Price Security. Back before I came home. Back before they all died and left me alone to deal with the grief and guilt of walking away while what was left of them came home in wooden boxes.
“I’m not the only one holding back, Blake. So instead of trying to fix me, why don’t you work on your own bullshit,” she snaps, pressing the photo into my chest before turning and heading back toward the door.
“It’s not the same thing, Callie,” I protest with gritted teeth.
“Did someone die? Do you feel guilty that you couldn’t save them? Do you question every decision you made and wonder if you had just done something more that they might still be here now?” she shouts, as she swipes angrily at the tear that runs down her cheek.
I can’t speak, so I offer her a small jerky nod. The wound is still too raw for me to talk about. It might have scabbed over a little, but it never heals completely. It’s a constant reminder of what I lost, of how much I bled, agonizing over what I can’t change.
“Then it’s exactly the same fucking thing,” she bites out with less anger but there is so much pain in her voice. “I have to go,” she mumbles, then she’s out the door and gone before I even have time to process everything.
“God-fucking-damn it.” With the photo gripped tightly in one hand I sweep the other across my desk, sending letters and files tumbling to the floor. I’m so fucking pissed. I’m angry at her for shutting down, angry at myself for being a fucking dick, and angry at them for fucking dying. I need to?—
“Blake?” I turn at the sound of Marcus’s voice and drop into my chair with a sigh, my anger draining out of me as exhaustion washes over me instead.
“I fucked up. Again.” I keep fucking up. Placing the photo down on the now-empty desk, I bang my head against the wood and try to knock some sense into myself. I lift my head when I hear Marcus close the door. He turns to focus on me, waiting for me to explain.
“I don’t know how to fix this. She’s in denial about what her father did to her. She’s broken off all communication with her mother—I just, what do I do?”
I stare at my friend as he watches me, waiting for his words of wisdom.
“Nothing,” he answers with a shrug, making me frown.
“What? I can’t do nothing. She needs help,” I snap at him.
“Does she, though? What I see is a happy, sassy, beautiful woman who isn’t scared to be around men. Does she have nightmares? Intimacy issues?” he asks me bluntly.
“No,” I answer, thinking about it. “Nothing while I’ve been with her, at least.” Even with the creepy waiter at the restaurant on our first date, she seemed uncomfortable but not scared.
“Then why are you forcing this? It isn’t yours to fix, Blake. If and when she’s ready, you’ll be there for her. We all will. But that’s her call to make. If you force her hand, you’ll force her away.”
“Fuck. I get what you’re saying, Marcus, but I know you spotted her reaction out there when I mentioned Wellington.”
“Yeah, she froze for like a second, before you drew attention to it and dragged her away.”
“She stayed at Wellington with her mother when she was younger,” I explain.
“And?”
“What do you mean and ?” I ask, frustrated.
“I mean so fucking what. Blake, you know what happened to her and her mother. You know what happened to her father. It was always likely they stayed in a shelter. So, she froze. Big deal. She likely associates that place with a fucked-up period of her life. From where I’m standing, you are the one that’s struggling with it.”
“Because she hasn’t accepted?—”
He cuts me off with his hand. “She doesn’t owe you anything. She deals with the memories of what happened to her every day, and she’s doing a pretty fucking good job, if you ask me. When she’s ready, she’ll get help. But it won’t be because her boyfriend has a hero complex.”
I jump from my desk and lean over it. “Fuck you, Marcus. That’s bullshit.” I just want to help her.
“Is it really? Have you talked to her about them yet?”
I follow his line of sight to the photo before turning back to him with a snarl. “That has nothing to do with this.” The two things have no correlation with each other whatsoever.
“Yeah? You sleeping through the night now, Blake?” I don’t answer him which, of course, is an answer in itself. I sleep like a baby when I’m with Callie, but alone, not so much.
“Exactly. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. She’s dealing, just like you. Don’t force her to do something you’re not comfortable doing yourself.”
And with that, he leaves, closing the door behind him with an ominous thud and leaving me alone to let it soak in just how much of a dick I am and how badly I fucked up again.