Chapter 33 #3
His eyes search mine for the forgiveness I can’t seem to give.
“In my mind, you had wronged me,” he continues. “I couldn’t see anything beyond that.”
His tone’s swimming with wave after wave of regret. It’s drowning us both with his mistakes.
“Why was it so easy for you to believe that? I know we were kids, but how could you not see how much I loved you? How much I loved Matteo?”
A sob rips from my very soul as I remember that little boy who’d sit on my lap at the bakery and feed me cupcakes his father made. Or the times his face would light up when I came in with my mom. He’d run to me, grabbing my waist and hugging me with all his might.
“I’m sorry,” is all he manages to say, his voice growing huskier, his forehead falling against mine.
I let it stay, letting every part of him stay beside me knowing it won’t last for long. Knowing that after he goes, I won’t see him again.
He eases his head back, and then his lips land on my forehead, so velvety soft. I drown in intoxicating longing for a future we could’ve had.
“I don’t want a life without you.” Pain stitches up his voice. “All this time, I could’ve had you, and instead I fucked it all away. Baby, I lo—”
“No!” I push him off of me, my hands on his chest. “Don’t you dare say those words to me again.”
I move a step away.
“Don’t say that.” His eyes plead. “I don’t expect your forgiveness or understanding today or tomorrow, but please, baby, forgive me.”
My vision drowns with tears as I look back at him, both of us consumed by so many years of anguish, both at my father’s hand, destroying the Dom I once knew. The Dom who’d never lie or hurt me. The one who I thought knew me more than anyone else did.
“Forget me,” I tell him. “Pretend I’m that girl who deceived you and let her go. Forever.”
He releases a bitter laugh, his hand landing sharply on the top of his head, his fingers biting through as though wanting to make it hurt. “I couldn’t do that then, and I sure as hell can’t do that now.”
He nears me but I move away, shaking my head, the back of my eyes aching, my soul breaking off into pieces.
“We didn’t know each other for fifteen years,” I cry, swiping under my eyes. “We…we don’t have to know each other now.”
“Chiara, I’m begging you.”
The shimmer in his eyes slices through me. Everything hurts. My heart, my head, every piece of me is lost to the pain.
“Bye, Brian.” My voice shatters right along with his heart.
“Don’t call me that.” His words are coated in turmoil. “I’m still Dom.”
“Not to me. My Dom would never hurt me. He only ever wanted to protect me.”
“Why the hell do you think I took you after what I thought you did?!” he shouts. “I didn’t want him to kill you or find someone else to do it.”
“That doesn't change anything! You still lied about who you were. You had so many chances to tell me, to test my true allegiance, but you didn’t. You settled on believing a lie he created.” My chest falls harshly.
“After I confessed to you about how he locked me in a room, after I gave you his location, you could’ve told me.
But you stayed silent. How do you expect me to forgive that? ”
He drops his head into his palm. “I wasn’t sure what to believe.”
“That’s too bad, because whatever I thought we could’ve had when I thought you were Brian is now gone.”
He laughs dolefully. “So you could’ve forgiven him, but you can’t forgive me?”
I shrug. “He was nothing to me. But you? You were everything.”
My throat dries, fresh tears streaming down my cheeks.
“It’s as though in one single moment, you forgot all that. I once thought I could trust you above everyone. And now…” A sob wrecks all of my defenses. “It’s as though I’m losing you all over again.”
His arms are around me now, steadying my cries even while he’s the one who let me fall into despair. “Shhh.”
The soothing sway of his voice is like a lullaby for my shattered heart, and I wish more than anything it was enough to piece it back together.
But it’s not.
I shove at his shoulders, needing him far away.
Needing him gone.
“Don’t call me. Don’t come here. I don’t want to see you ever again.”
A weighty exhale breaks from his lips as he stuffs his hands into his sweats.
“I’ll never stop trying to earn your trust,” he promises, his eyes searing an oath into mine. “I’ll give you space, time, whatever you need, but I won’t let you go. You opened my heart to something I never thought would be mine. And I want that, and I only want it with you.”
“Dom…don’t.” I close my eyes, letting the tears drift down my face, unable to take any more of his heartfelt words. “I once loved a boy who made me feel the beauty of the sun, but now you’re nothing but his shadow, swallowing me into the dark.”
His eyes go downcast. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But I’m not giving up on us. And those three words you wouldn’t let me say…” He plants a palm over the center of his chest. “I feel them here. They’re not going anywhere. They’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready.”
As he walks away out of the gate, a sob wrecks my body, my knees hitting the grass, and then I hurt all over again.