Chapter 35
CHIARA
Shivering from the crisp, chilly air stirring around me, I wrap a knitted yellow blanket around myself, my legs pulled up to my chest on my aunt’s outdoor sofa. A warm mug is safely tucked between my palms, my hair whipping wildly past my face.
For the past week, I haven’t been able to get Dom out of my mind.
I might not know the man he is today, but the boy he once was—the boy I loved—he’s still there, trapped somewhere within his heart.
I have to believe that. The alternative is too painful to bear.
Someone as beautiful, as kind, can’t be gone for good.
I’m torn between wanting to find out if he’s still there and not being sure if I can forgive him enough to try. For once, I’ve found someone to have a future with, something I never thought I’d have, but it’s slipped from my fingers.
Relationships shouldn’t start out the way we did. Love shouldn’t knock on deception’s door. But for us, it did, before we had a chance to feel what we could be.
He’s tried to get in touch, but I haven’t responded to any of his attempts. As soon as I got my new cell a few days ago, I received multiple messages from him, begging to talk to me, to forgive him, but all I’ve done is ignore them.
But today, there was a letter.
One I haven’t opened.
One I’m afraid to.
What if it breaks me? Breaks this cage I’ve built around my weary heart? What if I’m not strong enough to keep him out of it? What if I don’t want to?
For so long, I’ve imagined being with him, creating a whole future out of thin air, and now that he’s here…
It’s so unfair.
It may seem silly because we were nothing but kids back then, but he was my person. The one I could count on to hold me up when life tried so hard to push me down.
Picking up my phone, I read his texts again, as though enjoying the torture.
Dom
I can’t stand being away from you. Not when I just got you back. Give me another chance to prove to you that I’ve always been the man you thought I would become. I’ll spend every day of my life making it up to you. But first, you have to let me.
Placing my mug down on the end table beside me, my hand jumps to my eyes, wiping away some tears, reading the next text.
Dom
Do you remember when you told me that football player from school asked you out? That was when I realized I liked you. I planned on telling you the day everything went to hell, but I never got the chance. Even at thirteen, I knew you were special, Chiara. And to me, you still are. Always will be.
“Asshole,” I murmur, the tears cascading down my face like raindrops spelling heartbreak.
Suddenly, I realize we were both going to tell each other about our feelings on the very same day.
We could’ve had a life together, something that could’ve been more than we ever thought possible. But the mirror containing our future cracked into darkness, turning into the nightmare that became our life.
I set the phone next to my coffee and close my eyes, taking in a long breath, embracing the bitter memories and sweet recollections between a boy and a girl who were never meant to be anything more than what they are.
“Do you know Rocco, the football player?” I ask Dom, who sits beside me at lunch, stuffing an orange slice into his mouth.
“Yeah,” he mumbles, swallowing it down. “What about him?”
“So, get this. Yesterday, right before I went home, he came up to me and asked if I’d go to the dance with him.”
“Oh,” he says casually, peering down at his red tray. “What’d you say?”
The question comes off indifferent, like he doesn’t care that the most popular boy in school just asked me out to the end-of-the-year dance.
To be honest, I don’t care either. The only boy I want to go with is the one beside me, but I don’t think he likes me that way.
That’s assuming my stupid father would even let me go.
It’d be weird to ask Dom to go with me, because girls don’t really ask guys and he’ll probably say no, even if we go as friends. Dances and stuff aren’t his thing.
“What did you tell him?” he asks.
I glance at my cup of water, circling my finger around the straw.
“I didn’t say anything. Yet.” I side-eye him, biting the corner of my bottom lip. “What do you think I should say?”
“I don’t know,” he grumbles, his eyes on the tray. “Do you want to go with him?”
No! I want to go with you, you buffoon.
“No, not really.” I sigh. “I want to go with someone else.”
I look right at him this time. Well, more like his cheek, because he won’t look at me.
“But I don’t think he wants to go with me.”
“That sucks. Sorry, Chiara.”
Oh, now you look at me? It’s you! Should I spell it out for you?
“He must be an idiot.”
I giggle. “Yeah, he is sometimes. But I still like him.”
His cheeks grow red, and he doesn’t say anything after that. Neither of us do.
That memory eats away at my heart until nothing is left but a tiny spark, keeping me afloat. And though I try my hardest to bury the rest of our past, it storms in with a vengeance, reminding me of the lost, forgotten dreams of those lost, forgotten souls.
“Do you think your dad will let you go away to college?” Dom asks as we swing side by side at recess.
I kick the sand with my sneakers. “Probably not.”
I shrug with disappointment. I’d do anything to leave as long as Dom is with me.
“That sucks. I had this plan for us to go to the same school. Somewhere close, but not so close that you’d have to live at home.”
“I wish.” I frown, turning my head to find disappointment on his face.
“Me too. I don’t want us not to be friends when we’re done with high school.”
My brows shoot up. “Why wouldn’t we be friends?”
“I don’t know,” he laughs shyly. “You’ll probably forget me with all those football players asking you out.”
“Shut up.” I giggle, kicking my foot, sand shooting up toward his leg.
“I’m serious.” He gazes at me with a genuine expression. “Don’t forget me, okay?”
My heart skips a beat, and my belly scatters with butterflies.
“Never,” I say with complete affection. Complete truth. “You’re my best friend. A girl never forgets her best friend. Even with all those cute football players around.”
His laughter howls out of him as he jumps off the swing, rushing over to me. “You think you’re funny?”
He pushes my knees, causing me to swing backward sharply as my own laugh falls out of me. I hold on tightly to the handles, kicking out my feet, causing him to stumble for a brief second.
We continue to giggle, in our own little bubble while he grabs the handles, spinning me around until he stops, keeping our gazes locked.
“I’d miss you if I didn’t see you all the time.”
“I’d miss you too,” I whisper, not sure why. “I never want us to be apart, Dom. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Ditto.” His lips tip upward into a tentative smile.
Though his smile may mean nothing to anyone here, to me, it’s everything.
Clutching my chest, I swallow the hurt building in my throat. It wasn’t enough for my father to destroy a future with my mother, but he took Dom away too.
I’m so glad he’s dead. I’m at peace with what I’ve done. There are no nightmares, no lingering regrets.
He’s gone.
Finally.
I turn my face to the sun, my eyelids drifting shut, the rays radiating through my skin.
“It’s okay, you know,” my aunt says from behind.
I hadn’t even realized she came out of the house.
“It’s okay what?” I ask, squinting.
She takes a seat beside me, placing her warm palm over the top of my hand. “To forgive him. You don't have to, but if there’s a part of you that does, that's okay too. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.”
My aunt knows everything. I’ve laid out every detail to her.
“What he did. Taking me, lying about his identity…all of it. It’s hard.” I purse my lips, my brows furrowing.
“Of course it is.” Her features turn with a grimace. “Believe me, I want to kill him every time I think about you being in that house. I don’t care what he thought. He went about it all wrong. But at the same time, he wanted to protect you, even while thinking you took your father’s side.”
I nod, conflicted in the same way. What he did wasn’t all light or dark. It’s blended in numerous shades of gray.
My aunt is right. I do feel a sense of shame for even considering forgiving him. I should hate him and be done with it. I should close our book and burn every last page. But I can’t seem to light the match. Instead, I hold it tighter against my chest, wanting so badly to know what happens next.
Aunt Kirsten leans in closer, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Take it one day at a time, honey. Give yourself grace to figure out what you want without all the background noise.”
“I want to read the letter,” I confess. “But I can’t seem to open it.”
I lean my head against her chest as she strokes my arm.
“To your heart, he isn’t a stranger. It knows him well.
And the heart doesn’t let people go that easily, even when we may want it to.
Is there anything left fighting for? Only you know the answer to that.
And I know you’ll find it.” She squeezes me to her side.
“But whatever you decide, I’ll be here. No matter what. ”
Finding newfound courage, I pick up the letter, peering at my aunt. “Will you stay here while I read this? I don’t want to be alone.”
“Of course,” she promises. “You take all the time you need. I have nowhere else I’d rather be.”
Tearing open the envelope, I remove the neatly folded letter and begin to read.
Dear Chiara,
I know I don’t deserve your time or understanding, but I hope you can give me both. I hope that the past we once had can somehow make up for the present mistakes I’ve made. And I’ve made a lot of them when it comes to you.
When your father proposed killing you, I lost it.
The thought of you being harmed in any way tore me up inside.
So instead, I took you. Not in the best of ways, but I wanted to keep you out of danger.
Yet, at the same time, I held on to the anger I was afraid of losing, as though it would make me weak.
I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for all of it.
I didn’t know you never sent those texts. I swear.
Try to understand where I was coming from. Where my pain was coming from. After I read your messages, I thought I no longer had my best friend.
I’ve lived all these years with a piece of my heart missing.
The part that was always yours. I spent years hating the thought of you, or at least I thought I did.
But as I saw you for the first time, years ago when I followed you, I realized I didn’t hate you, even when I believed I should. And that made me hate myself.
I’d do anything to go back in time and change it all. But we can’t go back. We only have today. I don’t know if we’ll even have tomorrow. But I want them all with you.
Just you.
My heart is yours, whether you want it or not. There's no one else for me but you. There never was, no matter how many times I told myself to forget you.
Remember our promise of together forever? I do. I’m sorry we never got to keep that promise for all these years, but we’re here now, and I want that again, even if it takes a lifetime to get it.
If you give me a chance, if you let me earn back your trust, your friendship—and maybe someday your love—I promise you, I won’t take any of it for granted. I’ll keep it safe, just like I kept my necklace.
My eyes water over, my lips shuddering beneath my fingers as I continue to pore over his words.
If you want to see what we can be together, meet me at Vixen, one of my clubs, tomorrow at seven. Let me know if you come. I’ll send a car. They’re still out there, and I don’t want you in danger.
I hope you decide to show. If you don’t, I’ll understand. But I won’t stop trying.
Dom
When the letter falls to my lap, my heart opens like a dam, and sob after sob bursts through me. Before I fall into disarray, my aunt’s arms loop around me, soothing me while I shatter.