CHAPTER 7
KIERAN
Rila said he didn't know anything else about her, but she was wrong. Completely wrong.
Kieran knew she would be pissed after their first date at the hospital, so he waited a few days to send the milkshakes.
He also knew that they wouldn't convince her, but in fact, his intention was to use them as a buffer.
No matter how bad things were, a strawberry milkshake was the way to start cooling her temper.
He learned that in their fourth year together in Vancouver, when he and Adrian, his best friend, took her to one of the community ice rinks, and two girls in their class decided to join in.
He had kissed one of them at a party a few months earlier, and at some point this information reached Rila.
It didn't help that the girls were skating around, keeping her away from them most of the time.
It didn't take long for Rila to accidentally bump into one of them so hard that the girl lost her breath as she fell on her butt. And when they questioned her about it, she just said she didn't know how to brake, which was a big lie since he was the one who taught her how to do that.
Rila was only fourteen and she glared at them with so much anger that Kieran would have winced if he hadn't been busy controlling the urge to laugh. She probably would have knocked him over if he had let the laugh escape.
Anyway, she refused to talk to them for the rest of the day and only opened up when Kieran showed up on the next day with a strawberry milkshake as a peace offering, an information he had to beg his mother to find out.
So he knew what he needed to do before showing up at the hospital again. And it worked, because she was talking to him instead of turning her back and ignoring him as soon as she laid eyes on him. Harsh words, yes, but they were still words.
It was better than nothing.
Approaching Rila while she was mad was like approaching a wild animal, it had to be done with care and patience.
— You said what you said, own it — she snarled, her face twisted with anger — If you're sorry, just say so, but don't try to change what happened.
— I'm sorry I hurt you, Rila — he really was. That night wasn't easy for Kieran either, nothing about the decision he had made was easy — But, the things I said that day were not true.
Her nostrils flared as she inhaled deeply while pursing her lips and analyzing the environment around them. Some people looked at them out of the corner of their eye as they passed by and he knew that this wasn't the place to have that kind of conversation.
In fact, that's not what he came here for. Actually, his intention was just to get her to agree to meet him somewhere to talk. Somewhere that wasn't her workplace.
And he thought she was going to say just that, but to his surprise, Rila's free hand grabbed his forearm and she started pulling him towards a door on the right.
They entered a not very large room that contained a hospital bed, a medicine cart, a defibrillator, and a cabinet that he assumed was full of other medical equipment.
— So you're saying you're a liar? — she hissed as soon as the door closed behind her and turned back to face him. Her dark eyes were so full of hurt that it made him swallow hard.
What should he say? The way things were, if he confirmed it — yes, he had lied, but he had a good reason for it — she would hate him even more. Rila needed to let him explain and understand what happened, why he ended things that way.
— You know what? I don't wanna hear your excuses about the past, Kieran — she spoke again before he could answer her previous question — It took a while, but I got over all of that. I got over you. You have no right to come back and try to relive everything.
Yeah, it hurt like shit to hear that, especially because he hadn't gotten over it and probably never would. But it also made him realize that trying to fix the pass might not be the answer, at least not yet.
— You're right, let's not relive the past — he took a step forward and extended his hand toward her — Hi, I'm Kieran Ward.
— What are you doing? — Rila stared at his palm as if it were an insulting gesture.
— Starting over.
— We can't start over, it’s not this simple! — she threw her hands in the air, the milkshake bag clattering, and her voice rose — A lot has happened between us, we can't just forget everything.
— You say you're over it and then say otherwise — he took off his cap and used the hand that was in the air, waiting for hers, to gently pull at strands of hair, his frustration matching hers — It's a bit confusing here.
— Yes, it is, and it's your fault! — her left index finger came against his chest and he almost winced at the painful sting in his muscle — You did this.
— And I'm trying to undo, but for that to happen, you have to allow it — unlike her, his voice was still low and he knew how that irritated her.
Few things could get him out of himself — Rila's stubbornness was one of them —, but Kieran was never a guy who needed to shout to get it out and he wasn't going to start now.
Taking advantage of the proximity, he put the cap back and grabbed her hand, keeping it against his palm and chest. Her fingers were cold and soft against his warm, calloused ones.
— I want nothing to do with you, Kieran — she could have pushed away his touch, but her hand remained there and that realization made a bit of hope bloom, like a ray of sunshine peeking through the dense clouds of an imminent storm — Just go back to forgetting that I exist.
— Is that what you think that happened? — her fingers, which until now had been flat against his chest, curled into a fist — That I forgot about you?
— Well, yeah —the doctor shrugged and kept her gaze locked on his — And it's okay because I forgot about you too.
Her right shoulder rose slightly as she spoke. Another ray of sunshine passing by.
— You have no idea how wrong you are, Rila — Kieran gently moved his fingers against her hand, stroking it as he stared at her — But don't worry, I don't mind working hard to win you over again.
— I'm not a game for you to win, Kieran — before he could say anything else, she pulled her hand and opened the door, storming out quickly.
No, Rila wasn't a game, she was the love of his life and he was going to show her that.
Rila was always someone special, he knew that the first time they skated together, when she fell countless times and kept getting up, the gleam of determination in her dark eyes growing stronger with each fall.
But, he knew he was screwed the day their lips met for the first time.
She was sitting on a piece of log, the rays of that morning's sun illuminating her slender body covered by a sand-colored coat with light fur surrounding her shoulders and warming the back of her neck.
The light beanie protected the top of her head, but her long black hair ran down to the middle of her chest like a waterfall of petroleum.
He loved how the dark strands stood out against the snow surrounding them.
—Happy birthday, Rila — he spoke as he approached the edge of the frozen lake.
As in previous years, Kieran took a flower made from building blocks from his pocket — a purple tulip this time — and placed it in her outstretched hand.
He should've felt like an idiot the first time he gave her that for her twelfth birthday four years ago.
The girl could have anything she wanted and he showed up with plastic flowers.
However, the thought didn't even cross his mind, he was a child at the time.
And maybe it was naive on his part, but he was sure she would like it.
And damn, how good it felt to see that he was right.
— Thank you — she smiled hugely before throwing her body against his, standing on her tiptoes and wrapping her arms around his neck.
As always, she smelled of snow and citrus, a scent Kieran found himself missing more than he should have.
She didn't come to Vancouver last year — her family decided to go to Paris, and Rila said it was so boring she ended up reading an entire book there —, and that's when he realized he started spending the year waiting to see her, waiting for their two weeks.
— You know, I wait all year to get these flowers — Rila released him, but kept her body close to his. They were so close that their canvas coats made noise from the contact — But I was thinking about getting a second gift this year.
That made Kieran's heart stop for a second. Maybe it was time for him to start thinking about other gifts for her. Nobody liked earning the same thing for years, right?
— Really? And what did you think?
He knew she wasn't shy about saying what she thought. Rila had no problem openly saying what she wanted, and that was clear when the next words left her lips.
— A kiss — she didn't look away when spoke, but he saw her dark eyes shine a little brighter — All of my friends have already kissed someone and I'm ready to do it too.
Fuck yes. Kieran didn't know when it happened, but at some point over the five years they'd known each other — or nine weeks if it were to count the time they'd actually had together thus far —, he found himself longing for more than the afternoons skating together, the occasional hugs, and her easy smiles.
He wanted to know what it was like to press his lips against hers and the feeling of having his fingers through the thick, shiny black strands of her hair while he did it.
She didn't have to ask him twice to kiss her. But, just because it was fun to annoy her, Kieran lifted one of the corners of his lips into a smile and stared at her for a few seconds, making her eyes roll exactly as he was expecting.
— I'll take your silence as a denial and that's okay, I can always ask someone else — Rila crossed her arms, her forearms touching his chest due to the proximity.
Of course she knew how to push his buttons too. He wasn't easily angered, he didn't lose his temper and it was extremely difficult for anyone to get under his skin. Except when it came to Rila.
— Someone else my ass — he huffed, the thought of another guy kissing her making his skin crawl badly and his head throb painfully.
As strange as it may be, considering the sport he played, violence wasn't his thing. Only now he wanted to punch someone who wasn't even real just because of the thought of an idiot touching her.
Rila had no idea how happy he was, so fucking happy, to know that he would be the first to kiss her.
And suddenly he was incredibly sorry that she wouldn't be his first too.
But at least that meant he had enough experience to know what he was doing.
Kieran wanted to kiss her like no one would ever do again.
So, that's what he did.
Taking advantage of the proximity, he ran one of his hands up one of her crossed arms and only stopped when he reached the back of her neck, his cold fingers against Rila's warm skin making her shiver.
His other hand rested on the prominence of her hip as his lips hovered just above hers, the smoke of their hot breaths against the cold air mixing in the small distance.
They were alone in there, and the only noise came from the few birds that hovered the trees around the lake.
But as soon as Kieran stared at the pink lips less than an inch from his and her scent completely washed over him, he could only hear his heart pounding and the blood rushing through his ears.
— Happy birthday, Rila — he whispered before using the hand on the back of her neck to push her hat up slightly, wrapping his fingers in the strands at the base of her head and gently pulling her back, lifting her mouth to attach it to his.
You know how obvious some things are? Like: number two comes after number one, the year has four seasons, you need to put on a coat when it's cold, and things like that.
At that moment, it became obvious that kissing Rila was something Kieran wanted to do for the rest of his life. Just like people needed oxygen to breathe, now he also needed her lips to continue living in peace.