CHAPTER 9 #2
She didn't want to touch the past, at least not yet. Before listening to any explanation, she needed to be sure she could handle the feelings that would surface when that door opened.
Yes, she was going to face those memories and would do it so she could move on. But she would do it in her time and under her rules.
Besides, hadn't he been the one who suggested starting over? Why not let him try it?
Rila saw his jaw lock, the muscle jumping against the bone, and knew she had succeeded in irritating him.
One thing about Kieran is that he wasn't the type to let it out, so you have to pay close attention to be able to read his emotions.
It was little things like the twitch of his jaw and the change in the intensity of his gaze that gave him away.
Kieran was never the loud type of person, he always left that part to her.
Rila had no problem expressing her feelings, she laughed when she was happy, she screamed when she was angry and she had to fight hard to control her grimaces when she was bored, uncomfortable, or thinking about committing a crime against some idiot.
She knew she was temperamental and could be difficult to deal with at times, but she also knew she was a great friend, and an exceptional doctor, and a strong woman.
She knew who she was and what she wanted. And at that moment, she wanted Kieran Ward to return to being a memory that she has left forgotten in the darkest corner of her brain.
— Deal — he said reluctantly — Our first date is next week. Give me your address so I can pick you up.
— Uhn-uhn, nos addresses, we're not crossing that bridge — she shook her index finger, denying — It's very likely that I'll be on call, I'm almost never at home, so I'll get out of here.
Being a medical resident meant living in the hospital. Most of the time it sucked, except when she could use it to her advantage, like right now. Or when she needed to escape her mother.
—Alright, how is your schedule?
She took her cell phone out of her scrubs pocket and opened her shift schedule.
— I'm off this Tuesday — it couldn't be sooner because she had shifts for the next four days, which was good because she needed time to prepare herself for it. She needed to build an armor strong enough to go into battle.
— I have a game in Chicago that day, I won't be back until Wednesday.
She kept her eyes on the phone in her hands, using it to get a break from that blue gaze that seemed to suffocate her.
Usually, she had no problem staring back at him, but with this news that they were going on a date — three, to make it worse —, she needed a break from the blue that made her heart beat a little faster than it should.
— I'm in a reverse twenty-four on Wednesday, so I don't go out until Thursday night and I'll be too exhausted to go out.
She hated twenty-four-hour shifts, only took them when there was no escape. The inverted ones were when they started at night, that is, entering at seven p.m and leaving at seven p.m on the next day.
— Friday night?
— I already have an appointment — she shook her head from side to side. She wouldn't give up tradition because of him.
— Really? — Kieran spoke, suspicious of the answer, and she rolled her eyes before locking them with him once again.
— I meet my friend at our bar every Friday when we're not on call — Rila explained, even though he didn't deserve it.
— What bar?
— None of your business — she hummed.
Like she would share her sacred place with him and risk him showing up there too. She couldn't stop him from entering the hospital, but she could certainly keep The Secret from him.
— Fine — he grunted — I have to leave on Saturday, but I'll be back on Sunday night.
— Okay, I'm free — she put the appointment in her phone's agenda under the name of first dose, because these dates would be like doses of anti-Kieran vaccine and, when she completed the vaccination schedule, she would be immune to it.
— Great, Sunday at seven then.
That was it, it was a date. A date with Kieran Ward, the man who broke her heart six years ago. She couldn't believe this was actually happening.
Oh, the things she did to never have to see him again.
— Where are we going? — Rila asked as she returned the cell phone to her pocket and looked at it again.
— You'll find out. I'll wait for you at the ambulance entrance to not attract attention — the shadow of a smile hovered on his lips— Oh, and you'll need your skates.
And just like that, her hesitation at what was to come turned into resentment. Resentment because he had ruined everything related to skating for her. And Christmas. And it almost ruined her enthusiasm for her birthday too.
— I don't have it anymore.
Rila donated the skates a month after the breakup. Skating was something they did together and she saw no reason to keep her shoes when that would never happen again. And because it hurt every time she saw them hanging behind the bedroom door.
— I'll take care of it — he spoke after a few seconds of silence.
Of course he would. One of Kieran's traits that she loved was how she could turn off her brain when they were together because she knew he would solve any problem that came their way. He used to take care of her. Rila didn't need to fight anything when they were together, he was her ceasefire.
But that was before. Now, she needed to arm herself and fight with all the strength she had, because this time it wasn't a question of fighting to be heard or taken seriously, it was fighting for her heart and to not lose herself again.