CHAPTER 24
RILA
She couldn't remember the last time she'd been as tired as she was that day. Yes, the residency was exhausting, especially the first year, but at that moment nothing seemed to compare.
Her body was heavy and she had to do a tremendous force to keep her eyes open. Eyes that were dry and probably red. And she still had six hours to survive on her shift.
— My aunt called this morning — Jessie slid the tray with a sandwich and a zero sugar soda across the cafeteria table where Rila was leaning — What can I do?
— Honestly? I can use some of your coffee.
— Okay, let's go — her friend grabbed her lunch and got up — I need it too.
— Bad night? — Rila followed her out of the criteria, noticing how the shadow beneath her brown eyes was deeper.
— Terrible.
Jessie put the sandwich in her mouth to type something on her phone as they walked towards the elevator. Yes, they used the machine to cimb only two floors, they were so tired that they didn't have the strength to start a conversation during the short trip, let alone use the stairs.
They practically dragged themselves down the hallway, her friend chewing her sandwich faster than was healthy. Eating fast is one of the skills someone acquires when entering medicine.
As they passed through the double doors that opened into the OB/GYN department, Rila saw Blake standing in front of the door to the room they were heading to, her blonde hair forming a curtain around her face as she looked at her phone.
— You know I don't understand anything about love and stuff, so I asked her to meet us here in case you needed any advice — Jessie whispered and shrugged — I hope that's okay.
That made Rila's chest warm up with affection and she gave a small smile. Her best friend wanted to make sure she was getting some help, even if it wasn't coming from her.
— Thanks — and as always, the emergency doctor took advantage of the height difference between them to put an arm around Jessica's shoulders and squeeze her in a side hug.
The movement caught the blonde's attention, who waved her cell phone in the air as they approached.
— What is happening? You just texted “obgyn room” and a typo that said “lomergency".
— No, I typed it right, its lomergency, like a love emergency — Jessie glanced between the two women and frowned — What?
— Lomergency? Really? Where did this come from? — Rila stared at her as if the brunette had two heads.
— I'm exhausted, my brain isn't working properly, cut me some slack.
Blake entered the room with a chuckle and Jessie went straight to the two dark blue cabinets that were just in front of the door along with a refrigerator.
— Okay, what's the lomergency?
— Come on, I'll update you while she makes coffee — Rila guided them to the small round two-seater table in the center of the room and bega to tell what happened the night before as soon as they sat down.
— Wow. okay. That's… I don't even know what that is — the blonde rubbed her forehead as if that information had overloaded her smart brain —What are you gonna do?
— I don't know — Rila groaned. Exhausted, she stretched out her arms and hugged the table, letting one cheek press against the cold surface.
Her head hurt, but she couldn't tell if it was from lack of sleep or from overthinking. Maybe it was both.
— Here, this will help — a white mug with the acronym MHH printed on it in a gradient of navy blue and dark red appeared in front of her face.
Rila grunted a thank you and heard the neurosurgeon make an appreciative noise beside her. She understood, this Brazilian coffee was amazing.
Sitting back down normally, she picked up the hot porcelain and blew on it a little before starting to speak again.
— I kept Kieran locked in a box inside my brain and the memories were leaking out for the past few days, but yesterday it exploded and suffocated me with all these memories.
Every single one of them. But especially the one from our last Christmas Eve.
I spent the night wondering what to do, what was the right thing to do.
Am I happy that nothing he said that night was true?
Or am I mad that he lied? Would it be stupid to forgive him and give us a second chance?
— Oh my God, you're thinking of all the possibilities like I do. You're spiraling — Jessie stared at her, open-mouthed.
— Yes! See what's happening? I'm a mess, just like I was six years ago!
Her friends stared at her in silence for a few seconds before Blake said something that was a verbal slap in the face.
— I think you're such a mess because you keep fighting what you really want. You don't want to accept that you still love him even after he hurt you. But maybe you should, because to stop fighting doesn't always mean to lose.
Rila was feeling a little better than the day before, thanks to an almost proper night of sleep. Her mind was still a bit foggy, but at least her body wasn't tired. Which was good, because that shift had been chaos.
In the morning, they had an accident involving a tour van that had taken up all the beds. In the last two hours, she had treated two drunks, pulled a dice out of a child's nose, put a mechanic's shoulder back in place, and now had just diagnosed a patient with pyelonephritis.
And the worst part was that she would have to go to her parent's house in an hour for the monthly dinner. She was living in the apocalypse.
— God, I need to sit down for just two minutes — she threw herself into a wheelchair that was parked next to the emergency room counter.
— I've walked so much in these two hours that I've hit my step goal for the day — Pippa pulled her leg back, stretching it and groaning in the process — I can't understand how I don't have a butt like Kim Kardashian with all the exercise I do in this hospital.
— Ew, I don't wanna know what you're doing in the break rooms — Rila imitated the sound of vomiting and received a push from the nurse.
— That's not what I meant and you know it.
She knew, but she liked to annoy Pippa.
— I'll do the prescription for the pyelonephritis guy so I don't have to hear about your MedHarbor Hospital-sponsored sexual adventures — she grabbed the nearest tablet and logged in, clicking on the file of the patient she had just spoken to.
— I'm going to the vending machine to get something to replenish my energy and then I'll come back to help with the medication. Do you want anything?
— No, thanks — Rila watched the woman walk away, her black hair cut at the base of her neck shining in an almost bluish hue under the bright lights of the ER.
The doctor uploaded the medication order and left the tablet on her lap when she was done, her eyes closing and her mind taking advantage of that rare moment of stillness to slip back into what was making it difficult for her to sleep.
Kieran Ward.
Blake's words from the day before haunted her thoughts. Rila still loved him, even after that dark period she went through because of him. She loved him even when she hated him. How infuriating was that?
She had come to the conclusion that she was strangely happy to know that what he had said that fateful night was a lie, it was better than the idea of him never having felt the same way as her.
But she couldn't forget how much she suffered in the following months. How she lost herself. That was something she never wanted to go through again.
— Wait! Don't give him that! — Rila heard Pippa scream somewhere and her eyes flew open immediately.
The doctor looked around, spotting the nurse standing in front of a colleague carrying an IV bag and a tray with some vials and syringes.
— Pippa? What's going on? — she walked quickly towards them.
— He is allergic to cephalosporins.
— Yes, that's why I prescribed an aminoglycoside.
That was the alternative antibiotic for patients who were allergic to the first-choice's one. It wasn't common to see someone who couldn't take that class of medication, but there were alternatives. Like the one she put into the system a few minutes ago.
— No, Rila — the nurse swallowed hard and lowered her voice — You prescribed him ceftriaxone.
— What? No, I didn't.
Her throat tightened and her mouth went dry. She had just written the prescription and was sure that wasn't what had happened. Rila wouldn't make a mistake like that. Right?
— Tyler, return this one and apply the others. Dr. Hill will write a new prescription and I'll take care of it.
The nursing technician nodded and left, but not without sending a worried look in her direction.
Unable to believe what was happening, Rila walked back to the counter and picked up the tablet. Her hands were colder than usual and anxiety made her stomach churn.
— Pippa, I know the man is allergic, I read the medical records and asked him to confirm.
— I'm not doubting that, I know you always ask about allergies — the nurse placed her hand on one of Rila's shoulders, her voice coming out calm as she looked at the doctor with furrowed eyebrows — But, you've been a bit distracted these days and maybe you let it slide when prescribing.
Maybe they had mixed it up with another patient's medication.
Maybe there was someone in the ER who was supposed to be on ceftriaxone, and the system had messed up and mixed up the prescription.
It had to be, because the thought of prescribing something that someone was allergic to made her want to vomit.
Fighting back a shiver, she logged into her account and pulled up the patient's file again, going straight to the prescription tab. And the sentence at the top of the list nearly made her choke.
Ceftriaxone — 1g/day IM for 7 days, prescribed by Dr. Hill.
— Rila, breathe. Everything is fine — Pippa took the device from her hands and turned her by the shoulders until they were facing each other — Nothing happened, the patient is fine.
— I could have killed him — God, she was going to throw up — He would have been dead in a few minutes if you hadn't seen it.
— Stop, do not think like this — the nurse spoke firmly this time — We realized in time, it's okay. Are you listening to me? — she was, but not really — Tell me it's okay.
— No, it's not okay!
She could feel some eyes on her when her voice rose. It wasn't intentional, but her brain was too focused on not letting her suffocate even with oxygen in her lungs to control the tone of her voice.
— Rila,you made a mistake and it's terrible, but it happens to everyone — Pippa clutched her shoulders, the fabric of her red scrubs pulling just as her insides were doing — And now I know you'll be even more careful than you already are because I can see how shaken this has made you.
Shaken? She wasn't shaken. She was terrified. And very, very angry.
How could she let this happen? Oh, no, wait, she knew how. Losing her mind, and her time, questioning what she should do about Kieran Ward.
Holly shit.
— Here — the nurse held the tablet towards her — You're gonna prescribe the right medication and go out for some water and to take a breath. Then, you're gonna come back here more focused than ever and keep doing a great job. Okay?
She couldn't speak, so she just nodded and picked up the device, triple-checking that she was putting in the right medicine this time.
Rila was leaning against one of the hospital walls, staring at the bottle of water in her hand when her cell phone rang. It was Dr. Purke calling to one of the trauma rooms.
Great, now she had to work with her asshole boss while she freaked out internally. This Thursday couldn't get any worse.
Except when she walked into the small room she'd been called into, there wasn't a patient waiting. It was just Lionel Purke glaring at her.
— Can you explain to me why you would be so stupid as to ask someone to administer a medication that your patient is allergic to? — he growled.
She knew news traveled fast around here, but damn this was quick.
— I'm sorry, Dr. Purke, I got a little distracted, I know I made a mistake and it won't happen again — she was proud of herself when she managed to speak firmly. Because at that moment she was feeling anything but firm.
She shouldn't be distracted, there was no room for that in her profession. She worked with lives and any mistake could cause someone's death. And Rila would never forgive herself if she lost a patient because of a totally stupid and avoidable mistake like the one she made.
— This kind of mistake is unacceptable for someone in the middle of their third year of residency. Unacceptable! — she swallowed hard when he shouted — You could have killed that patient and gotten the hospital sued. A big, ugly, and avoidable lawsuit. And all because you were a little distracted.
A lawsuit hadn't even crossed her mind. She was busier thinking about how the man could be going to the black bag because of something she had done.
— You think I don't hear the gossip? That I don't know that that player has been visiting you and sending you things during your shifts?
And I've noticed how you've been spending all your free time in that VIP room with them.
This is a hospital, Dr. Hill, there's no room for your personal life here.
Rila knew she deserved the scolding, she was totally okay with having some asshole like Lionel Purke calling her an idiot because of what almost happened. But, she didn't agree with the hypocrisy of that last sentence.
Who was he to talk about having a personal life inside the hospital? He was always sleeping with someone on the staff in there, nothing could be more personal than that.
— You're suspended for the rest of the week.
That sentence was like a drain being opened and sucking out all of her emotions.
— Wait, what? — maybe she hadn't heard correctly. Maybe she was hallucinating and he wasn't tarnishing her resume.
Yes, she deserved the yelling and the scolding.
And she would yell at herself for a long time.
She could handle that. But a suspension would permanently tarnish her resume, and she would have to pass the American Board Of Emergency Medicine certification at the end of her fourth year, a career-defining test that thirty percent of doctors failed.
She really, really, wanted to puke now.
— I'm giving you the next three days to sort out whatever's going on in your life. If you come back on Monday and I see any sign of distraction, I'll take this to the hospital board and question your capacity to continue in this program. Go home. Now.
The trauma chief didn't give her time to process the words before he turned and left, leaving her alone in the trauma room.
But, she knew what had to be done. It was time for a ceasefire.