Cedarwood Cabin

Chapter 5

FIVE

FLORA

Moonlight shines through the window and fills the living room. I am slouched on the couch with a blank over me, my attention elsewhere while my father watches a show.

“You’ve really come out of your shell since we moved here. It was nice seeing you have fun,” my father says, still watching TV.

“Well, you’d be pleased to know I might take Nancy's offer…You know, working at the bar.”

It’s a small step, but it's a step forward.

My father's face lights up and I can’t help but smile. Before he can say anything, his phone buzzes loudly. He jumps up from the couch and heads to the kitchen.

“Hello, you…” I hear my father say from the other room. I’m guessing he is talking to Nancy on the phone.

I’m craving something sweet, but we have no candy in the house. I walk to the kitchen and see my father leaning against the counter, his phone pressed to his ear.

“I’m gonna walk to the store to get some chocolate,” I mouth quietly .

I grab my hoodie from the closet and slip on my trainers. Before I leave the house, my father gives me a thumbs-up.

I leave the house feeling the cool air on my face. The moon casts long shadows across the sidewalk with the crickets chirping as I walk.

My hair tangles with a rush of wind hitting me as a sleek, black motorcycle speeds past.

Was that Dax or Lyka? Damn! Why are they occupying my mind?

Bright, fluorescent lights make me squint as I enter the store. Walking down the aisle, I spot chocolate and pick up two bars. I pay and leave the store.

Outside, I see Dax leaning casually against his bike. His golden eyes meet mine and a cigarette dangles from his lips. He winks at me and I can’t help but blush. He flicks his cigarette to the ground and gestures with his head, inviting me over.

I stash the chocolate bars in my hoodie’s pocket and walk over to him, feeling nervous.

He studies me as we stand there in silence. We both look at each other, exchanging smirks. Dax retrieves his helmet and extends his arm, holding it in front of me.

“I…I…Uh. I’ve never been on a bike,” I stutter.

Dax places the helmet on my head without hesitation and adjusts the straps under my chin.

Effortlessly, he lifts me onto the back seat of the motorcycle. I feel a rush of adrenaline as he swings his leg over the motorcycle and settles into the driver's seat.

I cling to Dax’s waist without hesitation. The motorcycle engines come to life and we drive off.

The world around us dissolves into a blur of houses and streetlights. As we soar down the streets, I feel like a bird set free .

I grip Dax tighter, my fingers digging into him. Surprisingly, he doesn't seem bothered by my hold. My heart pounds in my chest as he leans into the road's curves.

I am amazed at his skills as he maneuvers the motorcycle. We leave town and head through the forest, the trees a blur of green as we speed past. I let out a little, excited giggle. Dax hears and lets out a deep chuckle.

Effortlessly, Dax pulls off a quick maneuver and turns the bike around, the tire kicking up smoke as we speed back into town. I am pure adrenaline and my heart is going crazy.

Dax slowly drives down my street and pulls up outside my house.

How does he know where I live?

He helps me off the bike and removes the helmet from my head. I quickly pat down my hair, hoping it doesn't look a mess. That was truly an experience, the rush. It felt like being on an intense roller coaster. The streetlight shines down on us as Dax leans up against his bike.

“Fun?” he asks, his voice laced with amusement.

“Uh, yes!” I bite the inside of my cheek. “How did you know where I lived?”

Dax crosses his arms and replies, “It's a small town…”

I fidget nervously. He moves closer, towering over me, and I instinctively look up.

“Whoa, you have different colored eyes…cool,” he remarks.

Dax reaches out and brushes a stray strand of my hair away from my face. I feel a spark between us for a moment. His light brown hair falls soft on his forehead, framing his strong jawline. His golden brown eyes seem to glow. His features are sharp. He is more than just handsome—he is a force of nature; drawing me in with an irresistible pull that leaves me breathless .

Is it bad that I want him to kiss me? No, Flora. What am I thinking? First Marty, now him?

Dax withdraws and his gaze shifts to my house. “You better go in,” he whispers.

I don’t want to look away from Dax's eyes, but I turn around and glance up at the window. My father stands at the window looking down, his expression unreadable.

I pivot back around to say goodbye to Dax. However, he is already straddling his bike. He starts the engine and speeds off down the road.

“Bye, then,” I murmur, confused, raising my hand in the air.

I sigh as I walk up to the front door. I really don’t want to face my father—I know I am going to be met with questions.

His face darkens as he holds the door open for me. I take a deep breath and walk into the kitchen.

“So. That was the guy from the bar brawl. Right?” he accuses sharply, following me.

I don’t know what to say. I freeze.

“You said you were going to the store. Why were you on his bike?”

I cross my arms and feel defiance rise within me. “You said I needed to make friends, right?” I retort.

“Yes. But not with people who get into bar brawls. Not people like him!” he replies, slamming his hand down on the kitchen table.

“It’s not a big deal. He got into one fight!”

“People like him are a big deal. They’re bad news, Flora!” My father raises the volume of his voice.

“You fucking wanted me to make friends. I start to and you fucking hate it!” I shout back.

I can feel frustration welling up inside me.

“Don’t you dare swear at me! You are not to see him again, Flora!” His voice is firm .

I clench my fist and turn away, not wanting to look at him. “I fucking hate you right now! I’m twenty. You can’t tell me what to do!”

I storm up the stairs and slam my bedroom door shut with a loud thud. I collapse onto my bed and cry. I’ve never spoken to my father like that before. I want to say sorry, but I am too angry right now.

The house is eerily quiet. Suddenly, I hear the front door slam shut. The truck's engine starts outside and I realize that my father has left.

I lie on my bed as tears stream down my face. My phone buzzes in my pocket. I get it out and I see I have a text message from my father.

Dad

Gone for a drive.

Me

Okay.

I feel remorseful, yet angry at my father. I cry into my pillow as I lie there, curled up on my bed and wishing my mother was here. I surrender to the emotions and let it all out. My eyes feel heavy as I sob.

I don’t know how I fell asleep. Hearing my father downstairs getting ready for work puts my mind at ease, despite our unresolved tension.

How would my mother have handled this situation? I wish she we re still alive; she would have been calmer and more understanding than my father.

I’m ready to face my father and the day. I get out of bed and head to the bathroom.

Walking down the hallway, I hear my father shout, “Flora…I’m going to work, okay?”

I pause at the bottom of the staircase and look down at him. “Okay,” I reply with a blunt tone.

“We can talk when I get home…” his words trail off.

I silently acknowledge his words. I turn around and continue towards the bathroom.

“Flora, I love you,” he shouts up.

I hesitate for a moment, my hand on the bathroom door. I want to respond, but for some reason, I don’t. I shut the door behind me, biting the inside of my cheek.

The sound of the front door closing cuts through the house. A sudden surge of regret washes over me and I bolt out of the bathroom. I rush to my bedroom window, pulling it open. I lean out, hoping to catch my father before he leaves, but it's too late. I watch as the truck drives down the street.

I linger at the window and I whisper into the wind, “I love you, too, Dad.”

I sit in the bath, leaning my head against the edge, closing my eyes, and letting my thoughts drift. Dax appears in my head, riding on his bike. I felt a rush of intoxicating freedom. He is undeniably hot. I wanted to kiss him, or maybe it was just the adrenaline from the ride playing tricks on my mind.

Then there was Lyka. His presence lingers in my thoughts. Taunti ng me with that smirk, like he knows something I don’t. The Faulkner brothers were constantly on my mind. Dax with his golden eyes and Lyka with his icy blue stare. They had a way of getting under my skin.

I open my eyes to the sound of the occasional faucet drip. Reaching for the plug in the bathtub, I pull it. I stand up, step out of the tub, and feel a chill. I grab a black towel from the rack and wrap it around my body.

All of a sudden, I hear a knock at the front door. Wrapped only in a towel, I decide to investigate. Tiptoeing down the stairs, I open the door just a crack and peek around the door. Marty stands there, glancing around the yard.

“Marty…” I say, my voice filled with surprise.

“Can I come in?” he asks.

I nod and open the door fully, my naked body still hidden behind the towel. As he enters, I take a step back and tighten the towel around me.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” I ask.

“I’m working the night shift this week,” he replies, his eyes never leaving mine.

I feel uncomfortable as we stand there in silence.

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” he continues, stepping closer.

I look down and reply, “Marty, we can’t.”

“I know. The fact we shouldn’t makes me want you more,” he confesses.

My eyes well up with tears and I feel confused. “Look at me,” he whispers.

Grabbing my waist and pulling me close, our bodies press together, the towel the only barrier between us.

I breathe deeply and can smell him, manly and musky. His lips touch mine .

He takes my hand and whispers in my ear, “I’m here. It’s okay.” He leads me upstairs.

Holding the towel tightly with my other hand, my mind is going crazy with thoughts. We reach the top of the stairs and I feel the moment's weight settling over us. Marty pushes my bedroom door open and leads me over to my bed.

“Marty…”

He doesn't say anything, he just cups my face and kisses me gently. “Flora, I want you,” he breathes.

Grabbing both my hands, my towel loosens and falls to the floor in a heap. My naked body is exposed and my breath catches in my throat. No man has ever seen me naked before.

Marty steps back, his eyes taking in every inch of me.

Am I about to lose my virginity?

His hand caresses my neck and I lean into his touch. His thumb brushes past my lip and I open my mouth, sucking it.

“Have you ever had an orgasm before?” he whispers.

I swallow hard. I have, but alone. Never involving anyone else. I would always focus on my clit, but I’d never insert my fingers inside.

My cheeks feel hot as I blush and nod. Marty’s eyebrows lift in surprise.

“Yourself, or?” he probes.

“Uh…myself.”

He breathes in deep and lets out a groan, his lips finding my neck.

“What's the most you’ve done with someone?”

“Only kissed,” I admit.

His lips trail along my neck, causing my skin to tingle. His other hand slides up my back, pulling me closer until our bodies touch.

“I can make you feel good,” he offers .

My body arches towards him, seeking more of his touch. Marty’s mouth moves lower, planting kisses along my collarbone and down to my chest.

He takes a step back and pulls off his T-shirt in one motion, tossing it on the bed. His hands move to his belt as he unfastens it and drops it to the floor. He unzips his pants and pushes them down, revealing the outline of his erection through his underwear. I’ve never seen anything like it. I can’t help but examine his body. He steps closer to me. His hand moves to my neck, pulling me into an urgent, demanding kiss.

He breaks the kiss as his hands move lower to my waist, pulling me against him.

“Flora, I need you,” he breathes.

Marty’s hands slide down my sides, resting on my hips. He pulls back as his eyes lock onto mine. I take a deep breath and nod, giving him the consent he wants.

He grips my thighs and lifts me. He lays me down and his body hovers over mine. This moment will change everything. Marty stands up and slides his underwear down, kicking them away. As he straightens up, my eyes are drawn to his erection.

“Are you on anything?” he asks.

I shake my head no. I feel anxiety fill my body.

“It’s unlikely you will get pregnant the first time.”

“Uh, please wear a condom,” I say.

He lets out a sigh, bending down and retrieving his wallet from his pants. He takes out a condom, tears the packet open with his teeth, and quickly rolls the condom onto his cock.

I open my legs for him and he positions himself between them. I feel his body press down on me as he lowers himself.

“I’ll go easy on you,” he whispers.

I feel a knot form in my stomach from his words. I’m scared and nervous .

I don’t think I’m ready.

The tip of his erection nudges against my entrance. I tense up.

I’m not ready! Say something, Flora! SAY SOMETHING!

Marty lifts his head and I look into his eyes. “You look just like your mother. So goddamn beautiful,” he murmurs.

My heart sinks. I feel like I have just been punched in the gut. He wants my mother, not me.

“I can’t. Stop,” I say, pushing against his shoulders. But he only presses harder against me, trapping me underneath him.

“It’s okay,” he coos.

“No! I’m not ready!” I cry out.

“Shh…”

I tense up and my entire body becomes rigid.

“STOP, MARTY!” I shout, my voice echoing around the room.

I can tell he is frustrated as he lets out a grunt, finally releasing me and rolling off to the side. I sit up, grab a large pillow, and hug it like a shield.

Marty's face is cold and detached as he stares at me. Tears spill down my cheeks as I cry. “I’m not my mother!”

Without a word, he picks up his clothes and gets dressed. Once fully clothed, he looks at me and mutters, “Sorry.”

He leaves my bedroom, closing the door behind him. I hear him make his way downstairs and leave.

I grab a pillow, hug it tightly, and begin to cry. My mind races and I feel the sting of his words. You look just like your mother.

Tears well up in my eyes again. I feel so foolish, so na?ve. I am so glad I didn't have sex with Marty. It makes me feel sick knowing I nearly let him take my virginity. He didn't want me, he wanted my mother.

I feel shaky as I stand up, grabbing the towel from the floor and wr apping it around myself. I head to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I look at myself in the mirror and my eyes are puffy.

“You’re not her. You’re not your mother. You are you, Flora,” I whisper to myself.

I head back to my bedroom and close the curtains. I sit on the edge of my bed and pick up my phone. I start texting Nancy. I know I can never tell my father, but Nancy is the only person I can trust with this. I wish my mother were still alive.

Me

Can we talk later? Please don't tell my father.

Nancy

Of course. Pop by the bar tonight. I won’t say a thing.

I push the whole Marty situation to the back of my mind. Wanting to make amends with my father, I prepare his favorite meal, sausage and mashed potatoes.

I stand at the kitchen counter, peeling and chopping potatoes with a dishcloth draping over my shoulder.

I look up at the clock and see my father is due home at any moment. I can’t wait to see his face when he sees the effort I’ve put into making dinner.

Suddenly, I hear a knock at the front door and pause. I turn down the heat on the stovetop.

I bet he forgot his keys.

I wipe my hands on the dishcloth and throw it on the counter. I walk towards the door and open it .

Nancy stands there with her back turned. I can tell her shoulders are shaking as they move up and down.

“Nancy, I was going to drop by the bar later…”

My heart drops when she turns around, her eyes red and tears streaming down her face. Two officers walk up the path and stand behind her, their expressions serious.

“Flora. I am so sorry,” she cries out, her voice breaking.

I look past her and at the police officers, feeling confused. I try to make sense of the situation.

A male officer steps forward. “Can we come in, please?” he asks calmly.

Nancy rushes toward me, wrapping her arms around me as the officers follow her in.

“Your father was in an accident, Miss Lockley,” one of the officers says quietly. Nancy pulls away, still crying.

“Ok…what, like he got burnt in a fire?”

“No. He was in a car accident.”

“Well, is he at the hospital?”

Nancy lets out a whimper and sobs. The officer's face drops and I let out a gulp, trying to calm my nerves.

“Miss Lockley, your father passed away at the scene. I’m sorry,” the officer says.

The room spins around me as my heart sinks. I place my hand on the wall, propping myself up. My knees buckle and I drop to the floor. It feels like the whole world is collapsing around me.

No. This can’t be true.

Nancy kneels beside me. She holds me tightly as I scream in her chest. “NO! NO!” I scream, my voice raw and filled with agony.

The officers stand silently, giving me space to process the news. My father's death crashes down on me. Nancy presses me into her chest, her blouse soaking up my tears .

I push away from her and look up at the officers. “What happened? How?” I wail.

“We think he swerved into a tree to avoid hitting an animal.”

The horrific image of my father in the car burns in my mind. “Was his death quick?” I ask. I cling to hope that he didn't suffer.

Nancy grabs me and pulls me in tight as she sobs. “DID HE FEEL PAIN?” I scream out.

“We…we can’t say for certain,” the officer stutters as he looks down at me with pity.

I grab onto Nancy as I shake, tears bursting out of my eyes and mixing with hers. The room falls to complete silence. My stomach somersaults and I gag. The need to throw up hits me like a tidal wave as the realization sets in.

I spring up and dash across the room to the sink, gripping at the edge as I vomit. Nancy follows and holds my hair, rubbing my back. My sobs grow less loud and develop into whimpers. Nancy says nothing, remaining with me.

As the nausea starts to subside, I twist on the faucet and splash the cool water onto my face. Nancy passes me a towel and I pat my face dry.

“I’m here,” Nancy says softly, pulling me in for a hug.

The officers approach us. “If you need anything, please do not hesitate to reach out,” the other officer says.

I find it impossible to speak so Nancy steps in. “Thank you, officers,” she says in a strong voice.

As they leave, I cling to Nancy. He didn’t hear me say I loved him this morning.

“He went to work thinking I hated him,” I say in a croaky voice.

Nancy places her chin on my head as she tightens her embrace. “No, no. Don’t say that. He loved you so much, Flora. ”

“But our last words were so angry…I told him I hated him.”

“He knew you didn’t mean it. Parents understand that sometimes we say things in the heat of the moment. He knew you loved him and he loved you with all his heart.”

“I should have said I loved him when he left. I should have…” My voice trails off.

Suddenly, the door flings open and Marty rushes through.

“I heard…I heard,” he says quietly, his voice thick with emotion.

Unaware of the complicated events between Marty and me, Nancy gently pushes me towards him. Stumbling towards him, my legs feel like lead. Marty catches me in his arms and he holds me. Despite earlier events, I find myself leaning into him.

“Flora, I am so sorry,” Marty says as Nancy steps back, giving us some space.

Marty strokes my back in a soothing motion. “I’m here for you, Flora. Whatever you need, I’m here,” he states in a reassuring tone.

I nod against his chest and a numb feeling washes over me.

Nancy leans against the kitchen table and says, “I will help with the funeral and anything else you need.”

Still holding me in his embrace, Marty says, “If you want, I can stay here and look after you.”

No. Hell no. What, so he can try and take my virginity when I am most vulnerable?

Nancy nods in agreement. “That’s a good idea. You shouldn’t be alone right now, Flora,” she says in a gentle voice.

“No...No…I’ll be okay.”

“Are you sure?” Marty asks in a concerned whisper.

I pull back from Marty’s embrace. “Yes…I just need some alone time.”

Nancy steps forward, her voice filled with empathy. “We just want to ensure you’re not going through this alone. ”

“I know,” I utter.

Marty and Nancy share worried glances, but choose to respect my decision.

“Alright, but remember, if you need anything, Flora, anything at all…” Marty says sincerely.

I nod and feel a wave of gratitude for their support.

Marty gives me one last squeeze and I nod to Nancy. They leave me in the quiet of my home. As the door closes, I feel empty. Taking a deep breath, I steady myself. I sit at the kitchen table in the silence of the house. I snatch a glass and throw it at the cupboard. The glass shatters into pieces, my heart pounding as the shards scatter across the floor.

I bow my head and put my hands together as if I’m praying. “Why…Why me, God? First, my mother and now my father. What have I done to deserve this?”

I stay hunched over the table, feeling the cold reality of my loss.

I am all alone and dead inside.

The funeral song The Living Years by Mike + the Mechanics keeps repeating in my head. I sit on the couch in my black dress, drenched from the rain during the service. The fabric of the dress clings to my skin. Marty stands by the window, looking out at the rain as he loosens his tie. He hasn't said much since we got back. He glances back at me occasionally, as if trying to find the right words to say. Nancy sorts through paperwork in the kitchen for me.

I stare at nothing as I sit there. My father's voice is now silent forever. The image of his coffin being lowered into the ground refuses to leave me.

Feeling numb and lonely as the rain continues to beat against the window, I close my eyes, wanting everything to go away. However, the song, coffin, and rain remain in my head.

Nancy enters the room and she sits next to me, placing her hands on mine.

“You’re cold and wet. Let's get you out of these clothes,” she says softly.

She leads me upstairs, taking my hand. We enter my bedroom and I sit on the edge of my bed.

Walking to my closet, she picks out some loungewear and places it next to me.

“I just need to use the bathroom. I’ll give you a moment.” She exits the room and shuts the door behind her.

I take off the wet dress, my body feeling weak and drained as I pull on the T-shirt and leggings.

Suddenly, I hear the rumble of motorcycles outside as I peer out the window. Outside, I see Dax and Lyka. They are both dressed in black with Dax holding a card in his hand.

Marty rushes out of the house towards them, angrily. He and Dax are face to face, his hands moving in a heated manner. I want to go out there and intervene, but I feel too weak and drained to do anything.

I can see Dax clench his fist, but Lyka steps in and places a hand on his shoulder. Marty grabs the card from Dax’s hand and throws it into the mud. Lyka pulls back Dax and they get on their motorcycles, speeding off.

I walk over to my bed and sink into it. Nancy returns and sits beside me, her hand resting on my back. “Your aunt texted, she sends her love. It’s a shame she couldn’t fly over.”

“Hmm,” I respond.

“Are you going to take her offer and move b ack to London?”

“I don’t know…”

The thought of moving to London felt overwhelming. I own this house now, my father had a life insurance policy that pays me a substantial amount. I would rather be poor and have my mother and father here than rich and lonely.

“I don’t know what to do,” I admit.

“It’s a big decision. You don’t have to make it right now. No one expects you to have all the answers today. Let yourself grieve.” Nancy pats my back one last time and then stands up. “I’m going to leave you in peace. If you need me, call me. Day or night,” she says softly. She walks over to the door and pauses to look back at me.

“Thank you, Nancy.” I give her a small smile of gratitude.

I hear her footsteps descending the stairs and then the sound of the front door closing. I scream out and cry, my sobs echoing in the empty room. The pain is unbearable. I feel completely alone.

I hear my door creak open and I jolt up, feeling startled. I see Marty standing at my bedroom door.

“I forgot you were here,” I mumble, wiping away my tears. I feel embarrassed and vulnerable.

“Come here,” he says, walking over to my bed.

I don't know why, but I shift toward him and reach out. He pulls me close into his chest and I bury my head in his shirt.

“It's okay, I’m here. Let it out.” His fingers brush away my tears as I sob. He lowers his head and somehow, his lips meet mine.

No! What is he doing?! I can’t!

I pull back, shove him away, and break the kiss. I look up at him, angry.

“No, Marty!” I cry out.

“I promised your father I would take care of you if anything happened to him. ”

His words fill me with rage and I abruptly stand up from the bed. I glare at him as I clench my fists. “Take care of me? Take care of me?!” I repeat. “What, by wanting to fuck me because I look like my mother?”

Marty gets up from the bed and places his hands on my shoulder. My body jerks at his touch.

“Flora, you are vulnerable at the moment.”

“Exactly! My father just died and you’re trying to fuck me!” I hiss.

“Just let me take care of you,” he pleads, his hand tightening on my shoulders.

He just wants to fuck me.

I shove his hands off me, taking him by surprise. “Fuck off! Just leave!” I say through gritted teeth.

Marty's jaw clenches. I am scared, but I refuse to show him. “Go!” I say in a firm voice, pointing toward the door.

His eyes darken and he walks away as I follow closely behind. I watch him descend the stairs and hear him grunting with each step. He walks outside into the rain and I follow him outside.

I am soaked as I watch him enter his car. He punches his passenger seat hard and drives off.

My legs tremble as I stand there, the rain mingling with my tears. I just want to collapse, but a white card catches my eye, lying half-buried in the mud. I walk over and pick it up. The card is soaked, the paper fragile and starting to disintegrate. I carry it carefully as I hurry back inside.

I close the door and stand in the hallway, dripping water onto the floor. I look down at the card as my hands shake. Slowly, I peel it open, the wet paper tearing slightly at the edges. The ink has bled, but I can still make out the words :

Sorry to hear about your father. Don't hesitate to reach out. We live at Cedarwood Cabin.

Dax & Lyka

The two brothers who I couldn't stop thinking about at one point. Now, it feels like a distant memory. I can’t summon any emotion to connect with the card. The house's silence presses in around me. The only sound I can hear is the rain.