Chapter 18
#HowNotToBreakUp
AUGUST 4
JASON: Hey everyone, Mount Ramirez here. I’ve been asked to tell you about my best breakup, and honestly, I can’t think of a breakup that went well. I guess maybe I’ll talk about the time I broke up with this one girl in college. I thought I was being pretty cool about the whole thing. I took her out to dinner at a nice restaurant. We got through the whole dinner—steak. Right? I spent money on her. And during dessert I said, “I don’t think we have a future together.” It’s a benign, nonjudgmental sentence, at least I thought so at the time. She burst into tears at the dinner table. The waitress gave me dirty looks until we left. @JasonRamirez1022 #HowNotToBreakUp #NoGoodWay @thefunnyJason @MargaritAAA
SEAN: My best breakup? Oh my! So many to choose from! Oh, say my name first? They know who I am. Okay, fine. This is Sean O’Sullivan. I think my best breakup was just last week, come to think of it. We were in bed, that’s all I’ll say. It was afterward. We were eating cashews, and she said, “These are fatty nuts,” and I said, “What did you say? It’s over!” Thinking back, it might have all been a misunderstanding. @PutYourPantsSean #HowNotToBreakUp #NoGoodWay @thefunnyJason @MargaritAAA
KAYLA: Hi, I’m Kayla Williams. Lost Star Dance Troupe Saves the Universe. I think breaking up is easy. You just, like, ghost them. That way you don’t have to have any uncomfortable conversations. I don’t owe him anything. I mean, it was only six months of our life. I Venmoed him the money for the hoodie I kept. I don’t know why we have to make such a big deal about it. Throwing Skittles at someone’s window followed up by shouting and crying is… yikes, right? I don’t know what his problem is. Seriously. @KayKayLaLa #HowNotToBreakUp #NoGoodWay @thefunnyJason @MargaritAAA