Chapter 41
I don’t know who she is, but I hate her already.
CELEbrITY STRAIGHT TALK , JUNE 15
AMIL: Look lively, folks! We’ve got some wedding photos for you today!
ISLA: Yay! I love wedding photos! Even if I’m viciously jealous!
AMIL: This is Amil Nair coming at you with Celebrity Straight Talk , and beside me, lovely as ever, is my cohost, Isla Wallace.
ISLA: Hi-la!
AMIL: Well, surprise, surprise, it was all “Hashtag I do” during a beach wedding for Jason Connor and Emmy Ellison! The ceremony was held behind their Santa Monica home with a small reception on the Spanish colonial revival patio. Look at those photos! I gotta tell you, Isla, I had my doubts about those two, but they sure look happy.
ISLA: That’s it then. Jason Connor is officially off the market. And I’m officially on antidepressants.
AMIL: I’ve been crying into my pillow at night, too, Isla.
ISLA: [ wails ]
AMIL: [ wails ] Okay, that’s enough. Here are some photos of the reception. There’s Rhett and Margarita with their baby, Eva. She’s about six months old now. Pretty little thing.
ISLA: That’s Emmy’s daughter Peyton with Jason’s son Mattie.
AMIL: And who is that woman with the purple hair hugging Sean O’Sullivan?
ISLA: That’s Emmy’s maid of honor. She seems to be enjoying herself from what I can tell from the back of her head.
AMIL: Can you blame her? There she is again, hugging Jason Ramirez. And again! Andrew Valentine.
ISLA: I don’t know who she is, but I hate her already.
AMIL: Me too! [ laughs ]
ISLA: [ laughs ]
AMIL: Speaking of photos, did you see they finally discovered who leaked those R-rated pics of Jason and Emmy back in December?
ISLA: Yes, I did. The babysitter! Who would have thunk it?
AMIL: I always say, you’ve got to look really closely at what kind of car your babysitter drives to see if they’re getting some extra funds on the side.
ISLA: What kind of car does she drive?
AMIL: I don’t know. Anyway, Emmy’s got something else to celebrate as well. She’s got a new book coming out. Some crazy science fiction novel that’s, like, a thousand pages long. When that thing prints, you’ll be able to prop the garage door open with it. Congratulations, Emmy!
ISLA: And Jason’s enjoying being back on the Lost Star team. It’s hard to believe that Zachary Tay isn’t as perfect as we all thought.
AMIL: Yes, apparently the director described his dancing as “Austin Powers standing in a fire ant hill.”
ISLA: So, what’s left for these two, Amil? Seems like all their dreams have come true.
AMIL: I think they still need an air fryer. It was on their registry, and no one bought it.
ISLA: What? I’ll get them the air fryer.
AMIL: Let’s both get them the air fryer and the recipe book that goes with it.
ISLA: Deal! So, who are we going to swoon over now?
AMIL: How about Sean O’Sullivan?
ISLA: Ooooh, Sean O’Sullivan. Good idea. He’s got a great mouth.
AMIL: He does have a great mouth, doesn’t he?
ISLA: Kind of loose and pouty.
AMIL: Irreverent, too.
ISLA: Just the way I like it.
AMIL: [ laughs ]
ISLA: [ laughs ]