13. Chapter 12
13
Chapter 12
Julen
“ What?! You went to Rugiria? ALONE? Have you lost your fucking mind?”
Julen anticipated some pushback from Souzie, but she was having a full-blown meltdown. He raised his arms in defense. “I wasn’t expecting it! It seemed important to him, so I didn’t want to disappoint him.”
“You risked yourself and him because you didn’t want to disappoint him? That’s a problem.”
Julen could tell a lecture was coming on. Souzie leaned in closer, staring at him intently. The weight of her stare felt like a physical force, and he looked at her with trepidation.
“What?” Julen asked.
Souzie blinked a few times. “Are you planning on telling Dacias your secret anytime soon?”
Julen slumped his shoulders, and he scrubbed his face with his hands.
She rolled her eyes as she scolded him. “When you were flirting at the Crag, a pseudonym was a good idea. I figured you’d make out, and that’d be it. But you’re seeing him regularly now. Don’t you think he deserves to know the truth?”
Julen knew the answer to that question, but the idea of losing Dacias broke his heart. “Souzie, what if he pushes me away after he finds out?” He took a deep breath. “I don’t think I can handle that.”
Souzie caressed his shoulder and motioned for him to rest his head on hers. “If he doesn’t want you because of who you are, then he doesn’t deserve you, Julen.”
“I like him so much, Souzie. He makes me feel worthy, like I’m…” His voice cracked, and the words escaped as a whisper. “…not broken.”
Souzie took him by the shoulders and forced him to face her—fury blazing in her eyes. “Look at me. You are not broken. They are broken.” She made a grand gesture to the world outside her bedroom. “They are disgusting and cruel. You deserve someone who sees you. Who knows you, accepts you, and gives you the love you deserve.”
Her hands reached for his and gripped them as she spoke. “If Dacias can’t be with you because of something you have no control over, then he doesn’t deserve you.”
Julen shook his head. He’s not the one who’s been lying the whole time. “I’m the one who doesn’t deserve him.”
Souzie made an unhappy groan. “I don’t like that line of thinking and won’t tolerate it in my boudoir. ”
She paused before curling her lip into a grin and asking, “What’s it like?”
Julen turned to face her, grinning from ear to ear. “So. Fucking. LETHAL. It’s beautiful, Souzie. They have trees and stones I’ve never seen before. It’s so colorful! His house is blue! Have you ever seen a blue house in Lapistra?”
Souzie laughed. “Nope.”
“He took me to this summer festival, and I watched him shift! Souzie…he’s a lion. ”
Souzie punched his shoulder. “No! A fucking lion? And I thought Klorin’s cougar was sizzling.”
Julen narrowed his eyes at her, a scowl stretched across his face. “Oh! About that…”
Souzie rolled her eyes. “What?”
“Here I am giving you every detail about my life, and I don’t even know you are seeing Klorin. I’m so mad.”
“I wanted to tell you! He swore me to secrecy. He’s far more nervous about their brother, Ferrean, than Dacias is. Apparently, he’s a real dickface. Plus, if I had told you, then you would have known that I helped set up the meeting at the bookshop.”
Julen shook his head. “I still can’t believe you did that.”
Souzie looked at him. “Really?”
Julen laughed. “No, I actually can believe it. That is a very you thing to do.” Julen chuckled, then thought back to the kiss with Dacias. “Souzie! I have to tell you something.”
She cocked a brow. “Yes?”
Julen swallowed and rubbed his hands along his thighs. “When we kissed…something happened. I don’t know what it was, but we…”
Souzie stared wide-eyed. “What?”
“We levitated.”
Her eyes narrowed as she looked at him for a long moment. “Excuse me?”
He shook his head. “I know that sounds crazy, but we did. It happened. We started levitating. The wind formed a funnel around us and just… lifted us.”
Souze looked shocked. “Did you… Did you manifest?”
Julen shrugged. “I think? But I’ve never heard of someone doing that before. Have you ever heard anyone lifting themselves off the ground with the wind? Accidentally? ”
Souzie shook her head. “Never. Have you tried it again?”
Julen nodded. “I can’t do it. It’s like… I can’t do anything here. When I was with him, it just happened, but here. I don’t know; it’s like there’s a block or something.”
Souzie touched her lips, looking deep in thought. “How can you do something so powerful in Rugiria yet have no powers here? Is it the plates?”
Julen shrugged and looked at the floor. “I wish I knew.”
Souzie hunched and rested her chin on her fist. “It happened when you kissed him. Can you describe the feeling when it happened?”
Julen thought back to riding along the cliff on top of Dacias as a lion—the dancing at the festival. The kiss. That kiss. “I felt wonderful. I can’t describe it any other way. I felt so calm. I wasn’t really thinking about anything. Well, other than how fucking sizzling Dacias looked as the sun rose.”
Souzie nodded. “It’s mental. You just need to get a handle on your mind in Lapistra.” She poked the side of his head with her finger. “Instead of looking for something that makes you crazy, try centering yourself. Or you can just think about Dacias’s body and hope for the best.”
Julen shook his head, then rubbed his eyes with his palms as he laughed. “I’ll let Lupan know that images of naked men might do my training some good.”
“I mean, we should all be so lucky.” She looked at Julen for a moment, then said, “I’m fucking proud of you! I mean, I’m mad that you did something so stupid, but look at you! You’re living your life, Julen! How many times have you snuck away to meet your secret boyfriend now? All while roaming about the territory with that little slut. Talk about multitasking…”
Julen cackled as he leaned his head on her. “It’s not easy living a double life.” He sighed and looked down. “I don’t know what to do. Anytime I think about marrying her, I feel sick. I want to stop it, but I can’t.”
He ran his fingers through his hair. “My mother is obsessed with the wedding. It’s become such a spectacle that if we cancel now, it would be a bigger calamity than the manifestation showcase. I thought maybe I could convince them to cancel it if I started manifesting, but that seems unlikely now. I just want to disappear…”
Julen could tell the wheels were turning in Souzie’s mind. She got a strange look on her face when that happened, as if she could have burned a hole in the wall with her gaze.
She looked at Julen and said, “What if you did?”
Julen shook his head. “I thought about running away. My father would hunt me down. He’d do it just to spite me. He’d ransack Cupidor if he found out I went there. I don’t want to hurt anyone while freeing myself.”
Souzie shook her head. “But they wouldn’t think you ran away if they thought you were…dead.”
The blood drained from Julen’s face. “What?”
Souzie shot up. “Julen! What if you faked your death?”
Julen’s eyes shot out of his head, and a cold chill washed over him. “What? How would I even do that?”
Souzie shook her head. “I don’t know yet, but we could devise a plan. Would you do that? Want to do that?”
Did Julen want to live another lie? He hated that he had lied to Dacias. Could he do that for the rest of his life? Hoping nobody figured out his secret and looking over his shoulder forever?
He looked at Souzie. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I can do that to my mother. She might—well, I don’t know how she’d handle it. Not anymore, anyway.”
Souzie rested her hand on Julen’s. “Think about it and let me know. My scheming brain is already cooking up possibilities.”
Julen pinched the bridge of his nose. “By the Mother Planet, do I even want to know?”
Souzie laughed and cocked her brow at him. “Probably not. Just think about it, though. I don’t want to see you marry that awful girl. I don’t want you to be unhappy.”
“It’s not your responsibility to save me from this marriage. This is my problem. You have enough to worry about.”
She did. She was nineteen and trying to survive on her own. She shouldn’t be worrying about me.
She huffed a laugh and rubbed her hands together like a storybook villain. “Honestly, this would be fun for me. Tricking those fuckers would be delightful.”
Julen couldn’t help but think about it, though. Where would he even go? Would Dacias want him in Rugiria? Are they at that point? This felt so fast. Perhaps Cupidor? Cupidor made more sense. Julen found it hard to ignore his excitement at leaving Lapistra for…anywhere else.
Then he thought of Souzie. “Would you come with me? We could go together.” He grabbed her hand as his excitement took over. He’d love living with Souzie. “We could get a place in Cupidor or something?”
She sat for a moment, her face contemplative. Then she looked at Julen and said, “I’ve thought about that. A lot. But leaving without knowing what happened to my father feels like I’m accepting he’s…” Her voice cut ou t. She swallowed and closed her eyes. “I’m not ready to accept that. I know it has been four years, but I’m not ready.”
Julen wrapped his arm around her, his mind racing back to the night it all happened. He recalled waking up to the sounds of screaming echoing through the compound, the flames illuminating his bedroom from outside. He rushed downstairs and opened the door to witness it all.
Chaos consumed the compound. Families became separated. People screamed, and children cried. The pounding sound of the military storming the castle filled the air. They had sided with Haligran and were instrumental in his ascent to the throne.
Then Julen spotted her. The guardians dragged Souzie away from her father. Her mother had died when she was a baby, and her father was all she had left. He would never forget the fear in her eyes as they beat him.
Julen ran and threw himself over her, screaming for them to leave her alone. Haligran, emerging from the carnage, approached and kicked Julen, trying to remove him, but he wouldn’t budge. Julen begged for her life, saying he would do anything. Souzie’s father echoed the same plea, begging Haligran to spare his child. Souzie wept as they carted him away.
Julen couldn’t stop the tremble in his voice. “I’m so sorry—”
“No. Please…”
Souzie couldn’t stand speaking about it. Julen had tried to apologize, but she never let him. She always stopped any conversation about that night.
She cleared her throat and closed her eyes, visibly pushing the thoughts from her mind.
She plastered on that Souzie smile and said, “But enough about that . You’re seeing Kitty Cat again today, right?”
Julen huffed a laugh. Kitty Cat . This was Souzie’s way of telling him to change the topic. “Yes, I’m seeing Dacias again today.”
“What’s on the schedule? Heading to that little blue house?”
Julen looked down. “No. But… I did say something.” He turned to look at her, a little smile on his face. “I said I wanted more.” He gave her a knowing look.
Souzie gasped. “JULEN! Are you ready? ”
Julen shrugged. “Yes. I mean…” He thought for a moment. Yes. He was sure. “I want him to be the one.”
Souzie shook her head. “No, no, I mean, are you ready? ”
She walked to her vanity, reached into a drawer, and tossed Julen a necklace.
Julen looked at the blue bulb on the chain. “What’s this?”
“Oil. Take it with you.” She strolled back to the bed and laid down, resting her legs over Julen’s lap. “You know…just in case.” She winked.