15. Chapter 14
15
Chapter 14
Julen
Just breathe. You can do this. You have to do this.
Silence filled the castle, save for the haunting whines of aging wood creaking in the twilight.
Julen crept through the hall leading to his parents’ bedchamber. The draftiness tickled his skin. Never had the castle felt this drafty. Torches lit the way, the flames whipping to and fro in a wild dance.
The servants had completed their daily duties, and his father was away at Vinculux. Now that prison labor included mineral mining— his precious minerals —his visits to the prison were frequent . The land drilling had intensified to the point that tremors became a frequent occurrence in northern Lapistra. That megalomaniac would disrupt the natural rhythm of the territory and ruin everyone’s powers.
With Haligran away, Julen knew it was time to speak to his mother about the wedding. He had been so close to her at one time. He used to be her confidante. They used to fear Haligran together, but that all changed as he grew older.
His coming to her tonight was another desperate attempt to reconnect the link that once united them. He had dreamed that maybe, just maybe, things could be as they were, and she would understand.
Julen had to stop it. Souzie’s words echoed in his mind. The thought of escaping felt unsettling. He couldn’t understand why. Lapistra had never treated him kindly, so why not leave? Why try to mend things with his family?
Because his heart desperately wanted to be accepted by them, he wanted his mother to see his true self and to love him anyway. Her reaction would determine what he did next.
He had to try and see if even a sliver of the relationship they once had remained.
Julen arrived at the door to his parents’ bedchamber, and he nearly doubled over. He startled at the echo of his knocking.
The rustling behind the door gave way to his mother’s strained voice calling, “Who is it? Do you know what hour it is?”
His mother’s words bore into Julen like daggers. She sounded…off.
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, then said, “It’s Julen, mother. May I have a word?”
She unlocked the door and revealed herself. Her bloodshot eyes looked, not at, but through Julen. Her swaying and sallow skin revealed her state. She had been drinking. Julen always knew when she had been drinking.
She cleared her throat. “Darling. Is something the matter?”
He should go. Turn around and return to his room.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize… I will go.”
He went to leave, but her hand reached for his. “Nonsense. Please come in.”
She moved to the side, inviting Julen in. He took a breath and crossed the threshold of her room.
Vibrant tapestries adorned the chamber walls. Candlelight glimmered off his mother’s cosmetic vials, and the red upholstery of the furniture had gold leaves stitched in it.
Julen strode to the center of the room and looked around, determining where best to sit before deciding that standing was the easiest choice.
“Thank you so much for speaking with me, Mother.”
She sat in a chair by the window. “Of course, darling. We have to discuss the floral arrangements for the wedding, anyway.” Her lazy smile didn’t reach her eyes.
Just breathe. A cold chill traveled down Julen’s spine. His stomach rumbled, and he regretted not sitting because he thought he might faint.
He pushed his voice past the lump in his throat and blurted out, “I want to call off the wedding.”
That’s not precisely how Julen had rehearsed it in his mind, but there it was.
His mother’s expressionless face held Julen’s gaze. “Why on Vexora would you want to call off the wedding?”
He steadied himself and imagined his feet growing roots and sinking into the floor to keep him from toppling over. His chest heaved as he said, “I saw Glacia having… relations with another man in the labyrinth during the engagement party . She doesn’t love me, and I don’t love her. I love someone else.”
Her eyes grew wide, and suspicion laced her glare. She motioned to the table beside her bed. “Hand me that chalice, Julen.”
Julen fetched the chalice. The intoxin smelled stronger than anything he had ever had in Cupidor, and he cursed himself for going through with this conversation. He should have left. It was too late now.
She took a long drink and sat it on the table beside her. “Surely one little tryst in the maze isn’t enough to end an entire engagement. We’ve already sent the invitations.”
Julen stared at his mother, speechless. A cold chill came over him, and he thought he had imagined the response.
“Did you hear what I said? She was making love to someone at our engagement party, mother. I love someone—”
“I heard what you said, Julen, and don’t presume this is new information. I know everything that happens in this castle and on its grounds. Including your sneaking away so often. To the archives, yes?”
Julen’s heart accelerated. He tried to tame the shock on his face. “Yes.” He didn’t know why he said that. He’d been caught off guard. He could have confessed right then and there .
She cocked a brow at him. “Hmm. Just to the archives, then? Nowhere else?”
Julen froze as he debated how to answer the question. This is it: “I also visit my friend.” Fuck, this is hard to get out. Just say it, Julen.
His throat closed again. Queen Lauta rapped her fingernails along the arm of the chair. The clicking sound made the hairs on Julen’s body stand on end. “Ah. Souzie, yes? You know your father considers her a traitor.”
“She didn’t do any—”
“And he spared her. At your behest.”
The blood in his body flowed like a current seeping into every corner of his being. He grew hot, and his hands clenched at his sides.
Julen couldn’t imagine this going more poorly.
Despair consumed him like quicksand, but he didn’t give up. “Please, Mother. Please understand. I don’t love her. She hates me. I can’t live a life with her as my spouse. Not when I love someone—”
“STOP!”
Her voice echoed off the walls, and Julen thought his heart stopped. She closed her eyes, and a single tear fell. Her head tilted back as she took a deep breath and said, “I won’t hear about that.”
His breathing became erratic. Sweat soaked through his clothing. “You don’t even want to hear about who I love?”
She squeezed her eyes shut. “Julen, a loving marriage is not guaranteed. It’s fortunate when the two overlap, but they rarely do.”
She opened her eyes. The pupils had expanded, overpowering her green irises. “You will marry Glacia. She comes from a good family.”
Julen’s hands shook with fury. His face boiled, and his vision became blurry. Julen felt like he was having an out-of-body experience. His mind twisted with anger, making him feel like this wasn’t real life. She didn’t want to hear about whoever he loved. Because she knew—she knew—and she wouldn’t hear of it.
He tried to steady his voice through deep breaths. “She comes from a good family? What does that mean? And why does it matter after what she did at our engagement party? Her lowly actions should negate whatever status she holds because of her family!”
Lauta rose to her feet, her voice a haunting whisper. “Your father beds every whore with a pulse, and he is king! Infidelity does not negate nobility. I know that more than anyone.”
The room spun as Julen’s chest closed in on him. He couldn’t remember the last time he took a breath. It was as if his body stopped functioning.
She crept towards Julen. “You think you deserve a happy marriage? Don’t be naive. We do things that we must because duty calls for them. We are the royal family of Lapistra. Some expectations must be met, and you will meet them, Julen.”
Julen’s head pounded as the truth settled in. The mother he knew was gone, and that yearning to be loved and accepted evaporated.
It didn’t feel like a relief, though. It felt lonely. Untethered to the past, yet terrified of the future. It felt like plummeting off a cliff, not knowing when or if he’d ever hit the ground. Life would forever be different.
Julen said nothing more. He turned to leave his parents’ bedchamber, knowing it was the last time he’d ever see it.
He had to tell Dacias. He would tell him everything. Come clean about it all, and tell him he’d rather give up everything he’s ever known than be forced to marry someone else. He just hoped Dacias would understand.
As he walked along the corridor, each candle blew out.