22. Chapter 21
22
Chapter 21
Julen
Julen awoke to the soft glow of the sun illuminating the cheap room. Dacias sat on the edge of the bed, looking out the window. Julen’s heart began to race. Did Dacias regret everything he said last night? Julen crawled across the bed, crept to Dacias, and rested his hand on Dacias’s shoulder. He spoke with trepidation. “Good morning.”
Dacias turned to Julen and draped his arm about him, pulling him in for a long kiss. Julen felt his shoulders release from his touch, but he still worried that Dacias had regrets.
“Tell me what you’re thinking.”
Dacias looked at Julen for a moment. He brushed his thumb over Julen’s lips. “Tell me things. Introduce me to Julen. I’m already in love with most of you; let me fall in love with the rest.”
Julen’s gut tightened. He didn’t want to talk about his life. There wasn’t much to say that wasn’t upsetting. He swallowed hard and looked at the old sheet draped over the bed.
“There’s not much to tell. I’m still me. I’m who you took to Rugiria. I just have…an interesting family.”
Dacisa chuckled. “To say the least. You’re the Prince of Lapistra, Julen. That’s hardly ‘not much to tell.’ ”
Julen’s eyes closed, flashes of his life zipping through his mind. He shook his head, hoping to push away the memories.
“Dacias, you don’t want this. My life…”
Julen stopped himself and swallowed. “I love you and will do everything possible to leave Lapistra. I don’t want to be king. I never did. I won’t marry anyone that isn’t you.” He cupped the side of Dacias’s face. “ I’ll do everything I can to make you happy.”
Dacias shook his head and reached out to grip Julen’s hand. “You will make me happy just by being you— truly you.”
Dacias’s throat bobbed; his eyes became red at the bottom. “Julen, I was wrong to run away. I let the shock of it and my bruised ego control me. I let my stupid fucking brother goad me into being an ass to you. I was wrong. You didn’t do any of the things I blamed you for. It was your father. I should have realized that sooner.”
Julen tried to refute that, but Dacias continued. “You’ve grown up in a territory that doesn’t accept you. But here you are. The way you are. It takes courage to be different from everything you’ve ever known.” He cocked his head, looking at Julen with wonder in his eyes. “You’re the most self-invented person I’ve ever met. I should have realized that when I ran from you. I’m sorry.”
Julen couldn’t stop the tears. Nobody had ever said anything like that to him.
Dacias continued, “I know you’re afraid of me running, and with good reason, but I’m not running. I’m here. I promise. You can talk to me, and I promise you won’t scare me away. You can tell me things. I will listen. I want to listen.”
Julen looked down at Dacias’s hand, holding his own. No more lies. No more secrets.
So, Julen told Dacias everything: his father’s abuse, his mother’s coldness, Souzie’s love, the coup, and the showcase. Everything. It all spilled out. Although it frightened him to do so, getting it out felt liberating. He hadn’t known how much he needed to expel it all from his system. He thought he had locked those memories away in a box in his mind, never to be touched again. As he let it all out, he realized they weren’t locked anywhere; they had melded together and gathered in the dark crevices of his mind, growing like mold and infecting every decision he made.
He couldn’t look at Dacias as he spoke. When he finally finished, he looked up and saw Dacias overcome with emotion, a mix of sympathy and admiration in his expression. Dacias lunged at Julen and kissed him on his lips, neck, down his arms, and along his sides like he was trying to soothe the body that Haligran had battered for so many years.
Dacias wrapped his arms around Julen and whispered, “You can’t be there. We have to do something.” Dacias pulled back and looked into Julen’s eyes. “Let’s get you out of there.”