Chapter 28 #2
As I walked around to the driver’s side, I looked back at the mansion that raised me, the one that taught me everything I knew about power, loyalty, and love. I still loved them, but from this moment on, I knew shit would never be the same.
It was only 8 p.m. but it felt late as hell.
The tension between me and Toni was growin’ and I ain’t like that shit at all.
She had been quiet since we left my parents’ house, and the silence was startin’ to do somethin’ to me.
I was sittin’ on the edge of the bed with a blunt between my fingers, watchin’ the smoke twist up toward the ceilin’ while my mind replayed the whole day.
I hated how my pops talked to her, like she wasn’t worthy of standin’ next to me.
That shit cut deep, but what hurt even more was the way Toni been actin’ since then.
She wasn’t her loud, funny, wild self. She was just quiet, mellow and that scared me more than her yellin’ ever could.
The sound of the shower cut off and after a few seconds the bathroom door opened.
Steam rolled out, and Toni stepped into the room with a towel wrapped around her.
Her skin glowed from the heat, and her natural curls was damp, hangin’ wild around her face.
She had her phone in her hand, talkin’ low.
“Yeah, I’m ‘bout to throw somethin’ on and be out there,” she said, walkin’ toward the dresser.
I exhaled slow, put the blunt out in the ashtray, and asked, “Where you goin’?”
She glanced over her shoulder like it wasn’t nothin’. “I’m hangin’ with Pluto. We gon’ sit outside and talk for a lil’ bit.”
I stared at her for a second, feelin’ that familiar heat rise in my chest. It wasn’t jealousy or no shit like that, but was more like frustration, or that lil’ feelin’ you get when you know somethin’ ain’t right, but you tryna stay calm about it.
I got up and walked toward her, each step slow but intentional until she was backed up near the wall.
Her towel was tight around her chest, and when I leaned in close, she looked up at me like she didn’t know if she wanted to kiss me or run.
“You still my baby, right?” I asked.
She hesitated before she nodded. “Of course I am,” she said softly, her hand comin’ up to my chest like she wanted to push me back but couldn’t bring herself to do it.
“Then why you actin’ like you don’t love me?” I asked, my eyes locked on hers. “Why you pullin’ away from me like I ain’t your man?”
Her lips parted, but she didn’t say nothin’.
I could see her fightin’ whatever she felt.
I reached for the edge of the towel and let it fall.
She gasped, her eyes wide, but she didn’t move when I leaned in and started kissin’ her neck.
The taste of her skin hit my tongue and my body reacted before my mind could catch up.
She smelled like coconut and warm water, and I couldn’t get enough.
“Kay’Lo,” she whispered, her voice tremblin’. “I’m not in the mood.”
“Yeah, you are,” I murmured against her skin. “Pluto can wait.”
She shook her head, her hand slidin’ up to my shoulder. “Stop. Please.”
I pulled back then, my chest tight as hell. I looked at her face and saw her eyes already fillin’ up. The tears came slow at first, then they fell heavy, streakin’ down her cheeks like she been holdin’ ‘em in all day. My stomach dropped.
“Damn, baby,” I whispered. “I can’t stand to see you cry.”
She looked down, her hands tremblin’ as she tried to wipe her face. “I’m fine,” she whispered, but her voice cracked.
I wanted to believe her, but I knew better. She been through enough. Her cousin gone because of me, then her family hatin’ her for choosin’ me. Then my pops made her feel small right to her face. I couldn’t blame her for breakin’ down. Still, it tore me up inside.
“Toni,” I said, tryna touch her arm, but she stepped back.
“I’m about to get dressed,” she said.
I nodded, watchin’ her move toward the dresser again.
The way she moved was slow, like her body was heavy with everything she was carryin’.
She started oilin’ her skin, then slipped into a long black dress that hugged her curves before flowin’ down past her feet.
She was beautiful, but the sadness in her eyes made it hard to even breathe.
I sat back down on the bed, my elbows on my knees, just watchin’ her. She picked up one of the blunts I rolled for her earlier, lit it, and took a long drag like she needed that more than air. She ain’t even look at me when she reached for her purse.
“I love you,” I said, my voice deep and rough. “You know that, right?”
Her eyes was still red when she looked at me. “I love you too,” she said softly.
“Then come kiss me,” I told her.
She hesitated, then walked over to me. When her lips met mine, it was soft, almost hesitant, but it was real. I held her face in my hands, kissin’ her slow, tryna remind her that no matter what, a nigga was always here. She pulled back and turned away before I could say anything else.
I watched her walk out the room, her dress swaying behind her. I sat there for a few minutes, lettin’ the quiet sink in, then grabbed my phone. I needed somebody who would understand. Somebody who been where I was.
I hit Pressure’s line.
He answered on the second ring, his voice calm but loud in the background. “Wus’ good, ‘Lo?”
“You by yourself?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’m in the game room, watchin’ the game, smokin’ and drinkin’ a lil’ bit.”
“A’ight,” I said, gettin’ up from the bed. “I’m ‘bout to head that way.”
I hung up, grabbed my weed, and took one last look toward the door Toni just walked out of. No matter how strong I tried to act, I felt weak without her close. I ain’t like how that felt, but I knew one thing for sure. I wasn’t about to lose her. Not over nobody. Not even my own blood.
When I hit the game room, I already knew Pressure was in his zone.
The lights was dim, and some smooth shit was playin’ low from the speakers, mixin’ with the sound of the game on the flat screen.
The whole room smelled like Trillium and dark liquor, that signature scent that let you know this was his space.
He was kicked back on the couch, one arm resting on the top, and a short glass in his hand, lookin’ too damn relaxed for somebody who used to have the world tryna take his head off. Real talk, the nigga looked at peace.
I walked in and closed the door behind me, lettin’ the vibe Pressure was on sink into me. I sat down beside him and reached for the bottle on the table. “You ain’t gon’ offer a nigga nothin’ to drink?” I muttered, pickin’ up a clean glass and pourin’ myself a shot anyway.
Pressure smirked without even lookin’ my way. “You grown, nigga. Pour yo’self somethin’.”
I lifted the glass in his direction and took a sip.
The liquor burned all the way down, but it was the good kind of burn.
I grabbed the blunt from behind my ear, lit it, and leaned back, just vibin’ to the beat.
For a minute, neither of us said shit. It was just smoke, the sound of the game, and that unspoken understandin’ between cousins who been through it all.
Finally, Pressure turned his head, his eyes low and sharp. “A’ight, ‘Lo. What the fuck goin’ on? I can tell you ain’t just pull up to vibe.”
I laughed under my breath, rubbin’ my palm over my face. “Man… I went to my parents’ house today. Took Toni with me.”
Pressure’s brows raised. “Oh, you finally told ‘em?”
“Yeah,” I said, draggin’ on my blunt before passin’ it to him. “Told ‘em I asked her to marry me.”
Pressure took the blunt, inhaled, and looked straight ahead. “Lemme guess. Uncle Kwame flipped the fuck out.”
I nodded, my jaw tight. “You already know. Nigga damn near lost it. Talkin’ ‘bout how I’m throwin’ my life away, and how I done lost my mind, like he wasn’t the one who taught me to stand on what I love.”
Pressure exhaled a cloud of smoke, the corner of his mouth liftin’ slightly. “You shoulda known he was gon’ say some shit. Unc old school. He don’t move like us.”
“Yeah, I know how he move,” I said, shakin’ my head. “But it ain’t about that. You can feel however the fuck you gon’ feel, but you don’t disrespect my woman.”
Pressure nodded slow. “Respect.”
I stared at the glass in my hand, my thoughts gettin’ heavier by the second.
“It’s just wild ‘cause I really thought he would at least try to understand. Toni got her flaws, just like everybody else, but that girl love me. She the realest I ever had. I ain’t never met nobody that made me feel how she make me feel.
But he ain’t even look at her, bro. He act like she don’t deserve to breathe the same air as us. ”
Pressure leaned forward, restin’ his elbows on his knees. “Ain’t nothin’ you can do to make folks see what you see. Unc see the world through a different lens. To him, you still his baby boy, and he don’t want no woman comin’ in and fuckin’ up his idea of how your life supposed to go.”
I laughed bitterly. “Well, too late for that shit. I’m grown, and I ain’t lettin’ nobody disrespect what’s mine.”
Pressure took another hit of the blunt, nodded, then handed it back. “So, what you gon’ do?”
“I’on even know right now. Toni hurt, bro.
She ain’t sayin’ much, but I can see it all over her face.
She been cryin’ and shit. I hate seein’ her like that.
She already been through enough. Between losin’ her cousin and now dealin’ with my pops lookin’ at her like she trash, I can tell she barely holdin’ it together. ”
Pressure leaned back again. “You know what that sound like to me?”
“What?”
“It sound like you fallin’ too deep to back out now,” he said, tappin’ ash into the tray. “You in it. Ain’t no halfway lovin’ a woman like Toni. Once you say she yours, that’s it. You gotta protect that bond no matter who got somethin’ to say about it.”
I nodded slow, his words sittin’ deep. “Yeah, I know. I just ain’t think it was gon’ be this damn hard. I ain’t tryna lose my folks, but I can’t lose her either. She my peace, bro. Even when she loud and talkin’ crazy, she my peace.”
Pressure smirked again, his eyes shinin’ with amusement. “Nigga, you sound like me last year.”
I chuckled, shakin’ my head. “Man, don’t start.”
“Nah, I’m serious,” he said. “When I was goin’ through it with Pluto, you was the main one tellin’ me not to let her walk out the door. Now look at you. Same situation. Different woman.”
“Yeah, but you and Pluto got a tighter family bond, nigga. That’s a different type of love.”
Pressure looked at me with that calm stillness in his face that said he already learned his lesson the hard way.
“Love is love, ‘Lo. Don’t matter how it look. You think I ain’t know how it felt when she left me?
When I had to sit in this same room, drinkin’ and smokin’, tryna act like I ain’t give a fuck?
That shit broke me. I almost died fightin’ my feelin’s for that woman.
And for what? Pride? Fear?” He shook his head.
“I learned the hard way, bro. If your heart in it, you fight for it. You protect it. ‘Cause when it’s gone, ain’t no drink or blunt that can fill that space. ”
I looked at him and couldn’t even say nothin’ for a second. Then I smiled. “Nigga, when the fuck you get so wise?”
Pressure laughed. “After gettin’ shot and damn near losin’ my life. That shit’ll teach you quick.”
“Yeah, I guess near-death’ll do that.”
He leaned back, takin’ another sip of his liquor. “It ain’t even about death though. It’s about realizin’ what really matter. I ain’t tryna sound soft, but when you find that woman that’s for you, it change you. Toni do that for you, don’t she?”
I looked away, but I was smilin’. “Hell yeah, she do. Even when she be trippin’, she got me wrapped around her finger. I just hate when she shut down like this. I feel like she slippin’ away and I can’t grab her.”
Pressure pointed at me with the blunt. “Then don’t let her. You told me that shit when Pluto left. You told me to go get her. So, take your own advice. Go get yo’ woman, nigga.”
I laughed under my breath, shakin’ my head. “You right. I just ain’t used to seein’ her like that. You know Toni. She loud, funny, talk shit like one of the niggas, but tonight she been quiet. That shit throw me off.”
Pressure shrugged. “She human. Let her feel it, but don’t let her drown in it. Be that anchor she can hold onto. Women be actin’ like gangstas but really need that shit.”
“Yeah,” I said, my voice low. “I’mma fix it.”
Pressure nodded and clinked his glass against mine. “That’s what I’m talkin’ about. Just don’t forget, we kings in this bitch. Our women gon’ follow our lead. You move right, she gon’ move right.”
“Respect,” I said with a grin, tappin’ my glass to his.
We sat there talkin’, laughin’, and drinkin’. He started tellin’ stories about Pluto and Prestyn that had me rollin’, and I could see the peace in him that I wanted for myself. When I finally got up to leave, I felt lighter than I did when I walked in.
Pressure looked up and said, “Tell Toni I said she family. And tell her she bet not run from you, or I’m pullin’ up my damn self.”
I laughed. “You a fool, man.”
“Nah, I’m for real,” he said, smirkin’. “Now go get yo’ woman before she start actin’ like Pluto used to.”
I walked out the game room knowin’ he was right. Whatever storm me and Toni had to face, I was gon’ face it head-on.