The Laurent Therapy Center
Me and my wife was ‘bout to leave the island, but before that, I wanted to stop by Dr. V’s office real quick.
It had been six weeks since I hit her line and told her me and Pluto needed to get back in front of somebody before the problems in our house turned into somethin’ we couldn’t fix.
Dr. V had been my therapist for about six years or some shit like that, so she knew more about the inside of my head than damn near anybody outside my family.
She had been there when I was tryna understand why I could survive gettin’ shot five times and still wake up feelin’ like part of me never made it out that hospital.
Then Pluto started comin’ with me, and somewhere along the way, Dr. V became the person who helped both of us say shit we ain’t know how to say at home.
We had gone a long time without comin’ back ‘cause life got busy and we convinced ourselves we knew how to handle whatever came our way.
Then Pluto almost died havin’ Isley, postpartum started pullin’ my wife away from herself, and I got so scared of touchin’ her that she started believin’ I ain’t want her no more.
By the time Pluto slapped Zurie and broke down in my arms that night, I knew love by itself wasn’t gon’ be enough if neither one of us knew how to carry what happened.
The first couple sessions had been rough as hell.
Pluto sat next to me with her arms folded, answerin’ Dr. V with as few words as possible while I tried not to get irritated every time she said she was fine.
Dr. V ain’t let her hide behind that shit, though.
She asked Pluto what fine looked like, what it felt like inside her body and why everybody around her had to guess whether she was havin’ a good day or one where she felt like runnin’ away from the whole house.
Then she turned that same attention toward me.
She asked why I thought protectin’ Pluto meant makin’ decisions about her body without listenin’ to her.
She asked why I could tell hundreds of grown men what to do without second-guessin’ myself, but couldn’t look at my wife and admit I was scared.
She made me say out loud that I blamed myself for Pluto almost dyin’ ‘cause I kept puttin’ babies in her after she told me she wanted birth control.
That shit was hard to admit with Pluto sittin’ right next to me.
I had spent months tellin’ myself I was only bein’ careful.
The truth was, I had turned fear into distance and left Pluto to believe somethin’ was wrong with her body.
Dr. V helped me understand that pullin’ away from my wife without explainin’ why wasn’t protection.
It was rejection, even if that ain’t what I meant for it to become.
Over the last six weeks, me and Pluto had talked about everything except what was easy. We talked about the blood, the hospital and the way she remembered wakin’ up confused while everybody around her tried to act calm.
Pluto admitted she still had nightmares about not makin’ it home to the kids. She told me there was mornin’s when she looked at Isley and felt guilty ‘cause she loved our daughter more than anything, but part of her was still angry about what bringin’ her here had done to her body and mind.
I never interrupted her when she said that.
The old me might’ve tried to tell her not to think like that or remind her Isley wasn’t responsible for what happened.
Dr. V taught me that listenin’ ain’t mean I agreed with every thought.
It meant I loved Pluto enough to let her tell the truth without rushin’ to clean it up ‘cause it made me uncomfortable.
Pluto listened to me too.
I told her I still saw all that blood every time we got close enough for sex to cross my mind.
I told her my dick could be hard while my whole head was back in that hospital, wonderin’ whether desire made me selfish.
Pluto cried when I admitted I had started connectin’ lovin’ her physically with almost losin’ her, but she ain’t get mad.
She held my hand and told me she wished I would’ve said that instead of lettin’ her think she wasn’t beautiful to me no more.
After that, shit started changin’ at home.
We slowed everything down and stopped actin’ like sex was the only proof that our marriage was gettin’ better.
I kissed Pluto more. I held her without expectin’ the moment to turn into somethin’ else.
Some nights we laid naked together just to get used to closeness again, and if fear showed up in my head, I told her instead of pullin’ away and leavin’ her confused.
Pluto started tellin’ me what she needed too.
She would ask me to take Isley before exhaustion turned into anger.
She started lettin’ the nannies do the shit we hired ‘em to do instead of actin’ like acceptin’ help made her less of a mother.
She apologized to Zurie, and the two of ‘em cried together before havin’ a long conversation that belonged to them. The house felt lighter after that.
I also did somethin’ I never pictured myself doin’. I turned one of the extra rooms near the family wing into a prayer room.
At first, I ain’t tell nobody what I was doin’.
I had the furniture moved out, put soft rugs across the floor and had shelves built along one wall for Bibles, journals and whatever else my family wanted to keep inside.
There was cushions for the kids, a long bench for me and Pluto, and enough room for all of us to sit together without it feelin’ crowded.
I ain’t become no preacher or no wild shit like that, and I still had enough sin attached to my name to make most church niggas nervous. Still, I had been too close to death too many times to keep actin’ like I ain’t believe there was somethin’ bigger than me.
Kashmere shot me five times, and I flatlined twice before I came back.
Somewhere inside that darkness, I saw Kamir.
My son wasn’t no stillborn baby when I saw him.
He was older, talkin’ to me and lookin’ like he had been waitin’ all those years for his daddy to finally meet him.
I carried that experience inside me afterward, but I ain’t know what to do with it.
Then Pluto almost died…
Standin’ in that hospital with Isley in my arms while my wife was somewhere fightin’ to live had stripped every piece of control away from me.
Money ain’t matter. Power ain’t matter. My last name ain’t mean shit inside that hallway.
All I could do was pray and beg God not to take another person I loved.
The prayer room came from all of that…
Some mornin’s, me and Pluto sat in there before the kids woke up.
Other times, all six of us ended up inside while Kaylon moved around too much, Prestyn asked questions and Zurie tried to make sure everybody took the shit seriously.
Isley usually slept through most of it, but I still wanted her there ‘cause I wanted every child in my house to grow up knowin’ there was somewhere they could go when life got too heavy.
Now I was sittin’ next to Pluto in Dr. V’s office with our hands locked together while she finished askin’ us about the last week.
Dr. V sat across from us in a cream chair with one leg crossed over the other. Her locs was pulled back from her face, and that warm smile she always gave us was there while she listened.
“You both look different today,” she said as she looked between us. “There’s more ease between you.”
I glanced toward Pluto and rubbed my thumb across the back of her hand before answerin’. “We been good. We ain’t perfect, but we ain’t tryna act like nothin’ happened either.”
“That matters,” Dr. V replied. “Healing usually gets harder when people rush to prove they’re healed.”
Pluto squeezed my hand and nodded. “I’ve been saying something before I get too overwhelmed. It still feels weird asking for help, but I’ve been doing it.”
“And how does Pressure respond when you ask?” Dr. V questioned while turnin’ her attention toward me.
“I handle it,” I answered. “If she tell me she tired, I don’t ask her to explain why she tired enough for me to believe it. I take the baby, deal with the kids or tell everybody in the house to leave my wife alone.”
Pluto smiled and leaned a lil’ closer to me. “He does more than that. Sometimes he notices before I say anything.”
“That’s ‘cause I know my wife,” I said while kissin’ the side of her head. “She got a certain face when everybody gettin’ on her damn nerves.”
Pluto looked at me and shook her head. “See, this why I don’t give you compliments.”
Dr. V laughed softly while watchin’ us. “Humor returning is another good sign.”
“It never left,” I told her. “Pluto just stopped thinkin’ I was funny for a minute, though.”
“I still don’t think you’re funny,” Pluto replied, but the smile on her face gave her away.
Dr. V let us have the moment before asking about the trip. “You said the two of you are leaving today?”
“Yeah,” I answered. “We goin’ to Soléya for two weeks. It’s a small country off the coast of Nambara. Mountains, beaches, natural springs and all that spiritual stuff Pluto like.”
Pluto looked over at me. “You picked half the spiritual stuff.”
“I picked what I thought would make you happy,” I corrected her. “I ain’t finna be sittin’ under no tree hummin’ unless you right beside me.”
Dr. V smiled again. “What made you choose Soléya?”
“I wanted to take her somewhere neither one of us been,” I explained.
“Somewhere we could see a different part of the world, eat some shit we can’t get here and let people work on our bodies while we work on our minds.
They got mineral baths, massages, prayer gardens, private villas and doctors who do recovery treatments.
I booked everything we could possibly need. ”
“And the children?” Dr. V asked.
“With my parents and the nannies,” I answered. “They got more people watchin’ them than some countries got soldiers. They gon’ be straight.”
Pluto laughed under her breath before Dr. V turned toward her. “How are you feeling about leaving them for two weeks?”