26. Kay’lo Mensah
Trill-Land, ‘LoLux Estate
All day, I had been out with my wife and baby, and by the time we finally pulled back up to the crib, I felt like My’Love had worked me harder than any grown person ever could.
The day started with Toni sayin’ she only wanted to pick up a few things for My’Love, which was the first lie.
Ain’t nothin’ involvin’ my daughter ever turned into a few things ‘cause the second she pointed at somethin’ or made that lil’ sound she made when she wanted it, I was reachin’ for my wallet.
Toni kept tellin’ me My’Love already had enough clothes, enough shoes and more toys than she knew what to do with, but I ain’t see how that had anything to do with what she wanted today.
We went through three children’s stores before Toni finally looked at me and said, “Baby, she do not need another jacket.”
I held up the pink one My’Love had been reachin’ for and looked at Toni “She picked it.”
“She pointed at the hanger,” Toni replied while foldin’ her arms. “She point at everything.”
“That mean she got options,” I told her before handin’ the jacket to the woman workin’ there.
Toni shook her head and looked down at My’Love in the stroller. “You know yo’ daddy slow behind you, right?”
My’Love looked up at Toni and started clappin’ like she understood every word.
I laughed and leaned down to kiss her cheek ‘cause my baby knew exactly what she was doin’.
She was one, but she already had both of us figured out.
She knew which face to make when Toni told her no, and she knew all she had to do was look at me long enough for me to fix whatever problem her mama created.
By the time we left the last store, I had bags in both hands, more bags hangin’ from the stroller and a toy kitchen Toni was pushin’ in the basket.
Toni kept mumblin’ under her breath about me creatin’ a monster, but I reminded her she was the one who picked up a tiny pair of sneakers and put ‘em in the cart when My’Love ain’t even ask for ‘em.
After shoppin’, we took her to eat at this lil’ family spot Toni liked ‘cause they had enough space for My’Love to make a mess without everybody starin’ at us.
We ordered her chicken, fruit and some vegetables she ain’t touch after the first bite. My daughter spent most of the meal reachin’ for whatever was on my plate even though hers had the same damn food.
I cut a piece of chicken into smaller bites and held one toward her mouth. “Eat yo’ food, Mama,” I told her while she stared at my fork.
My’Love turned her head and reached for the piece sittin’ on my plate instead.
Toni laughed from across the table. “She don’t want hers. She want yours.”
“It’s the same shit,” I said while lookin’ between my plate and hers.
“She don’t care,” Toni replied. “It came from Daddy’s plate, so it taste better.”
I shook my head and let My’Love take the piece she wanted. Soon as she got it, she smiled at me with food all over her mouth. Toni wiped her face, but My’Love turned away and laid her head against my arm ‘cause she ain’t want her mama botherin’ her while she ate.
“See how she do me?” Toni asked while pointin’ toward our daughter. “She act like I’m the problem.”
“You be doin’ too much,” I told her. “Let my baby eat.”
“She got sauce on her eyebrow, Kay’Lo.”
“She’ll be a’ight.”
Toni stared at me for a second before laughin’ and shakin’ her head. “Both of y’all get on my damn nerves.”
After we ate, we took My’Love to the park ‘cause Toni swore she needed to burn some energy. That only meant I was gon’ be the one runnin’ behind her while Toni stood off to the side recordin’ everything and tellin’ me to be careful.
My’Love wanted to go down every slide, sit on every swing and walk across the same piece of grass twenty times ‘cause somethin’ about it had caught her attention.
I pushed her on the baby swing while she kicked her legs and squealed every time she came back toward me. Toni stood beside me smilin’ with her phone in her hand, and every time I slowed down, My’Love started fussin’.
“Push her higher,” Toni told me while lookin’ at the screen.
“She one,” I said. “I’m not sendin’ her over the damn bar.”
“I ain’t say launch her. Just push her a lil’ higher.”
I looked at Toni, then at My’Love, who had already started makin’ that face ‘cause the swing wasn’t movin’ fast enough.
I gave My’Love another push, and she laughed so hard her eyes nearly closed. I stood here smilin’ at her like I ain’t have no sense ‘cause there wasn’t much in this world I liked better than hearin’ my daughter happy.
Watchin’ her had me thinkin’ about how bad I wanted another baby. Me and Toni had been tryin’ for months, and I ain’t realize how much work went into makin’ a baby when you was actually payin’ attention to it.
With My’Love, shit happened when it happened. Now we was watchin’ calendars, countin’ days and makin’ sure we caught every lil’ window Toni said her body gave us. She had apps sendin’ alerts to her phone, and I knew more about ovulation than I ever thought a nigga needed to know.
Some nights, Toni would look at the time and tell me we needed to handle business before the day ended. Other times, she would be tired from everything she did around the house, but she still ain’t wanna miss a chance. I never complained ‘cause I wanted our baby just as bad as she did.
When every touch started feelin’ attached to a schedule, I had to remind my wife that I wanted her too. I ain’t want her thinkin’ the only reason I pulled her close was ‘cause some app said today might be the day.
I ain’t mind havin’ another lil’ girl if that was what God gave us, but deep down, I wanted a son. I wanted a lil’ boy with my face followin’ behind me, touchin’ everything I told him not to touch and learnin’ how to take care of his mama and sister.
Every month that passed without Toni gettin’ pregnant annoyed me more, but I tried not to let that shit turn into pressure on her.
Her body wasn’t no machine, and she already carried My’Love for us.
All I could do was keep lovin’ on my wife, keep tryin’ and believe our next baby would come when it was time.
By the time we left the park, My’Love had grass on her clothes, juice on her shirt and one shoe halfway off her foot. I buckled her in the car seat while she fought me ‘cause she was tired and ain’t wanna admit it.
Toni got in the passenger seat and started lookin’ through the pictures she took like she hadn’t watched the whole day happen in front of her.
“My baby had fun,” she said while turnin’ her phone toward me at a red light.
The picture showed My’Love on my shoulders with both hands grippin’ my head while I looked up at her. “Send me that,” I told her before the light changed.
“I already did.”
“Send the rest too.”
“I sent all of ‘em.”
I glanced at her. “Then why you still holdin’ the phone in my face?”
“‘Cause I want you to look at it.”
I shook my head and reached over to squeeze her thigh. “You had fun too.”
“I did,” Toni admitted while settlin’ her hand over mine. “I like when it’s just us.”
I looked over at her for a second before puttin’ my eyes back on the road.
By the time we got home, My’Love had found another burst of energy that ain’t make no damn sense after everything she did all day. I got her out the truck and carried her toward the front door while Toni followed behind us with her purse and a few smaller bags.
“I’mma get the stuff out the trunk in a minute,” I said.
Soon as we stepped inside, I tossed My’Love in the air and caught her against my chest. Her whole face opened up, and a loud squeal came out of her before she started kickin’ her legs for me to do it again.
I tossed her one more time, caught her and kissed her cheek while she laughed.
When I stopped, she looked at me for half a second before her face crumbled and she started cryin’ like I had done somethin’ horrible to her.
“Do it one more time, baby,” Toni said while closin’ the door behind us.
I looked toward my wife. “That’s how this started.”
“She just want one more,” Toni replied as My’Love reached both hands toward the ceilin’ and kept cryin’.
I sighed, lifted My’Love and tossed her again. Soon as she went up, the tears disappeared and she squealed before I caught her close. I waited a second after settlin’ her against my chest, but the second she realized I was done, she started cryin’ all over again.
Toni laughed while settin’ a few of the bags near the wall. “Okay, okay, baby. One more time. She not gon’ cry after this.”
I looked down at My’Love, who had tears runnin’ down her face while she stared up at me like her whole life depended on another toss. “Come on now, Mama,” I told her. “That’s enough. Daddy arms tired.”
My’Love cried harder and threw her head back.
Toni stepped closer and rubbed our daughter’s back. “She don’t understand yo’ arms tired.”
“She understand everything else,” I replied. “She know when somebody tell her no.”
Toni tilted her head and looked up at me. “Just one more time, baby.”
I cut my eyes at her. I should’ve ignored both of ‘em and walked upstairs, but My’Love looked at me with them wet eyes while Toni stood there smilin’ ‘cause she already knew she won. I tossed my daughter again, and the whole front of the house filled with her squealin’ and laughin’.
This time, I caught her and held her against my chest before she could start demandin’ another one. “That’s it,” I told her while kissin’ the side of her face. “Daddy done. Y’all two done worked a nigga all day.”
My’Love immediately started cryin’ again. She pushed against my chest, reached upward and kicked her legs like she planned on launchin’ herself if I wouldn’t do it.
I held her tighter and started walkin’ toward the stairs. “Calm down, Mama. You ‘bout to get a bath in a minute, and then you gettin’ in the bed.”
“She don’t wanna hear that,” Toni said while followin’ us.
“I don’t care what she wanna hear,” I replied, even though I kissed My’Love’s cheek right after sayin’ it. “Daddy said no more.”