Chapter 2 #3
Her curls was soft when I touched them, and I carefully parted her hair into neat little sections before startin’ the twists. I added tiny beads at the ends because her grandmother mentioned she always loved wearin’ beads. That part almost made me cry right there.
I kept picturin’ this baby runnin’ around somewhere laughin’ while her beads clicked together.
I finished the twists carefully and laid her baby hairs down soft around her little face before finally settin’ my comb down.
For a minute, I just stood here lookin’ at both of them together, and somethin’ about seein’ a mother and daughter gone at the same time made my stomach hurt in a way I couldn’t even explain
My throat tightened so bad I had to turn away and busy myself with cleanin’ my station before I started cryin’ in these people funeral home.
I always took pictures of my work for business purposes, but this time it felt different while I stood, quietly takin’ photos of the hair.
A few minutes later, the grandmother finally came in with another woman beside her. The second she saw them, her knees almost buckled.
“My babies…” she cried.
That sound broke somethin’ in me.
I looked down immediately because my own eyes was fillin’ too fast.
The woman walked closer to her daughter first and touched her curls real soft before lookin’ toward me with tears runnin’ down her face.
“She looks beautiful,” she whispered.
I pressed my lips together and nodded. “Thank you.”
Then she looked at the baby, and man…
The way she cried over the little girl almost had me cryin’ with her. She eventually turned and wrapped her arms around me tight.
“Thank you so much,” she sobbed. “Thank you for makin’ my babies beautiful.”
I hugged her right back because at that point, I couldn’t even pretend I wasn’t emotional too.
“They already were beautiful,” I told her softly. “I just wanted to help send them home with love.”
That made her cry harder…
I rubbed her back gently while fightin’ my own tears because moments like this always reminded me how fragile life really was.
Eventually, I gathered all my products, sprays, clips, brushes, and bags before quietly makin’ my way outside.
The second I got in my car and shut the door, I finally let myself breathe. Or at least tried to.
My chest felt tight, and I leaned my head back against the seat while tears slid down my face before I could stop them.
I hated stories like this. I mean… really hated them.
I grabbed a tissue from my console and wiped my eyes before foldin’ my hands together and prayin’ quietly to myself.
“God… please cover they family,” I whispered. “And please keep me soft enough to do this work without hardenin’ my heart.”
I stayed like that for a while before finally reachin’ for my phone.
Business was business, and social media brought in a lot of my funeral clients because people trusted work they could see.
I uploaded the pictures carefully and stared at the caption box for a minute before typin’.
It was truly an honor to style these beautiful souls today. This one touched my heart deeply, and I’m praying hard for everybody affected by this loss. Even on the hardest days, I trust that God placed me exactly where I’m supposed to be. Rest peacefully, Queens.
Soon as I posted it, the comments started floodin’ in with women tellin’ me my work was beautiful, people prayin’ for the family, and other stylists admittin’ they wouldn’t be strong enough to do this kind of work every day because it would break them emotionally.
I kept scrollin’ through everything quietly until one particular comment made me stop.
And this why I love you. I’m proud of you Mama.
Just seein’ Renza’s words sittin’ under my post did somethin’ to me, and before I could even decide whether I wanted to ignore him or not, my phone started ringin’ with his name across the screen.
Three whole days passed since me and Renza talked, and somehow one comment from him still hit me right in the middle of my feelins.
I stared at the screen for a second before answerin’.
“Hello?”
His voice came through low and deep immediately. “I love you, baby.”
My eyes closed because only God knew this nigga’s voice did somethin’ to me every time.
I wiped under my eyes quickly and looked out the windshield. “Wussup?”
I seen yo’ post,” he murmured. “I’m lockin’ the shop up right now, and I’m comin’ to you.”
Somethin’ about the way he said it almost made me cry all over again because there was no questions in his voice.
There was no pressure for me to explain what I was feelin’, and no awkward attempt at comfortin’ me through the phone.
Renza just knew me well enough to understand I didn’t need to sit alone after dealin’ with some heavy shit like this all day.
I swallowed hard and looked down at my lap for a second before finally noddin’, even though he couldn’t see me.
“Okay,” I whispered.
“A’ight, Mama. I’m on the way.
By the time I finally made it back home, my body felt exhausted, but emotionally exhausted more than anything.
I took a long shower after I got home and stood under the hot water until my skin felt warm enough to loosen some of the heaviness sittin’ on me.
Once I got dressed in one of my soft lounge sets and wrapped my hair up, I climbed in bed and pulled the covers over me while the condo stayed quiet around me.
About thirty minutes later, I heard keys. A few seconds later, Renza walked in my room lookin’ fine as hell.
I could tell instantly that he had just got a haircut because his waves looked fresh and thick, and his skin practically glowed against the black shirt stretched over all them muscles. This man always looked and smelled expensive.
He had bags in one hand and a glass vase full of flowers in the other, and soon as I saw the white orchids mixed with soft blush roses, I already knew he didn’t just grab no random bouquet from a grocery store on the way over here.
Everything about it looked expensive, thoughtful, and carefully put together.
I watched him walk over and carefully set them on my nightstand before finally lookin’ at me fully.
“Hey, baby.”
I didn’t realize how much I missed him until right then.
He bent down and kissed me softly. His lips was warm and smooth, and the second he kissed me, my body melted before my pride could even stop it. He kissed me slow too, like he knew I needed comfort more than conversation.
I watched him quietly while he kicked his shoes off and pulled his shirt over his head, revealin’ all that smooth chocolate skin, thick muscles, tattoos, and them deep waves that made me feel some type of way.
Renza was fine in a way that almost irritated me sometimes, especially when I was already emotional and vulnerable like this.
My eyes then moved toward the bag of food.
“I can’t even eat right now,” I admitted.
He climbed in bed beside me and pulled me against him without hesitatin’. Then he kissed my forehead and rubbed his hand slow down my back.
“You ain’t gotta eat right now,” he murmured. “It’ll be there later.”
I let myself sink into him after that. My head rested against his chest while his arms wrapped around me tight, and honestly, it felt like my body finally relaxed for the first time all day.
Renza didn’t push me to talk or force me to explain every little thing I was feelin’.
He didn’t try to throw jokes at me to lighten the mood either.
Instead, he just pulled me against him and held me close while I lay there listenin’ to his heartbeat and feelin’ his fingers move slowly up and down my back.
Somehow, that always did more for me than a bunch of words ever could.
For all his chaos and stubbornness and freedom lovin’ bullshit, Renza knew exactly how to love me when I needed softness.
The room slowly got dark while the sun went down outside my windows, and I stayed curled against him the whole time, while his fingers moved lazily up and down my arm.
Every now and then, he would kiss the top of my head or rub my back, but mostly, he just stayed quiet and let me feel whatever I needed to feel. Eventually, my eyes started gettin’ heavy.
I felt him look down at me once before kissin’ my forehead again. “Go to sleep, Mama,” he whispered.
Somewhere between the warmth of his chest, the sound of his heartbeat, and the way his arms stayed wrapped around me like nothin’ else mattered, I finally dozed off.
Even though I tried to be done with this nigga, it was times like this that reminded me why lettin’ Renza go never came as easy as I wanted it to.
No matter how frustrated he made me or how many times I questioned where we stood or whether he was really ready for the kind of love I was offerin’, he still knew how to show up for me in the exact way I needed without me even askin’.
And as I lay here wrapped in his arms with the sun gone down and his warmth all around me, I couldn’t even pretend that bein’ close to him still didn’t feel like the safest place in the world for me.