Chapter 13 #2
And the whole time, he ain’t let me reach for nothin’.
Not a drink, not a bill, not even my own damn bag half the time.
He’d just move in, quiet like he always do, already handlin’ it before I could say anything, and I ain’t gon’ lie…
I got used to that real quick. I let him take care of me, and it didn’t feel weird or forced.
It felt natural, like that’s just how he moved when it came to me.
I had been so caught up in him that I ain’t even realize how much everything else had faded out.
I wasn’t thinkin’ about Grandma Glo’s house and the random muthafuckas always in the kitchen.
I wasn’t thinkin’ about this new job I was ’bout to start next week or none of that.
When I was with Kelli, my mind felt light, like I could just exist in that moment and not worry about what was waitin’ for me outside of it.
Tonight just added to it.
We had been out dancin’. I mean, really dancin’ and not that cute lil’ sway back and forth shit, but actually movin’, laughin’, bumpin’ into each other, him pullin’ me in close when the song slowed down just enough for me to feel his chest against mine.
Then we ate again, drank some more, and by the time we made it back to the car, I was sittin’ in the passenger seat with my heels kicked off and holdin’ the blunt while the window stayed down and the night air ran straight through my hair.
I took a slow pull and passed it to Kelli, watchin’ the way his fingers brushed mine when he took it, like it wasn’t nothin’, but it still sat on me a lil’ longer than it should’ve.
“You good?” he asked, glancin’ at me real quick before lookin’ back at the road.
“I’m more than good,” I said, smilin’ to myself while I leaned my head back. “You got me out here feelin’ like I ain’t got no responsibilities.”
He let out that low laugh he always did, like he wasn’t tryna do too much but still found me funny. “That’s ’cause you don’t right now.”
I turned my head and looked at him. I stared at his hands on the wheel, them tattoos runnin’ up his arms and his white hair sittin’ just right, ’cause it fit him so well. “You been spoilin’ me,” I said, my tone a lil’ softer now.
He ain’t answer right away but just glanced at me again with that same calm look in his eyes before sayin’, “I’m not doing anything you don’t deserve.” The way he said it made me look at him longer, tryna read past what he gave me without makin’ it obvious.
I pressed my lips together for a second, fightin’ the urge to joke it off the way I normally would, but nothin’ came out this time, so I just let it sit and looked away first.
By the time we pulled up to the hotel, I ain’t even wanna get out the car for real. My feet was done, and my body felt loose in that good way, so I grabbed my heels and stepped out, laughin’ when I almost lost my balance.
“See,” he muttered, comin’ around the car.
“Don’t start,” I said, already smilin’.
“I didn’t say nothin’,” he replied, but he still reached for my hand anyway.
We walked inside like that; close, laughin’, still high, and a lil’ drunk. By the time we got in the elevator, I had leaned into him without even thinkin’ about it. My arm slid around his while his rested around me, where it had been all night.
When we got to the room, I dropped my heels right by the door and made my way to the bed, fallin’ on it with a soft groan. “I’m not movin’ no more tonight.”
He smiled, takin’ his watch off and settin’ it down before lookin’ back at me. “You done?”
“I’m done done,” I said, turnin’ my head so I could look at him.
For a second, we just stayed lookin’ at each other, neither of us sayin’ nothin’, but it ain’t feel awkward or forced.
It was one of them moments where the silence actually meant somethin’, like everything that had been buildin’ between us finally caught up and just sat in this space without either of us tryna rush past it.
He stepped closer, and I felt it before he even touched me. I felt that shift in the room, and that pull that had been buildin’ all week but neither of us had really stepped into yet.
So, I did…
I reached for him, pullin’ him down on top of me. When our lips met, it wasn’t no quick lil’ kiss. It was slow, deep, and it felt warm and heavy at the same time, like somethin’ we both had been holdin’ back finally slipped out.
His hands moved over my waist, slidin’ up my sides while mine pressed into his chest, feelin’ his body under my palms while I kissed him back just as deep.
My legs shifted under him, my body makin’ room for him without me even thinkin’ about it.
For a second, it felt like we was really about to go there.
Then he stopped. He just… stopped.
His lips pulled away from mine, his hands fallin still like he had to catch himself, and I blinked up at him, my chest still movin’ from the way I had just been breathin’ him in.
“You good?” I asked, my voice softer now, not accusin’, just… askin’.
“Yeah,” he said, but he was already movin’ off me, standin’ up at the edge of the bed like he needed space from me all of a sudden.
That shit sat on me in a quiet way. It was enough to make me pause and look at him different, tryna figure out what just changed without askin’ him to explain it.
I pushed myself up a lil’, brushin’ it off before it could turn into somethin’ else. “My bad,” I said, like maybe I had pushed it too far.
He looked at me quick, shakin’ his head. “Nah, don’t do that. You don’t gotta apologize for nothing.”
I nodded, lettin’ that be that, even though I still ain’t fully understand what just happened.
He got in the bed with me after that, pullin’ me into his chest like he ain’t just stop us from goin’ somewhere else, but I let him hold me.
I let myself settle back into him without questionin’ it, ’cause I wasn’t about to make it weird.
If he wasn’t ready, then he wasn’t ready.
And I cared about him enough to respect that without pressin’ it.
His lips touched the top of my forehead, his arm draped over me, and after a while, everything in my body just started to shut down. The liquor, the weed, the long night… it all caught up to me at once, and I drifted off right there with him holdin’ me.
When I woke up, the first thing I noticed was how still everything felt around me. For a second. I just lay there, blinkin’ my eyes slow while I stretched out and tried to come back into myself.
My body was heavy in that lazy, slept-good kind of way, but somethin’ felt off, and I ain’t even realize what it was until I turned my head, expectin’ to see Kelli right here next to me. But he wasn’t.
I pushed myself up, lookin’ around the room like maybe he was in the bathroom or movin’ around somewhere and just out of my sight, but nothin’ moved and nothin’ made a sound, and that’s when it really hit me that he wasn’t in here at all.
I sat here for a second longer, lettin’ it settle instead of jumpin’ to conclusions, ’cause my mind ain’t even go straight to nothin’ negative.
I figured he stepped out, probably went to grab somethin’ to eat or handle somethin’ quick, and I ain’t see no reason to make it bigger than what it could be.
So, I just stayed there, rubbin’ my hand over my face and sittin’ in that quiet for a minute while I woke up all the way. I decided not call out Kelli’s name and just give him a second to walk back in like I expected him to.
My phone lit up on the bed, so I reached for it. When I saw Kelli’s name, my heart did that lil’ jump I wasn’t even ready for yet.
I opened it, sittin’ up straighter without even realizin’ I had moved, and my eyes started movin’ across the screen slower the more I read.
Kelli: I paid for another night in the room for you, so you don’t gotta rush out. And if you need a ride home, I already set that up too. You good either way.
Kelli: I’m sorry for leaving like this. I didn’t wanna wake you, and I didn’t wanna stand there looking at you and not say this right.
I swallowed, my thumb hoverin’ over the screen while I kept goin’.
Kelli: I got so much love for you, Sha’Nelle. I need you to know that part first before anything else.
That alone made me sit back, my back hittin’ the headboard while my eyes stayed glued to the rest of it.
Kelli: But I’m not right in my head right now. I know that, and I’m not gon’ sit here and act like I wouldn’t end up fuckin’ this up if I let it go where it was starting to go last night.
Kelli: You don’t deserve that from me. You don’t deserve me trying to figure myself out while I’m already in the middle of you.
My grip on my phone tightened without me meanin’ to.
Kelli: I care about you too much to turn what we got into something messy or something that ends with you looking at me different. I couldn’t take that from you.
Kelli: And I know I should’ve said this in person. I do. But I wasn’t gon’ be able to get it out the right way standing in front of you, and I didn’t wanna lie to you or say some shit just because you was right there looking at me.
Kelli: So I left.
There was a pause in the messages, like even he ain’t know how to end it.
Then the last one came through…
Kelli: I’m sorry, for real. I just didn’t wanna disappoint you.
I sat there with my phone still in my hand, readin’ it over without even scrollin’, but just lettin’ that shit sit on me the way it came.
I ain’t rush through it this time. I let every word land the way he meant it, and the more I sat with it, the more that hurt started settlin’ in my spirit in a way I couldn’t joke off or push to the side like I usually would.
I tried to be mad about it. I tried to twist it into some shit I could be angry at, but that wasn’t what I wanted to believe Kelli gave me. I truly wanted to believe he just… stepped back.
But damn… that shit still stung.
I leaned back against the headboard slow, starin’ at the screen like it might change if I looked at it long enough.
“Damn, Kelli…” I whispered.
This shit actually… hurt.