Chapter 19
Yacht Nyori
Two days later…
Today, I wasn’t in the mood to deal with or hear no bullshit. We was finally about to leave the yacht, and instead of that shit feelin’ like the end of a good time, it felt like I had been holdin’ my breath for five days and was just now gettin’ a chance to let it out.
I stood off to the side with my cup in my hand, posted up where I could see everything without really bein’ in it.
My family was movin’ around, talkin’, laughin’, gettin’ they bags together, doin’ what we always do when we wrap up somethin’ like this, and for the first time, I wasn’t in the middle of it. That alone told me how off this whole trip had been.
For the past two days, I hadn’t really been around my family like that, and I damn sure hadn’t been around Reni like I should’ve been.
I had been floatin’ from one side of the yacht to the other, havin’ my moments, answerin’ calls when I felt like it, and ignorin’ ’em when I didn’t, ’cause none of this shit felt good to me no more.
My phone had rang more times than I could count these last couple days, and I let most of that shit go.
It wasn’t even about nobody doin’ too much.
I just ain’t feel like talkin’. I ain’t feel like explainin’.
I ain’t feel like actin’ like everything was cool when it wasn’t.
That’s not where I was at with this shit no more.
I took a sip from my drink and looked out at the water for a second, then back at everybody else and I could feel that distance sittin’ on me whether I wanted to admit it or not.
This shit was supposed to be easy. This was supposed to be me bringin’ my woman around my people and just enjoyin’ it, lettin’ her fall into the vibe, and lettin’ everything move how it naturally do.
Instead, this shit turned into tension, attitudes, and me feelin’ like I had to keep pickin’ sides without nobody actually sayin’ it. That’s the part that was really fuckin’ with a nigga.
Ain’t nobody come to me sayin’, “Choose,” but the way shit had been goin’, that’s what it started feelin’ like, and I wasn’t built for all that dumb, petty shit.
I wasn’t about to turn my back on my family, and I wasn’t about to keep bendin’ myself tryna make Reni comfortable when all I had been doin’ was tryna love her the way I knew how. But… that shit wasn’t landin’.
If anything, it felt like the more I tried, the worse the shit got.
I ran my hand down my face and let out a slow breath, then pushed myself off the rail and started walkin’ over to where everybody else was.
Kay’Lo spotted me first and grabbed me up when I got close. “’Bout time you popped back out,” he said, smirkin’ like he already knew what type of time I had been on.
“Yeah,” I muttered, noddin’ once.
Pressure looked at me next, his eyes runnin’ over my face like he was readin’ more than what I was sayin’. “You good?” he asked.
“I’m straight,” I replied, but I ain’t put no extra on it.
He ain’t press me about it. He just nodded and went back to helpin’ Pluto with her bag.
I hated how shit had went left before it even got a chance to be right.
Reni had texted me about the drama between her and Pluto days ago. Toni had already said her piece too, so I wasn’t goin’ into it blind. I had heard enough from both sides to know how it went, and from the way it played out, I knew I ain’t like it.
It wasn’t even about whether Reni had a reason to feel how she felt. I just ain’t like that she let it go there, especially with Pluto bein’ pregnant. It just wasn’t the place for all that, and it should’ve never got to that point.
I grabbed my shit and moved with everybody else as we started headin’ off the yacht, keepin’ my mouth shut and my thoughts to myself ’cause I ain’t feel like goin’ back and forth about nothin’ else.
I had already did enough of that, and at this point, I was just ready to get off the damn boat and be done with it.
Reni walked behind me without sayin’ much, and I felt her more than I actually looked back at her.
The space between us ain’t feel right, but I ain’t turn around to fix it either.
I just kept walkin’, while the rest of the family moved around us, talkin’ and laughin’ like the trip hadn’t went how it did.
When we got down to where the cars was, I popped the trunk and reached for Reni’s luggage before she could grab it herself, liftin’ it up and settin’ it inside without sayin’ nothin’.
She stood there for a second like she was waitin’ on me to say somethin’, and I felt that, but I ain’t give her nothin’ to work with. I closed the trunk, walked around to the driver’s side, and got in like it was just another ride, even though it ain’t feel like that at all.
She got in on her side a second later, and the tension followed us into the car without either of us acknowledgin’ it. I started the engine and pulled off, keepin’ my eyes on the road while she sat quiet, and whatever she had on her mind stayed right there with her ’cause I wasn’t askin’ about it.
I kept my hands on the wheel and my eyes on the road, not even glancin’ over like I normally would.
That silence between us wasn’t comfortable or peaceful at all, and it just sat here in the car. It was clear that neither one of us had nothin’ left to say.
Five days on that yacht, and the only thing me and her had been consistent with was turnin’ our backs on each other in that bed.
That shit alone irritated me ’cause I ain’t even get down like that.
I ain’t like goin’ to sleep mad. I ain’t like layin’ up next to somebody I was dealin’ with and feelin’ like we was on opposite sides of the room even when we was right next to each other.
All I be wantin’ is my woman next to me, coolin’, vibin’ and enjoyin’ the moment without all that extra shit hangin’ over us.
I was plannin’ on layin’ up, suckin’ on her pussy all night while the water moved under us.
I wanted to fuck her good and keep her right the whole trip, and not dealin’ with attitudes and sleepin’ with our backs turned like we had problems every damn day.
But with Reni, it always felt like it was somethin’.
If it wasn’t one thing, it was a got damn nother, and I had just reached a point where I ain’t feel like explainin’ myself or tryna make her see it from my side when it seemed like she already made her mind up about how she felt.
I finally pulled up to her condo and put the car in park. Neither of us moved right away like we both knew what this was but ain’t feel like bein’ the first to say it.
After a few seconds, Reni finally turned toward me.
“Renza… give me my key back,” she said.
I looked at her for a second, and my mind went straight to all the other times she had did this same shit.
This wasn’t the first time she tried to take her key back from me, and it damn sure wasn’t the first time she got in her feelins and switched up like that. She had even went as far as changin’ the locks on me before, just to turn around later and hand me a new key.
Back then, I ain’t take it lightly at all. I had somethin’ to say, I had energy behind it and I wanted answers ’cause I wasn’t about to let her play with me like that.
This time, I ain’t feel none of that shit.
I reached for my keys, pulled her key off my ring, and placed it in her hand without sayin’ a word, and I ain’t hesitate or question it like I would’ve before. Hell, at this point, I knew where she was at with it.
I could tell by the way she looked at me that it hit her different than she expected, like she thought I was gon’ say somethin’ or push back, but I ain’t have it in me to do none of that this time.
I had clothes at Reni’s place. I had shoes, and other shit I had brought over piece by piece.
I ain’t mention that shit, and I ain’t ask about it or say when I was gon’ come get it. She opened the door and stepped out, grabbin’ her luggage.
I stayed right in the driver’s seat, watchin’ it play out without sayin’ a word.
I watched her walk away, with my hand still restin’ on the wheel while my chest tightened just enough for me to feel it.
Yeah, a nigga was hurt and felt some type of way. This shit wasn’t easy for me, ’cause I loved Reni and I had really tried with her. At some point though, I had to be real with myself…
Love wasn’t supposed to feel like you was constantly dealin’ with somethin’ that wasn’t gettin’ no better. It shouldn’t feel like you keep tryna meet somebody halfway and still end up in the same place every time.
It wasn’t supposed to feel like you had to change how you move just to keep somebody from havin’ a problem, and it damn sure wasn’t supposed to feel like you had to choose between your woman and your family when you ain’t did shit to deserve that.
I kept watchin’ her walk, but I ain’t call out to her or try to stop her.
Even though this shit hurt, I knew I had to let Reni go ’cause it just wasn’t workin’ no more.