Chapter 35
Solé Gardens
A couple hours passed after Reni took the pill, and she was already bleedin’. I stayed by her side, sittin’ on the couch while she was in the recliner with a blanket wrapped around her like she was tryna hold herself together.
I had already ran out and grabbed her some ginger ale, crackers and some medicine for the cramps, and now everything was sittin’ on the table in front of her, barely touched. Every now and then she would take a sip or nibble on somethin’, but for the most part, she just sat there, lookin’ drained.
And I ain’t gon’ lie… I ain’t really know how to feel about none of this shit.
I kept glancin’ over at her, and she kept lookin’ back at me, and it was like we both had shit on our minds that neither one of us was sayin’.
Where I come from, we don’t even play about shit like this.
My family ain’t believe in abortions at all. Pressure be wantin’ them babies with Pluto every time, like that nigga don’t even think twice about it, and Pluto be the one tryna slow shit down or get on birth control, but he don’t be goin’ for none of that.
And Kay’Lo… man, that nigga was ready to go to war when he found out Toni was even on birth control.
That’s just how we was raised, where bloodline and legacy mattered, so sittin’ here watchin’ Reni go through this, knowin’ that this was my child she was carryin’, had me fucked up more than I wanted to admit.
At the end of the day, I knew the baby was mine, and no matter how I tried to look at it, I couldn’t shake the fact that I was sittin’ here goin’ against everything I came from while she was bleedin’ out somethin’ that had my name on it.
More time passed, and before I knew it, it was late as hell. It was past midnight, and that’s when shit really started kickin’ in for her.
Reni was breathin’ heavier now, movin’ around in the recliner like she couldn’t get comfortable, and every now and then she would press her hand against her stomach and close her eyes like she was tryna ride that pain out.
I sat forward on the couch with my elbows on my knees, watchin’ her without sayin’ too much, ’cause it wasn’t really shit I could say that was gon’ make this better.
“You good?” I finally asked.
She nodded, but I could tell she wasn’t, and I ain’t even press it ’cause ain’t no way she was good goin’ through some shit like this.
A lil’ while later, she got up slow and made her way to the bathroom, holdin’ on to the wall like her body wasn’t all the way cooperatin’ with her, and I watched her go before leanin’ back and runnin’ my hand over my face, tryna clear my head for a second.
My phone started buzzin’ again, and when I picked it up and looked down, I seen Sha’Nelle callin’, so I just let it ring while I sat here, starin’ at her name until it stopped.
Soon as it did, I went ahead and text her instead.
Baby, I’mma hit you right back. I’m with Reni while she havin’ the abortion.
I ain’t overthink it, I just sent it, ’cause in my head, keepin’ it real was the only way to handle it, and I wasn’t about to lie to ‘Nelle or move funny, when I knew what we had.
She text back a couple seconds later, and all it said was okay, and even though it wasn’t rude or nothin’, it still felt… different.
I stared at the message for a second, then typed again.
I miss you.
I hit send and waited, but when her reply came through, it wasn’t what I was used to, and I could feel that shit without her even sayin’ much. Like she was fallin’ back just enough for me to notice.
Handle what you gotta handle. Get back with me
I read that shit twice, sittin’ here with my phone in my hand while the silence in the room got louder, and even though she ain’t say nothin’ wrong, I knew this situation was startin’ to create space between us, and I ain’t like that shit at all.
At the same time, I couldn’t even be mad at it, ’cause I was sittin’ here with another woman while she was goin’ through some real shit behind me.
Before I could even respond, I heard Reni call my name from the bathroom.
“Renza…”
Her voice was weak, and I was already on my feet.
I walked in there and saw her sittin’ on the toilet, lookin’ down between her legs with her face twisted up in pain.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
I stepped closer and looked in the toilet, and I ain’t gon’ lie, that shit hit me different when I really seen it for myself.
It was blood sittin’ in the toilet thick, mixed with dark clots that ain’t look like nothin’ light. For a second, I just stood there starin’ at it, knowin’ exactly what I was lookin’ at even if I ain’t wanna say it out loud.
I stood there, takin’ it in, then I snapped out of it ’cause she was hurtin’. And at the end of the day, this was my responsibility.
I was the one that fucked her raw, and the one that got her pregnant. So regardless of what me and her was now, I couldn’t just sit back and let her deal with this shit by herself.
I grabbed some tissue and helped clean her up, movin’ careful so I ain’t make the pain worse for her. She winced a lil’, and I slowed down, talkin’ to her low.
“I got you… just hold on.”
When I was done, I flushed the toilet behind her and helped her stand up. I grabbed a fresh pad and helped her get situated, then wrapped my arm around her and walked her back to the livin’ room.
“Nah, you lay over here,” I told her, guidin’ her to the longer sofa instead of the recliner.
She ain’t argue. She just let me help her down, pullin’ the blanket up over her while she curled up on her side.
I sat down beside her, restin’ my hand on her leg, rubbin’ it slow just to keep her calm.
Her body was shakin’ a lil’ now, and I could tell she had chills, so I pulled the blanket up higher and kept my hand on her.
“Just breathe,” I said. “You a’ight.”
She nodded weakly, but she ain’t really talk.
As I sat there, I couldn’t even lie to myself. This whole situation had me fucked up.
Reni was right here goin’ through it, and I knew I was supposed to be here with her. I was the reason she was even in this position, so it wasn’t no way I could just leave her to deal with this shit by herself.
But at the same time, I couldn’t get Sha’Nelle off my mind, especially not after the way we had just locked in and spent that whole week together.
Now this shit had me sittin’ here feelin’ like it was already startin’ to put space between us before we even really got a chance to see what we could be.
I ain’t like none of this shit or the position I was in. I ain’t like the way it was pullin’ me in two different directions, and how it felt like no matter what move I made, somethin’ was gon’ come with it.
At the same time, a real nigga wasn’t gon’ run from shit he created, even if it cost him somethin’ he actually wanted.