Trust
Imissed my wife. There was no other way to put it. All that sneaking around got me caught up and in a relationship I never wanted to be in. This was a default kind of situation, but I was thugging it out.
Xara was nothing like Yani and it showed daily.
So much nagging and wanting to know every move I made was getting on my last good nerve.
Like now, we were at the doctor’s office checking up on the baby and she was still down my throat about some bullshit.
I couldn’t catch a break from her. All that bullshit she spilled about letting me do me and still accepting it was just that… bullshit.
“Xara I’m tired of talking about this.”
“Bi… She has my son, Xara. Stop making this all about you.”
When Yani threw in the towel, it crushed the fuck out of my pride. I knew me and her was locked in for life. She was my ending, and I gambled the hell out of our bond with the shit Xara and I had formed. The grass wasn’t greener on the other side, and I learned that quickly.
Nobody knew the aggravation I held on a daily with this girl.
She wanted me to give her what I gave Yani, but little did she know, Yani put more into us than I ever did and that was the reason we gained ten years together.
I slacked often and she picked it up with ease.
I owed so much to Yani, and I was working toward repaying her without Xara’s knowledge.
“Nigga all I see is her name in your call log. You don’t even call or check up on me like that. I’m the one pregnant with your kid, again, and you more focused on what the fuck she got going on.”
“Where the hell is this damn doctor at?”
Suddenly, she burst out into tears. This was something she did when she knew shit was getting out of hand and I wasn’t feeding into her argument. I looked at her and shook my head from side to side while rolling my eyes.
“Why am I not good enough for you, Trust? You got me stressing so damn much knowing that could hurt the baby.”
“Spare me the dramatics, Xara. I’m with yo’ goofy ass ain’t I? You causing all this chaos for nothing. Focus on you and shit would be good. You stressing yourself out. Don’t put that shit on me.”
The doctor came in putting a halt to the conversation at hand. Xara always flexed for her coworkers as if she had the perfect relationship. We were far from that.
“How’s my favorite couple?” Dr. Wales questioned.
I scoffed and shook my head once more. I had to get the fuck away from Xara and her over the top theatrics. She had them fooled and that didn’t sit right with me. I wasn’t a perfect nigga so all this fake shit she fed them was bothering me.
“Can we get on with this doc? I got somewhere to be.”
“And where is that?” Xara asked with attitude dripping from her tongue. She no longer had tears in her eyes.
“None of yo’ business. I was speaking to the doctor, not you. Stay in your lane Xara. Now, can we speed this up doc?”
Dr. Wales nodded quickly while looking toward Xara. I didn’t care what was going on for real. I already had an ultrasound on the baby and every time Xara came home, she gave me an update on the baby. I truly didn’t need to be here since it was a wellness check.
Xara eyed me with evil eyes which didn’t move me in the slightest way. She had irritated me for the day, and I was anxious to get the hell away from her. All that arguing wasn’t me. If she just chilled, we would be good.
The appointment progressed and the only time I showed interest was when the baby was on the screen and the heartbeat boomed throughout the room. It was strong and that brought a smile to my face. I loved my kids, and they held a big part of my heart.
If Xara calmed down with all her back and forth, then maybe shit would run better for us both.
She wasn’t where I wanted to be for real, but we shared a child, and I would’ve been willing to settle if she learned how to chill the fuck out.
She was acting as if I was a single man when she met me, but I was far from it and Yani was never hidden.
The details of us might’ve been but she was never a secret.
“The blood work from your last visit returned and we have the gender of the fetus. Would you like to know or wait?”
“Know,” we stated simultaneously.
“Alright, give me one moment to pull them up.” She went to scrolling and I grabbed Xara’s hand. We had talked about the gender a few times and was hoping for a boy. “Okay you two. It seems as if you are carrying a healthy baby boy.”
“Yes!”
We were excited and our happiness showed.
Xara looked at me with so much love and although we were never on the same page, I was gracious for this moment with her.
My kids didn’t have the luxury of choosing their parents, so I tried my best to be a standup guy and be there for them regardless of who I dealt with.
“I’m glad I could bring a smile to your face. That’s everything for this visit. I’ll see you next month. Have a good day you two.” Dr. Wales left us to bask in the good news.
“Hell yeah. I couldn’t deal with another Truce. She cries too much for me,” I said as I helped her down off the table.
“Nigga you got her like that. Always running to her aid, spoiling her with gifts, letting her get her way… she does no wrong in your eyes. She cries when you’re not around or when I tell her no.”
I smiled off her statement. She wasn’t wrong.
Truce had me wrapped around her tiny fingers and I didn’t plan on going anywhere any time soon.
Xara had no idea how my kids played a major factor in us being together.
I wasn’t dropping the ball twice. I did with Yani but aside from her dramatics, Xara was a cool chick.
I could be with her as long as she wasn’t on a nigga head trying to dictate my every move.
We walked out of the doctor’s office in a better mood than when we walked in.
She stopped mentioning Yani and that was a blessing.
I didn’t like for her name to roll off Xara’s tongue no way.
It made me realize how bad I had fucked up anytime she did.
If she knew what was best for her, she would let Yani be and focus on the shit we had.
“Where did you have to go, Trust?” she inquired once we got inside the car.
“I had to run by the mall and then a floral shop to send something off.”
“And that was more important than checking on the baby?”
“Nah, but when you nagging a nigga, everything is more important.” I wasn’t trying to sound rude or anything, but it was the truth.
“I’m sorry. I just—”
“Need to worry about yourself. Shit would work out in your favor more if you did so. You come up with these scenarios and stress yourself out afterward. Majority of the time you be wrong as fuck and then we got tension between us, and I don’t like that.
I ain’t never been the type to argue with my woman and we go at it entirely too much for my liking. ”
She was quiet and that was something that didn’t happen often. It took a lot to shut her up, but I guess she was actually listening to understand this time instead of listening to respond.
I let her sit with that as I pulled out of the parking lot. When we came to a red light, I finally glanced her way and saw her silently crying. For some reason, her tears were effective. They tugged at my heart, and I couldn’t help but wonder why.
Reaching over, I wiped her face clean and gave her a sensual kiss. She was the mother of my kids, and I didn’t dislike the girl. Hell, I messed with her for years and thought she was an escape at one point of time. As toxic as she was, she was a vibe when she was chillin’.
Her tiny hand grabbed my wrist, and she gave me her undivided attention.
“Trust, I’m not trying to lose you. I know I get crazy but that’s because of how we are. We share a family and that’s something I never really had. I love you and I can’t help but assume that every time you walk out the door that you’re walking back to her. It scares me.”
I understood where she was coming from but hell, Yani wasn’t thinking about me right now so for the time being, I was all Xara’s.
I wasn’t going to act like if Yani ever gave me a chance again that I wouldn’t drop everything with Xara because I would and make my kids the only reason for discussion.
Yani was and always would be my wife. However, I wasn’t no trash ass nigga.
I fucked up and now I was dealing with the consequences.
“That’s on me for making you feel like that. I’m sorry for all this shit Xara. I’m really not trying to make this shit a heartbreaking experience. Just back off and know I ain’t doing shit. It’s sad that your only concern is Yani and not these other hoes.”
“Because Yani is the one that got away, not them. I’m not stupid Trust.”
Horns blew interrupting our conversation. I threw up my middle finger as I pressed the gas and got back to the topic at hand.
“I never once said you were. Just worry about what we got going on now and stop causing all this extra drama for us. Plus, you can’t make nobody do a damn thing. We all grown out here. Do you and hope a muthafucka doing right by you. That’s all you can do.”
I was speaking some real shit to her. She would probably take it wrong like she did everything else I said but that was on her. All I was trying to get her to see was a muthafucka was going to do them regardless and it wasn’t shit another muthafucka could do to stop it. That was life.
“Are you doing right by me?”
“Man, what the fuck I just say? Chill Xara damn.”
She stopped for the time being, but I knew it would resurface again. She wasn’t the type to just let shit go and let us be good. There was always something on her mind and everybody and their mama was going to have to hear it.
We cruised through the city in a comfortable silence until we approached the mall. I didn’t mind her coming in with me as long as she behaved. She could go from zero to hundred in a split second all from a female glancing my way and from there the arguments start.
Hand in hand was how we walked in with me leading her to the jewelry store. I had already had her a tennis bracelet bought but it needed to be engraved. I was trying to spoil her ass today and she almost messed that up with the stunt she pulled at the doctor’s appointment.
“Can we go by the food court baby? I want some cookies.”
“Yeah mama. Just give me a minute in here.”
“Mr. Thompson, how are you?” I was greeted by one of my favorite workers. I returned the smile she had on her face.
“She knows you by name. Why Trust?”
I let go of Xara’s hand and walked off from her approaching Jasmine at the counter. Jasmine was a beautiful bright toned woman. She could’ve been on the team years back, but I respected that she was a married woman.
“What’s up lady? I’m straight. How you feeling?” I countered.
“For the most part, good. How’s my girl? I haven’t seen her in a while.” She spoke on Yani, which was grounds for a new debate with Xara.
“You know she gon’ handle business before she does anything else. She straight though. You got that for me?”
“Of course. Give me a second.” She took off behind a curtain and Xara seized the opportunity to twenty-one questions my ass.
“Who the fuck is that and why is she mentioning your ex?”
“I’m not about to do this with you in this store after we just had that talk in the car. I’m not repeating myself and you not about to aggravate me either. You can get out my face for all that.”
We couldn’t be good for longer than ten minutes at a damn time and that was sad as fuck. She was pushing me to being single little did she know.
Jasmine returned with a long velvet box along with that bright smile she sported often. “Here you go. I hope we got everything correct and it’s to your liking.”
She handed over the box and I opened it to inspect it. Xara was over my shoulder not letting me breathe. She was so damn nosy; it made no sense. I nodded once I was done.
“’Preciate you Jas.” I took the bracelet out and turned to Xara. Her eyes were big as saucers because this was the first piece of jewelry I bought for her. It was a surprise to us both. “Hopefully, this helps you understand that I care about you and what we got.”
She didn’t have another word to say. Her smile went from ear to ear as I placed it on her wrist. I was glad something shut her ass up before things went left again.
“Babyyyy! Oh my God. Thank youuuuuu!” Her arms were thrown around my neck and she began to squeeze me tight.
“You’re welcome. Keep your ass calm and you can get more.”
“Oh, and that other thing has been sent off,” Jas added on.
“What other thing?”
“Yo’ ass don’t listen to a damn thing I be saying bruh. Thank you, Jas. I’ll holla at you later.”
I shook my head and draped my arm across Xara’s shoulder ignoring whatever she talking about. That was none of her concern. She got what we came here for.