22. Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Two
Emma
I 'm at a beach. A real beach! The thought circles in my head, too enormous to fully grasp. This isn't the sanctuary I retreated to when reality became too much, when hope was a distant dream.
This is so much better.
This is real.
This is everything.
My feet sink into sand that's impossibly soft.
Each step leaves impressions behind me. Proof that I exist. The water moves with a grace I never could have imagined.
Forward and back, forward and back. White foam races up the sand like delicate lace, then retreats with a gentle hiss that sounds like secrets being whispered.
Sunlight catches in the spray, turning ordinary water into diamonds that sparkle and dance before dissolving back into the sea.
The air tastes like salt and freedom. Seabirds wheel overhead, their cries carrying on the breeze like a welcome.
Everything is alive, moving, eternal. The vastness of the ocean stretches before me, blue-green waves merging with the horizon until I can't tell where sea meets sky.
It makes me feel small, but not in the way the basement made me feel small.
This is different. This is being part of something bigger, something that existed long before alphas decided omegas were property.
I wiggle my toes deeper into the sand, marveling at how it shifts and molds around them.
Cool and damp where the waves reach, warm and powder-soft just beyond.
The water inches closer with each wave and then suddenly it rushes to my toes.
My body moves of its own accord, and I step back before it contacts my skin.
A warm presence materializes behind me, and without turning around I know it's Phoenix.
It's strange. The wind is blowing fresh sea spray in my face, yet I don’t have to turn to know its him.
Like some part of me is attuned to him on a cellular level.
What's stranger still is that I don't tense, don't feel the knee-jerk need to create distance between us.
His presence is as warm as the sun on my shoulders.
He moves to stand beside me, and I look up into his face.
He peers down, patient and seeing everything.
Really seeing me. His tousled hair is golden in the sunshine.
His eyes hold mine, patient and sure. He’s a true golden boy with those piercing eyes and that gentle smile.
He’s…he’s… beautiful in a way that makes warmth unfurl inside of me.
Butterflies take flight in my belly, spreading warmth through my veins. Is this attraction? This strange mixture of nervousness and wanting. This urge to step closer instead of away. This awareness of every place our bodies could touch but aren't.
I've never felt this before. Never been allowed to feel this before. I have wanted alphas in the past because of my heat, but I’m not in heat now.
That’s a biological response to pheromones and designation, but this warmth is different.
My body and mind agree. Both sides of me want to bridge the small distance between us.
I don’t know how to name it but it’s pure and simple and easy and I want to stand by his side.
Phoenix smiles, his fingers carefully threading through mine. The calluses on his palm speak of strength, but his touch is feather-light. He gives me every opportunity to pull away but I…don’t.
Instead, I curl my fingers around his. His eyes drop to where our fingers are linked, then flick back to my face.
“Is a tough girl like you afraid of a little water?” His tone is light, teasing, but his eyes. Gods, his eyes hold such deep understanding.
He gives me strength.
“I...” My voice catches. How do I explain that part of me remembers seeking oblivion in the water I thought was my sacred beach last night?
Now I have the real thing spread before me, it’s totally different.
How could I have thought that poor excuse in my imagination to be like something this majestic?
“My parents told me they would take me to a beach when I was with them. When they were”—my voice catches but I force myself to keep going—”alive. We’d planned a beach holiday the summer before my designation hit. Before everything went bad and now…”
Now I’ll never experience that with them. Life took them away from me too soon. I will always remember them in my past. Never my future. I draw a deep breath and steady myself. I don’t want to take away from the beauty of this moment, but I would like him to know some of my truth.
“We’d never been before. I don’t know why, but our family never came to the beach even when I was young. I always imagined what it would be like. I’d build sandcastles. Swim. Find shells. Look in rockpools. And then, when things got bad, that’s the image I used to escape.”
I look out at the glistening water, never still.
The way the sunlight temporarily blinds me as the water throws off reflections.
The way the wind flicks my hair into my eyes.
The cool sand under my feet and the slight sting of sunlight on my face.
“ But this...” I gesture at the vast expanse before us.
“Nothing I imagined comes close to this.”
Emotions cascade across his face, and he lets me see every one.
Pain darkens his eyes. Rage tightens the corners of his mouth.
Pride softens his features when he looks at me standing here.
And something deeper, something that makes my chest tight, warms his entire expression.
He's being vulnerable, deliberately transparent.
Letting me read him like a book. Written just for me.
His thumb strokes circles on my palm, each touch sending little sparks up my arm. “Do you know how incredible you are?” His voice is rough with feeling. Deeper. “You survived the worst humanity could throw at you. And here you stand, still fighting, still dreaming.”
“Not all in one piece,” I whisper.
His gaze roams my face again before he eventually speaks. “Have you heard of Kintsugi?”
I shake my head. I’m going to change my ignorance about the world and everything in it. I’ve missed out on so much while locked away.
His free hand comes up to brush a strand of hair from my face.
His fingertips trace my cheek so lightly, they’re barely there.
The gesture is careful. Thoughtful. Intimate because it comes from him.
“It's a Japanese art form. When precious pottery breaks, they repair it with gold.
The cracks become part of the piece's history.
They believe that something that's been broken and repaired is stronger and more precious than something that's never been damaged at all.”
His eyes hold mine, intense and sincere. Little flecks of darker blue ring his pupils, like the ocean depths. “Your cracks don't make you less whole, Emma. They make you more precious. More beautiful. More valuable.”
The words hit something deep inside me, something I thought had shattered beyond repair.
My gasp is lost in the wind because he really means what he says.
He isn’t merely mouthing words to make me feel better.
These words are carefully chosen. They hold true meaning and like the heat-seeking missiles they are, they spear right through my walls and straight into my heart .
Phoenix sends me a cheeky smile that softens his features into something almost boyish. “Want company for your first step into the waves?”
Something warm and unfamiliar swells in my chest. Anticipation mixed with a giddy sort of excitement I haven't felt since before I was taken to Haven.
His enthusiasm is infectious, his joy at sharing this moment with me so pure my heart flutters.
His scent carries no demands, no expectations, just genuine pleasure at being part of my moment.
I find myself returning his grin, the expression feeling foreign but right on my face.
“O…okay.” I nod, and his answering smile outshines the sun. He looks at me in a way that feels like I’m giving him a gift instead of the other way around.
The next wave races toward us, hissing on the sand. Phoenix's hand tightens slightly in mine, not restraining, just anchoring. “Ready, Tough Girl?”
He steps forward and tugs me along. The water rushes over my feet and I gasp. It's cold, shocking, absolutely perfect. Tiny bubbles fizz around my toes, tickling my skin with effervescent joy. The sand shifts beneath my feet as the water recedes, like the earth itself is breathing.
“Oh,” I whisper, wonder making my voice small. Everything I imagined pales in comparison to this reality.
Phoenix's thumb strokes across my knuckles as another wave approaches. “Here comes another one. Are you ready?”
I’m more than ready. I step toward the wave, pulling him with me. The water swirls around our ankles, and his delighted laugh mingles with the sound of waves. The joy in that sound is contagious, pure, completely without artifice.
For the first time in forever, I feel... free.
Alive.
Real.
And the alpha holding my hand isn't a jailer or an owner. There are no chains around my ankle, locking me to a wall in the darkness. No, here is light and laughter and joy .
The next wave approaches and this time the water hits my knees in a shocking burst of cold that makes me gasp. My yoga pants cling to my legs. The sensation is exhilarating, cold and wild and completely beyond control. Like being baptized in something ancient and pure.
“Bit chilly?” Phoenix teases, his eyes dancing with mischief. Sunlight catches his sparkling eyes, making him look like some kind of ocean god. “Want to see how deep your courage goes?”
Something about his playful challenge makes me brave. Makes me want to prove I can be more than a broken thing. I want to be put back together with gold and made whole and beautiful.
We wade deeper, each step stirring up sand beneath our feet.
The water swirls around us, pushing and pulling like it wants to make us part of something bigger.
The water rises to our thighs, my clothes completely soaked now but it doesn't matter.
Nothing matters except this moment, this freedom, this choice to keep going.
A larger wave hits us, sending spray up over my chest. Salt water touches my lips, and I realize I'm smiling so wide my cheeks hurt. Phoenix's laugh rings out across the water. The sound does something to my insides, makes me want to hear it again.
A wildness takes hold of me. I scoop up water in my palms and scatter the drops over him before I can overthink my actions.
Drops clinging to his eyelashes as he blinks in surprise.
For a moment I freeze, old terror trying to surface but his smile grows impossibly wider.
His brows jump over bright eyes. “Oh, it's on now, Tough Girl.”
The game catches fire between us, splashing and dodging sprays dug up by our hands.
Water flies everywhere until we're both completely drenched. My hair is plastered to my face, my clothes are saturated, and I'm laughing. Actually laughing . The sound surprises me. It’s been years since I’ve felt this light.
There was no laughter after Mom and Dad died. Certainly none to be had at Haven.
Suddenly I'm aware of how close we are, how his body fills all the spaces and radiates heat that draws me to him.
Droplets trace paths down his neck, over the strong column of his throat, making me want to follow their journey with my fingers.
His shirt clings to broad shoulders, outlining every muscle in a way that makes my mouth go dry despite the salt water.
My breath catches for reasons that have nothing to do with cold water. This close, I can see every shade of blue in his eyes, count the tiny laugh lines at their corners. His hands on my waist are gentle but steady, giving me every opportunity to pull away.
I don't want to pull away.
Our laughter fades, and the air develops another charge between us. Phoenix's expression shifts, playfulness giving way to an intensity of another sort. His eyes drop to my lips, then back to mine.
“Emma,” he says, my name rough in his throat. His hands on my waist tighten slightly, but still so careful, so controlled. “I would like to kiss you right now.”
The waves lap around our thighs, but I don’t notice the cold. Not with the heat of his body so close, not with the way his thumbs stroke small circles through my wet clothes. His fingers send little sparks through my skin, leaving a trail of heat where he touches.
He ducks his head, his gaze trained wholly on me. “Would that be okay, Tough Girl? If I kiss you?”
The question hangs between us, heavy with possibility. His scent made sharper by salt spray wraps around me like a warm blanket. I know, with absolute certainty, that if I say no, he'll accept it. Will step back and that will be all right. The choice is completely mine.
Maybe that's why I don't want to say no.
Maybe that's why I nod.
Maybe that's why I tilt my chin up and whisper, “Yes. Please. Kiss me, Phoenix.”