Chapter 19
Evie
I have an emotional hangover. And the best cure for a hangover?
Comfort cheese. It might not have been the most nutritious breakfast, but I found myself snacking on some Vermont sharp on the way to school this morning after I swung by Driftwood for my iced coffee.
Extra shot today because I woke up with bone deep exhaustion.
After I got done recounting the entire evening to Thea, all I wanted to do was sleep for the next two weeks.
She assured me that what happened at the gallery wasn’t a big deal and people won’t be talking about it.
It’s sweet of her to placate me that way, but there’s no way people won’t be talking about it.
For one, I was on a date. That in and of itself is small town fodder.
And not only that, I passed out. Strike number two.
And to top it all off, I was picked up by a different man and left the date with him instead.
I truly hit the trifecta of small town gossip, and they’ll be eating up that chum like sharks for weeks.
Aside from Thea’s very baseless confidence that the town won’t be talking about the elementary teacher who went on a date with one man only to leave with another, she did promise that it was a good idea to open up to August. I really didn’t have any doubts about that, but hearing it from someone who sees and works with him every day felt reassuring.
There was so much happening for me last night, but the best part of it was knowing I had the liberty to share as much or as little with August as I wanted.
I was relieved he wasn’t going to pressure me either way.
He sincerely gave me a safe place to talk through my emotions and it was the lightest I’ve felt in a long time.
Don’t get me wrong, Thea is always there.
She’s the best listener, always meets my energy, and is honest with me (with the exception of August and I now being the talk of the town), but there’s something about August that tugs at me and I want to find refuge in his strength.
My only fear now is that I’ve entirely scared him away.
That is a lot of damage to hear about especially when you weren’t mentally prepared for it.
And that wasn’t even all of it. Last night was a turning point for me.
I know it’s healthy for me to be honest with myself about what my emotions are, and right now, I deeply care for August.
If we were kids on my playground at work, I would say I “like like” August. I giggle to myself imagining telling Thea I “like like” him and honestly, that tracks, because after last night August kind of has me feeling like a little girl at school who has a crush on the cute, popular boy.
But August has more depth to him than just being attractive.
Everything he displayed to me last night was something I’ve needed and wanted for years, and never thought I’d be lucky enough to find in someone.
He showed me there are emotionally mature men who will put your feelings above everything and keep those feelings safe.
It’s easy to find someone who is better than Dustin.
His bar is on the ground. But it’s something entirely different to find a man who exceeds your hopes for yourself, who treats you reverently and as an equal.
Like I mean something higher to him, but that we are also somehow partners.
August allowed me to flay myself out right in front of him and then held me together while I let my insides bleed.
Still sitting in my car, I grab another square of comfort cheese.
Everything about last night was tragically perfect.
I wish the events leading up to my time with August had been a little different, but I would do it again to get the same result.
The only issue now is I feel like I have a devil and an angel on my shoulders battling it out about August’s intentions and feelings now.
On one hand, I’m convinced August only did what he did because he’s a natural caretaker. He’s spent the last seven years being an emotionally safe place for his daughter, so it was just a knee-jerk reaction to take care of someone else.
But on the other hand, the care coupled with intense chemistry was undeniable.
August holding me, wiping my tears, carrying me, it all spoke to so much more than just base kindness he would give the general public.
That attentiveness could only come from wholly felt emotions.
And I can say with absolute certainty that August and I have feelings for each other. Let’s be real, it’s pretty undeniable.
But doing anything about those emotions is unfeasible.
We’d continuously be the talk of the town and that’s not something he, his company, or especially Adeline needs.
For how much Mrs. Johnston looks at him, I’m positive she would manipulate it as misconduct and fire me immediately.
And even if she didn’t, it would look awful dating the dad of one of my students.
Then we have the gossip Adeline might have to endure from her classmates because some parents talk about too much in front of their kids.
And that’s just the stuff on the outside, not the emotional aspect of it.
No one deserves to have to take care of all of my brokenness especially when it can be so unpredictable.
And to bring that into a child’s life? To have a step mom who could have a panic or anxiety attack at any moment.
It’s all grossly unfair to everyone around me.
And all of this doesn’t even consider Adeline’s feelings about it. Maybe she doesn’t even want a step mom; I’m getting way ahead of myself here. We’re not even dating. I need to chill out, seriously.
Her and August’s dynamic and routine are so steady and comfortable for her that all I would be doing by jumping in is disrupting their flow.
That can get so confusing for Addie, and all I want for her is a good, balanced life.
I don’t know that I can give that to her.
Honestly, I can focus on the negatives and all the reasons we shouldn’t be together until kingdom come, but nothing is going to be resolved until August and I just lay all our cards down and see what we’re playing with.
I shove my last square of cheese into my mouth and decide that August and I are going to have a conversation about what happened and where to go from there.
With that resolution, I grab all my bags and iced coffee, and head into my classroom to get it all ready for the kids before drop off starts.
“Good morning.” Mrs. Johnston taps on my door frame and walks in before I have a chance to sneak back outside for drop off.
“How’s everything coming with the Christmas program?
” Isn’t it a little early for this? I never pack enough cheese for how much I need to deal with her, but thankfully I have enough coffee.
“Good morning! Everything’s going great.
The set is coming along on schedule, the kids have all been working hard on their lines and the songs.
It looks like it’ll be a fantastic production.
I think the parents and town will love it.
” That all sounds slightly arrogant since I’m the one running basically everything about this program, but hey, I’m proud of the work we’ve all done on this and I’m not going to make light of it.
“That’s great to hear. I got an email last night from Emmett that they’re going to be in this morning to work on the set.
He said he wants them ahead of schedule in case they run into any issues.
” Last night? I had a complete, earth-shattering meltdown and he sent an email about coming over for work?
Choosing to let that go because that kind of energy just doesn’t serve me right now and I genuinely only care about August, I let Mrs. Johnston know that sounds like a good idea and I head outside to greet my kids.
My butterflies take flight when I see a certain SUV drop off a certain little blonde girl and I feel giddy all over again. Thoughts of Emmett sending emails have entirely left the station.
“Good morning, Ms. Jake!” Addie exclaims while bounding to me for a hug.
“Good morning, Addie! It’s so good to see you.” And it really always is. She’s such a dream student. She doesn’t just listen to me, but she’s kind to all of her classmates, even the students that most kids don’t interact with as much.
“It’s good to see you too! Are you coming over today to help me?”
“I actually think I am. I’m pretty sure I have an email from your dad about coming to help you. I can’t wait!”
“Me too! I’ll make sure we have dessert.
Maybe chocolate chip cookies! Those are my dad’s favorites!
” And with that delicious little nugget of information, she’s off into the classroom and I sneak a look over to her dad who’s waiting for the line to move forward to leave.
He’s already looking unmistakably at me and there’s a slight smirk on his face.
Not the kind like he’s up to no good or that we both know where the body is hidden and we’re not telling anyone.
This is the smirk of a man slightly guarded in his emotions, but that something seems to be breaking through.
And at some point, I’ll find out for myself what that really is.
I walk into the gym and mercifully, the first person I see is Emmett.
He’s facing in my direction, talking to someone whose back is to me and I don’t need to see their face to know exactly who they are.
August. I mostly came in here to ask Emmett how things were going and if he needed my help with anything.
I also really wanted to talk to him about last night and clear the air.
I’m working hard now to not avoid people and tough conversations, and this one feels like a good place to start.
Emmett is effortless to talk to and I don’t think either of us really expected some deep, spiritual connection on our date, so this conversation isn’t something I’m dreading.
What I’m not overly enthused about is pulling Emmett aside in front of August. That feels awkward, but I’m sure it won’t be an issue because I plan to air things out with him eventually too.
Just a girl getting things done and relieving my own anxieties. Growth.
Emmett beams at me over August’s shoulder and throws me the happiest wave.
“Hey Emmett!” I say as I reach both of them.
“I can’t thank you for how much effort you’re putting into this set.
The kids and community are going to appreciate it so much.
” I’m looking at Emmett, but I can feel August. I feel a sense of rightness, the moment that you can relax after the turbulence stops, knowing that everything is fine.
I glance in August’s direction because I don’t want to send any weird signals that I’m ignoring him or entirely focused on Emmett.
“Hey Evie. Everything’s going so smoothly. I’m hoping to have it all done in the next couple of weeks so the kids can practice on the full set and get comfortable up here.” Emmett updates me.
“That’s really considerate of you. I appreciate that. Well, hey, if it won’t set back your schedule too much. Can I borrow you over here for a few minutes?” I motion to an empty side of the gym where there are mostly just random supplies waiting to be used.
“Yeah, no problem.” He turns to August and gives him a bro-hit on the shoulder.
“I’ll be right back, man. Don’t go far.” I know there’s no way for Emmett to know what’s happening between August and I even though I feel like the tension is demanding enough to affect everyone in this gym.
Walking away with Emmett instead of August feels really wrong even though it's a very necessary and a very platonic conversation. I know August is watching us the entire way. His motives for keeping his eyes on the back of my head feel physical, like he’s being possessive but not angry.
Jealous, but not insecure. He has to know our axis tilted last night and there’s nothing remotely happening between Emmett and me.
“Yeah, so about last night…” I start, spinning to look at Emmett.
“Look, don’t worry about it. I’m so sorry that I didn’t know how to help you.
I promise, I had a great time. I just feel so badly for whatever I did to cause all of that to happen.
” He’s being so sincere and this is a perfect reminder to myself why I don’t feel fit to be in a relationship.
He’s saying sorry for something he didn’t cause and also feeling responsible for it.
I can’t let someone feel like that constantly.
But I feel a connection to August enough that I’m going to lay all my struggles on the table and he can decide if they’re something he can handle or not.
“No, Emmett, you didn’t do anything. I promise. There are just some things I struggle with, and I didn’t exactly expect it to surface during our date. I’m sorry for how inconvenient and embarrassing that must’ve been for you.”
“For me? Evie, I felt so horrible all night long knowing I left you high and dry. I had to distract myself by doing some work because I was so sick over not being able to help you properly. I mean, I’m glad August somehow showed up when he did because I was useless.
” My heart ticks up a little at that. It feels like he’s touching some dirty little secret, and I guess he sort of is.
“Thank you, please don’t worry about it.
I’m fine now.” I set my hand on his bicep hoping to convey my sincerity.
“I really had a great time with you and loved being able to talk, I just don’t feel like anything will progress between the two of us.
I’d love to be friends, but I think our dating kind of started and ended last night. ”
“Yeah, I think I definitely agree with you.” He says mostly looking over my shoulder and past me. He must be looking at August which tells me he has to have some slight idea that something is growing between the two of us.
“Thanks again for a great time, and please let me know if you need anything from me for the Christmas set. It’s looking great. You guys are skilled.”
“The pleasure is all mine. For all of it.” We hug and part ways, Emmett heading to help a coworker who’s calling his name and I turn to walk away until I feel my phone buzz in my pocket.
I pull it out to see a notification from my rental company letting me know there’s going to be an inspection soon and they’ll reach back out to let me know the exact date.
That makes sense, I usually have an annual inspection around this time. They like to make sure everything is up to date and ready for winter to set in on the mountain. It can get freezing here and the last thing they want to do is send someone out in the dead of winter to fix something for me.
I pocket my phone and look up to find August already standing inches in front of me.