Chapter 26 #2
We have almost no sunshine in these mountains during this time of the year, but I’m certain that Evie carries enough joy to illuminate the entire range with her laugh alone after hitting that bullseye.
And “my girl.” The endearment rolled off my tongue too naturally for me to stop it.
But Evie is my girl. I’d put myself between any monster she faces if it means she only knows joy.
I know that’s unrealistic and hard times will come, but I’ll take the blow of all of the hard times for her.
I slow down enough to set her back on her feet without her toppling over.
“Do you want to go again?” She’s beaming up at me and I never want to leave this moment. Evie is unbelievably entrancing.
“I really do! Just one more time.” She runs enthusiastically to grab another axe.
“Baby, take all the turns you want. I’ll happily just watch you.
” And I do for the next few turns until she decides that her arms need a break.
I’ve been axe throwing plenty of times. It feels like a safe release of tension and it’s a nice activity to do by myself.
So I naturally step into a comfortable position and launch the axe with one arm, fixing it directly into the bullseye.
I notice I also hit my secondary target when I turn around to see that I’ve impressed Evie.
I’m not usually one to showboat, I don’t generally care if someone is impressed by me or not.
I have enough confidence in myself and disinterest in other’s opinions that I don’t typically need external affirmations, but I find myself desperate to impress this woman.
“August that was incredible.” She throws her arms around my neck and I wrap mine around her waist and all the commotion and chatter in the establishment evaporates to a dull hum while I fixate on the sound of Evie’s heart.
The only thing that distracts me from Evie is this nagging feeling at the back of my neck like someone is watching us or we’re doing something we’re not supposed to. Which is a valid feeling since we still haven’t told anyone about us outside of Thea.
Evie pulls away enough to grab my face in her tiny hands and smack a kiss to my cheek.
We continue back and forth taking actual turns until it’s almost time for us to head to our reservation.
I throw a generous tip on the table since they never left our drinks empty, and let us stay in our alley a little longer than our reserved time slot.
“Have you always wanted to be a teacher?” I ask Evie while we hold hands walking out of the first stop on our date.
It feels indescribable to be able to hold her hand and just be with her in public.
It feels like Pine Lake is a continent away rather than just a few miles.
We probably should’ve gone further out of town, but I come here often and never see anyone from town.
“Yes and no.” She teeters her head side to side almost in indecision.
Like she’s having to decide what career path she wants to take all over again.
“When I was a kid I always loved to travel and when I got older I absolutely loved driving. Just the freedom that came with being on the road and being alone in a car. It was liberating. Because of that feeling, I used to want to be a truck driver.” That genuinely shocks me.
I can’t see Evie driving a huge semi, but I also know that if she wants something for herself badly enough, she’s going to make it happen.
“I also never wanted a family, so it’s not like there was anything that would hold me back for driving months at a time.
” This actually stops me dead in my tracks before I can think better of it.
She’s never wanted a family. And here I am, pulling her into my circle where she’d immediately become a mother, and not even to her own child but someone else’s.
I can’t believe I never even thought to ask if that’s something she would want.
“What’s wrong?” Evie is clearly taken aback by my sudden stop.
“I guess that’s something we should’ve talked about.
” I turn her to face me, both hands cradled in mine.
“We covered so much of our pasts that I didn’t stop to think about what kind of future you pictured for yourself.
I don’t want to guilt you into a life you never wanted to begin with, and as much as it guts me, Adeline is wholly non-negotiable.
If she’s not someone you want in your future as equally as you want me, then this isn’t something we can continue. ”
Evie stares at me for what is probably the longest seconds of my entire life. Her eyes bouncing back and forth between mine, unable to settle.
I listened while the police told me our parents died on the scene.
I watched Larissa’s taillights disappear when she decided we weren’t enough for her.
But I’m not entirely sure I’d survive watching Evie extricate herself from our lives as well. That might be the single abandonment, on top of all of the others, that does me in.
“August, of course I want all of that.” Her words release the chokehold our short silence had me in.
“I’m sorry, I never brought it up because I thought it was a give-in that I want to be part of Adeline’s life.
I guess if anyone should know how important communication is and to never make assumptions, it’s someone who’s divorced.
” She’s not wrong there. Divorce really brings you up to speed on things you should’ve been looking for and talked about to begin with.
I anchor Evie in the strongest hug possible and the hug is probably my lifeline more than it is hers.
I wrap my arms so tightly around her in an attempt to relay every relieved emotion I feel where words are failing me and whisper as desperate, “thank you” into the top of her head where it cradles perfectly in my neck.