Chapter 42
Amir
“What are we looking at here?” I asked.
“Nothing good,” Renshu replied. With the way he leaned against the fireplace, the slump in his shoulders was evident. He must’ve been exhausted like the rest of us. “Worse since we really don’t know much at all.”
Glancing at Remi, I noticed the way his fingers dug into Oli’s knee.
My lips pursed, and I wanted to tell him to scoot over so that I could sit next to him.
It wasn’t jealousy. It was the half-dead look in his eyes, not like the other times when I’d struggled to find something alive in there.
This time, there was real fear in them, a kind that even he couldn’t manage to hide.
“Mrs. Kessler reached out for a comment yesterday,” Renshu explained. “She wasn’t all that forthcoming, so we declined. We don’t want to step into something without knowing what’s ahead. For all we knew, she could’ve been bluffing.”
“She still could,” I pointed out.
“Unlikely, given the fact that she’s announced this interview with her mystery guest. She’ll have something, though we don’t have any way to know what.”
Oli leaned close to Remi and whispered in his ear. They shared a look, then Remi said something back to him, which made Oli’s eyes roll up to the ceiling.
“She really didn’t say anything?” Avery asked.
“Only what she later released in her article. Someone from Remi’s childhood.”
“Could it be the ex-boyfriend again?”
“We didn’t meet until college,” Remi noted without an ounce of emotion.
“Who, then?” I demanded.
His tongue poked at his cheek, but he didn’t meet my eyes or respond. I stood and began to pace. The two on the couch watched me warily, as if I was some sort of threat here. Like that, they looked a bit like children, and it made me ache for what they must’ve experienced in those days.
“The aunt,” I recalled.
The veins on Remi’s hand popped out. My eyes locked on that little confirmation.
“That was my guess too,” Renshu agreed.
“Then why not say something?”
“Perhaps I’m hoping Remi will finally be forthcoming, but it seems he’s committed to keeping everyone in the dark until he’s absolutely forced to reveal his hand.”
“Remi owes you nothing,” Oli spat.
“Oli,” Remi murmured before he released his leg. “It’s fine.”
“Oh, cool. Then go ahead and spill the beans, bestie.” He waited expectantly. “No?”
“Jesus, I can’t wait for Dean to get here.”
With a sigh, Oli brought his feet up on the couch and wrapped his arms around his knees. “Sorry. She just . . .” He pursed his lips and looked toward the wall.
“She just what?” I asked. When nobody answered, I dropped into a crouch and hung my head. My shoulders shook with a laugh as everything came rushing back in.
“Amir,” Avery said, too pitying for my liking.
“No, no. Everything’s fine. Sure, my daughter was harassed into a panic attack today, my entire reputation and career are under threat again, and my boyfriend has already tried to run away for less at least twice now. But yeah, this one is clearly going to turn out fine.”
“Do you want the real story or the one she’ll tell?” Remi asked. His voice was loud and full of conviction, and when I looked at him, he stared right at me.
“I want everything.”
He dropped his gaze for a moment before returning to me. “I won’t give you everything.”
My teeth clenched, but I nodded, knowing there was no point doing anything else.
“I spent eleven months with my aunt before I got moved to a foster home,” he began.
“It was my fault she got busted for drugs. I hated the sight of them and needed out, so I went the two birds route. She was a piece of shit, and I didn’t feel bad about ratting her out.
My cousin, though, is what she holds against me. ”
Oli rested his chin on his knees as he listened. Somehow, Remi was far more composed despite whatever it was that kept him from speaking about this up until now.
“What she’s going to tell you is that I lost it one day, that I ran into Evan when I was fifteen and beat the shit out of him. She’ll probably say it was unprovoked and deranged. She wants to be the victim. She always does.”
“Is that what you did?” Renshu asked.
Remi’s eyes never left mine. “Beat the shit out of him? Yes.”
I tried not to look away, but I had to. Just for a second. By the time I returned my gaze to him, he was staring at his hands.
“Why?” My voice was weaker than his, and I saw Avery glance at me.
“I won’t tell you why. Not because it doesn’t matter, because it does. But the truth is mine, and saying it out loud won’t change a damn thing about the kind of person she is.”
“What about him?”
Lines appeared around his mouth, the only sign that this bothered him. “I didn’t touch him until he smiled at me.”
Renshu scoffed. “Is that supposed to excuse it somehow?”
I watched Remi’s face, trying to see something there. Shifting to Oli, I did the same. Both wore such a similar expression that it chilled me to my core.
“How bad was this?” I asked cautiously.
This time, Oli answered. “Evan’s face was so screwed up, I thought he was dead. He would’ve been if—” He cut off abruptly, looking to Remi, who ran a hand through his hair.
“I was going to shoot him.” Silence fell over the room, and Remi lifted his chin without any remorse.
“Wait,” Avery said. “You were how old?”
“Fifteen.”
“And you had a gun?”
“You probably would too,” Oli muttered.
“You poor thing.”
There was something motherly on her face, and I wondered what she could see that I didn’t. Whatever it was, it had Remi’s composure cracking too.
“If you expect me to go on an apology tour,” he said, looking at Renshu, “I won’t. Not this time. Not for this.”
Renshu put a palm on his forehead. “This is a nightmare. You’ve given half a story, if that, and there’s not the slightest gap where I can try to squeeze in something that’ll work in our favor.”
“That’s because there is none.”
“Bullshit,” I spat. He rolled his head along the couch to look at me. “Tell me what we’re missing so that we can fix this.”
“Amir . . .”
“I know you had a reason.”
It was clear that he wasn’t going to give anything up, so I stood and marched to the bedroom. Let Renshu deal with the PR. I wasn’t sure I cared anymore. This entire thing was dragging not only me down, but also my family.
How much longer could I go on like this?
“Amir,” Remi said, shutting the door behind him.
“I don’t want to talk to you.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Not fair?” I let out a humorless laugh. “You know what’s not fair, Remi? Fighting tooth and nail for you every goddamn day, all for you to go and give up.”
“I’m not giving up.”
“You might as well be. You’re handing a win to Clara, and my fucking God, it’s a big one.”
“They’re allegations. She can’t prove them.”
“You weren’t charged?” I asked hopefully.
“I was, but there’s no record because it was cleared shortly after.”
“Why?”
“It just was.”
“Come on, Remi.”
“No, you come on, Amir. Why do I have to share every little detail of my life, huh? Why is it my past that gets aired as tomorrow’s news?”
“Because you’re the one with the past!” Sitting on the edge of the bed, I let out a breath. “It’s not fair. I know that. But I can’t change that you have it, and I can’t change that she’s going to broadcast it. So what do you want me to do?”
“I don’t know.”
I latched onto his hand and pulled him closer so that he was between my legs. “Let me help you. Please.” He wouldn’t meet my eyes anymore, and it made me feel hopeless. “What happened to no shame, being honest?”
“Not this time.”
“Why is this one different? Are you ashamed?”
He pulled back. “No, I’m not ashamed, but I refuse to plead my case anymore. Even to you.”
“That’s not what it’s about. I need . . . something.”
“Sometimes, there’s no way out. Maybe there’s a way forward, but not without going through the waves. We’re a sinking ship, Amir.”
“No.” I shook my head hard. “You were afraid when you saw him. That matters.” My stomach turned when I met his dark gaze. “I know what happened. Or at least, I know enough.”
“Are you going to expose me, then? Tell them how I’m the victim? My poor young self, abused, assaulted, humiliated? It’ll change the narrative, without a doubt.”
“I can’t,” I whispered.
“Renshu’s right out there, waiting for answers. Go ahead and tell him.” He gestured at the door. “I won’t even blame you.”
I got to my feet and walked past him. I felt his eyes on my back, but he didn’t try to stop me.
Renshu looked at me with nothing less than aggravation on his face. “So?”
“I need you to get me in contact with Clara.”
“Not happening, Amir.”
“I’m going to fucking fix this, with or without you.”
“What are you going to do? Threaten her?”
“Threaten, bribe, beg, I don’t really care at this point. Whatever it takes.”
He shook his head. “You’re not thinking straight.”
“My priorities are perfectly aligned.”
“Are they? And what happens when it bites you in the ass? You think she won’t tell everybody that you attempted to suppress a story? If you don’t get charged with a crime, you’ll definitely lose your place on the team. It’s career suicide at minimum.”
“He’s right,” Avery cut in. “It’ll only feed the fire. If Remi’s choosing not to fight back, that’s his decision, not ours.”
“I suggest you think carefully about the future of your personal connections,” Renshu warned.
“Oh, just get out,” she snapped.
He blinked a couple of times before he dipped his head and retreated toward the door. I saw Remi standing inside the bedroom, but with a shake of his head, he disappeared into the darkness.
“I’ll get the guest room ready,” I told Avery. “Oli, are you and Dean staying here?”
He was sitting with his chin on his knees. All he did was nod, so I made my way to the linen closet. Avery came up beside me and wrapped her fingers around my arm with a gentle squeeze. I wanted it to be reassuring, but all I felt was numb.