Chapter 51
Remi
If gods won’t grant me gentler ground,
Then war will have to do.
I’ll tear my fate from out their hands,
And make them all bleed too.
However long it takes, I’ll be here.
The words weren’t anything outlandish, but they struck me right where it mattered.
I shoved the bill back at Oli. “You can have it. For covering last night.”
He tucked it into the waistband of Dean’s sweats. Judging by the look in both of their eyes, there was probably some disgusting roleplay in their future.
“Here you go, Remi,” Mrs. Kennedy said as she passed me a plate piled with food.
I took it, feeling almost too shocked to respond. “Thank you, Mrs. Kennedy.”
“How many times have I told you to call me Teresa?”
I smiled and offered her a nod, though I wasn’t sure that I’d do what she asked.
It felt strange to be on casual terms with Dean’s parents.
For some reason, they’d welcomed me with open arms the moment they met me.
I understood why they loved Oli so much, but I was just the friend who came around sometimes. They didn’t have to be so nice to me.
Tearing a piece off of my chicken, I discreetly tucked my fingers under the table.
Kevin, the wrinkly little boxer that had been part of their family for four months now, took it politely like I’d taught him to.
Maybe they’d taught him, but I’d still take credit for it. That was my nephew, after all.
Everyone but the two of us moved to the couch to eat their dinner. Dean was covering the bar tonight, and as he hurried to scarf down his food, I felt bad about it.
“I can go to the bar instead of Dean.”
Oli lifted a brow. “Why?”
“He should be here with you. He has his own job, and with your grad program, I know you don’t get enough time together.”
“We don’t mind, otherwise we wouldn’t do it. Besides, you let us keep the tips, and that helps out with fixing this place up.” He glanced around with a wrinkled nose. “This wallpaper has to go.”
“I like the wallpaper.”
“It makes it look like an American Horror Story house.”
I chuckled, unable to say that he was wrong. “The right wallpaper can be incredible, especially in this old place. If I show you some good replacements, will you take them under consideration?”
“You do have impeccable taste, but I have a feeling you’ll make it look very Art Deco.”
“Nothing wrong with that.”
“For a bar, no. For a house where I plan on raising half a dozen kids, yes.”
“Half a dozen?” I laughed. “I thought you agreed on two.”
“God damnit, Oli,” Dean called from the living room. “I said maybe three.”
Oli winked at me and took a large bite of his food, probably to avoid answering. “I want to foster a few after we adopt,” he explained, quietly enough for it to stay between us. “If we end up adopting more than we planned, then . . .” He shrugged.
It seemed crazy to me, but if anyone could make it work, it was him. The idea of it threatened to make me tear up, so I focused on my food until it was gone. I hadn’t had much of an appetite, even before I left Amir’s, so my stomach felt full to bursting.
“How’d he look?” I asked finally.
“Good lord, Rem.”
“Never mind.”
“He looks wrecked, obviously. I don’t know if he’ll ever recover.”
“Let’s not be dramatic.”
“Fine, but he’s clearly struggling. I don’t think he’ll give up. And that’s not being dramatic.”
“Nobody fights forever.”
“You’ve never seen anyone fight forever. Hell, you’ve never had anyone fight for you at all. Except me.” He gave me a cheesy smile and punched my arm lightly.
“It’s remarkable,” I admitted. “And everything that I’ve dreamed of. I wish it was enough.”
“If you fight too, maybe it is.”
I shook my head. “I just want peace, Oli.”
“Peace always has to be fought for. No matter how many times you run, that won’t change.”
“I don’t mind fighting, as long as I can win. The problem with battles is that they’re part of a bigger war. This war can’t end because it’s Amir’s life.”
“All wars end eventually.”
Yeah, that was a great point. Maybe when we were forty-five and Amir couldn’t swing a bat well enough, we could rekindle what we’d lost. I’d wait another fifteen years, but he’d no doubt move on by that point.
Besides, I didn’t want some second-chance romance.
Roman and Trav went a year without each other, and that seemed bad enough.
I couldn’t hold on to hope. If it was over, then it was over.
However long it takes, I’ll be here.
And therein lay the problem.
*****
There were a dozen ways I could’ve done this. The thing was, I didn’t want to choose a route that put me back in the game. One and done. That was what I needed here. I was going into this with a purpose, then I was logging off for good.
As I asked the Aesir for guidance, words bloomed on my tongue.
Let the old fire fade to coal;
Not every battle must live in your soul.
Lay down the past you can’t still claim;
New blood marks the passing of a warrior’s fame.
Starting the camera, I cleared my throat. In this lighting, I looked pretty damn good. This was how people developed social media narcissism.
“Alright, I’ll keep this short so no one can accuse me of wasting their valuable outrage time or doom-scrolling, or whatever the kids call it these days. My name is Remi Keane, and . . . yeah. The stories you’ve been hearing? They’re true. Or true enough that it doesn’t matter where the seams are.”
I ran a hand through my hair and swallowed hard.
“A lot of you have been invested in my relationship with Amir Darya. Too invested, if I’m being honest. It’s an epic love story, right?
We all love a coming-out. A rags to riches, street rat to Cinderella story.
But the thing is, we were only a one-night stand.
That first picture of us outside of Remi’s was actually where it started.
“I know you’re probably thinking: ‘What the hell? You said love was already budding when they caught you shirtless and unzipped.’ That was a lie.
I didn’t know who he was then, but once I found out, I saw an opportunity.
I knew what he had to lose, so I used that.
I told him about all of the cameras in my bar.
And I . . . told him that I’d sell the footage to the highest bidder. ”
It was difficult to keep my teeth from grinding, but I knew that people would examine my every move. Keeping my eyes on the camera, I nodded.
“That’s right. I blackmailed Amir Darya into pretending that we were dating.
Why? Well, the answer is already out there.
I’m a bad person. I live in my bar and sleep on a cot in my office.
Without a little help, I was going to lose everything.
When you come from the places I grew up, you learn to do whatever it takes, and you learn not to regret it.
“He didn’t pursue me. He didn’t rescue me. He didn’t do anything except try to keep his life from falling apart because I threatened his reputation, his pride, and the respect of his family. That’s the truth he won’t tell you, because despite everything, he’s too honorable of a person to out me.”
Unable to help myself, I looked away from the phone.
“We never loved each other. That part was just good acting. And before anyone turns this into some tragic romance, don’t.
Don’t drag him through the mud anymore. And please don’t drag his family into it.
He’s a good man. Too good. That’s why I’m coming clean.
I’ve taken enough from him already, and all I want is to clear his name.
“So, there it is. No PR team wrote this. No one coerced me. I’m doing what I should’ve done from the start.”
Clearing my expression of everything but confidence, I looked directly at the camera.
“You wanted a villain? Congratulations. You’ve got one.
If you were making bets, you have my permission to spend your money all in one place.
I won’t be answering questions, and if you come into my bar trying to get goddamned content, I will show you what else my heathen god taught me on the streets growing up.
Consider this my one and only login.” Feeling something more bitter, I held my finger over the stop button.
“I hope that you were all thoroughly entertained at our expense.”
I ended the video, then picked up the phone with a shaky hand.
There was no way that I was going to watch it through, and it didn’t matter much anyway.
There was no coming back from what I’d said.
And that was why I tagged every sports news station, Travis McKinney, Renshu, the Red Sox page, and Amir before I hit post.