Chapter 54
Remi
When shadows fell, I learned to run;
My aim was both tried and true.
I chose the dark because he’s the sun;
But gods, I hoped he’d want me too.
It had been a week since I posted that video. Tommy was doing one hell of a job keeping out the internet trolls. It helped that he was terrifying, especially when he stood at his full height and crossed his arms like a stern drill sergeant.
I might have asked him to boss me around at some point if the idea didn’t make me physically nauseous. It was baked into my DNA to rebel against authority figures, for one. For two, I was chained to a hopeless kind of love that I hadn’t been sure existed a few months ago.
Hopeless wasn’t the right word. Doomed was more like it.
It was senseless to look at that stool. Amir hadn’t come back, which was a good thing. It was exactly what I’d intended to happen. I had no doubt Renshu was willing to keep him chained up if necessary, or maybe Amir was pissed off enough to stay away on his own. Either way, my plan had worked.
It was good.
I stared at his stool for a long moment.
“You’re interesting,” he said, his eyes burning with something I wanted to dive straight into, consequences be damned.
“Do you like interesting men?”
“Of course I like interesting men.”
“Then maybe you’ll stick around. Last call’s in two hours.”
“Stick around for what?”
“Anything. Everything. Guess we’ll just wait and see. You got time?”
It took him a while to answer, but when he did, my heart thumped wildly.
“I have time.”
I grabbed the sanitizer bucket and hauled it into the back. After I’d rinsed out the scent of beer that clung to it, I refilled it. As I waited, I gripped the edge of the basin.
Maybe it was time to pack up and start fresh. Again.
I channeled my best friend and imagined him standing beside me while I voiced the thought.
He would tell me it was a stupid idea. Fresh starts were good and all, but running didn’t help anything.
Besides, I had too much of myself in this bar.
I was finally starting to turn a real profit, and after spending the past year living off of my savings, I was drained financially.
This was my baby, and I wasn’t about to sell it off just because my heart was broken.
Life sucks. Get over it.
Mal was onto something there.
I brought the bucket to the front and set it under the counter. Taking a fresh rag, I wiped down the surface. Thursdays weren’t all that busy here, but I’d be damned if I wasn’t prepared for the unexpected.
The door opened, letting in the last of the early evening light. It illuminated the figure that walked in, and I found myself frozen as I stared at him. Even as he approached and his scent reached me, I wondered if I’d finally cracked.
Amir stopped behind his stool and curled his fingers over the back of it. “I’ll have a whiskey.”
Wordlessly, I turned and grabbed the bottle, this time from the lowest shelf. I filled the glass halfway and used one finger to push it across the counter. He brought it to his lips, and he grimaced as the taste hit him.
With a small cough, he sat down. I expected him to pull out his trusty hundred-dollar bill, but he rested his forearm on the counter. A minute passed before he lifted his hand and held it out to me.
“I’m Amir.”
I crossed my arms. “What are you doing?”
“You were looking at me like I’m a stranger, so I thought it was worth a shot.”
“A shot at what?”
“Maybe you got amnesia and I’ll get another chance for free.”
“Nothing in life is free.”
“You’re right.” He looked over at one of the speakers high up in the corner. “You decided to play your music in here.”
“It’s Leonard Cohen.”
“Yeah, I know.” He took another drink. “Have you heard of The Red Clay Strays?”
I snorted, trying not to seem impressed. “They’re alright.”
“Do you listen to anything mainstream? Willingly, I mean.”
Leaning my elbows on the counter, I cocked my head. “Depends what you consider mainstream. I really liked Keaton Pierce, but you know what they say about what happens to the good ones. Landon Tewers’ solo stuff keeps me coming back.”
“Any others?”
“I don’t want to do this, Amir.”
“Yet you’re still talking to me.”
I stood straighter and adjusted the rolled sleeves of my flannel. “I’m a good business owner.”
“That’s true. It’s too bad your Google reviews don’t warn against your habit of putting a man on his knees on that pool table, though.”
My eyes widened, then my gaze followed his to the table. “Is this when you start getting bitter? Go ahead and post a review if it’ll make you feel better. It’s not like others haven’t.”
“You should stand up for yourself more.”
When I looked at him, he was watching me.
“I stand up for myself,” I said.
“Not really. You deflect and push back on things, but when it matters, you let people take shots at you. Why is that?”
“I stood up for myself when I left you.”
He glanced away for a second. “Yeah, I realize that. Maybe what I’m actually mad about is that you had to.”
“Can we not dwell on the past? You can drink, play pool, or whatever you want to do. But if you’re going to be here, you have to play by my rules.”
“Let’s play, then.” He knocked back the rest of the whiskey and hissed. “Goddamn, that’s horrible.”
I turned to grab the better bottle, but he pulled the glass back.
“Hit me again. I’ll have to get used to it.”
I wasn’t sure what his angle was, but I gave him the bottom shelf whiskey again. Without a word, he jerked his chin toward the pool table. There were only a couple of people in here, so I didn’t have a good excuse to refuse.
I spun a pool cue in my hand. There was an amused look on his face, which was enough reason for me to decide he’d get annihilated in this match. He was definitely feeling bitter, but that didn’t mean I’d go easy on him.
“You break,” I offered.
He leaned over the edge of the table, and I couldn’t help but look at the curve of his back. With his button-up tucked into his pants, he was too put-together. I wanted to rough up his perfect appearance and rip out that hair tie so I could touch the soft strands.
He was doing well, but after sinking four balls, he fumbled it. The corner of my mouth lifted, and he narrowed his eyes as I lined up for my shot.
“You know,” I mused, “someone might see us together and get ideas.”
“Why should I care?”
I pursed my lips as I hit my second ball into the pocket. Straightening, I rested the butt of the stick on the floor and crossed my ankles. “You’re supposed to care.”
“There are people who get paid for that.”
“And you’re not going to get paid if you don’t listen to them.”
He lifted a brow, too amused. “Think so?”
“I can imagine all the interviews you’re doing, trying to rewrite the story. Are you really willing to tank all of that? To what? Play pool with me and drink bad whiskey?”
“Actually, I haven’t said a single word about the whole thing.”
I scoffed. “How have you managed that?”
“Pure force of will, really. Dodging Renshu is like trying to outrun a tsunami.”
“It’s going to catch up eventually.”
“You’re not wrong. My first appearance is dropping in about five minutes.”
“Welcome to being a big, bad baseball star.”
“Sure, but what if there was no baseball?”
A small laugh escaped me as I pocketed the fifth ball. “Have you figured out the whole multiverse thing?”
“Totally. Didn’t I tell you I’m an astrophysicist?”
“You’re kidding.” I put a hand to my chest in shock. “Mr. teen dad, barely graduated high school, hits a ball with a stick for a living is actually a genius? I’m floored.”
“First of all, I barely graduated because I had a baby my senior year.”
I tutted at him. “Irresponsible.”
The way his lips curved made my hands shake as I went for the sixth ball. I swore when it struck just shy of the pocket.
“Do I make you nervous?” he asked.
I froze from how close he was. His lips were at my ear as he pressed his body against mine from behind. The way his breath caressed my neck made me shiver but also forced me back to my senses.
Slipping away from him, I casually spun the stick around. “Don’t get too confident.”
As he aimed, I chewed on my lip. It was rare for me to screw up a shot like that. I should’ve known from the moment I met him that a guy who could fracture my control the way he did was bad news. One taste had been too much. Going back for seconds was what had done me in, though.
“You never answered my question,” he said.
I watched him sink one of the balls. “No, you don’t make me nervous.”
“Not that one.” He pocketed the next one, then met my eyes without rising from his position. “What if there was no baseball?”
“I guess Americans would have to learn what Rugby is.”
He pulled out his phone, then moved closer to me. His scent was too strong, but I stood my ground. I gasped when he pivoted, and when I stepped back, it put me right where he seemed to want me. Crowded against the table, I put a hand on his chest. He leaned in but stopped half a foot from my mouth.
“Please, Amir,” I whispered. “Don’t make this harder.”
“I’ve asked you to sacrifice for me, over and over again.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t sacrifice anything.”
“Of course you did. This life has only hurt you, and I didn’t do enough to stop it. I was supposed to stand up for you. I’m so sorry, baby.”
“Amir . . .”
He pulled something out of his pocket and held it beside us. He slid the thumb drive open, and I watched as he applied pressure until it snapped. I was about to say something, but he dropped it into his whiskey, then swirled it around and took a sip.
“I don’t think that’s good for you,” I said.
He shrugged and set the glass down. “I don’t want that shit. None of it defines who you are. Frankly, I think the past should stay where it belongs. How do you feel about that?”
“Sure, but—” I stopped talking when he set his phone on the pool table. A video played, showing Trav’s face on the screen. “What—”
He put a finger to my lips before he stepped back. I turned and rested my elbows on the surface so that I could see it. Vaguely, I was aware of him wandering further away, then I heard ice drop into a glass.
“Okay,” Trav said on a sigh. He was sitting on what looked like a cliff edge with trees behind him.
Since he was shirtless, I had to wonder what sort of video Amir had decided to show me.
“This isn’t my usual content, but today calls for something different.
I’m here with my friend—” He rolled his lips inward, and something flickered in his eyes.
“My best friend, if you will, and he’s got something he wants to say to everyone.
I’m freaking honored that he wants to do it here. I understand why, too.”
Amir came up behind him, then sat. With his hair loose, dripping water down his bare chest, I figured they must have been swimming. There were shouts and laughter in the distance, like it was some frat party.
Trav moved the camera further away so they were both fully in the shot. Together, they were ridiculously hot, and even though I wasn’t really allowed to feel it, I was glad that they weren’t into each other.
“You’ve all seen what this life can do to a guy,” Trav went on.
“You remember when I disappeared for a little while. The pressure . . . It’s crippling sometimes.
If you’ve followed what’s happened with Amir lately, you know that he’s been going through it too.
Whatever you think about his situation, I’d like to make it clear that this isn’t a place for judgment.
He’s my brother in arms. Or bats or something. I don’t know.”
Amir snorted a laugh. There was a lightness to him that I missed seeing, and I leaned closer.
“You’re making this serious,” he scolded.
Trav smiled in a way that was softer than usual. “It is serious. But it’s yours, so say it how you want.”
Amir exhaled. “Alright, uh . . . Like Trav said, this season has been hell for me. I’ve been dragged through the press, scandalized in the most ridiculous ways, and my family has gotten caught up in it. The man that I love got the worst of it.”
It felt like he was looking right at me, and I wanted to turn away, but Amir came up beside me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him bring a new glass to his lips silently.
“Yes, I love him, despite what he tried to convince you of. The fact of the matter is, he lied.”
“I blame some of y’all,” Trav added. “We’re not your playthings. We’re people, and I hope you’ll remember that going forward.”
“I don’t want to go on about it all. If you want the rundown, I think some people have dedicated whole threads to it. For all of those reasons and more, I’m done.”
Both of them settled into a more casual position, like two men having a heart-to-heart.
“Explain what you mean by done,” Trav suggested.
“I’m stepping away from baseball after this season. I’m out for good.”
My heart slammed against my chest. He put his hand on my back, then around my side. Shoving away from him, I grabbed the phone and turned to lean back against the table.
“Before anyone jumps to conclusions,” Trav said, “I want it on record that he isn’t running away. Nobody chased him out, and he isn’t a coward. He’s choosing something, and that’s a damn brave thing. I’m proud of him for it.”
Amir’s lips lifted. “Thanks, Trav.”
“Now, I am mad. A little. Like, ten percent.” He bumped his shoulder against Amir’s. “I’m losing my favorite opponent. Who am I supposed to trash-talk now? Myself?”
“You talk to yourself all the time. Roman told me.”
Trav chuckled. “Yeah, we’re all a bit crazy around here. What are you going to do without baseball?”
“I’ll just have to come over and play you off the field.”
“Any time. But seriously.”
Amir glanced at the camera, looking oddly content. “If I’m lucky, I’m going to live happily ever after.”
“Yeah? How do you plan to do that?”
“By leaving the stadium behind and going after the man I intend to marry.”
I slammed the phone down on the table. I didn’t know where Amir had gone, but I was glad that he wasn’t crowding me anymore. Maybe. Frankly, I had no clue how to feel. I wasn’t sure that any air was getting to my lungs.
I turned to the left, then came to an abrupt stop.
This was how I knew the gods had abandoned me, and they’d taken my sanity with them.