Chapter 21 Tainted Love #2
Seconds later, Francesca’s door slammed and the bass of her music pulsed through the thin wall between us. Oh, the irony of her listening to The Cure right now — it couldn’t be further from an antidote. She’d ripped my heart out, and now she was trying to perforate my eardrums.
I pounded my fist on the wall. It was a pathetic counter-rhythm, but momentary relief came as the sound muted. Then Francesca’s muffled voice retorted, “I’ll turn it down when you stop sulking and let me in. I don’t know why you’re being like this.”
The music resumed, and I swear she turned it up another notch as the rhythmic thumping intensified, a deep, guttural thrum that resonated in my bones. I snatched my pillow up around my head, muffling the sound slightly, but the vibrations continued to pulse through me.
I squeezed my eyes shut. I wanted to banish her from my thoughts, but the music conjured mental pictures of her throwing her head back and twirling around in abandon, or lying on her bed, her dark eyes stormy. Hot, silent tears tracked a path down my temples.
The halls were blissfully quiet when I woke in the thin dawn light of a new day.
For a moment I imagined it had all been a bad dream. But Francesca wasn’t curled around me in my bed, my door was locked, and I felt like I’d been run over — both emotionally and physically — which of course I had.
I dressed, wincing as I pulled clothes over my ribs, and made a hasty exit, careful to close my door quietly behind me.
Outside, the world was a washed-out watercolour of greys and blues.
My breath misted in the freezing air as I speed-walked across the frosty campus towards the library, hoping to catch Mei before her lectures started.
The early-morning hush of campus was broken only by the crunch of footsteps on the frozen ground and the occasional distant shout.
I stopped at the café to grab a cup of coffee.
Mei wasn’t in our usual library nook, so I waited on the bench outside, jiggling my legs to keep warm.
The wind whipped at my hair, and I pulled my scarf tighter, burrowing into the thin layer of fabric.
With her neon pink bobble hat, Mei wasn’t hard to spot. Her colourful clothes looked particularly striking against the frozen backdrop. As she drew closer, I saw that her face was rumpled in a frown, which didn’t lift when she looked up and spotted me.
“Morning,” I said, my stomach twisting with a fresh wave of anxiety.
“Hey,” said Mei with a flat smile. She avoided eye contact and moved past me up the steps to the library door.
“Mei, wait! Can I speak to you?”
She didn’t turn around, just pulled the door open. I dived in her way, gasping and pressing a hand to my side as the sudden movement sent sharp pain coursing through me.
Mei looked at me, her eyes softening. “Cati, you’re still in pain?”
“Yeah, my ribs are sore.” I widened my eyes. “You should see the bruise! You love colourful things, so…”
Mei grimaced and looked down at her technicolour high-tops.
“I’m sorry about Francesca. I don’t know what she said to you, but I doubt she was kind.”
Mei clamped her lips together and shook her head.
“She’s my… well, I mean, we’ve been… but it’s over now because she’s—”
“Watch out!” Mei pulled me out of the way as a student burdened with books pushed through the library doors behind me.
“Sorry, so sorry,” he said. We watched as he skipped down the icy steps, and with an impressive contortion of limbs he somehow avoided spilling his books and himself.
Mei looked back at me, her rich brown eyes full of concern. “She isn’t a good person, Cati. I’m so surprised you—”
“No, I know. She’s awful. I never should’ve got involved with her.” I raked my fingers through my hair. “It’s hard to explain, but she has this pull. She can be so… I don’t know, she’s intoxicating—”
“I think what you mean to say is that she’s toxic?” Mei sniffed.
I winced and gave a short nod. Hearing it so plainly from someone else hurt more than I thought it would. Mei was right though. Francesca is toxic. Why had I been so blinkered?
“She warned me to stay away from you, Cati. She said I’d been a bad influence and changed you for the worse. She said this was all my fault—”
“What? No! That’s not… ugh!” I clenched my fists. “Look, just ignore whatever she said to you; she twists things.”
“She’s scary! I don’t want to be unkind, but she’s a bit — I don’t know the right word in English.” Mei twisted two fingers at her temple, her eyes wide and unblinking.
I swallowed. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry you had to face her alone, and I promise it’s over. I’m staying clear of her, well, as much as I can when I…” I gulped, and sudden tears threatened. “I need a friend right now, Mei. Please—”
Mei touched my arm; her hand was surprisingly warm against the morning chill. “Of course, Cati, whatever you need, but…” Her doll-like face suddenly looked so serious. “Can we go inside now, please? I’m freezing.”
My laugh escaped in a puffy cloud. I pulled open the heavy oak door, and we bustled into the foyer, the familiar scent of old books and polished wood filling my lungs.
Comforted by the quiet hum, I stayed long after Mei left for her lecture, and well into the afternoon.
But I was tired and uncomfortable, and after a while, I gave in to the call of my warm bed and pyjamas.
Francesca would probably be out with Jeremy, anyway.
A pang of resentment twisted in my gut, but I shook away the thought of the two of them together.
He’s welcome to her. They can have each other. I just wanted to sleep.
Head down, I braced myself against the bitter wind, which felt like it was blowing straight off the Arctic.
The ironclad sky threatened more snow. As I approached the halls, I saw a scattering of things in the quad, before realising they were my belongings cast from my window above — my mum’s blanket snagged in the bushes, my books, uni work, photographs, and cassette tapes, soaked and drowning in a slushy puddle. No, no, no.
Hot tears sprang as I frantically gathered up my things, ignoring the passing gaggle of girls I recognised from the floor below ours. They pointed and whispered, their giggles carrying in the biting air.
Wild rage burned in my stomach as I charged up the stairs, my sorry possessions bundled in my arms, the wet blanket clinging to my chest. I dumped the sopping pile at my door and hammered on hers.
“What the fuck, Francesca?” I pounded my fists so hard the door rattled in its frame.
“It’s open,” she called casually from inside.
I clenched my teeth and charged into her room. Francesca lay on her stomach, feet swinging in the air as she flipped through a magazine, the scent of her new perfume — a sickeningly sweet citrus smell — cloying in the air.
I stormed over, ripped the magazine away from her and flung it across the room. It landed with a soft thud against the wall.
Francesca smirked and twisted around. “It seems I finally have your attention.”
I wanted to launch myself at her. I’d never wanted to hurt someone as much as I wanted to hurt her in that moment, but my anger bubbled over into tears. I clenched and unclenched my fists, struggling to control the tremors that wracked my body.
“Look, why don’t you sit and take a moment to calm down?” she said. “I’ll go make us both a nice cup of tea, and we can—”
I turned and left her room, letting the door bang behind me. Within seconds, the door was flung open again. She leaned on the doorjamb watching as I struggled to pick up my things, the wet blanket dripping onto the floor.
“You’re being unreasonable, Catherine. I’m trying to—”
I stood, letting everything fall from my arms.
Then I was in her face, inches from her. The last time I’d been this close to her, very different emotions had been sparking between us.
Francesca didn’t pull back; she stared me down. I could feel the rage contorting my features; if there’d been a mirror, I wouldn’t have recognised myself.
“Leave. Me. Alone.” Each word came out in a low growl, a guttural sound laced with a venom I hadn’t known I possessed.
“That’s not what you really want, though.” Her voice was a soft caress, and she traced her fingers up my arms, the touch feather-light at first, then tightening into a possessive grip around my biceps. “I know you, Catherine. I know you better than anyone ever has or ever will.”
I looked into her eyes, flickering with a disturbing mix of darkness and desire, and it sent a shiver of revulsion through me. The desire — that was the dangerous part, the siren song that had lured me in for so long. Now, looking at her, all I felt was the bitter sting of regret.
“I was stupid to think I was in love with you.” The words escaped before I had a chance to stop them. She flinched as they landed on her harder than a physical blow.
I lifted my palms to her chest and pushed her. She stumbled backwards, her mask slipping as genuine shock registered on her face.
“You’re completely deranged. I meant what I said. Stay away from me, Francesca.”
I gathered my things into my room and bolted the door shut. The small space felt suffocating, but finally alone, the tension broke, and I slid to the floor, wincing.
I couldn’t live like this. In the morning, I would go to Student Services and request an urgent transfer to different accommodation.
But in the morning, I didn’t have to.
Francesca had already gone.