Chapter 27
Chapter twenty-seven
Adam
I'm starting to understand why this is the first time I've tried a relationship.
Hookups are so much easier than this. There's no yelling, no tears, no misunderstandings.
Well, there were sometimes misunderstandings when the women started to catch feelings…
And sometimes there were tears when I let the women know those feelings weren't contagious.
But that was on them; I was always honest from the start and never deviated.
Until Maya. Maya popped up in my chat window and has been surprising me ever since.
I was surprised such a cute face was on the other side of the computer.
I was surprised by how strongly I felt about her from the beginning.
And now I'm surprised that she would just jump to the wrong conclusion without giving me a chance to explain. She's always running away!
I push up from the couch and slap myself in the face to end my solo pity party. Man up, Adam! You're better than this.
Getting my blood pumping always puts me in a better mood, so I start jogging in place. I do a few jumping jacks and burpees, trying to get it pumping even harder. This is bullshit! I've got a great job, an amazing apartment, a family that loves me, and I can bed any woman I want. I don't need Maya!
I stop jogging abruptly. No, I don't need Maya…but I want her. I flop back down on the couch and let out a groan of frustration. God, it can't end like this.
Ten minutes after I gave up calling, I hear my buzzer.
Yes! That’s probably Maya coming to make up in person.
I knew we'd work it out. This was just our first fight.
I may not be experienced with relationships, but I know fights are bound to happen.
And I'm not going to throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble after waiting so long to dive into this.
Maya is worth more than just a "college try".
I race over to the intercom on the wall to buzz her up. I almost fall flat on my ass when I slip on the entryway rug. Real smooth, Adam. Clearly, I'm too far gone to play it cool. I open the door and lean against the jamb to meet Maya with the best kiss of her life.
How in the fuck could she not know I think she’s hot?
I try to jump her bones every time I’m in a room with her, but I don’t think she’s beautiful?
It’s ridiculous. And Cory is an asshole.
I'll gladly fuck her around the clock to erase any doubt from her mind about how much I'm into her.
I've got some vacation time saved up. I guess we'll need to talk first, but…
One minute later, I get the shock of my life when strawberry blonde curls emerge on the stairs instead of Maya’s dark locs.
Shit. It’s Emily. Could this night get any worse?
I fold my arms over my chest. I am not in the mood for my friend's kid sister to make another pass at me.
As the maid of honor, she's had entirely too much access to me.
I'm this close to backing out of the whole wedding.
As she gets closer, I see dark circles under her eyes.
Several strands of hair have come loose from her ponytail.
It's the first time I've ever seen her with even a hair out of place.
“Hey Adam” she mumbles, shuffling her feet along the floor. She looks like she hasn't slept in a while. Something is definitely up. "Do you have a minute to talk?"
My back is ramrod straight now and I step back into my apartment. "Now really isn't a good time, Emily. I'm kind of expecting—" She reaches her hand out, clearly worried I'll close the door in her face. I'd thought about it, but…
"Please, Adam? You've got every reason to want to avoid me, but I just want to talk. It's important." When I continue to hesitate, she pulls a bottle from her oversized purse and holds it out to me. "I brought wine?"
Damnit. I really don't need this tonight, but I'm pretty sure Bryan would kick my ass if I left her in this state. Against the niggling thoughts in the back of my head, I step aside to let her in.
“OK, Emily. You've got until I finish one glass of wine.
What's up?” To ensure she knows my threat isn't idle, I move to the kitchen, grab a corkscrew, and immediately pour myself some wine while she settles on the couch.
Her shoulders are hunched, and she's worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.
"First," she says, clearly about to launch into a prepared speech, "I want to apologize." I barely contain an eye roll. This outta be good.
"I know I've crossed the line through the years and…" she sighs. "I'm sorry. I know it wasn't cool."
"No, it really wasn't." I sit down a safe distance from her on the couch and sip my wine. "So…Was that it? I appreciate the apology, but you could've just texted."
Emily turns her knees towards me before looking up with tears in her eyes.
"Jesus, Emily," I curse, grabbing her hands in mine. They are cold and trembling. "What's wrong? Should I call Bryan?" The mention of her brother brings a panicked look to her eyes.
"No!" she shouts. "I'm not ready to tell him yet."
"Not ready to tell him what?" I ask, using the same tone you'd use around a loose wild animal. A tear trails down her cheek before she wipes it away with the edge of her shirt.
"The real reason I kept asking you out. Why I kept coming on so strong." I am beyond confused, my wine glass all but forgotten.
"I haven't told him you've hit on me, if that's what you're worried about. Assuming this apology means you won't do it again, what's the big deal?" She wipes her eyes again, but doesn't look up.
"I kept asking you out because I knew you would say no. I would ask you out, you would say no, and then I wouldn't have to think about who I really wanted, underneath the bullshit."
I grab my wine and gulp down half the crimson liquid at once, more confused than ever. She wanted me to say no?
"So who did you really want, then?"
Emily takes my hands in both of hers and looks me straight in the eyes.
"Women." She picks up my wine and empties the glass. "I'm attracted to women."
I jump up from the couch and head to the kitchen, bringing back another glass and the rest of the wine. She laughs lightly and pours herself a glass.
"That's big news, Em. How long have you known?" She takes another swig before answering, looking chagrined.
"Maybe…Freshman orientation?" I playfully hit her with a pillow.
"Em! What the hell! Do you know how close I was to telling your brother about you hitting on me? You were really starting to make me uncomfortable." She winces around her glass and I pour more for myself.
"I know…I was terrible, wasn't I?" She pulls her ponytail out, before raking a hand through her hair. "I just…couldn't tell anyone. People in my industry talk. They think because their planner is gay suddenly they're going to have a 'gay wedding'."
"Oh, the horror!" I tease, clutching imaginary pearls.
She cracks a smile at that. "I maybe get hiding it for work…
Maybe," I grumble and eye her with suspicion.
"I get not wanting to mess with your money.
But do you really think Bryan is a homophobe?
Do you think I am?" Her smile fades and I take her hands back in mine.
"I didn't know what to do, Adam. I was so used to playing this role, and I had no way to know how anyone would react if I stepped away from that."
We drink our wine in silence, both unsure how to proceed.
I don't want to blame her for making the choice she thought was right, but that she worried about coming out to me kinda stings.
Plus she acted like the Romantic Terminator this whole time!
I felt like I had a target on my back and she didn't even want me.
Whatever. That's so not the point right now.
"OK. First off, thanks for telling me. I hope now we can be friends without all that other stuff." She nods eagerly. Whatever her reasons for keeping this from everyone were, she seems relieved. "Second, why now? Did all the wedding stuff make you just lose it or something?"
She grins mischievously. "It was actually that hottie from the engagement party. The one who brought the champagne flutes?" I choke on my wine, spilling all down my shirt.
"Maya?! You have a thing for Maya?!" Emily giggles behind her hands, her shoulders finally relaxing.
"Is that her name? All I knew was that when I looked at her, the way she was swishing around in that pleated skirt…" Emily lets out a wistful sigh. "There was no way I was straight."
Oh my God! She doesn't know the half of it. I laugh so hard, my stomach starts to hurt. All this time she's been hitting on me, and now we want the same woman?! There's a knock at the door and I go to answer it, still chuckling.
At this hour, it's probably a neighbor who needs something. I yank the door open without thinking, without checking the peephole.
But it's not a neighbor. It's not a delivery guy. It's not some kid playing "ding dong, ditch".
Instead, it's Maya standing on the landing, her mouth open in horror. She sees Emily on my couch, hair down. She sees wine and two empty wine glasses. She sees all her insecurities come to life and, judging by her expression, she's jumping to all the absolute wrong conclusions. Shit!!!!!
Doing her best to hide the hurt on her face, Maya takes off down the stairs and I leave a confused Emily alone in my apartment to run after her. I catch her by the hand right outside the building before she can break into a run.
“Maya, stop! What you saw is not what you think it was!” This is now twice in one night that we’re arguing on the sidewalk and I feel a migraine coming on.
I will not be branded a cheater. When it comes to women, I never lie and I never cheat; I don't see the point. She tries to pull her hand away, but I hold tight.
“Let me go, Adam!”
“No! Not until you talk to me.” She’s angry now, nostrils flaring.
“Ok, Adam. Let's talk.” Her voice has gone eerily calm.
She wipes the tears that threaten to spill with the back of her hand.
“Let's talk about how I came over to apologize for doubting your feelings for me earlier only to find you getting cozy with the chick from Cape Cod.
Don't think I didn't recognize her.” I rake a hand through my hair, beyond frustrated.
“Babe! Seriously. Emily just came to talk! She's going through a tough time and she's my best friend's little sister.” I can hear it, the desperation in my voice. Maya simply scoffs.
“Oh yeah. She just came over to talk. At 10pm. With wine!” She narrows her eyes and faces me. “Is that the kind of woman you really want? Is she someone you can show off to your boss?” Tears are streaming down her face and she's no longer trying to hide her hurt from earlier.
It may have only been a couple of months, but I thought I'd earned her trust. Hell, I stood by her when Candy came sniffing around, and it would have been so easy to fall back into that bad habit. I narrow my eyes right back at her.
“Those were Cory’s words; not mine! If you want me to go and set him straight right now, I’ll do it.” If he wants to be a dick, so be it. I've still got three other brothers.
She just rolls her eyes and I’m at a loss for words. Nothing I say seems to be getting through to her.
“I don’t know what to do, Maya. I want to be with you…” Her eyes widen. I can’t believe it’s come to this.
“But I don’t know if I can keep going this way.
You’re beautiful," I sigh. "And I think you know me well enough to know that I don’t want to be with Emily, despite what you think you saw. But I can’t seem to win against the bullshit you’ve got in your head.
No one else can change how you feel about you.
” I’m tearing up now too. Dammit. Thank God my brothers aren't here to see me act like such a simp. I let go of her hand. She’s just as shocked as I am by my words.
“Adam? Are you…are you saying it’s over?” God, I don’t want it to be over. I love her.
My heart gives a painful squeeze at the realization. Yup. I love her. And I already know I want to be with her forever…but not like this. She’s got to love herself too. The fact that she doesn’t makes my heart hurt even more.
“I’m saying you shouldn’t be punishing me for something my idiot brother said. And no one can erase all the bad things you tell yourself.” I stop talking to avoid openly crying in front of her. This hurts like hell.
I turn and walk back to my apartment, leaving her staring after me on the street.