Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Ethan
“It’s been a long time, Ethan. Please have a seat,” Dr. Perry spoke. “What brings you back to my office?”
I sat in the chestnut-colored, oversized leather chair and placed my arms on the armrest, bringing my ankle up to my leg.
“The nightmares are back.”
“When did they return?” she asked as she adjusted her glasses.
“About a week ago.”
“Hmm. Did anything in your life change? Possibly something you did or saw that triggered the memory?”
“No.” I looked down.
“I get the feeling, Ethan, that you aren’t telling me everything.”
With a long sigh, I got up from the chair and paced around the room with my hands tucked into my pants pockets. I used to do that during my sessions because it felt more comfortable. Dr. Perry understood that and didn’t seem to mind.
“They started after I met someone.”
“Okay.” She nodded. “Why don’t you tell me about her?”
“Her name is Aubrey. She’s an English Literature teacher over at Roosevelt High School.”
“How old is she?”
“Twenty-five.”
“Go on,” she slowly spoke.
“I don’t know what else to say except that she’s blind.”
Dr. Perry cocked her head when I said that and removed the glasses from her face.
“She’s blind?”
“Yes. But I didn’t know she was blind when I first met her. I asked her out first, and she told me no. Then she proceeded to tell me about her loss of vision.”
“Was she born blind?”
“No. She was in a car accident when she was eight years old that also killed both of her parents.”
“That poor girl. Did you sleep with her?”
“Yes. A few times.”
“And the nightmares returned after you slept with her?”
“Yes. That first night.”
I had enough pacing around, so I sat back down.
“Do you have feelings for her?”
“I don’t know.”
“Ethan, you know how this works. You have to be totally open and honest with me.”
“I sleep with a lot of women, and I have rules.”
“Yes, I know of your rules.” She nodded. “Those were rules you put in place to protect yourself since Sophia.”
I swallowed hard. “I like being with her and think about her constantly. She’s different from anyone I’ve known.”
“Different how?”
“I don’t know. I can’t explain it.”
“Try.”
“She’s beautiful and smart. At first, I was incredibly attracted to her physically. I knew I had to have her when I laid eyes on her.”
“Sexually?” she asked.
“After she declined my invitation to go out for a drink, I asked her friend about her, and she told me that she goes to Shakespeare Garden on Saturday mornings to read. So, that next morning, I went there.”
“And what happened?”
“I was just going to keep my distance at first, like some fucking stalker. But then, she knew I was there, which really caught me off guard.”
“How did she know?”
“She could smell my cologne and knew it was me. Her senses are incredible. So, we talked, and I asked her out, and she invited me over for dinner that night.”
“She cooked for you?”
“Yes, and it was very good. After dinner, we had sex, and the first nightmare came that night.”
“While you were with her?”
“No. After we had sex, I left and went home. I didn’t call or see her that whole week.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because I got what I wanted and was done with her.”
“I don’t believe that. I think you started having feelings for her and ran.”
I looked down and shifted in my chair.
“Maybe I did. Things were happening to me that hadn’t happened in a very long time. Then, a week later, I ran into her at a friend’s birthday party. I didn’t know she would be there.”
“What happened when you saw her again? I would assume she wanted some explanation as to why you never called her after that night.”
“I told her I was busy, but she wasn’t buying it. She told me that she didn’t expect me to call.”
“And how did that make you feel when she said that?”
“A little shocked, to be honest. Anyway, we ended up going out that night, and while we were taking a walk in SoHo, she got a call that there was a fire in her apartment building, and they weren’t allowing any of the tenants to stay there that night.”
“What happened then?”
“She tried to call a couple of her friends, but they didn’t answer, so I invited her to stay at my place for the night.”
“Really?” she spoke as she arched her brow. “And how did that go?”
“Fine. Except I was lying with her and fell asleep and had another nightmare. I left the room and didn’t speak of it. The next day, I invited her to my parents’ house, and we had a good time. My sister told her about Sophia, which pissed me off.”
“Why did that piss you off?”
“Because she had no right. What happened in my past is nobody’s business. When we got back to my place, we had sex again. She asked me to stay with her and I couldn’t. So we got into an argument, she brought up Sophia, I said some things, and she left.”
“How did her leaving make you feel?”
“Angry. Very angry. I told her she was no different from any other woman I had slept with and that I was sorry if she got the wrong impression.”
“But she is different from the other women, and you know that. Your fear, Ethan, is what stirred up the nightmares again. You’re afraid because you could control your feelings and emotions for so long. Now Aubrey walked into your life, and you feel that control slipping away and don’t know how to handle it.”
I sat there with my fist to my chin, listening to what Dr. Perry said.
“Time’s up, Ethan.” She got up from her chair. “I want to see you again in a couple of days.”
“I have back-to-back meetings for the next week. Is there any way you can come to my house for a private session? I will pay you triple your normal fee.”
“I suppose I could.” She walked over to her desk and looked at her calendar. “How about Thursday at eight o’clock? My last appointment is at six.”
“That’s fine. I’ll make sure I’m home.”
“In the meantime, you need to do some self-reflection. Maybe give Aubrey a friendly call and see where she stands. I can tell you’re not at peace with what happened, and I think calling her is a step in the right direction.”
“We’ll see. I’m sure she hates me.”
“She may or may not. There’s only one way to find out.”
I left the building and hailed a cab back to the office.