Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-Three
Ethan
I was hurt. I was angry. I was sad. Rage consumed me, and as soon as I arrived home, I grabbed the bottle of scotch and a glass and took it upstairs to my bedroom. I downed two glasses in a flash, and as I looked over at the chair that sat in the corner, I noticed some of her clothes folded neatly on top of it. I couldn’t believe what she said to me regarding Sophia. But most of all, I couldn’t believe how upset she was with what I had done. Maybe I should have talked to her first about it, but I didn’t think she could even react the way she did. Maybe I didn’t know her at all. But one fucking thing I knew for sure was that she never wanted her eyesight back, which I couldn’t understand.
Over the next several days, I couldn’t control my anger, and my staff knew to stay away from me. In the blink of an eye, I was back to the person I hated most. I had let my guard down and let my feelings come to the surface, and for what? Only to be shattered again.
I hailed a cab to Dr. Perry’s office, climbed out, and went inside. There was only a brief wait as she was with another patient.
“Come on in, Ethan.” She smiled. “Your phone call sounded urgent. What’s going on?”
I placed my hands in my pocket and paced across the room.
“Aubrey and I broke up.”
“Why?”
“I did something she didn’t like, and she said something I didn’t like.”
“Okay. Why don’t you sit down, and we’ll talk about it?”
“I’m fine pacing around the room.”
“What did you do?”
“I found and spoke to a doctor that may be able to help Aubrey get her eyesight back. I told her about it, and she freaked out on me. She told me that she was happy the way she was, and I only did it for my own selfish reasons.”
“Did you tell her after you found the doctor or before?”
“After I met with him. She said I had no right. That was her life.”
“Did you do it for your own selfish reasons?” she asked.
“No. Of course not. I want Aubrey to see again. I want her to be able to see the things she never saw before the accident.”
“Including you?”
“Of course. Who wouldn’t want that, Dr. Perry? But that wasn’t the main reason I got in touch with Dr. Marchetti.”
“Dr. Marchetti from Boston?”
“Yes. Do you know him?”
“Yes. I’ve known him for years. He’s one of the best eye specialists in the world.”
I finally stopped pacing and took a seat across from her.
“I thought I was doing something good for her.” I lowered my head and placed my hands over my face.
“You were, Ethan. There has to be some psychological reasoning as to why Aubrey doesn’t want to meet with Dr. Marchetti. You said that she said something to you that you didn’t like. What did she say?”
“She said that she wasn’t Sophia, she didn’t need saving, and that I couldn’t save her, just like I couldn’t save Sophia.”
“I see.”
“I told her that was a low blow, that we were over, and I left.”
“You haven’t spoken to her since?”
“No. I can’t sleep. I have no appetite, and I’m back to the same person I was before I met her.”
“Do you miss her?”
“Of course I miss her. I love her more than anything in the world, but what she said to me showed me who she really was.”
“That’s not true, Ethan. People say things out of anger. She was hurt and angry that you spoke to Dr. Marchetti without talking to her first, so she threw back at you the one thing she knew would hurt you most.”
“Well, that was a shit thing to do on her part. I still don’t understand why she got so defensive about it.”
“Like I said, there has to be some psychological thing going on. Perhaps she would feel guilty for getting her sight back from an accident that took the two people away she loved the most.”
“That doesn’t make sense.” I sighed.
“In Aubrey’s head, it does. Now, I’m not saying that’s what her problem is. All I’m saying is that there’s some deep-rooted issue she doesn’t want to deal with. Give her some space and see what happens. She was in shock by what you told her. Perhaps seeing again frightens her. Let her work things out on her own.”
“I have been.”
“Would you be able to carry on a lifelong relationship with her if she decided she didn’t want to attempt to get her eyesight back?”
“Of course, I would. I love her, Dr. Perry.”
“Then that is something you need to tell her.”
Aubrey
The past few days had been the hardest days of my life. I cried every morning, taught my classes, and then came home to an empty apartment and cried myself to sleep. Ian and Penelope had seen me at my worst, and I felt bad because they tried so hard to help me. I thought Ethan was different, and apparently, I was wrong. I was so sure and secure in the fact that he could love me the way I was.
My last class had just ended, and Ian had a meeting with a student’s parents, so I sat down at my desk and did some work on my computer until he was finished. As I was sitting there, I heard a light knock on the door.
“Come in,” I spoke.
The door opened, and I heard a woman’s voice as the visitor approached me.
“Miss Callahan?” a soft voice spoke.
“Yes.” I stood up from my desk.
“I just wanted to stop in and say hi. I’m Dr. Perry. We have a mutual friend in common: Ethan Klein.”
“Hello, Dr. Perry.” I extended my hand to her. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“It’s nice to meet you too. I was a guest speaker for the psychology classes today, and I remembered that Ethan told me you were a teacher here, so I thought I’d stop by and say hello.”
“That was very nice. Thank you. Ethan speaks very highly of you.”
“So, how is Ethan? I haven’t seen him in a while.”
“I don’t know. We aren’t seeing each other anymore.” I sat down in my chair.
“I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t mean to be forward, Aubrey, but I can see that you’re very upset. If you would like to talk about it, I’d be more than happy to listen.”
“Thank you, Dr. Perry, but I don’t want to waste your time. I’m sure you’re very busy.”
“Actually, I’m not. Speaking here today was the only thing I scheduled, so I’m not going to the office.”
I didn’t know if talking to her was the right thing to do. I’d spent so much time the past few days talking to my Aunt Charlotte, Penelope, and Ian that I was tired of reliving what had happened between Ethan and me. But she was a professional, and maybe she could offer advice on how to stop feeling like I did.
“Ethan broke up with me after an argument we had. He did something that really hurt me and made me see that he wasn’t the man I thought he was.”
“What did he do?”
“He contacted a doctor who could possibly help me get my eyesight back. He did it without even telling me and then came home and sprang it on me out of nowhere. It was sneaky, undermining, and it made me very angry.”
“Why did you get so angry that he did that?”
“Because he had no right.” I looked down. “This is my life, not his. He can’t love me like this. That’s why he sought out that doctor. He wants me to get my eyesight back for him. He told me that he wants me to see him.”
“Is that so wrong?” she asked.
“Not really. In a way, I get it, but he had no right to do what he did. If he can’t be with me the way I am, then there’s no point in us being together.”
“Let me ask you something, Aubrey. Do you want to be able to see again?”
“I think about it sometimes. But losing my eyesight was my fate. It was my punishment and something I made peace with many years ago.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t understand what you mean by ‘it was your punishment.’”
My heart started racing at the thought of telling Dr. Perry about the accident.
“The accident was my fault and the reason my parents are dead. We were on our way to the beach, and I couldn’t wait to get there. It was a Saturday, and my dad decided to go into the office first. He came home later than he said he would, so we got a late start. I remember being angry at him for it, and as we were on our way, it started to pour down rain when it had been sunny and beautiful earlier in the afternoon. He said there was no use in going, and he was going to turn around. My heart was broken because I had been promised all week that we would go to the beach. It was all I looked forward to. I started crying and yelling at him from the backseat, and I told him that it was his fault because he always put work in front of his family. My mom told me that I needed to calm down and that we’d go another day. I wouldn’t accept that, and I wouldn’t stop crying. My father turned and looked at me and told me to stop or else. I’ll never forget the look of anger on his face. He drifted into the other lane into oncoming traffic, and my mother screamed at him to look out. He swerved, but it was too late. I had my hand on the seatbelt buckle, and during the impact, I must have pressed it and released the seatbelt because I was thrown from the car. I woke up in the hospital to a world of darkness. The doctors told my aunt that the paramedics found me lying on the ground a few feet away from the car. I was barely alive, but they managed to save me.”
“I’m so sorry, Aubrey,” Dr. Perry spoke.
“So you see, Dr. Perry, the accident was my fault. If I had just accepted the fact that we couldn’t go to the beach that day, things would be different. My parents would be alive, and I wouldn’t have lost my eyesight.”
“You were a child. The accident wasn’t your fault.”
“But it was, and losing my eyesight is something that I have to live with for the rest of my life. It’s my punishment. Nothing can bring my parents back, so why should I be able to see again?” A tear fell from my eye.
“And you became angry at Ethan for wanting to take that punishment away from you?”
“Yes. I’m living my life the way I’m supposed to.”
“Oh, Aubrey. I wish to God you didn’t feel that way. That accident wasn’t your fault, just like Sophia’s death wasn’t Ethan’s. Didn’t you tell him that it wasn’t his fault?”
“Yes.”
“How is that any different? Ethan believed that his actions drove Sophia into that ocean that night, just like you believe your actions caused that accident. So, how can you say that Ethan wasn’t responsible? There’s no difference between the way you feel and the way he felt.”
“It just is.”
“No, sweetheart, it isn’t. If you were to tell him about the accident, he would tell you it wasn’t your fault, just like you told him it wasn’t his fault. You’ve lived over half your life being visually impaired, and now, with today’s advanced technology, there’s someone who could potentially help you see again. It’s time to let the punishment go, Aubrey. If this doctor can help you, let him.”
I heard my classroom door open and Ian’s voice.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had company,” he spoke.
“Ian, this is Dr. Perry. Dr. Perry, this is my friend, Ian.”
“Nice to meet you, Ian. I’m going to go. Give some thought to what we talked about and if you need anything, please call me.”
“Thank you. I will.”
“It was nice to meet you, Aubrey. Hopefully, we’ll talk again soon.” She walked out of my classroom.