Chapter 9 #2
We keep a steady pace for most of the day until it’s time to break camp.
We stop by a lake called Vega Reservoir according to our old maps, next to an old road marked as 646.
I like knowing the names and numbers of things from the Before Times.
We rarely name things these days, maybe because there aren’t enough people to use them.
Unsurprisingly, it takes River less than two minutes to take off his clothes and jump into the lake.
The surprising part is his choice to keep his underwear on, or maybe it was Josh who advised him to do that.
The rest of us follow suit, washing the hot day from our skin in the fresh water.
Timothy is the only one who remains on the water’s edge.
He can afford to get a little wet, but it’s still a risk not worth taking.
I doubt there’s one person alive who knows how to fix him if something malfunctions, and that thought terrifies me.
Josh and River float away into deeper water, kissing under the setting sun.
I hate the pang of jealousy that’s shifting in my chest. I know firsthand the hell they went through for these precious moments of intimacy, but I can’t help but feel jealous since my relationship with Caden was short-lived and ended badly.
I swim back to shore and dry myself before getting dressed in warm clothes. With the wood Timothy collected, we work on starting a fire.
“What’s wrong?” he asks as the first sparks ignite. The rest are still swimming and splashing water, even Otto, who’s apparently not allergic to fun.
I want to say there’s nothing wrong, but it’s hard to fool Timothy. “I don’t like seeing what I can’t have.”
He glances at the lake, where River and Josh are still floating by themselves. “I see. And is it something you cannot ever have?”
I sit down on the grass, warming my hands at the fire. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s not meant to be for me.”
He places one of his hands on my knee. “You wanted Caden here because you believed there’s a chance for you two.”
“That doesn’t make it true.”
“That also doesn’t make it not true.”
“Stop making sense.”
“I can’t help it. My father used to hate arguing with me. You better take that logic of yours somewhere else, Timmy!”
“You never mentioned your father to me.”
He looks away, and despite his limited ability to show emotions, I can sense his sadness. “I don’t like thinking of him and the rest of my family because they were never truly mine. I’m an echo of a dead man.”
My blood grows hot hearing him say that. “You are Professor Timothy Brown, the same way that that is River out there—not an echo.”
“Well, I’d argue that those are completely different situations. The original Timothy Brown does not share my DNA, so I’m anything but his identical clone.”
I sigh. “I can understand why your father didn’t like arguing with you. And you’re more human than anyone else I know.”
“Thank you, Finn. I appreciate your kind words.”
But that doesn’t mean he agrees with them.
Later, all of us eat by the campfire. I expect River to pull out his harmonica and play, but it’s Josh who does that.
I can tell he’s struggling to play with the cut on his lip, but he still sounds great, almost as good as River.
Soon they’re playing together, each with his own harmonica.
Trey asks to try as well, and it’s a musical disaster. Otto tries next, and he’s not as bad.
Caden sits on the other side of the dancing flames.
When I tilt my head to watch him, he meets my gaze and holds it for a long time.
As happy as I am to have him here, I still feel like a raw nerve in his presence, my emotions too close to the surface.
If I learned anything from this journey so far, it’s how much I’m not truly over him.
I decide to go sit next to him, but before I can make a move, he stands up and grabs some things from one of the bags.
I frown as he walks among the trees and out of sight.
When he finally returns, he gestures for me to come.
I get up and follow him, but he disappears between the trees again.
I try not to stumble as I make my way through the darkness until I notice a faint source of light up ahead.
When I come closer, I realize it’s one of the lamps Defenders use to cast light over a small space.
It’s a great trick when you’re trying to stay away from prying eyes.
Caden stands with his arms crossed, a blanket spread on the low grass by his feet. “You’re easy to read,” he says.
“How so?”
“The way you were watching Josh and River.”
I look away, my face warming. “I’m happy for them.”
“And jealous.”
“I’m allowed to be.”
“Of course you’re allowed. Come here.”
“Why?”
“Come here, Finn.”
I walk to face him, his skin paler in the light of the lamp. I’m surprised to see nervousness in his eyes.
“What is it?” I ask.
He wets his lips. “Maybe you’re not the only one who’s jealous, and maybe it’s time I show you some commitment.”
I swallow a lump in my throat. “And how are you going to do that?”
“With my ass.”
“The hell?”
He exhales. “Fuck me.”
I remind myself to breathe. “Are you serious?”
“A cock in my ass is a serious thing, so yeah, I am.”
I’ve been hoping for this moment for a long time, not believing he’d ever agree. This means more than just sex—it means how much he trusts me. “You don’t need to show me commitment.”
“I think I do. I want to.”
“Well, are you sure you’re ready?”
“One way to find out, but if you’re not in the mood—”
I grab his ass from behind. “I could be in a coma and still be in the mood.”
“Good. So, how do you want me?”
*
I move the lamp across Caden’s naked body, tracing every curve and every muscle.
I know his body by heart, except for the one part I’m finally about to explore.
He’s lying naked on his back, his legs bent as he watches the moon.
His chest rises steadily, but it’s the tension in his eyes that reveals he’s anything but calm.
I lean down to kiss his cheek, but he tilts his head to meet my lips with his. We kiss slowly, far enough from the others to feel like we're completely alone.
“I’m nervous,” I say. “I haven’t done this a lot.”
“Unlike me, who walks around the Hive getting fucked every day.”
“So the rumors were true.”
He laughs and strokes my cheek. “Try not to overthink this, and I’ll try not to clench too much.” He exhales. “Fingers first?”
“Tongue first.” I raise his bent legs for him to hold. “Your hole is beautiful.”
“Thanks. It takes a village.”
“Lucky villagers.” I lean my head down and stick out my tongue.
Even down there, he smells like lake water and campfire smoke.
The second I touch his opening with the tip of my tongue, he shivers.
I give him a proper lick, pulling a loud gasp from his mouth.
I soak his hole with my spit, his thighs shivering at the sides of my head.
He grows louder when I move to his balls.
I can’t fit both in my mouth, so I suck on each one thoroughly, using my left hand to stroke his cock.
He lets go of his legs and rests his feet on the ground.
With his hands free, he covers his face, moaning into his palms.
I raise my head and say, “Don’t hide.”
He lowers his hands, his face flushed. “You’re crazy.”
“Tell that to my finger.”
I slip half my finger into him, but I stop when I feel resistance.
I wait for his face to relax, then I slowly move my finger back and forth.
He can’t hide his discomfort, but his cock remains hard.
I kiss the inside of his thighs, making my way upward until I reach his cock and take it in my mouth.
I continue to finger him as I suck, loosening him up until I can move my finger in and out with ease.
With the sounds he’s making, I worry he might shoot before we get to sex, and there’s no way I’m missing out on that.
“Should I open you more?” I ask.
“Sounds like you want to use another part of your body.”
“Only if you’re ready.”
“You won’t get me more ready than this.”
Since I’m already naked, I prop myself on my knees and position myself between his bent legs. His cock rests on his stomach, wet from my spit. I raise his legs to get a better angle, then I spit on my cock and press it against his entrance. He gasps as I slide my crown inside.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.”
I carefully slip more of myself into him, halting when he tightens his muscles, then resume until I’m all the way inside. His chest goes up and down as he focuses on his breathing.
“Guess where I am.”
He laughs, and I feel the vibration in my cock. I lean down to kiss his chest, climbing higher until I find his lips.
“That’s… not horrible,” he breathes.
I pull back until I’m almost out, then push back in.
He grips my arms, letting out the most beautiful sounds.
His nipples are hard from the cold, pointing at me like an invitation.
I close my lips around one and suck hard, adding a bit of teeth like I know he likes.
With his cock caged between my stomach and his, I feel a puddle of his precum sticking our skin together.
I fuck him harder, slipping in and out with no resistance, losing myself to the rhythm and to the wonderful warmth inside him.
I don’t know how long I can keep going without exploding, so I ask him to get on all fours.
His ass looks glorious in this position; a perfect continuation of his strong thighs. I dare to spank him, and he chuckles. “Didn’t feel it.”
I spank harder, leaving a red mark on his pale ass. He nods. “Better.”
I don’t have much spit left in my mouth, but I use what I can to wet my cock before sliding back inside.
I feel a slight resistance, but he’s good at relaxing his muscles.
I hold his hips and find my rhythm, sliding my hands across his broad back, then reaching down to grab his cock.
When I rub my thumb around his crown, he squirms and tightens his muscles around my cock.
“I’m close,” he pants as he rocks his hips back and forth to get more friction.
I let go of his cock. “Stroke yourself.”
He remains steady with one hand on the blanket and the other one around his cock. I steady myself and fuck him as hard as I can, digging my fingers into his hips.
“Finn, I’m… fuck, I’m so close.”
“Me too. Can we take a break and talk? I have a lot to say.”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
I laugh. “Come for me.”
His muscles tighten around me until it almost hurts. When I hear his groans of climax, I can’t hold it any longer. Bright stars fill my vision as I come inside him.
The second I pull out, Caden crashes onto the blanket, breathing heavily. I lie on top of him, my cheek resting on his nape.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“I’m digesting.”
“That it really happened?”
“That it was so good. You’re a natural.”
I don’t know if I am, but I loved every second of it. I move to lie with my stomach on the blanket, facing him. We don’t speak for a while, just watch each other as our breathing slows down.
“Do you see now?” he asks.
“See what?”
“That I mean business.”
“I see.” Yet it will take a lot more than this for us to work—like making sacrifices I’m not sure either of us will be happy with. But I’m not going to downplay his gesture.
We remain lying there for a long time, and I can’t help but feel that underneath the surface, Caden is restless.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” I ask.
“Of course I am.”
I don’t believe him, and I don’t know how to help.