Chapter 28
Caden
“How am I here?”
In the distance, Denver is burning, but the thick smoke doesn’t reach as far as the cliff I’m sitting on.
“You sound surprised,” Hector says from the other side of the table. “Did you think you’d get rid of me so easily?”
I’m reminded of the unrelenting pain I’ve experienced for hours, until all I wanted was to die. “Nothing about getting rid of you was easy.”
“Should I apologize to make you feel better?”
“I need you out of my blood, Hector. If you’re still there, I’ll—”
“—kill yourself?”
“Yes.” And I mean it. I can’t go back to how I was when I wasn’t myself, when I was his.
Hector rolls his eyes. “Enough with the drama. I’m almost fully out of your system, but there is still a bit of me left—a drop in the ocean compared to what we used to share. Be kind and let me have these final moments.”
I feel nothing but contempt toward this man, but I can’t ignore the fact that the oldest man on earth is holding on to life through our connection. “Was all of this worth it?”
“No.”
I’m taken aback by his honesty.
“It almost was,” he says as he watches his city burn, “but there were too many anomalies toward the end that I couldn’t prepare for. Humans will need to wait a bit longer for someone to reshape the world. It’s only a matter of time.”
“Good thing you don’t have to worry about that.”
He nods. “True, and soon you will see firsthand how cruel the world is to those who are different.”
For a moment, I don’t understand his meaning, but then I look down at my arms. Scales decorate my skin, and when I touch my face, I feel them too. “How can I make them go away?”
“You can’t. What’s done is done.”
“You’re lying.”
He watches me with pity. “I’ve got no reason to lie. You could have held the world in the palms of your hands as my champion, but now you will be an outcast for the rest of your life.”
I don’t want to give him any more power over me, but his words cut deep.
“I’m ready to wake up now.”
He nods and stands up. “Despite how things ended, it was an honor to have you as my champion, Caden, even for a little while. Now with the world ready to turn its back on you, let’s see how long you can hold on to your morals. I’m sorry I won’t be there to see it.”
*
I wake up in an empty room. The light from the rising sun slips in through the cracks in the blinds. I carefully move my wounded arm and leg, relieved to discover they both are working properly despite the heavy numbness. I hesitantly touch my face, praying that Hector was lying, but he wasn’t.
My mutation is still written across my face for the world to see and judge.
Let’s see how long you can hold on to your morals.
I honestly have no idea, but I’ve survived too much to give up and let Hector write down the final words of my tale.
Despite the silence in the room, I can hear people talking in different parts of the clinic and even outside.
I’ll need to get better at controlling my senses, or this is bound to get annoying fast. There is still strength in me that didn’t pass after Hector’s defeat.
Not as much as it was while he still lived, but definitely more than it was before this hell started.
Through the sounds of conversations, I catch footsteps approaching my room. Without knowing for sure, I can feel who it is. I push myself up to sit straighter, then Finn opens the door and peeks inside. He seems startled to find me awake, or maybe it’s my face that still rattles him.
He enters and shuts the door behind him. For a few moments, he stands by the entrance, his heart beating rapidly. Finally, he asks, “Is it really you?”
“Meaning?”
“You were cold and… cruel. Are you back to being you?”
I’m sorry he had to experience me like that, but during those days, the only thing I cared about was making Hector proud. Finn and everything else felt insignificant, a burden. “There’s one way to find out. Turn around and bend over.”
He comes over and kisses me. If he’s disgusted by my appearance, he’s good at hiding it.
I hold his face and kiss him harder, breathing him in. When we break the kiss, he climbs into my bed and lies with his head on my chest.
“Am I hurting you?”
“No.” I stroke his face, tracing his cheek, his temple, and his long lashes. Hector almost stole the ability to cherish every inch of Finn from me, and for that alone he should rot in hell.
“Do you still feel him?” he asks.
“Only echoes, but they’re fading. I had a chat with him before I woke up.”
“A dream?”
“It wasn’t a dream. We said our goodbyes, and he said I should expect to get shit from everyone going forward.”
“He was trying to mess with your head.”
“He was telling the truth.” I raise my scaled arm. “I can cover these with long sleeves, but not the ones on my face or the color of my eyes.”
“So? It looks good.”
I snort. “You’re a kinky little pervert, aren’t you?”
“I have a peculiar taste, and I’m not trying to downplay what happened to you. It’s not going to be easy, but I can’t think of anyone who can handle it better than you.”
I kiss the top of his head. “Thanks. Did you see him die?”
“I did. He suffered.”
I wish to feel better knowing that, but I feel nothing.
“How’s Timothy?” I faintly remember seeing him injured when they brought him to give me some of his blood.
“He’s better now. I thought that he was dead after Hector shot him, but Frankie got him back.”
I don’t know who Frankie is, but I’ll thank him when I see him. “Did you get your job back?”
“Yes.”
I stroke his back. “Good.” The next words are hard for me to say, but I feel the need to say them. “You’re going to have a lot on your plate, and I don’t even know what my plate is going to look like.”
“I don’t follow.”
I think he does, but I still say, “If you need some time off to think this through, then—”
“Shut up.”
“I’m not going to pretend everything’s the same. He turned me into a monster, Finn.”
“He didn’t, and even if he did, I guess that I’m in love with a monster.”
I sigh, more relieved than I thought I’d be.
“Do you love me too?” he asks, always wishing to know where he stands.
“Sure I do, but you’re easier to love.”
“Obviously. Hmm, do you have scales on your cock?”
“Have a look and tell me.”
He slides down underneath the blanket and pulls down my underwear. “It’s still boring like before, but maybe the taste is different.”
“My cum might be radioactive.”
“That’s hot.”
He takes me in his mouth, and after all this time, I’m finally at peace.
*
Dino comes to see me shortly after Finn leaves. I look at the plate in his hands and ask, “How’d you get cake?”
“If the head of Unity’s Assembly can’t get a bit of cake, who can?”
I reach out my hand. “Give it here.”
He hands me the plate, and I eat one of the worst cakes I’ve ever eaten, but the sugar provides a welcome burst of energy.
I finish eating and put the plate aside.
Dino takes a chair and sits next to the bed, looking exhausted.
He was with me throughout the night, but I was mostly delusional and couldn’t speak clearly.
“You need to catch some sleep, old man.”
“I’ll do that once Finn gets the hang of things.”
“Thanks for taking him back.”
“Like I could’ve found anyone better.” He clears his throat. “I spread the word that he had been a key part of our win over Denver. If you catch him trying to downplay his involvement, don’t let him—I need people to start seeing his value.”
“Why do you need that?”
“Half of the Assembly members are old. They’ll start retiring in a few years.”
“You want Finn to become a member of the Assembly?”
“Is there anyone more worthy?”
“Can’t think of one.” Yet I don’t delude myself that an ex-Raider could easily become a member of the Assembly. He’ll face rivals wherever he goes, and I can only pity those fools. “I’ll end up slowing him down,” I say, because it’s important for us to be honest about the reality we’re facing.
“Enough, Caden. Self-pity doesn’t look good on you.”
“And scales do?”
He shrugs. “I’ve seen worse.”
I lean back and sigh. “Maybe they’ll disappear eventually.”
“I don’t think they will.”
“Cool. Wanna kick my balls next?”
He holds my hand. “The general will come here soon to speak with you.”
My stomach clenches. “What should I expect?”
“He will thank you for your years of service, and then he will discharge you.”
I can’t say that I’m surprised, but that doesn’t take away from the pain and sense of betrayal. Not long ago, he said I would make a fine general someday. “I’ve given everything to them.”
“Once a Defender, always—”
“It doesn’t work like that. If you’re not wearing the blacks, you’re a civilian.” The word shouldn’t taste so bitter, but it does. I haven’t been a civilian since I was sixteen.
Dino tightens his hold on my hand. “Listen to me. You will not argue with the general, and you will not ask him to change his mind. That is beneath you. When you finish grieving over a dead dream, you will start working for me.”
“Dino—”
“I’m not offering charity, stubborn boy—you know me better than that. Will you listen to my offer?”
There’s nothing else I can think of doing other than being a Defender, but this man has been there for me since before I can remember. “I’m listening.”
*
The general comes to see me like Dino said he would. He can barely meet my eyes, his jaw tight with disgust. I owe him nothing, but I still save him the trouble by offering my resignation. He accepts it immediately.
Fuck him.
*
Josh and I watch as they dismantle the last of the tents and pack them into trucks.
It’s been four days since we won the war, and the wounded have slowly been transferred to the Hives and the Free Cities for better treatment.
I was finally released this morning once the doctors confirmed my high white blood cell count doesn’t appear to be dangerous.