Chapter 3
Evie
All my nervousness for my first day of in-person classes was minuscule after meeting Chance. If it were possible for a person to float from giddiness, that was what I would have done as I parked my Jeep.
After decades of limited social contact, I both craved and feared being around people. While I was still in the hospital over the summer, during one of my sessions with my therapist, she told me that two things could be true at the same time, even if they were polar opposites.
Craving and fearing. Those were my two truths.
It had been the same with Chance. I’d craved his nearness, his touch, and more of those forehead kisses. I’d feared he’d think I was weird or a freak or clingy. Even more than that, I was scared he would give me all those things for a little longer and then take them all away.
Another truth my therapist had advised me on was my abandonment issues.
My therapist had a lot to say during my hospital stay following my failed deletion attempt. Things I needed to work through, traumas I wasn’t aware of because I’d been so secluded, even triggers that could potentially send me spiraling into the dark abyss again.
Healing mentally wasn’t the same as healing physical ailments. Time and medication alone couldn’t heal the severity of my mental wounds. But having Evy in my life was helping. Her presence was the balm my soul needed for my broken pieces to mend.
Evy and…maybe Chance too?
His texts throughout the day had only given me more hope. The first one had hit my phone just five minutes after he’d left me at my door.
Chance: Had to stop for fuel. Saw these peach-flavored candies. Now I’m gonna be tasting you all day.
He was going to taste me all day. But he hadn’t even kissed me. Not on the lips, at least. How could he know what I tasted like?
That forehead kiss sure had made me weak-kneed, though.
I’d been too flustered to respond to his message, but it had given me an excuse to add him to my contacts while Evy was showering.
Telling my twin about my encounter with the handsome stranger who lived in our building should have been the first thing out of my mouth when she got out of bed. Instead, I stayed quiet.
Evy was always worrying about me, never taking any time for herself. I didn’t want to add more to her plate, especially if what I was feeling for Chance didn’t last longer than a few days. He would probably get tired of me before long anyway.
All morning, I got more texts from him, each one making me blush a little brighter. My fingers itched to text back immediately every time. But from what I’d watched on television, girls who did that were labeled desperate. I didn’t want him to think I was sitting around waiting on him.
Even if I was.
Chance: On my lunch, peaches. You haven’t replied to any of my previous texts. Starting to think you wrong-numbered me.
A pouty face emoji popped up next.
Chance: Prove to me you’re my peaches. Send me a picture of yourself. Right now.
Chance: Come on, peaches.
Chance: Peaches!
Chance: Please, peaches. Be my good girl.
Without giving it a second thought, I paused in the middle of the quad and took a quick selfie. Once I sent it, I turned the ringer off and hurried to my class, keeping my head ducked as doubts crowded my mind.
That was a terrible picture.
You looked like an idiot.
He probably thinks you’re high-maintenance.
He’s right, you are.
Stupid.
Nothing. You’re nothing, Evelyn.
Sucking in a breath, I tried to block out the self-deprecating voice in my head. It always sounded like William. Although he hadn’t ever outright called me stupid, that was how he’d made me feel. Like I was small, insignificant, nothing without him.
Shaking his voice out of my head, I glanced around, only slightly disappointed that no one was playing Frisbee.
That was what they did in Legally Blonde and a few other college-themed movies I’d watched.
It seemed like that was what students did in between classes if they weren’t big into other sports, like football.
Trinity University was more into academia than athleticism.
Finding my class, I hesitated at the door, anxiety squeezing my lungs for a moment. Ironically, this was sociology, something I needed more life experience with. It was also a required elective for my degree.
William had allowed me to take online college courses, but never enough that I could declare a major. By now, I could have had an associate’s degree in multiple fields if he’d let me. Once I’d been accepted to Trinity, it hadn’t taken me long to decide what I wanted to focus on.
While I’d been in the hospital, I’d had a social worker who was there to guide me through the aftermath of everything.
Out of everyone who had helped me following my mental health crisis, Gemma had stuck out the most. While the nurses, doctors, and therapists came and went, Gemma remained the constant throughout my stay.
Maybe one day, I would be able to help others the same way she had me.
I didn’t want to be a superhero. Of the two of us, that was Evy’s legacy.
She was the badass twin. Not for even a single second did I imagine I had what it took to save another person.
But I could hold their hand, perhaps in some small way make things a little easier while people found their own way through this chaotic world.
Someone bumped my shoulder as they impatiently walked around me. Realizing I was blocking the door, I murmured an apology and moved toward a few of the empty seats in the first row. This was primarily a lecture class, one that was also recorded for the online students.
Virtual classes had been an option for my degree and, of my five classes, three were online, because that was the only way they were offered at Trinity.
Keeping my face blank despite the embarrassment I felt wasn’t a challenge.
I’d perfected the emotionless stare over the years.
William would limit my television privileges if he thought I cared too much about something.
If he perceived that I enjoyed something more than I liked being near him, he would take it away until he thought I no longer liked it.
Anything that caught my interest, that pulled my focus from him, became something he was immediately jealous of.
He’d needed full control over me, and I’d learned early to hide my feelings from him.
After I began to realize how things should have been, and that he was the reason I didn’t have Evy, pretending I didn’t hate him became a true challenge.
Somehow, I’d never let him see the resentment that was like a living, breathing entity inside me.
Once I was seated, I took out my laptop and was getting comfortable when I accidentally looked at the now-closed door.
All day, I hadn’t allowed myself to think about what would happen if I was in a room with a closed door.
On top of my already high anxiety, that would have sent me spiraling, and I might not have left the apartment.
Now that I was sitting there, with the seats around me almost completely full, the minutes ticking away until class started, I felt the claustrophobia begin to choke me.
Not good.
I was either going to run out of the room screaming or sit there as still as a statue in a silent freak-out, unable to hear a single moment of the lecture.
Screaming and running away would be embarrassing, but the panic attacks that left me frozen, locked in my head with only William’s voice telling me that I was nothing, were so, so much worse.
Those were the ones that pushed me back into the darkness again, that unreachable place deep inside my head that no one could save me from. Not even my sister.
Sensing movement to my right, I glanced up, thankful for the small distraction, just as a girl sat beside me.
I blinked at her a few times before I could move, my muscles taking longer to release me from my inner demons.
She was effortlessly pretty with her big blue eyes and her russet-red hair pulled into a simple low ponytail.
She was wearing jeans and an oversized Trinity hoodie, and it wasn’t until she put her hand on her belly that I realized she had a thickening midsection.
It slowly clicked in my head that she was pregnant. And then I realized that she must have moved seats because she hadn’t come through the door.
The still-closed door.
That was not locked.
I can leave whenever I want to.
I can leave. I can leave. I can leave.
“Hey,” she greeted, giving me a smile that instantly eased some of my nervousness, enough so that my panic began receding. It didn’t matter why she’d changed seats. I was simply glad she had.
Relaxing a little into my seat, I returned her smile. “Hi.”
“I’m Abi.”
“Evie.”
Her smile grew brighter. “How are you liking Trinity and Creswell Springs? I’m assuming you’re new. I haven’t lived here long, but I can kinda tell the locals from the transplants and students. There’s a whole vibe thing.”
“A very recent transplant. I used to live in Seattle.”
“Ohh, nice city. I’ve been a few times with my parents and then once with my husband, but that’s a story for another time.” She rubbed her hand in a gentle circle over her belly. “Are you settling in well here? Small-town life is a lot different from the big city.”
“I love it,” I told her honestly. “We’ve only been here for a few days, but my sister and I are enjoying the area. Our neighbors are…nice.”
Warmth filled me, thinking of Chance, and it was only because I was excited to make friends with Abi that I didn’t check my phone.
I couldn’t help wondering if he’d liked the picture I’d sent him, or if he’d texted me again.
Although I hadn’t known how to respond to his messages earlier, I’d gotten a thrill each time I’d seen his name pop up on my screen.
Something flickered across her face, too brief for me to decipher, but her smile barely dimmed before it was back. “Are we talking nice, as in you wouldn’t run and hide in terror from them if you saw them coming, or nice, as in you would hang out with them on the regular?”
“I would definitely hang out with him again,” I said with a laugh.
“Him?” She focused on that, leaning in with a cautious kind of amusement. “Tell me more. Someone you’d hang out with or hang out with.”
“Yes.” Abi snickered, and that warmth spread through my body again as I pictured Chance touching his lips to my forehead. “I would hang out with Chance all day, every day if given the choice.”
“Chance. Chance Reid?” Before I could respond, she shook her head at her own question. “Of course Chance Reid. There isn’t another person in this county named Chance. Big guy, maybe six-four, dark hair, blue eyes, broody, wears a lot of flannel.”
“You’ve met him,” I murmured, glancing down at the rings on her hand as she continued to rub her belly with it. Something that I suspected was jealousy twisted inside me. I wasn’t sure I liked that feeling.
“Chance is my sister-in-law’s cousin, so I’m familiar with him. It doesn’t surprise me that you would be up for hanging out with him. He’s…” She paused, considering her words before shrugging. “…popular.”
That was definitely jealousy rolling around inside me, damping the warm glow that had been building.
Even as socially inept as I was, I understood what Abi was trying to tell me.
Chance Reid was a player. Of course he was.
My eyes worked just fine. The man was freaking yummy.
All those muscles under his flannel shirt that I could only imagine were as hard as stone, his face with that strong jaw and straight nose, and those eyes.
I’d fallen the instant I’d seen those electric-current irises. His attention had been intense and addictive, something I already craved more of. Nothing about our interaction had felt rushed, despite the very short amount of time we’d spent with each other.
But that was probably how popular guys worked. They didn’t take things slow. They conquered.
Warm, soft fingers touched my arm, and I lifted my gaze to meet Abi’s. “You’re young and beautiful. One of the fun things about college is finding yourself.” She winked at me just as the door opened, our professor entering. “Sometimes you find yourself beneath a hot guy.”