Chapter 26 Evie
Evie
Embarrassment clung to me the next morning. Reid had apologized so many times, I’d lost count. It was sweet of him to care so much, but there was no need for him to feel bad. He hadn’t known what would happen, and I’d already been fighting a losing battle with my inner demons.
If I’d treated the symptom—that damn numbness—it might never have happened. Instead, I’d buried my head in the sand and pretended like everything was okay.
When I woke up the next morning, I got ready for work.
My throat was on fire, my voice barely a rasp, so I didn’t argue when Evy attempted to talk me out of going to Sanctuary.
But I had a purpose now. It wasn’t just about wanting to feel useful at the shelter.
There were resources offered—not just for the residents, but for the staff as well—that I was going to take advantage of.
Dr. Cainfield was seated at her desk when I knocked on her door later that afternoon.
I’d double-checked with Gracie that it was okay if I spoke with Sanctuary’s psychologist, and she’d reassured me that all the staff were encouraged to utilize every service available because everyone’s mental health was important to her.
After my stay in the hospital back in Seattle, I’d continued with therapy, but it had been a few weeks since I’d spoken to a professional.
With William’s voice only getting louder, and then the panic attack the night before, I knew it was necessary to seek help now.
Before I lost what little control I’d been able to maintain.
Lifting her head, Dr. Cainfield gave me a small smile and waved me in. “Evie, it’s a pleasure to officially meet you. Come in and have a seat. I was hoping we might get to chat soon.”
I hesitated at the door. “Do you have time for me? I don’t want to be a bother.”
“There is always time, dear. Close the door…” She trailed off, noting my sudden paleness. “Or we can chat with the door open. It’s more than fine. Whatever you are comfortable with.”
Leaving the door open, I crossed to one of the chairs in front of her desk. “I’m sorry to just drop in like this. But I’ve…I’ve been in crisis the last few days. Last night…” I swallowed, cleared my throat, tried to make my voice stronger. “I need help.”
She stared at me for a short moment before standing. “How about a walk? It’s a beautiful day out. I’m in need of some fresh air.”
“O-okay.” Instead of a window, she had a set of double doors that led out into a garden.
“I hold our group therapy out here once a week. Vitamin D is essential to good mental health care,” she explained as we walked by beautiful rosebushes then a small group of sunflowers.
Tipping my head back, I soaked up the heat of the sun, breathing in the clean air, taking a moment to center myself. It took me a few tries, but once I started talking, it all spilled out of me. My past and present colliding. The numbness. William’s constant berating, even in death.
And Chance.
“I-I don’t want to be nothing to him.” My voice was barely a whisper, nothing left but a scratchy sound when I spoke after the abuse I’d subjected myself to the night before.
“But also…I think I was being unfair. All my life, I was emotionally manipulated by a narcissist. And looking back on the times Chance and I argued, I think… Ugh, I think I was doing it to him. I think I kept turning things around, to make him the bad guy and cause him pain. That kind of person, that’s not who I am. It’s not who I want to be.”
“I’m not making excuses for you, Evie, but dear, you don’t actually know how not to be that person. That you recognized it for yourself, that you want to correct that behavior, is a positive sign. We can focus on that in our future sessions.”
For the past hour, we’d made several loops around the garden outside her office.
I needed to get back to work, and she had patients to see.
But talking to her helped, a little. “One day at a time, Evie. One moment and then another. That’s how we all get through the hard parts.
You’ve come a long way in a short amount of time.
Give yourself some grace. Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling, when you’re feeling it. ”
After work, I stopped at Aggie’s for a Diet Coke.
There was something about fountain Diet Coke that hit differently.
Dropping a ten-dollar bill on the counter, I grabbed my to-go cup and turned, only to walk into a brick wall.
An apology was already on my lips when I looked up into the brown eyes of Vaughn.
He steadied me, then dropped his hands, his intelligent eyes scanning me. “Are you well, Evie?”
“It sometimes feels like you’re a robot when you speak like that, Vaughn.”
“So my sister tells me.” He looked at me, waiting. “Are you well?”
“I’m good.”
He nodded. “I’m glad. Abi was concerned, as was Samara.”
Taking a sip of my drink, I stared at him for a moment, curiosity eating at me. “Why were you keeping tabs on William?”
“You know why. His particular line of work is abhorrent.” It was my turn to look at him, waiting for him to elaborate. He didn’t.
“But why? What made you go after people in his ‘line of work,’ as you say?”
He stretched his arm out to his left. “Let me walk you to your car, Evie. This appears to be a conversation you’re determined to have.”
Outside, he didn’t waste time. I was sure he had other things that needed his attention.
A dark-web kingdom didn’t rule itself. “My hobby didn’t start for noble reasons.
I was raised by a couple who wasn’t much better than the people they claimed to want to save the world from.
Taking down one ring doesn’t magically eliminate the problem.
Someone else is always eager to fill a demand.
I was never attempting to save the world, Evie. ”
“Yet you are,” I argued.
“The world can get fucked,” he said with a shrug.
“I continue to do what I do for one reason and only one reason. Abi. People like William are a threat to her, to our children. To people my wildfire cares about. With each ring I shut down, the world grows a little safer for her to exist in. For a few minutes. Until the next person steps in to fill the demand.”
“There will always be a William out there,” I murmured.
“Unfortunately, yes.”
I bit my lip. “How can I help you stop the other Williams of the world?”
“You cannot stop them, Evie,” he said, almost tenderly, apologetically.
“There has to be something I can do. Even though I wasn’t aware of what William was doing, I feel responsible. It’s a weight I can’t shake off, Vaughn, and it’s freaking choking me. Every day.” My thoughts raced. “I have money. Lots and lots of money. Let me fund your projects.”
“Money is not necessary for what I do.”
“But you took money from my sister,” I reminded him.
“As a precaution and a life lesson so she wouldn’t be tempted to do something so stupid again,” he explained.
“You have to let me help!” I demanded, stomping my foot, frustrated. Ugh, Sammy was right. He was so annoying. “You can’t save my life and then expect me to waste that life sitting around doing nothing. I could be an asset. You haven’t even given me a chance yet.”
“Okay, if you want to help so much, figure out somewhere to take the victims after that are rescued.”
“Survivors,” I corrected.
“The survivors,” he amended stoically. “Figure out a safe place to house them until they can be returned home. When the authorities get involved, they end up in detention camps or halfway houses or worse—homeless because many of them were picked up off the streets. Create a plan, and then we will speak of this again.”
–
Despite my meltdown the night before and my aching throat, I was upbeat when I pulled into my parking spot outside the apartment building.
Vaughn had given me a task, and I wasn’t going to let him down.
He probably expected me to lose interest and continue on with my life as if nothing had happened.
I was going to surprise the heck out of him and succeed.
I was so lost in thought, I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings as I unlocked my front door.
When I heard loud giggling behind me, I startled and turned my head to find someone stepping out of my next-door neighbor’s apartment.
I’d seen the woman around a couple of times, usually when she was on her way to or from work.
Her blond hair was pulled into a sleek ponytail, her scrubs hugging her perfect body.
Sammy had commented on the woman’s ass more than once, but I still didn’t understand how she could think this person had a better ass than she did.
My neighbor wasn’t alone. Another woman stepped out of her apartment with her, and my stomach dropped when I recognized her. Rory.
When she noticed me at my door, the giggling abruptly cut off, and I heard my neighbor whisper something that made Rory smirk at me.
Remembering my panic attack the night before, knowing that every single one of my neighbors had been witness to my meltdown, I felt my face flood with embarrassed heat.
Chance’s mom smirking like that, when she and, no doubt, the whole town were now aware of my mental health, felt like a gut punch.
Determined to ignore them, and the hurt bubbling inside me, I pushed my door open. Throwing my purse on the couch, I went straight to the bedroom for my laptop to start researching. But then I remembered that Vaughn was a dark-web king. He would know exactly what I was planning.
Shrugging, because it wasn’t going to be a secret between us, I got to work.
Trafficked survivors, whether they had a family to return to or not, deserved a safe space to call their own until they figured out the next steps in their lives. Not a temporary stop, but a place where they could feel truly safe after the nightmares they had already been forced to survive.
Somewhere like Sanctuary, but specifically catering to helping survivors heal after those traumas.
I would need more than one location. Trafficking happened globally.
Vaughn had been correct in saying there was no way to completely shut it down.
But we could care for those who were victimized by the monsters who attempted to profit from their horrible crime.
It was going to require a lot of work, time, money, and, more than anything, heart. But it was my time, money, and heart that were going to be built into it, and that felt like a victory over William.
I wasn’t going to be nothing ever again.