Chapter 5
The Lord is thy keeper: the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand.
The pain shooting up Jacob’s jaw alerted him to unclench his teeth.
How could anyone treat another human being as Dawn’s stepfather had treated her?
Her precious spirit had been broken. Even now, she stared at the toe of his boot rather than looking him in the face.
All because she had defended herself? “Dawn.”
His voice drew her gaze, and his chest tightened at the worry that was written across her face. “You did nothing wrong.”
The corners of her mouth lifted slightly, then settled back down into a frown, as though she were unconvinced. Jacob sighed. What could he do to reassure her? To bring an authentic, joyful smile to her winsome face?
“I…I do not know how I will reconnect Mary with her uncle now.”
There. That was it. That was what truly worried Dawn.
Despite the security and comfort she and Mary would find in his family’s love and acceptance should they choose to travel with them, it did not reach to the root of the problem.
His family was traveling west, to the same area as her stepparents. But did Jacob have to?
With the experience he gained navigating unknown lands as a scout and messenger, he could escort Dawn and Mary north to Bryan’s Station.
It was the perfect opportunity for him to blaze his own path.
If there were raids to the north, he could serve on the frontlines rather than simply delivering messages from camp to camp for once, all while protecting Dawn from the danger.
Perhaps he could finally make a name for himself and, in the process, win Dawn’s heart.
“I shall take you.”
Dawn’s blue eyes, the same shade as the clear sky above, snapped to his, and her lips parted.
“You shall not!” Jared jumped to his feet.
Jacob rose as well, his fingers coiling into fists at his side. No longer would he let his brothers have influence over his life. “This is not your decision to make.”
Their mother rose and held up both hands.
“No. This is not Jared’s decision. Nor is it entirely yours, Jacob.
” She inclined her head toward him, giving him the pointed look that only a mother could.
“Dawn should hold the final decision. But it is also a decision which should not be made on a whim. You should both thoroughly consider the risks involved. Come, let us take a walk.”
“Ma…” Jared started to protest, but their mother shot a look in his direction that could quell even a grown man’s tongue.
Then she turned her attention back to Dawn and Jacob. “Dawn, Mary may stay here with Jemimah.”
Little Mary looked up to Dawn with a question in those big blue eyes that were only a single shade lighter than Dawn’s.
One dip of Dawn’s chin was all that was required before she scampered off to join his sister, though.
Then he and Dawn followed his mother off over the hillside, away from her stepparents and his brothers and sister, and along the tree line.
The afternoon sun was still high in the sky, beating down on them with enough intensity to cause him to sweat beneath his linen shirt and waistcoat.
The shade offered by the leaves overhead would be welcome should their discussion grow lengthy.
Hopefully, Dawn would be agreeable to his plan, though, and a decision would be reached directly.
For as long as it took her or his mother to utter a word, though, his confidence waned. ’Twas understandable that his mother would have reservations about her youngest son venturing off into the wilderness alone, but why was Dawn so quiet? A quick glance in her direction revealed nothing.
She stared straight ahead, her arms and her petticoats swinging slightly with each step. The sound of their steps swishing against the grass filled the silence and joined the high-pitched droning of the cicadas.
“Dawn, what do you make of my son’s plan?” His mother did not turn toward them when she finally spoke up. Instead, she continued ahead of them in her even steps, as though they were simply out for a saunter on a Sunday evening.
Dawn slipped a glance at Jacob. “I do not wish to impose upon his plans, but, honestly, it would be wonderful if he could escort us.”
Jacob stopped and faced her, resisting the urge to take her hand in his. “I have no plans. Besides helping build a homestead upon arrival, I had mapped no part of my future in my mind.”
Contrary to the comfort he had hoped the words would offer, a small wrinkle appeared between Dawn’s brows. “Will it still be possible for you to build with Jacob’s absence?”
His mother gave her a gentle smile. “Of course, my dear. Do not let concern for the rest of us be a weight upon your decision. This is between you and Jacob. I only wish for the two of you to take time and consider if this is God’s will for your lives.
Have you thought what impact this might have on your reputation? ”
Dawn swallowed, and her cheeks reddened.
“I…I assumed my reputation was already ruined with the people traveling with us. When we first started out on our journey, I overheard a conversation. Someone assumed Mary was my illegitimate child. I thought nothing of it, for people tend to think little of me, anyway.” Her glance slid down to where her left hand was missing.
“My concern is not for myself, though. I only wish to do what is best for Mary, whatever the cost.”
An ache spread through Jacob’s chest. This was the Dawn he knew and who had captured his interest all those years ago. The kind, caring woman who valued every breath of life God had placed in this world. Someone who would give up any and all to care for those that she loved.
However painful it had been at the time, that was why Dawn had disappeared from his life—to care for her mother in her time of need. And from what it seemed, she had done nothing but give of herself in the years since.
No longer did that have to be the case. Now was the time for him to begin making Dawn’s wishes come true.
If helping Mary unite with her uncle was what her heart desired, then he would see that it happened.
But she should not have to sacrifice her reputation in the process. After all, she already held his heart.
Now, Jacob did capture her thin hand in his.
Where the soft, tender flesh of a woman’s hand should be was the dry, calloused skin earned through manual labor.
His fingers tightened around hers. He may not be able to prevent the need for her to perform such tasks here in the wilderness, but he could help her carry her burdens.
“Dawn, there should be no cost to your reputation. Marry me.”
* * *
Dawn’s mouth dropped open. Had Jacob truly uttered the words she believed he did? His brows were raised, and his chocolate eyes watched, waiting for an answer. Yes. Yes, he must have. But surely, she had heard wrong.
At one time, she dreamed that a matured Jacob McFadin would come find her and sweep her off her feet.
But that was all it was—a dream. No matter how wonderful their days of exploring along the banks of the pond and in the meadow had been, it was child’s play.
The reality was that no one in the world could love her as her parents had.
And if Jacob did not see that now, he would eventually.
“Jacob. I…I could not let you do such a thing.” She looked down.
After withdrawing her hand from the tantalizing sweetness of Jacob’s touch, Dawn wrapped her fingers around her other wrist, above the lumpy stump with the odd little finger.
Tears swam in her eyes. If only she were whole, she would marry this man in the blink of an eye.
He placed the crook of his finger under her chin and coaxed her gaze to his. His handsome face, so strong and reassuring, was blurred. “You know that I do not care.”
Dawn swallowed. There was a time when she would have believed his words, and with all of her heart, she wanted to believe in them even now.
But life had proven to her that it simply was not possible.
The people that should have cared for her, her own stepparents, had treated her worse than dirt, all because she was born different. “You will care,” she whispered.
Jacob shifted, his hands going to his hips. He frowned down at Dawn. Time and silence stretched before them. Finally, he was coming to see.
“Then what if I agree to a marriage in name alone? It would protect your reputation as we travel and meet new people, but once I have you safely settled at Bryan’s Station, we can seek an annulment. If you wish.” Jacob’s lips pressed into a line.
How Dawn’s heart ached at the prospect. To be married to the man whom she had dreamed of through the years, but for it not to be a true marriage.
To know that it was all a ruse that would end at the end of the road.
How could she bear it? In ways, this seemed worse than if they married and had a chance at happiness before Jacob came to realize that he could not love her.
At least there would have been hope in it, and they would have had a real shot at the kind of love her parents had.
Perhaps it was best for her to face the disappointment up front, though, rather than to fall completely and unequivocally in love only to have her heart broken.
Yes, this would be safer, and she could face it. She would have to. For Mary’s sake.
Dawn pulled herself to her full height, which brought her up to Jacob’s chin, and met his gaze. “I will agree to your proposal.”
Jacob’s brows shot upward, toward his brown hat, and a grin stretched across his face. “You will?”
Though unexpected, his joy was infectious, and Dawn could not help the smile that lifted the corners of her mouth as she said, “Yes. I will.”
Jacob let out a whoop and grabbed her around the waist, then swung her in a circle. When he settled her back on the ground, she swayed. His bliss was as unbalancing as the dizziness. Why was he so overjoyed when he only wanted a marriage in name alone?
Jacob glanced around, and she followed his gaze. Sometime during the conversation, his mother had slipped away, allowing them a brief moment alone to make their decision. How considerate of her.
Yet now, Jacob turned and tucked Dawn’s right hand into the crook of his elbow as he charged back up the hill toward where his mother had rejoined their family.
He took great, ground-covering steps that left Dawn doing a kind of discombobulated run as she attempted to keep up, a smile still plastered to her face.
She had forgotten what kind of adventure life with Jacob could be.
And for the first time since her father passed, she felt a bit of that young, carefree girl still inside of her.
A giggle escaped as she quickened her pace, her hand gripping Jacob’s strong arm through his linen shirt.
“She agreed to marry me,” he crowed as they drew near.
Everyone jumped to their feet, but the reactions were mixed, which helped to tame Dawn’s own excitement.
Jacob’s mother had a sweet, gentle smile and tears in her eyes as she clasped her hands together and brought them up to rest her chin on them. It was clear that she was happy for their union while sad to see her son leave the fold.
Jacob’s sister exclaimed, “What?”
His two middle brothers held similar expressions, their mouths hanging open. The redhead recovered quicker, his shocked expression transforming into elation as a broad smile took over his face. “Congratulations, Jacob!”
He came over and clasped his brother’s hand before pulling him into a hug, in which he clapped Jacob hard on the back.
Dawn took the opportunity to slip free and stood back, her eyes drifting to the older brother, whose glare could nearly spark a fire.
Was it the fact that Jacob would be going against his wishes, the hasty union, or her that angered him so? Perhaps all three.
Dawn ignored his disapproval and moved her attention on to Mary, who was headed her way. She knelt down to the child’s level. “You really gettin’ married?”
She nodded, mustering up another smile, which Mary answered with a tiny one of her own.
Best for her to believe this was a good change, so that she would not worry.
Evidently, it worked, for Mary threw her arms around Dawn’s neck.
Dawn wrapped her arms around her thin chest and closed her eyes as she hugged her tightly, soaking in the moment.
Mary was as close as one could be without being a blood relative, and up until now, Dawn was the only one with the privilege of watching her grow and learn.
No matter if she was able to reunite her with her uncle, Mary would always hold a special place within her heart.
Dawn squeezed tighter. What would she do if Mary’s uncle did not allow her to continue to have a close relationship with the girl? Life without her was unimaginable.
“Dawn, you ’queeze me,” Mary squeaked out.
She released her hold and settled back on her heels. “Sorry, sweetheart.” Her own voice cracked as she attempted to swallow down the lump that had formed in her throat.
“Is all well?” Jacob came over and lowered himself to his knees as he glanced between them.
“Yes. Of course it is.” Dawn sent him a reassuring smile.
“Mary, do you think you can handle having me around while we go to find your uncle?”
Mary nodded, her curls bouncing, then flung herself around Jacob’s neck. Jacob nearly fell backward but caught himself with one hand, chuckling. The sight almost brought tears to Dawn’s eyes all over again.
This incredible man was giving up his own family and tying himself to her, a deformed woman with a child in tow, all to help them on their journey. She could not begin to doubt the plan now.
After all, no one could love Mary as blood family could.
But then again, could a man who had not seen the child in more than two years possibly love her as much as Dawn did? When she was the one who had watched Mary struggle to learn to speak? And nursed her back to health when she fell ill?
Dawn could only hope and pray so. For no matter how sweet the scene before her was, it was all an illusion. The three of them would never be a family.