Chapter 16
Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; not for the arrow that flight by day;
Jacob flipped the crusty slice of bread over in his hands again but still had not the slightest desire to take a bite.
Dawn had graciously taken the time to pack it, despite the hurt and anger he had inflicted, yet he could not bring himself to eat it.
Instead, Jacob’s stomach coiled and knotted with each step Samson took, detesting any thought of food.
He sighed and turned his attention ahead, where two rows of horses and riders riding side by side stretched as far as the eye could see.
Little could be heard over the creak of leather and the multitude of horse hooves trampling the earth.
More than one hundred men strong, and yet hardly anyone spoke a word.
An ominous cloud of silence engulfed their entire group, even the battled-hardened mounted Kentucky militia.
While most of these men were soldiers or were frontiersmen quick to leap into action, it seemed the seriousness of the situation had truly registered with each and every one of them.
And, of course, all were aware of how dangerous it would be to give their position away by carousing and carrying on.
Never before had the silence bothered Jacob as it did now.
Growing up with four siblings, he had always welcomed any opportunity to experience a break from the noise.
That, in a minor way, had added to the appeal of his time spent with Dawn all those years ago.
For she was pensive and observant, not quick to ramble on or speak for the sake of speaking.
It had not been uncommon for them to spend extended periods of time walking in silence or simply sitting in one another’s company.
Now the silence crawled under Jacob’s skin and made the back of his neck itch. He pulled at his stock, attempting to adjust it to where the late-summer heat was not so unbearable. But his breaths came no easier as the sweat rolled down his back.
What had propelled him to choose to come on this wild goose chase?
Was it truly so important to make the ones that attacked the station pay for their actions?
Would they even be able to, or would they themselves be picked off one by one in battle?
Perhaps he should have thought his decision through longer, rather than allowing his stubborn pride to win out.
Jacob sighed and forced himself to take a bite of the bread.
There was far too much at stake to make such rash decisions.
And yet he had. Were it only his life on the line, he would not care to die for what was right.
But his life was not his own anymore. He had Dawn and Mary to care for.
Especially if Edmund were to perish. How could he have allowed them both to walk into the same hornet’s nest?
Dawn was right. What would she and Mary do should they both die?
God, please do not let that happen. Please protect Edmund, myself, or the both of us. No matter what, please, just let there be someone to take care of Dawn and Mary.
Edmund reined his black steed over closer to Samson. “I need to ask a favor of you.” His tone was quiet but serious.
Jacob took in Mary’s uncle in his blue and red of the Continental Army, his black three-cornered hat doing little to shade his blue eyes, which squinted against the sun. Since their arrival, he had come to deeply respect the man who had taken him under his wing. “Of course.”
“I want you to take Mary.”
Jacob frowned. It appeared he was not the only one whose mind was preparing for the worst. “You know I will see to it that she is taken care of if something were to happen.”
“I do not mean only in the event that I perish. I want you to take her no matter what. Even if we both make it back. She is a darling child who has brought much light to my life in the little time I have managed to spend with her. But my life does not allow me to care for her as I should, and she would be much happier with you and Dawn. I…I do not want to see you travel down the road I have…forsaking family for fighting.” Edmund’s jaw worked.
“I should have told you that before you made your decision.”
Jacob took a deep breath, and a weight lifted from his chest. Nothing would make Dawn happier than if the three of them were a family.
She had done all she could to provide what she considered to be best for the child, but no one could love Mary as Dawn did.
They shared a special bond that could never be broken.
And here, now, with there being a chance that he would never see them again, he wanted nothing more either.
To see them again. To be a family with them.
In every sense of the word. “Are you sure?”
“I am. I do not ask only because of our current situation. It has been on my mind for some time.”
Jacob nodded. “Then, yes, gladly.”
“Good. That is where she truly belongs.” A weight seemed to lift from Edmund as well, for his face relaxed and he sat a little taller. Was it because his affairs were now in order or because the decision had been weighing on him so? Perhaps both.
Finally, Jacob was comfortable enough to finish the bread in his hand. But to consider Dawn and the effort she put into the meal made his chest ache again. He only needed to make it through this fight ahead, though, and he could set everything to rights.
’Twas not that simple, for an uneven battle loomed ahead of him. Yet now more than ever, he had something to hold onto. Hope loomed before him. Many men, including some in this company, had seen battle and returned to their families. His own brothers as well.
While the circumstances may not be in his favor, there was One who always would be—the good Lord above.
Jacob had not read his Bible as he should in recent years, but in his youth, his mother had always shared verses with them each night.
One of her favorites came to mind now. He whispered it quietly to himself.
“‘Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.’”
God, please carry me through the battle ahead and keep me safe. Though bullets and arrows may fly, please direct them from my path and let me come to no harm. Please bless me with the opportunity to see Dawn and Mary once more and to make a life with them.
Jacob straightened in the saddle. While a giant army waited for him, he would not fear, for God was with him.
* * *
Dawn scrubbed Mary’s dirt-stained dress against the washboard just outside the Abbotts’ cabin.
Beside her, Mrs. Abbott and Rebecca washed laundry of their own.
A hot, dry wind tugged at the loose strands of their hair while they labored over the washbasins full of hot water.
Meanwhile, Mary played with Sarah and Abraham, rolling a large wooden ring across the grass only to go in chase of it.
Dawn scoured the dress until it seemed the dirt had fled from the garment.
Only then did she allow herself a break to glance at the massive gate that closed them off from the rest of the world.
Certainly, it would not reopen so soon after the group departed.
But how long would it be before it did? How long should she wait before she could begin to expect them back? How long until she should be worried?
She should not be worried at all. No, she should be livid. Livid at Jacob for leaving them.
Dawn finished with Mary’s dress and retrieved one of the petticoats which carried a layer of dirt and grime along the bottom and started scrubbing again. Tears pricked her eyes.
When a hand settled on her arm, Dawn jerked. She turned toward Mrs. Abbott’s friendly face, softened with sympathy. “I know it is difficult, but ’tis best to keep busy and not think about it.”
“What if he does not come back?” Dawn had not voiced her concern to any other person, and it was a relief to release the words rather than to let them roll around in her mind over and over.
After all, Mrs. Abbott had experience in the matter and would know firsthand how to handle the grief should Dawn have to face it.
“Look at that little girl over there.” Mrs. Abbott inclined her head toward Mary.
Dawn’s gaze settled on the giggling girl with a giant grin.
“She is your family.”
Dawn shook her head with a frown. “You know she is not.” Mrs. Abbott was privy to their entire story, even the truth about how her and Jacob’s marriage had come to be.
Mrs. Abbott gave her that no-nonsense, motherly look that said she knew better.
“Yes, she is. No one in this world loves that child more than you do. And she loves you as her mother. She knows you are the one that loves her and takes care of her. Edmund took her in because he is family and he was asked to. But he is only trying to carry out an obligation, to do what is right. And now, there is a good chance that if your young man does not come back, neither will he. You need to grab onto what is right in front of you and hold onto it as tight as you can. And if you lose Jacob, that little girl will be what gets you through the loss.”
Dawn braced herself against her washbasin, blinking back the tears flooding her eyes.
Hearing someone else say that Jacob might not make it back was far more difficult than simply thinking the thought.
Mrs. Abbott’s words came from a place of experience and truth, though.
Only two years prior, she lost her husband of twenty years.
She had confided in Dawn that it was her love for her children that had seen her through.
Likely, it was still what helped her on the rough days when the ache of the loss returned.
Dawn turned her attention again to where Mary played.
The summer sun shone against her blond curls, turning them nearly white.
It was true that Mary would always have her heart.
No matter where they went or who entered or left their lives, her love for Mary would never lessen.
She had been so tiny when she came into Dawn’s life, requiring so much care and nurturing.
Knowing the losses she had faced at such a young age, Dawn had been more than glad to fill the role of her caretaker.
For two years, they had no one but themselves.
And if it were come to it again, they would still have one another.
It would not mean that it would be easy, but it would make it bearable.
And she could bear any burden if she leaned upon the good Lord above and sought God’s beauty in every day.
She had no desire to return to dark days such as the ones she had faced before, but should that be her lot in life, she would face it as she had done before.
Dawn’s shoulders sagged. Why had she ever tried to do anything besides embrace her relationship with Mary?
To embrace the person that God had placed in her life in the capacity in which he had placed her?
It seemed she had forgotten to be grateful for her grandest blessing.
Dawn leaned forward against the washbasin as tears slipped down her cheeks.
Mrs. Abbott’s hand came to her shoulder. “Honey, you were only ever doing what you thought was best for her. That is all we can do as parents. And sometimes, we learn from our mistakes and have to do better.”
Dawn nodded and smiled through her tears. “I only pray that I have that same opportunity with Jacob.”
Mrs. Abbott wrapped her in a hug. “I know, child. I know. I will be praying as well.”
The kind gesture did nothing to abate Dawn’s tears.
They flowed unchecked as she squeezed the plump woman tightly, leaning into how motherly and wonderful the embrace was.
After the loss of her parents, she never imagined she would find someone to care for her as Mrs. Abbott did in a maternal capacity.
And there it was again—another incredible blessing that she nearly missed by wallowing in her fear and self-pity.
Dawn had never been one to allow those two sensations to dictate her life, so why would she do so now?